⋆˙wolfstargazing all along⏾

remus: sirius, you’re literally 19 years old

sirius: shh, not yet, sweetheart, i’m not done yet

home was euphemia kissing his forehead as it was the most natural thing in the world. it was fleamont making him tea late at night while pretending not to notice sirius lingering in the kitchen because he didn’t want to be alone yet. it was james loving him so loudly and so easily because there was nothing to earn first, no version of himself he had to become to deserve it.

not because he’s ashamed of how he looks, but because if people are going to stare at his scars, they might as well do it properly instead of throwing those quick, guilty glances before looking away again. so let them look.

it wasn’t always like this. once, he used to hide behind books, jackets pulled too high, like he could make himself disappear. but sirius taught him how to survive being seen. not how to love the scars himself, that never really happened, but how to stop treating them like something monstrous. sirius loved them enough for the both of them anyway. his fingertips traced over ruined skin, he pressed his lips against each mark, brushed the tip of his nose along them as if there was nothing ugly there at all.

so instead it becomes: “i care about you, you know that?” “missed you a little extra today” “i think i’m falling for you” “text me when you get home” “eat something proper, please”

and the first actual “i love you” doesn’t happen during their first kiss, or the first night they spend together.

it happens the next morning. all grey daylight, rain tapping steadily against the windowsill, everything damp and sleepy and soft around the edges. because that’s when the real intimacy hits them. not sex, not longing, not years of pining, but being accepted completely. being cared for gently. being cherished without having to ask for it. this is the overwhelming realisation that the other one isn’t leaving. that they’re both already reaching for more.

and that’s when sirius finally says “i love you”

james and pete could casually skip breakfast, forget lunch entirely. leave half their toast on the plate and wander off like it would simply still exist later. rich only-child behaviour from james, and peter somehow surviving entirely on vibes and crisps.

meanwhile sirius and remus reacted to food like victorian street children seeing an orange for the first time.

remus always noticed when someone didn’t finish eating. always quietly asking “you’re not gonna eat that?” before they’d even put the fork down. had entire emergency treacle fudge, chocolate frogs and cauldron cakes stashes hidden in his trunk because full moons made him constantly hungry in a way nobody else really understood.

and sirius, who grew up in a house where meals could be taken away as punishment, treated every meal in the great hall like it wasn’t guaranteed. he ate carefully, never too much, never too fast, but always every last crumb. looked genuinely stressed if people skipped meals. absolutely incapable of hearing “i’m not hungry” without acting like the world was ending.

they never spoke about it on purpose. just instinctively started setting food aside for each other.

sirius sliding extra potatoes onto remus’s plate before full moons without a word. remus smuggling toast wrapped in napkins out of breakfast because sirius got detention and missed dinner again.

james once said “you two act like the hogwarts kitchens are entering a famine”