of darkness;

James Potter - what is there to say about the one and only James Potter. Have you heard that his middle name is Fleamont, because I think that’s downright laughable. Fleamont. Flea market. Fleabag. That’s it! James Fleabag Potter. What a fitting name for him, works much better for his personality. I think I’m gonna go with that one from now on instead. I can’t stand the fuckin’ guy. Honestly, though, who in the world said it was okay for someone as obnoxious as he is to be that attractive? How the hell am I supposed to be focusing on an insult or a comeback if I’m looking at him? Unfair. That’s what I wanna know - because, like. It’s a lot easier to hate someone if they’re ugly, so if Potter could just... not be as good looking as he is, that’d make things a lot easier on me. More than that, he’s a mediocre kisser at best. I would know, I’ve been there, I’ve done that. All those rumors going around about him are bullshit. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was the one who spread them in the first place. His ego is probably the only thing more fragile than his masculinity, after all. Hey, did you know he saved my life? I never thanked him for it, actually. I probably should, because who would’ve ever thought that I’d be grateful for Potter’s presence in my life. What a weird thought. Words I’d never thought would leave my lips. But I’m never going to. Fuck that. Fuck him. He gets nothing from me. 

James’ reddened, realizing that despite his irritation at the boy, Severus had a good point. The entire library hearing about their moment of the pitch was most likely the last thing James would ever want to get around- the only worse would be the fact that James wasn’t outright disgusted by the whole ordeal. “Shut up Snape.” James hissed at him, wanting nothing more than to slam his fist into the bookshelf next to him. There was something to this- this loss of control, that James didn’t know how to stomach. He was on a ride with no seat belt and the harder her tried to hold himself in, the faster he seemed to go. Even now, it took him a moment of composure to not toss his lunch all over Severus’s scuffed shoes. 

“I did not kiss you back.” James’ voice took on a quality that he’d never heard in himself before; the cocktail of desperation and horror at what was happening cause him to clutch Severus’s robes, as if shaking the boy might make him understand. “You grabbed me. You kissed me!” His words were low but urgent, as if it was imperative to him that the snake clutched between his fingers knew that James wasn’t to blame for the hurricane inside himself. 

It was embarrassing to James that he feel so easily into Severus’s game where his lips had been used as a means to silence. “And nothing else came to you mind, eh? Not putting your hand over my mouth, or- I don’t know- a silencing spell? Seems like a bloody good excuse except for the fact that it isn’t.”

He rolled his eyes at James’ indignant denial of him kissing back, but in a way, Severus wondered if they were both aware of the fact that it was a lie. Otherwise, why would James have reacted in such a way? But then again, why did Severus even care? He didn’t care what James thought of him, or of what happened, or anything that mattered in Potter’s life. “Yes, I’m aware of the fact that I made the mistake of kissing you, of all people out there. Something will haunt me for the rest of my life. We covered that about two minutes ago. Or did you forget already?” he replied matter of factly. He could feel his cheeks may have been starting to feel flushed once more, but surely it was from the exasperation over anything else.

“Use magic on you?” he echoed. “And risk you punching me in the face again? I’ll pass,” he replied carefully, though he knew it was a lame answer. But he didn’t have an answer to James’ question, because in truth, he didn’t know why his first instinct had been to kiss James Potter in the middle of their fight, over anything else. It frustrated him and made him angry and disgusted all in one swoop. And as much as he thought he should try to come to the conclusion of what motivated him to do so, there was another side of him that wondered if he should let it be. “Besides, I figured you of all people would understand doing something idiotic without thinking it through, considering that’s how you approach your entire life.”

The Great Hall was a tad bit more unconventional compared to the library when it came to studies, but Remus found the background current of chatter was what he needed to keep his head in the right place. The ever-present snacks didn’t hurt either – Remus’ copy of History of Magic currently propped up against the centerpiece as he picked at the crust of the shepherd’s pie Sirius hadn’t bothered to finish before scampering off with James in tow. Peter had left soon after, waving over his shoulder until he was left alone redoubling his efforts to at least try and stay focused rather than drifting off towards more entertaining daydreams.

The universe didn’t seem inclined to accommodate those wishes and somehow he didn’t even see the Slytherin until Severus was almost on top of him, equally startlingly for how doggedly Remus had been avoiding him since the year had begun. Except they weren’t dodging each other around bookcases anymore, Severus was right there, staring down at him with those eyes that suggested metaphors about razor blades and ice. “I’m not - I don’t ” Remus’ words tripped themselves on his tongue, the sudden appearance of the other boy somehow both a cold trickle of water down his spine and a white hot burst of panic all at once until he registered was Severus was asking him. 

“Slughorn?” Remus managed, finally letting himself look at Severus’ face and immediately fighting the urge to glance away again. Somewhere in the back of his mind the connection happened, weeks worth of deliberately avoided tutoring sessions and increasingly low marks coupling together in a rather obvious cause and effect. What was he supposed to do? Remus thought, increasingly queasy. Turn up to their next appointment following that full moon, give a cutesy little apology? Where the hell were the words required to make that work? 

