mania's memoir

vent blog because I don't want to force you lot to endure my suffering main is @raidermorgue uhh whatever

taking a chance on mentioning something making me sad and it's ignored completely

im not saying i'm the third but they're blue and pink and they also have like everything in blue and pink for themselves. and they're also currently hanging out with eachother while i'm at home. and they go to the same school (which is out of district). and they're not broke. and they used to date. and they were always sun and moon. and

making an honest mistake except i feel really bad about it so now i'm crying because i'm a bad friend exceptlowk it might also be because i've been awake since 9 pm yesterday and i'm also on my period so wtv

every now and then i think of that one person who got me onto tumblr,, i keep wanting to reach out but when i knew them it was genuinely exhausting just talking with them HOWEVER i hope they're doing well,,, thinkingemoji

as much as I say I'm kris dreemurr I lowk kinda feel opposite that they do with someone else controlling them I feel all to trapped in my own body though then again maybe there's that too,,, two souls having to pilot one body while sharing seperate consciousness would be awful exhausting I'd imagine idk I'm rambling

gender kinda pisses me off in a way because i wanna be androgynous in a sense but i also wanna be a boy in a skirt but also they/them aren't horrible to be referred to as but after so long of it being used so that people don't have to call me he/him i hate using they/them but like what the fuck man

if my brother doesn't get out of the fucking shower I'm gonna cry it'd 2:44 am and I need to piss get OUT

I'm so happy until I'm not

I'm such a waste dude

and if they did why would they care. they have bigger problems than I do. I'm insignificant. I don't even know why people give me what attention they do

and nobody can tell

Im so tired

god I wish I wasn't a coward. I wish I wasn't afraid of death and that everything would just stop. but I'm too terrified of the end

the worst thing to happen to me was having someone kiss me and feeling weird about it. I don't even know why I still think about it so much its not a deal at all

people would kill to have it as good as I do so why do I wish I was worse