I am not (a serie)
featuring: itoshi brothers x fem! reader
⚠️warning: heavy topics, major character death, mentions of mental instability, mentions of sh!, heavy angst
summary: Y/n, Sae & Rin became friends as if they were destined to after y/n moved into the neighborhood from the city. God had more in plans for them rather than an everlasting beautiful friendship. A love triangle happens, then everything else went downhills.
Chapter. 1 "I am not him"
Y/n, Sae and Rin, the trio that no one hasn’t not heard of, well around the neighborhood at least. It was as if destiny was the one who arranged the three kids fate to aligned; It all started on one eventful evening. It was raining cats and dogs as if showing a sign to something, Thunder clashing, elders often said it's to mark the start of an ill-fated story, it's just an old saying though, right?
Two little boys and a strange girl who has just moved from the city ended up sharing warmth under the playground as they share a shelter from the rain, shivering from the cold, they tried their best to comfort each other pretending that they weren’t scared of the thunder and lightning themselves, nevertheless even with the gloom evening, a very beautiful friendship bloomed within the three little kids.
Therefore begins, the flowery and loving friendship. You would often spot the three together at any time of the days. Most often, the two brothers would be playing soccer together as the girl is left on the sideline watching them, (and contradictorily to what she says, she would often be cheering for a side that she does a lucky draw every morning to decide)
Adolescent attacks, as cliché as it may sound, romance seem to inevitably bloom within their circle too. Though two feelings are mutual, and one is left hidden forever? Now can you guess which two among the three? Here’s a hint, y/n and sae are the same age, thus study in the same grade leading them to spending almost every single minutes of the day together aside from when they part way to get some sleep. Rin is often seen trailing along behind the two after school.
Who knew that a lifetime peace wasn’t in god’s plan when he made their fate aligned? There’s been ups and downs. For instance, when Sae was set to go to Spain after discovering his passion for soccer and the “humble” skill of his wasn’t suitable to waste it by playing only for the school’s team nor as an everyday hobby. Thankfully, as if god answers the little ones’ wish for Sae to come back, he did. But maybe there were some sacrifices that had to be made because he came back as an entirely different Sae. He became colder, more impatient and he rarely ever look at anyone at their eyes level, his brother no exception. Rin was heartbroken of course, he had only known despair after, despair turns into desperation. Desperation to do anything just so his brother would look at him with the same kind eyes he once did again. He made his resolve to beat his brother in his own career. Not accepting the brotherhood that had fallen “temporarily” or at least Rin thinks so, until he beats his brother at least, he created another situation for him to still be connected to his brother.
One exception to his coldness was you, instead of the relationship turning sour between the two of you, it turned even sweeter. You remember how he rang the door bell of your house the minutes he came back, with sweat dripping along his temples, his face still looks as blank as ever, one thing that was different was his eyes, those aqua orbs that were staring right into your already shocked self, “I like you” he spits it out after a few huffing to catch his breath. After years of denying both of your feelings for each other, both afraid to ruin the friendship that you both had built over the past decade. Though it’s all useless now that you jumped into his arms right after, there’s nothing more to conceal the feelings you both had for each other.
After that, as if all your worries about what would happened if something goes wrong with your relationship all seem useless, it is a smooth sail. You both were inseparable, The love you both had for each other was phenomenal, to stretch it-- out of the world. You don't see yourself loving anyone other than Sae, so does he. The Sae that you had was the Sae nobody had ever seen, the endearing and loving Sae. The Sae that cater to you and you only. The only minor problem was that— Sae often have oversea schedules that would last to a week to at least a month, it is really no big deal though as Sae would remember to video call you or text you often. You could imagine your future with him really clearly, no matter where you go, he's always in your future. It was a given that you both would last together forever.