“I.. didn’t think we made - that we were continuing. After the summer.” Shit, complete shit. Remus broke their gaze again, swallowing thickly, acutely aware of how hot his face was burning, the rapid jig his leg had taken up under the table. What would a sorry mean anyways? A sorry for potentially tearing Severus into shreds? A sorry for pardoning the behavior of his friends to the point that luring him to the shack in the first place was an actual thought one of them could have? “I would hope you haven’t been spending too much time thinking about me.” Well. There was a sort of truth. 

Standing the midst of the hall at the Gryffindor table wasn’t helping in the area of trying to remain inconspicuous, but he definitely had Remus’ attention now. There was no avoiding this conversation anymore, just like there was no point in trying to ignore what they both had been wanting to go away.

“Yes, well. You made that very clear when you made the decision to not show up anymore,” he pointed out after Remus spoke of how they weren’t in the arrangement anymore, meeting the other’s eyes. He didn’t realize how difficult it was to look at Lupin now, and not think about what had happened during that night Sirius had lured him into the woods with false promises and lies. Severus was a fool, anyways, for listening to a word that came out of Black’s mouth in the first place. And now he had to pay for it by seeing the snarling wolf that had been illuminated in the moonlight instead of Lupin. He blinked, averting his eyes and trying to get the image out of his head. That wasn’t the matter at hand - they weren’t talking about what had happened that night, or the way that Severus had been scared in a way that he hadn’t felt before.

He cleared his throat, placing his hands onto the table. “Slughorn clearly isn’t aware of the fact that you believe you can pass his class without my assistance anymore. So he came to me to ask why it was that you’re doing so poorly once again. See how that happened? You stop showing up, and I am the one who ends up having to answer for it.” Perhaps he was laying into Lupin a little too hard considering that they hadn’t actually spoken since the incident, but it wasn’t Severus’ fault that Remus didn’t want to deal with being tutored anymore. That was on him - if he wanted to fail potions, the least he could do was make sure he didn’t drag Severus down with him.

At the simple response that Remus gave, not even truly answering the question, it left Severus annoyed. All he had to say for himself was to talk about what Severus was thinking of? Clearly Remus didn’t understand what it was like to find out the fact that someone you thought you had a good understanding of was actually a werewolf. Of course Severus couldn’t stop thinking about it. “Do I have a choice on whether or not I should be thinking about you?” he responded, before clarifying. “After all, your success affects my reputation. How could I not?”

Pandora made her way down the hall as she always did: slowly. She looked to be caught up in a daydream, the way her eyes remained pointed to an unknown place somewhere off in the distance. Really, she was listening, as the crowd of people walked past her, catching bits and pieces of conversation. Mostly it was about last night’s homework assignment, but there were some interesting tidbits she heard only every so often. As she approached the end of this particular hall, she found herself nearly bumping into a boy standing at its corner, talking quietly to himself. She stopped, trying to hear what he was saying, until he seemed to address her. Quite rudely, she might add.

“Oh– Sorry, I didn’t intend to snoop,” she said with a kind smile. “I just heard you talking. About the masquerade, I presume? I think it sounds like a rather fun idea, but if that’s not your thing, I understand. It couldn’t hurt to go, even just for a little bit, could it? You could disappear early if you really wanted to. Who knows, you could be paired with someone you’re friends with, or end up liking. They could even end up being the love of your life. And, you might even have fun.”

The worst part about announcements like this is that it seemed to bring out a sense of happiness and excitement in people that Severus would rather avoid completely. Whether it was the inane chatter of people talking about what they would wear or who they hoped that they would get the chance to go with, or the rush of emotions that came along with it, it was enough to make him feel like he was suffocating in it. Severus never understood how to go about processing those sort of feelings. He didn’t experience them himself, so to see them brought out in other people tended to bring out the worst in him.

“Oh,” he started, looking over at Pandora and realizing that she was speaking to him. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to... come off so strong. Thought you were somebody else,” he added, feeling awkwardly as she apologized to him. It was one thing to speak his mind and be honest, but Severus wasn’t someone who was rude just for the sake of being rude, and especially now that she was being kind in the face of his response. He raised a brow, before he smiled thinly. “That sounds like an awful outcome. Love isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. But I’m sure you’ll learn that in time, though,” he responded with a shrug of his shoulder. “I doubt I’m compatible with anyone in this school, really.”

Severus’ face poked through the crack in the door, and Lily’s heart dropped right to the soles of her soft orange sneakers.

It had been a long time since they’d been alone like they were at that moment. Marlene or James or Remus or someone else from Gryffindor was always around these days, serving as an adequate barrier between her and the boy she’d been so desperately trying to avoid. It had been so long, but seeing him still stung, and she felt her smile fall off her face immediately, replaced with a stoniness she couldn’t help but turn towards him. 

