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Chapter 13 “when I knew loves perfect ache”

November 11, 2017

Jakes POV 

Your phone rang in your pocket as you placed the guitar back onto the stand it had resided on. You’d been playing it for the last forty minutes, trying to get a real feel for the tone it produced before making your mind up. With now empty hands, you pulled your phone from your pocket and glimpse down at the screen as you hit the unlock button just once so it would light up. 

Josh. 

You declined the call and pocketed your phone again, squatting down in front of the guitar and looking it over once more. “When was the back repaired?” You perked an eyebrow up at the shop owner as he crossed his arms over his chest. He went about explaining when and who had made the repairs, your phone vibrating in your pocket once again. You stood, slipping your hand in your pocket and discreetly hitting the lock button to decline the call again, knowing without looking that it would be Josh. 

“It plays like new, rich tone. I’m honestly surprised you noticed the repairs,” the owner said. 

“Yeah well, I’m a pro-,” your phone began vibrating again, distracting you from finishing the sentiment. “Sorry, I need to take this,” you huffed, annoyed that he had called you so many times in a row. 

“What?” You answered his call with a harsh tone, irritation dripping from your words as you walked away from where the shop owner and your friend Zac stood. 

“Hey, Jake. I-I need you to come home.” 

“I’ll be back later dude, I’m busy,” you sighed, running a palm over your face. He was so annoying sometimes. 

“No. NOW Jake. It’s important. It’s SG…” he trailed off, taking a breath before rambling on about something but you didn’t hear his words. You were already hanging up, rushing back to where the two men stood and apologizing before leaving quickly. Whatever was wrong had to be serious, but you’d not given a moments thought to listening. If SG needed you, you had to get to her. Luckily you’d met Zac at the guitar shop, leaving you able to drive home without worrying how he’d get to where ever he was going. And sure, the small music store had been across town from the apartment, a good twenty minute drive through light traffic, but you’d managed to make it there in less than that. Your parking job wasn’t your best, but whatever. You didn’t care as you bound up the stairs and into the apartment frantically. 

“Josh?” You called out, stepping instinctively toward the hallway. No sooner did you step into the narrow space when you heard her sniffles, looking to your right to peer into the bathroom where she sat on the floor crying. Oh no. What happened? Your heart, already thumping wildly in your chest from running so quickly up the stairs, began working even harder as you entered the small space. Josh was on his feet already, a look you couldn’t quite read on his face. You glanced past him to where Y/n sat, forehead touching her knees as she cried. In her hand, what you could very clearly identify as a pregnancy test clutched in her fist. 

Fuck. 

She couldn’t actually be holding a pregnancy test though, right? You had been really careful. Well, okay not that careful. In truth you’d been raw-dogging it since the day she had told you she had gotten that implant thing, almost two years ago now. And you hadn’t so much thought about any type of consequence because you thought the two of you were protected with just that. 

“What’s that?” You inquired as you bent down to be closer to where SG sat, your left hand brushing over her calf muscle before ghosting up toward her face, intent on seeing her pretty face because at current it felt like she was definitely trying to hide from you. Cupping her jaw, you gently guided her into looking up at you, her eyes pooling with tears as her cheeks shone red from crying. Her nose mirrored the same rudy color, lips wet from the fallen tears. 

“I’m so sorry Jake,” she choked out, her hand barely flicking out so you got a better look at what was absolutely a pregnancy test. A fucking positive one at that. 

No, no no. 

Fuck. 

Your face felt very hot suddenly as Josh’s eyes narrowed down at you when your gaze flicked up to him briefly before he shook his head and left the two of you alone. Presumably to talk. But words had escaped you currently and all you could do, really, was stare with your mouth hanging open slack jawed for a beat. 

“What is this, SG?” You repeated your previous question. Maybe playing fucking dumb as hell would change what you knew was happening. 

You could hope, anyway. 

“I. I’m so sorry Jake. I don’t. I just have been feeling so bad. And Josh suggested. And. And,” she was sobbing between her words, reaching up to the sink and grabbing at a second pregnancy test before holding them both out in her open palm to you. 

Positive. Both of them. Four lines in total mocking you as you stared in real time, disbelief. 

“No, no SG this isn’t really a funny joke you know.” You used the calmest voice you could, reaching out and taking one of the tests to inspect closer. It felt real. Looked it too from what you could tell, not that you’d ever even held a pregnancy test before. 

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, sniffling loudly as you dropped the plastic test back to her palm. “I know you don’t. I know this isn’t what you want.” 

“Yeah well.” You cleared your throat, standing and offering a hand out to her before helping her to her feet. “Let’s just..are you sure this is a positive result? Maybe two lines mean negative.” 

“Jake,” Josh barked from outside the door, a clear warning for you to not be dumb. 

“Maybe you took them wrong?” You took both tests from her, inspecting them both closely again before picking the box up from where it had been discarded in the sink and gave it a once over as well. 

“I took them both as the package instructed, Jake,” she sniffled, moving to sit on the toilet lid. You eyed her from your peripheral, pretending to be reading the instructions on the back of the box yourself as her head hung. Deciding she likely hadn’t taken them wrong, you huffed a heavy sigh before tossing the box with the tests into the trash can in a more aggressive manner than you had intended, the noise causing her to jump and gasp simultaneously. 

“Damnit,” you groaned, pushing the hair out of your face and beginning to pace around the small bathroom space. “This is going to mess up everything, fucking touring especially.” You weren’t really talking to her, or anyone, just mumbling to yourself as you paced. Each lap around the bathroom saw you pacing further and further into the hallway until you were pacing up and down it. Still talking to yourself, trying to work out what this all meant for you because, in that moment, your career was all you could consider.

Selfish, selfish, selfish.

 “We’re just getting started. I can’t be a dad now, not and tour also. What the hell would I do, see a kid every few months? Take a kid on the tour bus?” You almost snorted at that idea, a tiny baby crying waking the guys up from their sleep. Never once stopping to consider SG and her future. Or her feelings.  And your muttering wasn’t an effort to sway her into doing one specific thing regarding this…pregnancy. You really hadn’t even lent a single thought to what it all meant for her, let alone how scared she probably was. You did, however, hear her pad from the bathroom and into her room but you only registered that when the door clicked shut and you were suddenly faced with Josh glaring at you. 

“What the fuck, Jake.” 

“I know, Josh. What the hell am I supposed to do? How does the band tour with a baby? We don’t. It won’t work.” Your voice grew louder as you spoke. Suddenly panicked, you continued on with your rapid fire thoughts. “I’m going to have to see if North Star will take me back, fucking find something with more stable hours here at home. We will have to cut back on touring so much…” you really didn’t want to do that. “Might as well enjoy this next month of touring because it’ll all change after that.” 