Rin, on the other hand, had grown rather distant after everything. One thing was that it was awkward enough for him to face his brother, or more like Sae didn’t want to even spare a glance at him. Another thing was that, it hurts him more than he thinks to see you both stuck like glue to each other. It hurts him that he sees not a slightest chance with you, he had always known. From the moment he accepted his feelings to the moment where he catches how you both were looking at each other. He'll always be Sae's younger brother, his tag along that over the time, it seemed normal for you to call him little bro too. There was once a place for him whether in between or on the sideline with the both of you. You often reach out to Rin out of concern, you adored Rin after all— nothing more than a younger brother to Rin’s disappointment. He was out of your way, for your goods and his own too.
That is until, a devastating news reach his ears, “your brother is in the emergency room, Rin” rin could hear how her mother sniffling her cries as his father was beside her, trying his best to comfort his wife while he’s breaking down inside himself. “t-the plane crashed mid-way as it took off…” Swallowing her sniffles, she tries her best to explain the situation but soon broke down as rin could hear the sound of the phone dropping hard on the ground from the other line.
Rin has never recall any moment that he has been panicking like this, there were many things running through his head.
‘what the hell happened?’
‘how could this happen?’
‘has she heard the news yet?’
Clenching hard onto his phone, he dashes out of the training center not bothering to change from his practice clothes full of sweats. He rushes to his car, and there he took a few deep breathe, his eyes full of tears that were threatening to fall as he hit the wheel exasperatedly a few time before stepping on the gas and charged toward the designated hospital.
His body stumbling as he ran as fast as he could upon exiting the car, his body shut down as his eyes lay on the sight of the professionals pushing a bed out of the emergency room with grim faces. Part of his head was praying, he came to the wrong emergency room, maybe the right one is at the other side of the hall. Though the crimson red hair proves him otherwise. He was watching everything unfolded, all his body senses left him, his body not moving an inch as he watches his parents bolting to the doctor as they ask them frantically about Sae’s condition only for their last hope to be shot down by a sullen head shake from the doctor. Only when his mother fainted as she heard the news that Rin body started to move toward his mother and hold her.
The nurses that were on stand by rushed quickly to escort Rin’s mother into a secluded room to check on her condition. It was the first time ever that Rin had heard his father wail out of loud as his body collapsed up front as he punches the hospital floor until his knuckle bleeds. Rin watches all the scenes unfold with eyes that were seemingly drained out of color. His eyes then shot up as he spots a familiar figure crouching in front of the emergency room, her face buried into her knees. Rin knew at once who that woman is, and his body moves on its own as its jolt up sloppily, he bolts to her— almost crawling on four. Rin takes one big gulp before calling out to y/n “Sis..” the familiar nickname and one that leaves a painful stench in Rin's chest slide out of his mouth out of habit.
Silence, no response from her. It was as if her whole body stop functioning. Panicking, rin glances at her from the side, her chest seems to rising up and down in steady motion meaning she’s stable in that sense thankfully. Rin didn’t give up and try to call out to y/n a couple more times, to no avail and not a single sound uttered from her back. Rin felt his heart clenching, he knew that y/n wouldn’t be okay at this moment. Not when Sae had been with her half of her life, she wholeheartedly depends on Sae. Everyone could see that. She’s the most at peace when she’s with Sae. With Sae, her smile could outshine the sun. Now that Sae is..
Rin bites his lip, finding his calling out to her was useless. He infuriated himself, couldn’t he make one person happy? No, it doesn’t matter how many people he could make happy, all that matters is her. His fingers inadvertently sink deeper and deeper into his thighs as he stares at y/n helplessly. Sae would’ve made her smile in a heartbeat, Sae would’ve know just the right thing to cheer her up. Maybe it’s just Sae himself. I've known that, I've come to accept it long ago. I can’t do anything, I am not him.
To be continue.
author note: hello! i got a great idea for a series, i am not quite sure if i can pull it off but i'll do my best! i hope you enjoy the first chap that serves as a light introduction :) feed backs are always welcome and well appreciated!
p.s: i love when people associate my works with songs, so if any songs remind you of this work, make sure to let me know. i always appreciate a good song rec<3