“….I was talking to whoever was outside of that door, so I guess I was talking to you,” she said shortly, and though the part of her that wanted to speak to Severus was small and easily ignorable, she reminded herself that she was his head girl too. She wouldn’t be doing the job well if she wasn’t attending to the needs of the whole student body. …But she would not be offering him a chocolate frog. “Have you had any huge administrative inconveniences lately? Any school policies you think could be made more efficient or useful?”

He hung back towards the exit, feeling his stomach twist more the longer that he stood in the same room with Lily. It was a grating reminder of how long it had actually been since the two of them had spoken, and how that had changed from when they were speaking at every moment that they possibly could. Severus knew that was at no one else’s fault but his own, of course, but that didn’t make things better.

“Oh, well. Uh,” he started, looking back out to the door, before looking to LIly once more. He struggle to find the words to respond with. There were no administrative inconveniences that he could think of off the top of his head, but if he said no to that, he knew that he really had no reason at all to stay in the room. 

He took a step forward, closer to wear Lily was sitting, his hands wringing in front him. “Actually, I came by because... because I have an issue with the curfew in place. I think it’s too strict...” he started, scrambling to try and figure out what it was that people usually complained about. “And... I think that people should do something about it. So. Yeah.”  

Regulus frowned, flicking his head around to look at Snape who had been quiet up until that point. Reg didn’t actually recall asking for his opinion. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He countered, pushing himself up off the sunken armchair and crossing the common room, putting his hands down on the back of a chair that was opposite Severus and leaning forward against it. “So maybe I will.” He shrugged, looking Severus up and down with a frown. “Who are you to say I can’t do something, huh? I’ve been too agreeable and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere, it’s shit. Nothing good comes of it, so my answer here is to just say no. Maybe you should join me on that.”

Severus narrowed his eyes at Regulus’ comments, wondering what there was to make of all of it. He leaned forward in his chair, for although he didn’t know where he stood with the younger Black as a whole, he could still stand to have a conversation. Severus shrugged his shoulders in a sign of confusion. “I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re even getting at when you speak of being agreeable, but your eagerness to say no to everything sounds immature. Like a child who hasn’t gotten his way and is now throwing a temper tantrum,” he said bluntly, and as soon as the words had left his mouth, he had a feeling that they were going to have more of an effect than he was planning on. What was it about both Sirius and Regulus that made them both o overly dramatic in their own way, obnoxiously so? If anything, this just showed Severus that they were more alike than they may have wanted to portray.

He pressed his lips into a line, before raising an eyebrow. “I never said that I was going to tell you what to do. I don’t care about what you do with your life. My only concern is myself, just as yours should be yourself,” he pointed out slowly, gesturing towards himself. He let out a small laugh, the corner of his lips turning up ever so slightly. “Funny. But I seem to recall that we’re not exactly in a position where we can simply start saying no for the sake of it. There are people still in charge of what you do.”

There were the snakes that would bare their fangs and inject poison into your skin, killing you instantly. And then there were those you never saw coming - the ones who snuck up behind you, slowly wrapping themselves around your body, a death creeping up over you. She counted herself among the first category - and from where she stood, Severus Snape appeared to belong to the second. There was something off about him, something hidden behind those ever averted eyes, a hidden truth yet to be discovered. It evaded detection - and that infuriated her. “Why don’t you announce me then? I’d love to hear what you have to say.” Folding her lips into a gilded smile, tone draped in snobbery and pride, Hestia’s heels clicked against the floor as she approached him, unafraid to meet his eyes. She had seen worse. “Cheer up. There’s no way that a mask can look any worse.”

There was a reason that Severus had tried to bury himself deeply into the trenches of Slytherin - to fade into the background without sticking out, and to not cause any disturbances amonst those who so shrewdly and proudly took the core values of the house to heart. How strange it was that the one who counted herself amongst those was also the one who would’ve ended up with the brunt of their wrath had her house been any different. As soon as Severus saw Hestia, he could’ve sworn that a chill went down his spint, something about her personality leaving him cold - but he knew that he was imagining things. 

The moment the word ‘mother’ left Severus’s lips, Alice groaned. “That would explain the  wrinkles I have.” He was right, someone had to be excited for the upcoming event, and it was clear neither of them had found any excitement in forced interactions/ Alice had seen a few of their classmates prattling on about their dresses and how excited for about their gowns and the only thing she could think of was, “Do you think they have a prefect volunteer list? I know there is supposed to be some charm to speaking with a stranger behind a mask and getting to now their true selves… but I just don’t find it appealing. However yelling? Yelling I can do, yell to remind them that there are still rules. Like no grinding.” 

Severus glanced over his shoulder as a second year whipped past him belatedly, grubby hands managing to catch a hold of his robe as they attempted to make up the lost time between them and their comrades. “I suppose I see your point,” he answered, before turning back to look at Alice. He could tell that she was going over the fact that he’d called her the mother. Perhaps he’d said it without thinking, or perhaps he’d done it on purpose, knowing that it would get a rise out of Alice. To be honest, he could never be totally sure anymore, but it seemed more likely to be the latter.