“JAKE.” Josh demanded your attention in a stern tone, reminiscent of your father when you’d get into trouble in high school. It startled you enough to pause your pacing and rambling, staring across the hall at him as your emotions finally read all over your face. Wide eyed, scared. Fear, plenty of it. Disappointment, in yourself mostly. Anger, again at yourself. At the situation. Not at Y/n though. 

“What am I going to do, Josh?” You all but whispered then, your lower lip trembling slightly. 

“Firstly, you’re going to calm the fuck down,” he spat, clearly unimpressed with how you’d handled things thus far. “Secondly, you’re going to go in there,” his arm shot out as he pointed a slender finger in the direction of SG’s bedroom. “And you’re going to hold that girl, because if you don’t I will. She’s scared Jake, not just about what this means but that she just fucked your life up. And that you’ll hate her.” 

Your face fell further, sadness creeping over you as you realized how she must be feeling. And how you’d made her feel with your reaction. “Fuck me,” you mumbled, pressing the pads of your fingers into your closed eyes and rubbing aggressively. Finally, you gave Josh a resigned look, knowing he was right about how SG was likely feeling and what you needed to do in that moment. You couldn’t let him go to her, she was your girl. At least in your heart, that’s how you saw her. How you wanted her. Turning away from your twin, you padded down the hall quietly. Every step closer, it felt like your feet got heavier and heavier. Not that you didn’t want to be near her, you’d gladly face this with her. But how could you explain your neglect for her and her feelings upon your immediate reaction? Could she even hold it against you how you’d reacted? Once at her door, you gave a gentle knock before grasping the knob and turning it as you pushed the door open. SG lay on her bed with her back to the door, shoulders shaking slightly as she continued to cry. 

“Baby,” you sighed softly, stepping into her room and pushing the door shut. Crossing the short distance to her bed in three long steps, you kneed up onto the mattress and crawled up enough to lay behind her. At first, you draped your arm over her side, your hand splaying out over her stomach as you normally would. But it only took a second for the realization of what that gesture could now hold to set in and you moved it quickly down to tuck under her.

 “It’s going to be okay, SG,” you rasped, pulling her to your body. Even you didn’t believe your words, you knew there was no way she would either. She took a ragged breath in before turning over in your arms, stopping once she faced you. The look she wore broke your heart. 

“I, I can get an abortion,” she whispered, so quiet you probably wouldn’t have actually heard her words if you hadn’t been looking at her and paying attention. “I don’t want to ruin your life, Jake.” 

“What?” You were taken aback by her offer, where five minutes ago you were worrying about what this meant for the band all you could consider now was how that idea had not crossed your mind at all. “No, SG. You’re not…” you swallowed hard, quickly coming to terms with what this meant for you. For her. For Josh and Sam and Danny and all of your families even. “You’re not ruining my life. This is our life, both of ours. Ultimately, it’s your body and your choice but you aren’t ruining anything. Let’s just…I think it’s best we just start with a doctors appointment okay?” You watched her nod, eyes refusing to meet yours, before she tucked her face against your chest and huffed out a loud breath. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll call and make an appointment at the clinic downtown.” 

“That’s a good idea.” You held her gently against you as she went silent again, not entirely enveloping her in your warmth the same way you normally would. For a long while you both just laid quietly in her bed, your hand lightly rubbing her back until she eventually stopped crying. 

“I’m sorry I ruined your day, Jake. I know you were busy looking at guitars today.” She eventually offered.

“You didn’t ruin anything,” you sighed again, tired of repeating the same sentiment though mostly just because the adrenaline that had coarsed through you from the time Josh called reporting something being wrong with SG to that very moment had left you spent. You yawned, covering your mouth with your hand before pressing a kiss absently to the top of Y/n’s head. After a brief moment of silence, which you’d grown accustomed to since you’d laid down with her, SG sat up and searched the bed for her phone. You watched through lidded eyes, lazily observing her frantic search until she pushed a hand under one of her pillows and pulled it out. 

“What are you doing, my girl?” You watched as she typed something on her phone, chewing on her bottom lip absently as she paid no real attention to where you lay. 

“Looking for the planned parenthood off of Cass Ave’s number…” she trailed off, her eyes visibly searching whatever was on her phone screen before she located the number she was desiring. For some reason, when she had said clinic you’d pictured a normal doctor's office. Somewhere inviting and warm, but planned parenthood? All you pictured was a cold room, which simply made you even more sad over the entire situation. 

“Ummm, well the appointment would be to confirm pr-pregnancy,” her voice shook as she said it, breaking through your thoughts as you realized she’d been having a full on conversation with someone on the other end of the phone while you’d laid there imagining the difference in doctors offices. “Yeah,” she squeaked, eyes cutting to you before offering you the most half hearted smile you’d ever seen. “Wednesday is good. 11:30? Yeah, I can do that. Oh, insurance?” SG sighed, looking away from you and down to the comforter covering her bed. “I don’t really have any at the moment…yes I can pay a copay at time of visit…billing the rest will be fine. That’s fine….okay, thank you.” 

“What did they say?” As if you hadn’t been completely listening to her conversation for the last few minutes. 

“I have an appointment this coming Wednesday, at 11:30. They’ll do blood work to confirm. There’s a $100 copay the day of the visit and she said they can bill me the remaining $250.” 

“Okay, well I can take you. Unless you don’t want me to. Either way I’ll pay half of the bill.”

“It’s okay, Strings. I mean, yes if you could take me please. But I’ll take care of the bill. It’s my fau-.” Your hand shot up so fast, head shaking from side to side. 

“Don’t even finish that claim, we did this together. It wasn’t just you.” 

“I know, Strings. I just…” 

“Space Girl.” You gave her a stern look, no way was she going to get away with shouldering all the blame for something you had done together. “C’mon. Enough talk about whose fault what is. Lay down here with me.” You gestured for her to resume her previous position, watching as she eyed you momentarily before giving in and laying on her side next to you. “What made you decide to take that test? Why didn’t you talk to me about that if you were worried?” 

“I woke up sick again, Josh came home to go to the grocery store with me since no one else is going to do the shopping,” she raised her eyebrows to you before smirking slightly. “He suggested I take one because of the way I’ve been feeling.” 

“Why didn’t you call me, baby? I would’ve come home to be here with you…” you trailed off but it wasn’t lost on you or her the way you kept your hands to yourself suddenly. Not that you were scared to touch her, and the shock itself was wearing off. But now you had this responsibility that you hadn’t previously and things were feeling heavy. You knew by the look on her face that however you’d tried to relay the sentiment of being there with her when she’d taken those tests, it hadn’t come across at all convincing. 

“Just didn’t want to worry you. I didn’t think they’d be positive, Jake.” 

“Well.” You let the word linger there, sitting up enough to grab the throw she always kept at the foot of her bed and pull it up over the two of you. 

