my mom said its just a phase @morganfayemusic - Tumblr Blog

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I’m crying because I found JJ Bittenbinder’s STREET SMARTS video on YouTube and it’s even more EVERYTHING than John Mulaney led me to believe.

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Musicals as John Mulaney Quotes

Heathers: “Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? Because it sounds like he sucks and I will totally kill that guy for you.”

Next to Normal: “I was like, ‘Well here goes nothing. YOU EVER SEEN A GHOST?’ And my mom said, ‘Yes.’ Which is the best answer.”

Fun Home: “I have a girlfriend now myself, which is weird because I’m probably gay based on the way I act and behave and have walked and talked for 28 years.”

Dear Evan Hansen: “And then I said, ‘No.’ Y’know, like a liar.”

The Producers: “I would assume that’s someone dressed as Hitler. I’m not gonna kill that guy. I’m not gonna kill an actor and ruin Indiana Jones 5 just ‘cause I don’t understand costumes.”

Be More Chill: “I don’t like robots… thinkin’ of things.”

High School Musical: “Every new song is about how tonight is the night, and how we only have tonight. That is such 19-year-old horseshit.”

Mean Girls: “What’s a clique?” “It’s when a group of people hang out together.” “Oh, you mean like having friends?” “No, because these people make fun of other people.” “Oh, you mean like having friends?”

Hamilton: “I learned to play his campaign song on the piano. It was ‘Don’t Stop’ by Fleetwood Mac… from Rumours, an album written by and for people cheating on each other. He let us know who he was right away.”

RENT: “I am homeless, I am gay, I have AIDS, I’m new in town.”

Avenue Q: “Yes, you heard me. An English major.”

Starship: “You spend most of your day telling a robot that you’re not a robot. Think about that for two minutes and tell me you don’t wanna walk into the ocean.”

1776: “I was in Connecticut recently, doing white people stuff.” Alt: “I don’t remember that in Hamilton…”

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Now that’s its own American Gender Nightmare that we don’t have time to get into… John Mulaney on the New York Subway’s Announcement System Saturday Night Live - 02 March 2019

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morganfayemusic

How I think I look wearing glasses vs how I actually look

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morganfayemusic

I got a period suspension last week for chewing gum and now I have a detention for tardies so I’m basically a gangster now.

#its been 5 years but still fuck you mrs bean

morganfayemusic

LOOKIT MY FACE I DID A THING

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morganfayemusic

Spot the difference

morganfayemusic

So I’m on a family vacation and while here my mom and I got some of those good smelling epsom salts for baths and I was saying during dinner that I’m excited to use them and my dad turns to me and deadpan goes “like elements are drawn together”

morganfayemusic

Update: we drove by this restaurant called Salty’s and my mom said “hey kids look out the window it’s Morgan’s home”

morganfayemusic

Throwback to the time my family and I met a meme

morganfayemusic

One time in like third grade I genuinely didn’t believe that soda exploded if you shook it up, so my friend and I had like a liter of Sprite™ in the kitchen, and decided to Bill Nye science that ish and shook it up, all while my supposed “friend” watched, and opened the fucking bottle and just watched as the carbonated lemon lime acid rain descended upon my kitchen

morganfayemusic

My favorite story from elementary school was this one time in art class we were painting these derp-ass clay wizards and as third graders we were basically given free reign at the glazes and this snobby bitch is all high and mighty with her Canary Yellow™ until one day Canary Yellow™ wont open and she wrestles with it until she spills Canary Yellow™ all over herself and the floor resulting in no more Canary Yellow™ for the rest of the year But this was such a glorious moment to witness the fall of the great Kelly and her Canary-fuckin-Yellow™ that I can now spot Canary-fuckin-Yellow™ from a mile away

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morganfayemusic

Cows in the suburbs

So there was this unopened road next to my house, and on the other side was this field that had cows. Fun Fact: when a calf is born-cows stampede. So one morning I was wrestling with my first mascara tube and my lil brother was just yelling “Cows!” Like yeah lil man they go moo, and my mom’s like no really there are cows in the coul de sac and sure enough the precheesburgers broke the fence and proceeded to just wander around the neighborhood

morganfayemusic

Sick beats

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my mom said its just a phase