Hopes & Fears

Okay, but Disney movies literally do it all the time in 90 minutes. That's the norm for most animated films. It's ABSOLUTELY possible to use a ninety minute runtime wisely and make it feel like a satisfying story. You just have to make it focused and trim away the side quests unless they contribute in an important way to our understanding of theme or character.

What exactly did the subplot about Crowley losing the Bentley actually contribute? I'm not just trying to be snide here, I am actually truly wondering, what was the POINT?

(My point is, dolphins)

Obviously the answer is, it was probably one of the original six episodes that comprised Season 3, so they kept it in despite having to trim so much of it away that might have given it relevance. But why keep it in at all??

That entire sequence with the crime boss wasted SO MUCH of the precious runtime, time that could have been spent better elsewhere. Like, I dunno, maybe having Crowley and Aziraphale actually reconciling?? Or actually developing Michael's motivation as a villain?? Or giving poor Jesus an actual conclusion to his arc instead of Thanos-snapping him away before he ever "finds the lady"?

I just. I went into the finale feeling SO easy to please. I could have forgiven a rushed plot, bad special effects, some mysteries from S2 never being solved because there wasn't time. I could've even forgiven the fact that some major characters didn't make an appearance again, due to budget constraints and actors not wanting to return.

It didn't need to be Objectively Good for me to enjoy it! Truly!

I would've hand-waved it all away...if they had only given me the one thing I wanted in the end: Crowley and Aziraphale living in peace together for eternity.

I call bullshit that when given a room full of books to be used as the book of life that Aziraphale’s and Crowley’s first thought is to summon mommy when they could just write the world back in themselves.

I call bullshit that when given the opportunity to ask for any type of world they want that they lack the imagination to bring back the old one just without heaven, hell, and the apocalypse having power over humanity or celestial beings from that day forward.

I call bullshit that they would ever choose to destroy each other.

Because there is not a single dinosaur that has ever appeared in Jurassic Park.

Not one. Not in the books. Not in the movies. Not ever.

"Now what John Hammond and InGen did at Jurassic Park was to create genetically engineered theme park monsters." ~Alan Grant

Grant says that in a moment of cynicism. It's part of his arc for the film. But it's not inaccurate. What Jurassic Park has, what it's always had since the very first novel, are "Mostly Dinosaurs".

"And since the DNA is so old, it's full of holes! Now, that's where our geneticists take over!" ~Mr. DNA

It's impossible to recover a fully intact gene sequence from an ancient amber mosquito. Cloning a pure dinosaur would have been completely impossible, and so the park filled in the gene sequence with whatever works. Frog. Lizard. Bird. Whatever they need to get the result they are trying to get.

Every single dinosaur is a chimeric beast made up of mostly dinosaur and a bunch of other stuff that some scientists thought would achieve the appropriate dinosaur-like result.

"Nothing in Jurassic World is natural! We have always filled gaps in the genome with the DNA of other animals. And if the genetic code was pure, many of them would look quite different." ~Dr. Henry Wu

Which, from a writing perspective, is fucking genius. Because now you have a preset excuse for each and every plot hole your movie has.

Like. Why don't the raptors have feathers? Because of the chimera DNA.

Why do dilophosaurs spit venom? Because of the chimera DNA.

Why do T-Rexes have movement based vision? Oh, they don't. But Rexy does. Because of her chimera DNA.

Why is the Spinosaurus so fucking big? Because of the chimera DNA.

Why are the velociraptors mislabeled? Because Hammond's a dipshit.

Yes it did. I just let it slide because I was taught that I'm "too sensitive" anytime something bothered me. But now I'm finally standing up for myself.

"You never struggled with this when you were a kid."