✨

November 14, 2017

SG

Your day had been so long and it wasn’t even 3pm yet. For a Tuesday, the diner had been extremely busy during the breakfast rush. It hadn’t helped that you’d opened, starting at 6am and then had a class after from 12-2. You were very tired, and still not feeling the greatest. You were hoping to grab a nap once you got home, your bed calling to you even from your car before you’d even climbed out of it once you parked outside the apartment. The trip from your car inside and up the stairs never took long, but the entire way had you planning out how you’d take a hot shower and put some comfortable sweats on before crawling into bed. You hoped Jake was home, knowing even though his car was parked right next to Josh’s that he could have gone out with a friend or something. And incase either he or Josh were asleep, you quietly unlocked the door and slipped into the apartment in silence. 

Maybe you should have made more noise, because as you entered the hall you could hear the twins talking in Josh’s room. Jake's strained tone stopped you in your tracks, not wanting to eavesdrop but feeling almost like you couldn’t move any further. 

“What the fuck am I supposed to do, Josh? The label wants us touring again by March, so I’m supposed to just miss out on most of the pregnancy? Miss the birth? They’re already booking shows through the summer into the fall.”

“I know, you’re just going to have to talk to the label and see what they can work out. Explain the situation to them,” Josh reasoned with his younger twin. 

“And tell them what? I fucked up so now we either cancel tour or schedule shows around her due date? And then what?! Take a baby on the road with us? It wouldn’t work, that’s too much responsibility.”

“No one said you had to bring a baby on the roa-.” You could hear Jake growl, cutting Josh off abruptly. 

“And leave her here alone to raise a child? Sure. Let me be that much of a dick. Fuck.” Jake sighed heavily, the creaking of Josh’s mattress sounding out as one of them either stood from the bed or sat down on it. 

“You didn’t fuck up.”

“What?” 

“You said you fucked up. A baby isn’t a fuck up. This baby. You can’t think that way. If Y/n hears you saying that…”

“I know. I know,” he sighed again, resigning to the fact this was all presumably happening and happening quickly. “She already offered to have an abortion. Whatever, I just. This is going to make touring a nightmare.” 

At that point, deciding you couldn’t listen to any more of their conversation, you backed slowly out into the living room. Hoping they wouldn’t hear you, you made for the front door and opened it before letting it slam shut. 

“Jake?” You called out, pretending as if you’d just arrived home but you knew even faking a smile today wasn’t going to happen. He’d spent the last few days assuring you that things would work out and be fine. Really, you were just stressing everyone else out. 

“Hey, SG,” you heard Jake call from the hall, standing close to Josh’s bedroom door as he watched you walk toward him. “You got a second?” 

“Uh, yeah, what’s up Strings?” You stopped before him, steadying yourself in preparation for him to tell you the same things he’d said to Josh. 

“It’s about your appointment tomorrow. I didn’t even think about it at the time but we have a meeting with label and management…” 

“Oh,” you gave a nod, frowning slightly as you looked up at him. “Well, it’s okay. It’s just the initial visit anyway. Like blood work and whatever. No big deal. I can, I can go myself. Your meeting is important so I hope it goes well.”

“What?” Jake’s brows pulled together as he shook his head. “No, baby I don’t want you to go alone. I want to go to as many of these as I can with you, maybe you can reschedule it? The meeting just slipped my mind and Josh reminded me today is all.” Jake reached out and cupped your jaw lightly, watching as you leaned into it momentarily before pulling away. 

“Yeah, I can just go call now and reschedule it.” You excused yourself from the hall, hightailing it back to your bedroom with him following close behind. Jake stood awkwardly in the door way as you placed your bag near your desk and pulled your phone out, one hand raised to your mouth as you chewed on the tip of your thumb anxiously. You could feel his eyes tracking your every move as you paced your bedroom, finding the number in your recent call log and calling it once again. 

“Put it on speaker,” Jake encouraged, clearly wanting to be a part of the entire thing. So, you did as he instructed and put your phone on speaker while he crossed the threshold into your room and plopped down on the bed. The automated messaging picked up, instructing you which number to dial for your specific call needs and you followed it, pressing the number 2 as Jake patted the bed next to him. 

You’d much rather pace, anxiety riddling your body as you waited but when he patted the bed a second time you sighed and crawled onto it to sit next to him. 

“Planned Parenthood Detroit, this is Ashley speaking how can I help you?” A way too cheerful voice blared out through the speaker, making you grimace. You felt anything but as warm and bright as she sounded. 

“Hi, my name is Y/n. Y/l/n. I have an appointment for tomorrow but I need to reschedule it,” you responded quietly, watching Jake settle back against the pillows at the head of your bed. You felt his hand circle your wrist loosely before he tugged on you gently, guiding you to lay back with him as Ashley spoke on the other end. Laying back, Jake slid his arm under your shoulders and pulled you to him until you were laying on your side tucked against him. It took several long moments for Ashley to locate your appointment and then inquire about which day would work best for you. After some back and forth between available appointments and your school and work schedule, with any potential meetings or practices Jake had going on, you finally had a new appointment date but it wasn’t until after Thanksgiving the following week. Great. More time to wait and wallow in self pity and your own disappointment. You couldn’t stop thinking about how upset dad would be with you. 

How upset Karen was going to be. And Kelly. You wondered aloud if Jake had told his parents yet, not realizing you’d let the thought slip until he was responding. 

“N-no. Not yet. I just thought we could tell them together, when we are ready.” From the sounds of it, the way his voice seemed so unconvincing from what he normally sounded like, you weren’t sure he would ever be ready for that. 

“Okay…”

“Do you wanna take a nap with me?” He turned on his side so he was no longer looking up at the ceiling, facing you now as he tucked his arms between the two of you. One hand came up, the pad of his thumb dragging along your bottom lip before he leaned in and kissed you softly before you could even answer him. 

“I was gonna shower,” you sighed into the space between the two of you. “I smell like bacon and maple syrup and work and class were rough today…” 

“Oh, well. How about after?” 

“Yeah, of course,” you laid there with him for another few minutes before getting up and finding a clean pair of sweats and one of his tshirts before retreating to the bathroom. You thought for sure he’d follow you, so many times he had joined you in the shower for nothing more than spending the time with you. Washing your hair and body, loving on you tenderly. But it didn’t happen this time, your shower feeling almost lacking and rushed in ways. You were eager to get back to bed to him, but hurt that he hadn’t even tried to follow you. You took care to wash your hair quickly but thoroughly, shaving your legs and armpits because you hadn’t had much energy recently to do so. You washed your face, your body and then moved from the shower to drying off. You brushed your teeth and hair, braiding it in two braids down your back so it wouldn’t get tangled and then retreated back to your bedroom. Finding Jake still laying in your bed lazily scrolling his phone brought a smile to your face though. Quietly, you crawled back up on the bed and laid alongside him, pushing your feet under the blanket. 

