People refuse to be loved the same way dogs want to throw up in the most inconvenient places.
You're a social pack animal with enough awareness of yourself and enough theory of mind to understand that you're unwell and that the others around you don't want to see you unwell. But you've also got like 3 brain cells going on in there so the most logical solution to this problem is to hide in places where they won't see you, so you can feel bad without anyone else being aware of it, so nobody else will be upset by this.
This feels like an excellent idea even when you've been on the other side of it and you know how much you hate it when someone you love is struggling and won't let you help. But no matter how much the people who love you won't enjoy cleaning up your vomit from the middle of the living room, at the end of the day that's better for everyone involved than having to first spend 3 hours trying to find where the problem is, because something's wrong and you went out of your way to make sure it's hard to find.
It's hard to go to people you love for help when people who didn't deserve your love and trust have punished you for doing so. It's counterintuitive, it goes against what makes sense to you. Don't beat yourself up for doing what instinctively feels right.
But for the love of god let them pull you out from under the couch before you get it on the hardest-to-reach spot on the carpet.
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