The Morose Jobseekers

Yep. I have an 8-5 job I go to everyday, but I don’t have a contract, a valid office ID, a uniform, and an actual “plantilla” position. (Things here have to ALL be in paper. Yeah they use and waste a lot of it.) So, I just do things and I don’t even know if I’m doing it right and/or if I’m doing a good job at all. 

The people here are weird and they don’t get a lot of my kind here. You know, the kind that’s also weird and hates everything. It’s hard to explain and I might lose my mind before I’m able to do that but it’s how it is.

We are no longer fresh grads! (sad) 

We now both have jobs (our second jobs).

So I thought, we are now post-morose jobseekers...

I have never felt this scared and excited and bored all at the same time in my life. Just weeks before graduating, I am feeling all sorts of emotion out there. Lol. I feel like I’m a pregnant woman; sometimes I’m inspired and driven and looking forward for this new chapter in my life, sometimes I’m just so bored and sad it’s bordering depression.

Out of all these emotions, I am really scared for feeling scared. I’m not just scared because I’ll be leaving school and I’m practically going to be an adult (No more student discounts!), but I’m scared because I feel like I’m going to start all over again. I hate hate hate starting out. It’s the worst for me. It’s first day of school all over again. Everything’s new – new routines and new schedules (more like no new routines and no schedules for a jobless job seeker like me, lol).

I just hate it. I’m just so scared because:

First, I’m not friendly or sociable or outgoing in basic societal standards. I don’t talk to people unless they talk to me first in most occasions. If they say that it’s hard to make friends in high school, how much more when you’re out of school?!

Second, I’m not sure if I am really good at doing anything anymore. My confidence for just about anything has been in constant decline since, well, since birth. Unlike other kids their parents brag about with their relatives, my parents don’t have anything to say about me. I have a pretty cousin a couple of years older than me that’s good with dancing and catching people’s attention. There was one time when we were younger that she danced in front of the family for fun whilst me, well, I was hiding at the back of a cabinet. In short, I have nothing to show!

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And school did not make it easy for me to try and be good at something. Everybody in school is good at or excels at something. I don’t. But I’m not that bad at school though, I’d say I’m just very average. And that’s the problem that scares me: how am I going to find a good job if I do not excel at anything?

Lastly, I’m so scared because I’m afraid my friends and I will slowly lost touch. We may try our best to look for jobs at the same time or chat online all the time, but still it’s different when you know you’ll be seeing these people at school every day, that you’ll be doing activities with them and that even you might hate them sometimes you will have to endure them in group works. Ha ha. After graduation, things will surely change, relationships could just fade away. I like my friends and I feel so happy when I’m with them. I read somewhere that in order for friendships after grad to work; both parties should make an effort. I just hope (and I could only hope) my friends treasure our friendships as much as I do for all of us to make that effort to still keep in touch even after our schedules and priorities change.  

I have many other things that I’m scared about and the only thing that keeps me sane is the thought that I’m not the only one going through this. I’m not the only one who’s going to look for a job and get rejected; I’m not the only one who’s probably not going to get their dream job/I’m not the only one who does not have a dream job lol; I’m not the only scared and morose one, there’s two of us! Ha!

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So in this new journey, let’s be both morose and happy!

               Finding a job must be one of the hardest, if not the hardest, challenge a fresh graduate from college has to face. We always see in the news how unemployment and underemployment rates plague the economy, and how thousands of graduates find it so hard to look for a job that matches their credentials. I used to brush this issue off when I was still studying, having other things to focus on like trying to keep my sanity intact while finishing my thesis (I can’t really worry about finding a job while still studying when I’m still not so sure I would graduate, now can I?).

                But now that I’ve survived the deadly jungles of college life, I now find myself oblivious on what to do next as I am instantly tossed in the unmerciful desert of professional life. When in school you were only competing with your classmates, this time, you’re about to compete with hundreds of thousands of other college graduates from different schools across the country for a job you want to have.  A job which requires AT LEAST 1 to 3 years of experience AND demands that the applicant should be a product of the top schools in the country (although this isn’t always the case. Praise the Lord).  Now how am I suppose to get a job that requires experience when I’m as experienced as a virgin about to have her first kiss?! Pardon the cluelessness but, aren’t companies suppose to offer training for their new employees to prepare them for the job?

                It’s sad that some fresh college graduates need to pay the company to be trained and MAYBE hired for a job. Take for instance nursing graduates who pay hospitals just for an internship. These people studied so hard for years, and even studied harder to pass the board exam. But after all the effort they’ve made, they are faced with a system that requires them to pay for a job that they may or may not have, a job they chose to do because they want to help the weak, the malnourished, the crippled and the disabled.

                My mother used to tell me that there isn’t an easy job.  Then I used to counter that working as a basketball player is easy, or an actor, a writer, and being a sex toy tester. But when I tried to think of it, none of these are really close to being easy jobs. Basketball is one of the most dangerous sports. Being an actor requires travelling to different places and working 24/7. Writers comply with deadlines and writer’s block. And don’t get me started with the sex toy tester; having 15 orgasms a week must be quite exhausting ;) Finding a job is difficult. But I suggest that let’s just enjoy the experience instead.