“How are you feeling today, SG?” Jake didn’t bother to look away from his phone, his thumb sliding along the glass screen of it to scroll on whatever app he was looking at. 

“Tired. Exhausted really.”

“Did you eat breakfast or lunch?” 

You didn’t want to tell him no, but also lying wouldn’t work with Jake anyway. The man saw through you any time you tried to fib even a little. 

“Well…not, really. No.” 

“Y/n,” Jake sighed, locking his phone and turning on his side to face you. “Sweetheart, you have to eat. Even when you’re feeling nauseous, I need you to try okay?” You would have told him you’d had a protein shake, because you had and it had at least stuck but he hadn’t even given you time for that. “For me and her,” he added, but it was so quiet you weren’t sure that’s what he actually said. Even so, if he did say that, you’d never divulged your dreams of a little baby girl to him. Jake saying ‘her’ felt like more of a fluke than anything else, it was far too early to even make assumptions. Right? 

Anyway. You didn’t want to mention him saying that, what if he hadn’t? Maybe you’d made that part up, maybe you were hearing things. Deciding to let it go, you snuggled into him as he finally wrapped his arms around you tightly. 

“Love you, Strings,” you ventured, hoping to hear him say it back as the last few days it had felt like he’d been a little distant. You couldn’t help but let that bother you, even though you knew it was likely just a direct result of him beating his own self up for the predicament you’d both find yourselves in. 

“Love you, princess,” he sighed sleepily, allowing enough space for you to turn onto the opposite side and push your ass back against his crotch. “Mm don’t start that, SG,” Jake mumbled, tightening his embrace once again as you both settled into the comfort of your bed. 

✨

Thanksgiving was two days away, which meant your appointment was three days away and since classes were done until after the holiday you’d worked a double. Tired from a long day at work, you’d made your way home hopeful that for once Jake and Josh would both be home. They’d been spending a lot of time with friends from Frankenmuth, and you couldn’t blame them for that considering they’d been touring so much. You felt like you’d barely seen Jake though, and you craved his warmth and his attention more than anything else. But neither of the twins were home when you’d arrived, a note on the counter in Jake’s handwriting letting you know they’d probably be out late. 

At least he’d signed it ‘all my love’ still, otherwise you’d be convinced he was avoiding you as if you’d put yourself in the predicament you were in. It didn’t take long for you to order a pizza and make your way into a hot shower before it was delivered. One full play of The Princess Bride and three slices later, you felt like tucking into bed early would be a good idea. If you waited up, you’d likely just grow annoyed at how late they stayed out. You were also afraid that you’d end up nauseous again, as that had finally subsided but the pizza had been the first thing you’d had in a while that wasn’t bland and easy on the stomach so to speak. It hadn’t seemed to bother you, which was a great sign, so you crawled into bed with a book and got lost in another world. You must’ve dozed off at some point, because you woke abruptly to the sound of Josh shushing Jake very loudly. 

“Shut THE fuck up dude,” the older twin said loudly. “You’re going to wake Y/n up!” They both giggled after, the noise from the pizza box being pulled open carelessly being heard also. Little thieves stealing the rest of your dinner, no doubt. 

“Fuck,” Jake drew, his tone lower than normal making it obvious he had been drinking. “Gotta let the baby sleep.” 

The baby? You furrowed your brows, confused as to what he meant. 

Evidently Josh was also. 

“The baby?” He spoke around a mouth full of pizza, moving about the front of the apartment noisily. 

“Yeah,” Jake again, closer than Josh’s voice so you figured maybe he was heading toward the hall. “She’s my baby.” 

Aw, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself. 

“Right,” Josh snorted. “Well, go take care of your baby, we’ve probably already woken her up.” 

Jake's footfall grew louder, closer to your door before you heard the door creak open further than it was. Jake shuffled in after, pressing it shut much louder than he’d intended. 

“Fuck,” he mumbled, stumbling in the dark toward your bed before crawling in behind where you laid. “SG.” You were sure he meant to whisper that, but he was so not succeeding and his mouth was so close to your ear now if you had been asleep still he would have scared you awake. 

“Jake?” You sighed, turning your head to look back at him. 

“Mm hi baby,” he breathed, smelling like he’d practically bathed in tequila. “Why you not in my bed?” 

“You weren’t home,” you shrugged, because in your mind it was simple. He seemed to take offense to that though, huffing as he pawed his way under your blanket. 

“M’home now. Missed you…”

“Jake, are you drunk?” Well, duh. You knew he was. Questioning it sounded kind of stupid now, but whatever. 

“No,” he chuckled, snaking a hand under your shirt and around to your stomach. His large hand splayed out over your abdomen, calloused fingertips lightly rubbing the spot they laid. “Maybe a little…” he pressed against you, bringing his mouth real close to your ear again. “You ‘member that thing I do with my tongue,” he exhaled, nipping at your earlobe and causing you to gasp. The two of you had barely shared more than a few little pecks over the last week, his bold displays of affection now both caught you off guard and turned you on an incredible amount. 

“What about it?” Your question was met with him pulling you onto your back as he climbed over you, using his knee to nudge your legs wide apart until he could rest between them. 

“Wanna do it,” he mumbled, pressing his wet lips to the skin on your neck and sucking gently. “Wanna hear you beg for me to make you c-.”

“Jake!” You cut him off, whimpering as his mouth made a trail of nips and licks over your neck as the soft hair of the mustache he had been letting grow in tickled your skin. 

“Mhmm jus’ like tha’, yeah,” he drew, working his hand under your shirt at the same time and using his fingertips to trace patterns on your stomach. You couldn’t help shiver at the light touch, a chill running up your spine as you did. It wasn’t long before he had you bare of all your clothing, his mouth making a trail down the valley between your breasts and over your stomach. He had lingered just under your navel for a beat, his lips pressing soft kisses over the taut skin there before moving lower. When he’d reached his intended destination, face buried between your thighs with your heels digging into his back, his large hands gripped your hips tightly in an effort to hold you still and you simply knew there’d be marks of black and blue come morning. Even drunk, his ability to have you panting and gasping his name was unmatched and it hadn’t taken him very long at all to have you begging for him. You’d ended the night on your knees before him, face buried in the mess of blankets and pillows as he marked and branded your thighs and ass cheeks with stinging smacks after each thrust into you. Okay. So drunk Jake liked to get a little aggressive, and you didn’t so much mind it. You’d have to make a mental note to not wear anything to Thanksgiving dinner that might ride up far enough to reveal the red welt his hand had left behind. 

Thanksgiving day

Things had not been going as planned. After Monday night you had, yet again, barely seen Jake. You felt like you knew for sure he was with Josh the majority of the time, but you could never quite be sure. It felt lonely, hanging around the apartment without him even though you had grown used to that when they had been touring. Luckily, Pearl had been a great distraction and had spent extra time cuddling with you any chance she could. The only real time you’d gotten alone with Jake after Monday had come in the car on the drive up to Frankenmuth for Thanksgiving. You had been nervous to see his family, especially Karen, and he had tried to calm your worries by making small talk. It had all felt a bit forced though, and by the time you’d arrived at the Kiszka home you hadn’t been too surprised when he had disappeared for several long minutes to the basement with his brothers. This had actually happened several times throughout the afternoon as you attempted to both help Karen in the kitchen and stay out of her way simultaneously. The smell of all the different foods mingling together hadn’t done much for your already weak stomach, yet you felt obligated to help considering none of the guys were. Twice you’d had to excuse yourself to go to the restroom, dry heaving behind the closed door until your tummy calmed. You weren’t sure you could handle actually eating anything, so when Karen announced it was time to eat and Jake and Sam reappeared suddenly, flanked shortly after by Josh you were hoping there wouldn’t be much fuss over what you did or didn’t eat. Jake knew you had been having trouble with your stomach, hell he fucking knew why, so you’d just assumed it wouldn’t be an issue when you’d barely put anything on your plate. And then you’d headed to find a spot at the table, catching Jake’s eye as you did and you just knew. Glossy eyes, reddened cheeks, he had been drinking. Again. 

When had that happened? He was sober on the drive up, you knew because otherwise he’d have had you drive the car. In the basement with his brothers? Is that why he’d left you alone most of the afternoon? Because he’d rather get drunk than be around you?

Or was it that he had to be drunk to be around you? Both of those options set a bit of panic through you, a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach as you took a seat and waited for Jake to find his way to you with his full plate. You felt reassured at first when he’d sat next to you, resting his hand over your thigh and running the pad of his thumb in circles against the material of your tights. You’d barely even paid attention as Kelly spoke about how grateful he and Karen were to have everyone home for the holiday, or when everyone had begun to eat because all you could focus on was the way his hand was gripping at your inner thigh. You had barely noticed that Josh had sat next to Jake and Sam next to you even until Jake cleared his throat in an obvious attempt to get your attention. Snapping out of the daze you’d been in, hyper aware of his touch and little to nothing else, you met his eyes with curiosity. 

“Is that all you’re planning to eat?” It was obvious he was trying to whisper, the low rasp in his voice the evidence of the whiskey he’d been drinking. 

“I can’t do all of the smells,” you whispered back softly, only loud enough for him to hear you, you hoped. 

“You need to eat more than that,” he responded, a forkful of potatoes being shoved into his mouth after. 

“Jake,” you pled quietly, hoping everyone else’s conversation would drowned out the two of you bickering back and forth. 

“SG. You have to eat. You haven’t today.” You thought he’d leave it at that, move on to eating his own food even but the look in his eye had changed and his neck was red now too from the flush of the alcohol he’d consumed. “For the baby at least.” 

No he didn’t. Right? He wouldn’t say that in such an obvious way, with the risk of his entire family hearing. Right? Because you’d agreed to only tell them once you were both ready and now sure as hell wasn’t that time. You opened your mouth to protest. Question him? Something. But he cut you off with a low growl again. “You have to eat for the baby at least, Y/n.”

You heard Sam huff next to you, grumbling out an “unbelievable” as his fork clanked down to his plate. 

Okay, so one Kiszka pissed off over space baby so far. Shit. 

“Jake,” Josh groaned, likely much louder than he intended. “You’re drunk, dude, and you’re being a fucking asshole. Are you going to act like this when the baby comes, too?” 

Well, that had been loud as fuck, you were pretty sure even the deaf lady at the Meijer in Detroit heard his loud mouth in that moment. 

“What?” You heard Karen croak, a sense of disbelief in her voice as all eyes turned toward where you and Jake sat now staring at Josh. 

“Fuck,” he mumbled, pressing his eyes shut momentarily. 

“Josh,” Jake managed, at a loss for words as they glared at one another. 

“Jacob?” Kelly’s voice was lower and more serious than you’d heard in a long while, so you figured then that meant there were far more Kiszka’s now upset over this baby than there were people excited or happy about it. You couldn’t sit there with all of his family just staring at you. As if you had single handedly ruined all of his dreams. All of their dreams. And you had, hadn’t you? 

That’s how it felt. 

“Y/n?” Karen asked then, moving on to you since neither Jake nor Josh had acknowledged her nor Kelly. 

“I…I’m…”

“I KNEW you would ruin everything,” Sam finally huffed, crossing his arms across his chest as he sat back in his chair and turned his face toward you. “I even told him you would find a way to-.”

“Samuel,” Karen, Kelly and Josh said in unison, Jake heaving out breath after breath next to you. With him not saying a damn thing, Karen and Kelly looking hurt and disappointed at you and Sam’s obvious anger, you couldn’t take any more. Standing abruptly as you pushed your chair from the table, you mumbled an ‘I’m so sorry’ before running from the kitchen and up the stairs to Jake and Josh’s old shared bedroom. You found yourself alone there, crying silently as you wrapped your arms around your torso. 

Why hadn’t Jake said anything during that entire ordeal? And where was he now, having another drink? You knew that thought was hardly fair, if the roles were reversed you'd be just as stressed over this as he seemed to be. Laying down on his old bed, you curled up as much as you could, sniffling as more tears fell. 

“This isn’t right,” you whispered to yourself, referring to the timing of everything. The fact that there was no happiness surrounding this baby, seemingly. The fact that everyone seemed to unanimously think you’d ruined Jake’s career.

Curling into yourself more, you cried until your eyes felt puffy and unable to produce any more tears. Unsure of how long that had been, you’d gone over just about every option in your head for what to do and had decided in haste that the entire Kiszka family probably hated you at this point. You fell asleep at one point, but you couldn’t pinpoint for how long because when you’d opened your eyes again, you were still alone in the darkness of the room. There had been no use turning a light on when you’d entered, and now it felt silly to get up and turn it on anyway. You heard the door creak open after being in that room alone for some time, Jake noisily padding in and pushing it shut. 

“SG,” he spoke as he moved toward the bed, pausing long enough to kick his shoes off you assumed before climbing up onto the bed and laying behind you. You sniffled as he shifted around, a new wave of tears threatening to spill over now that his presence was so close again. “Hey, don’t cry.” You knew he was just trying to comfort you, likely feeling bad for not saying shit back in the kitchen. 

“I’m not. I’m fine,” you lied, flinching away from his touch initially as he laid a hand against your hip. 

“Baby,” his voice was low still, his body snuggling closer as his hand settled again on your hip. “I’m sorry Josh blurted it out like that.” 

“No big deal,” you shrugged slightly, tucking both of your hands up under your chin. 

“But it is, you’re upset. He shouldn’t have done that.” 

“Well maybe,” you began, trying to ignore the way he seemed to hug himself to you. You could still smell the alcohol on his breath, so he had either been drinking since you’d left the kitchen or had just drank that much to begin with. “But have you considered I’m not upset over what he said. I’m upset over how you’ve been acting? Or maybe over the way everyone reacted when he said it? I feel like they all think I just got pregnant on purpose to ruin your life or something.” 

“No one thinks that,” he mumbled, his arm snaking around your waist to hold you closer. Each time he snuggled closer you tried to flinch away, wrapping yourself in such a tight ball you were uncomfortable. 

“If no one thinks that, then why can’t you be around me without drinking?” And then silence, Jake breathing heavily in your ear as he thought about how to answer. 

“Just complicated, SG.” He finally replied and that’s what he gave you? Unbelievable. Again you both lay in silence until he moved his hand up and curled it around one of yours, pulling it away from your face and bringing it down to rest along over your stomach. He guided both your hand and his to lay flat there, palms pressed against your belly as he nudged his nose against your ear. “M’sorry it seems that way.” 

In response, you moved his hand from where it lay. Entirely uncomfortable with that touch today, you pushed his hand to rest over your hip again. 

“Lemme love on m’girls, baby,” he sighed, moving his hand back to where it had been pressing against your stomach. 

“I don’t really want to be touched right now.” It wasn’t a lie, per se. You didn’t want to be touched the way he was touching you, it wasn’t helping the way you felt. You wanted to forget about what was going on currently, not be reminded of it every time he touched you. Jake sighed, hurt thinking you didn’t want him to touch you at all, and moved enough to give you space. 

Danny’s pov

Thanksgiving this year had been quiet, and honestly a little bit boring. Of course, seeing your family was great and Mom’s cooking was always delicious but you were tired of watching the same movie you watch every year with your sister and cousins. It wasn’t even that late, but you honestly felt like you could go to sleep if something exciting didn’t happen. Josie had just paused the movie to get everyone drink refills when your phone rang. It was probably Sam, his text at dinner telling you Josh had spilled the beans and now everyone knew that Y/n was pregnant. You’d choked on your bite of turkey, excusing yourself for a minute to calm down. What did that mean for the band? For Jake, you knew he was probably freaking out. And for Y/n, you wondered how she was doing in her position. All you had managed to text back was ‘damn, why am I the last to know’ before rejoining your family. Pulling your phone from your pocket, you saw her name scroll on the screen as your eyes widened. 

“Hello?” You asked once you’d accepted the call and brought the phone up to your ear as you stood from the couch and left the room. 

“Daniel?” She questioned softly, a sadness to her voice. 

“Hey, yeah, what’s up?” Was she having a fight with Jake? Usually she didn’t call you, hell or even text. Not that you expected that much of her, the two of you were friendly but not close and she’d only really messaged you a few times when you were on tour and those times had always been to check on Jake. 

It was always about Jake. 

“Sorry to bother you, I wasn’t sure who else to call. You’re not busy are you?” Why was she whispering? You could tell she was walking as she spoke, hushed tones of course and then a door shutting. 

“Not really, what’s up?” Should you tell her you knew her secret? Nah, not yet. 

“I…Jake is passed out and I just really want to go home. I was going to ask Josh but everyone’s been drinking. I know Detroit is like two hours, it’s. Nevermind. I shouldn’t have bothered you, it’s a holiday and you’re with your family.” 

“Hey, Y/n it’s not a big deal. You need a ride? I’m bored as hell anyway, we are watching Jim Carey’s The Grinch and I’ve seen it like eight hundred times at this point.” You heard her laugh lightly for a moment, a sound you’d really come to enjoy any time she hung out with the entire band. “I can drive you home if that’s what you need?” Why were you volunteering to drive two hours away for Jake’s girl-was she even his girlfriend? No, he had insisted plenty of times they weren’t together like that, whatever that meant. You were pretty certain it just meant Jake was a dumbass or a coward, because how could he not want to make her his girlfriend? He probably would now that she was pregnant, right? 

“Are you sure Daniel? I would hate for you to put yourself out.” 

“I’m positive, I’ll pick you up in five okay?” Hanging up, you rushed to grab your car keys, mumbling to Mom about hanging with friends on your way out before you’d found yourself speeding toward the Kiszka’s house. Y/n was standing outside when you pulled up, an oversized cardigan on over a short dress. Where the hell was her coat? 

“Hi, thank you,” she sighed, sliding into the passenger seat once you’d stopped and she had pulled the door open. You waited for her to get situated, shut the door, and put her belt on before pulling away from the curb and speaking. 

“Where’s your coat lady? It’s freezing out…” 

“Think I left it on the couch in the apartment because I didn’t have it on the drive up,” she gave a shrug, crossing her legs and turning toward you just slightly. “So you don’t like The Grinch?”

“Oh I love the cartoon, but I’ve seen the live action movie plenty. Plus, you needed a ride. I’d rather spend the time with you.” You both sat in silence then, you acutely aware of what you had said and her looking curious as to what you really meant. “Anyway,” you finally cleared your throat, driving toward the highway. “So Jake was passed out huh?” 

“Yeah,” her arms crossed over her chest as she studied your profile in the glow of oncoming traffic. “He got drunk before dinner, some shit happened and yeah. I dunno.” 

“Yeah…Sam messaged me, Y/n-.”

“Ugh, of course he did. Do you hate me now, too? Because all of the Kiszka’s do.” You heard the sadness in her voice, the way she looked away from you. How could anyone hate her? 

“Nah, no one hates you. Least of all me. And I know Jake doesn’t. Sam’s angry, mostly because we have so many shows scheduled already.” 

“Feels like they all hate me. I don’t think anyone noticed me leave.”

“Did you…leave a note for Jake or something?”

“Yeah, it’s whatever. Anyway.”

“Anyway…how, um how far along are you?” 

“I don’t really know…my appointment is tomorrow.”

“Oh,” you furrowed your brows, eyes darting over to glance at her before returning to the road. “How do you know you’re pregnant then?”

“Well. I’ve been sick. I took a test last week and it was positive.”

“Maybe it was wrong?”

“The second one was positive, too.” 

“Oh.” The rest of the drive was quiet, minus a few times you heard her sniffle. She watched the road out her window, a clear indication in your mind at least that she was probably crying and didn’t want you to know. You weren’t sure what to say, so you said nothing and just drove until you reached their apartment. You parked next to her car and killed the engine, jumping out to race around and open her door before she could. She gave you a shy smile at the gesture, walking in step with you all the way inside and up the stairs until reaching their apartment door. 

“Do you want to come in for a bit? It’s kind of a long drive back…” she offered, her head nodding toward the door before she fumbled with her keys and unlocked the knob. 

“Yeah, sure.” You followed her inside, moving out of the way so she could shut the door. 

“Make yourself at home, I’m just gonna change real quick.” Nodding, you made your way to the couch and sat down, looking around the space. She had definitely been the one keeping up on decorating and cleaning, her touch was evident everywhere you looked. You wondered what it felt like to be Jake, to have someone love you so much and either be clueless to it or careless with it. She deserved better, that much you knew. It wasn’t very long before she had emerged from her bedroom down the hall, oversized T-shirt and sleep shorts on. 

“Hey, you wanna watch a movie or something?” She was already plopping down onto the couch next to you, looking much less upset than when you had walked in. 

“We can for sure,” you agreed, watching as she grabbed the remote and flipped the tv on. After several minutes of playfully bickering about what movie to watch, you’d settled on Step Brothers. It was about twenty minutes in when you noticed her moving around a lot, obviously trying to get more comfortable than the way the two of you were sitting allowed. 

“Damn,” she sighed, tucking her feet up under her as her eyes remained on the screen. 

“You good?” 

“No, uncomfortable as fuck actually. I’ve been working so much and my back is killing me. I don’t think it helped that I wore heeled boots today.” 

“I’m sorry,” you frowned, wondering how to make it better. “You could lay down and put your feet in my lap if you want?”

“Thanks Daniel…would you maybe be comfortable watching the rest of the movie in my room? My bed is pretty roomy.” 

It didn’t take much convincing for you, you heard yourself agreeing enthusiastically without pause and then she was turning the tv off and standing to lead you back to her room. You’d never been in her bedroom, really you’d had no reason to have been. Firstly, Jake had laid any and all claims to her before you’d even met her. And secondly, you two weren’t that close. However, you weren’t surprised at the organization or the decoration, it fit her completely and she had been telling the truth about her bed. It was roomy enough that you both comfortably could lay side by side, propped up on the pillows without touching unless you chose to. 

God did you want to. 

Most of the movie was spent in silence, one or both of you laughing here and there. You noticed the longer the movie went on the more comfortable she grew until she had settled on her side, almost curled up against you. You had gotten comfortable too, eventually moving to your side also which left you both looking directly at one another when you weren’t focused on the movie. Eventually, the movie simply became background noise as you both talked. 

“So my dad drops the entire pan of mac and cheese and my mom is yelling because there’s noodles and cheese everywhere. Dad’s yelling because his hands are burnt and my older brother is laughing about the entire thing. She never made mac and cheese again,” she finished, giggling some as she recalled a happy memory about her dad. 

“Bet you really miss him around the holidays, huh?” 

“Yeah…” she frowned and you couldn’t help but reach out and cup her cheek for a moment before allowing your hand to fall away and come to rest gently over her hip. 

“He would be proud of who you are,” you weren’t sure why you felt the need to say all that, but you had and it seemed worth it considering the way she smiled after. 

“Thanks, Danny. And thanks for the ride home. Hanging out. It’s been nice.” 

“Yeah, any time you know? I… I enjoy spending time with you,” you couldn’t help but smile shyly. God why were you like this? You knew on her birthday you were definitely developing some type of crush, knowing now that she was possibly pregnant with Jake’s baby should deter you from that. But here you were laying in her bed with her, hand on her hip in a much more intimate fashion than it should’ve been. 

“Same. But really it’s been a nice distraction tonight from everything else.”

“I agree,” you replied, studying her face for a moment before leaning in and pressing your lips softly to hers. What the hell had compelled you to do that? Jake was going to kill you, murder in the first degree. Cold blood. You knew it to be true because you couldn’t even bring yourself to stop, deepening the kiss when she didn’t pull away. Your lips moved against hers, your hand curling around her hip as you guided her to her back and situated yourself over her with one leg between hers. At the same time, her hand came out to rest against your chest. You took the liberty of lapping your tongue along her lips, waiting for her to part them before licking into her mouth as you pressed your thigh against her heat. In response, you felt her gasp as you rolled your hips, grinding yourself against her thigh. You hungrily made out with her, caught up in the moment as you pressed your thigh against her firmly. You felt her move, creating friction where your body connected with hers. Your hand traveled down and gripped her thigh, pulling her even closer as her back arched and her mouth fell away from yours. 

“Jake,” she moaned softly, both the best and worst sound you could’ve ever heard. On one hand, you were 99% sure you’d just made her orgasm by dry humping. On the other hand, she’d said Jake’s name and even though physically you were there with her you knew where she was in her heart and mind. And who she belonged to. Yet, you wanted more. Your hand gripped roughly at her thigh again, dipping your head in to resume kissing her when she hissed in response to the way you had grabbed her. 

Well that wasn’t a good reaction. 

“I’m sorry,” you panted, the pained look on her face causing a bit of confusion. You moved away, sitting up and giving her space. 

“No it’s. It’s fine I just,” she spoke, lifting up slightly and twisting in an effort to peer back where your hand had been. You followed her lead, your eyes landing on the bare skin of her thigh where her shorts had ridden up and your hand had gripped her. Beneath where your large palm had sat was a slightly bruised welt, the obvious shape of a hand that clearly wasn’t yours. You knew there was absolutely no way you had done that, and the print was too large to be hers. 

“Oh,” you frowned as she grimaced, her petite hand pulling the material of her shorts down to cover it. “Did. Did Jake do that?” 

“Yeah,” she mumbled softly, clearing her throat as she refused to look you in the eye. Her cheeks flamed a deep red, lips worried into a thin line. 

“Is he. Does he,” you couldn’t believe you were about to ask this, but your mind wasn’t thinking things through before you spoke. “Did he h-.”

“He didn’t hurt me,” Y/n cut you off, finally meeting your line of sight. “We were just…yanno.” 

“Right. Yeah, of course…” Did you know? Did you even want to? 

“You should go, it’s getting pretty late.” 

Oh. Well, okay. You tried not to feel offended, sure she was mostly just embarrassed now. 

“Yeah. Okay, yeah.” You sat up, moving to the edge of her bed as she also sat up. 

“Danny..”

“Hmm?” 

“Can we…can you not tell Jake about this, please? He’ll kill us both.” 

“Of course,” you agreed, standing as you slid your feet into your shoes. “I’ll see ya around.” You couldn’t wait to leave that apartment, how had things gotten so awkward so quick when you had just been kissing her five minutes before? 

Damn. You had just kissed her. 

✨ 

SG

You had woken up later than expected, the front door slamming shut having woken you. You must’ve snoozed your alarm to the point it had just shut off because your alarm had been turned off when you’d checked. It had been Jake coming in, Josh behind him as he ambled down the hall calling your name and then wrapping his arms tightly around you when you’d padded out into the hall to see what all of the fuss was about. He had apologized for getting drunk, for giving you grief for not eating as much and simply not understanding or trying to understand how you had been feeling. This had only made you feel worse for what had happened with Danny the night prior, guilt eating away at you all morning as you showered together and slowly got ready to head to the clinic for your appointment. Jake had been extra attentive, insisting on washing your hair in the shower, brushing and braiding it after. Helping you clasp your necklace, insisting upon putting your boots on for you. He had even picked out the sweater you wore. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he was either sucking up or doing more than necessary as an apology for the way he had been acting. 

And then there was you, so guilty you were nauseous letting him do any of these things. 

The drive to the clinic had been mostly quiet, and you prayed you wouldn’t have much of a wait or that the waiting room wouldn’t be packed. Luckily there had only been one person aside from you waiting, and you’d been taken back pretty quickly. After taking your vitals and a brief medical history, where you had to embarrassingly admit to your past struggles with food and depression, the nurse had taken a few vials of blood while explaining that it would yield a more accurate result than the urine tests. And then the two of you had been left to wait, alone, in the small exam room. 

“Have you thought about which shows you’ll be able to come to?” Jake was trying to make small talk, as if this were just any normal appointment, as you sat on the exam bed and studied your nails. 

“Huh? Oh um not yet no.” 

“You okay, baby? I know you’re nervous but, I’m here with you,” he reassured, moving his chair a bit closer to the exam bed and reaching out for your hand. You let him hold it, his fingers stretching and manipulating your own until the door opened and a short middle aged man walked in. 

“Ms. Y/l/n?” He raised an eyebrow as he pressed the door shut. “Y/n Y/l/n?”

“Yes,” you confirmed, shaking his hand when he offered it out to you.  

“Dr. Harrison. Can you confirm your birthday for me?” 

“Oh, yeah. 7/4/96.” You replied softly as he released your hand and turned to pull the stool out from under the small work table over toward where you sat. He glanced over the file in his hand as he did, nodding to himself. 

“And who is this gentleman?”

“Oh um this is m-uh…”

“Jake,” Jacob interjected, holding his hand out and in turn shaking Dr. Harrison’s hand as well.

“Nice to meet you both. My nurse tells me you’re in office today to confirm pregnancy after,” he glanced down at his paper work again briefly. “Two positive home tests, is that correct Ms. Y/n?” 

“Yeah.” You swallowed hard, feeling your cheeks flush. The room was incredibly hot suddenly. 

“And you have the Nexplannon implant, correct?” 

“I do.” 

“How long have you had that?” 

“Um close to two years? I was having regular periods and then I missed a few, or they were more spotting and…”

“And then she’s been super nauseous,” Jake added, taking your hand in his again. “Really tired and achey also.” 

“I suppose that’s what led to the tests? We performed an hcg test with the blood my nurse took and your numbers are within a normal range of a negative pregnancy test.”

“Um…okay.” 

“So…we aren’t pregnant?” Jake asked, frowning slightly. 

“Correct. Now generally this can mean a few things, mostly faulty tests or expired tests. Were they different tests?”

“Well. No, they were from the same package.” Dr. Harrison hummed as he wrote some things on the files he had, continuing to talk as he did. 

“It’s likely they could have expired. Now, let’s talk about your birth control. You mentioned having regular periods that eventually became more spotting and irregular.”

“Yes.”

“With the implant you shouldn’t necessarily be experiencing that. It can indicate failure to work, I suggest an alternate birth control, we can set up removal and go over some options with you if you’d like.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, that would be great.” Dr. Harrison went about doing the normal routine any doctor would, a brief physical exam as he asked a few more questions and then instructed you to make a separate appointment to have your implant removed and start a different birth control, reminding you before he left to use condoms and be safe. You stopped to make the next appointment before leaving and then headed home. The drive was again quiet, a weird heaviness in the air between the two of you as Jake drove. 

“I have a band practice in about an hour at a space downtown. If you want to come. Or I can take you home.” 

“Home please, I’d like to take a nap.” Jake gave a nod, glancing at you briefly. The rest of the drive was just as quiet as before and once you’d arrived home you made quick work of changing and crawling into bed. Jake had sat watching you, seemingly admiring your body as you changed from the jeans and sweater you’d had on. He laid down next to you after, leaning in and kissing your lips gently. His hand came up to cup your cheek, thumb caressing over the high point of your cheek as the two of you stared at one another. He left shortly after, promising to be home before it got too late and pressing another sweet kiss to the corner of your mouth. 

Jake

“She seems off.” You mumble to yourself, shaking your head as you start the ignition. Surely Y/n was just as, if not more, disappointed by today’s appointment. While both scared, it was something you deep down wanted with her. 

But her behavior wasn’t that of grief, almost shameful in a way. Was she ashamed of not being pregnant but having the symptoms? It wasn’t her fault, so you spent the drive to practice figuring out how to make sure she knew such. Your thoughts raced, hindering your driving as you zoned out and missed several turns making you a half hour late, give or take. 

You park next to Josh, killing the engine and walking to the door, taking a deep breath before wrapping your fingers around the knob. It was oddly quiet on the other side, usually when one was late they still did something. Hesitantly, you push the door open, all three of them sitting there staring. If you didn’t know any better, you’d assume they staged an intervention. You weren’t that bad. 

“Sorry, missed a few turns.” You shrugged, taking your guitar off its stand and throwing the strap over your shoulder. Still, they sat in their spots silently, seemingly glaring at you. “So… we should probably work on Age of Man? Sam’s intro is strong but you,” you point to Josh, “keep coming in late and it sounds sloppy.” 

Josh huffs and rolls his eyes, landing on Sam before raising his eyebrows. 

“Right, yeah,” Sam walks towards his keyboard and sits down, waiting for everyone to be ready. 

For the first time since you guys wrote the damn song, Josh comes in on time. That didn’t stop Danny from missing his cue, in turn messing you up. You strike a nasty chord to get their attention, their instruments slowly fizzling out. 

“What the fuck was that, Danny?” You snapped, shooting eyes at him. 

“Huh? I’m sorry I just-”

“Don’t know how to count? I expect more from you.” 

“Okay… Sorry.” Danny responded hushed as he looked down at his sticks, gently and nervously tapping them on the rim. 

“Now can we start again but do it right this time? Shit’s ridiculous.” You mumbled, pushing your hair behind your ear as Sam started again. 

“And it wards away the ancient fears,” Josh comes in on time. 

Fears. Fears. Fears. That’s all it was. You were fearful, and so was she. It wasn’t her fault, it just wasn’t the right time, the universe knew that. 

“Hello? Earth to Jake?” Josh waves his hands in front of your face.

“Huh?” 

“No way you just bitched Danny out for coming in late and you didn’t come in at all.” Sam scoffs, spinning back around before you can give him a death glare. 

“I’m sorry, just thinking about a lot right now.” You shrug, pointing the apology more towards Danny. “One more go, for real.” 

Sam starts the intro for a third time, sounding beautiful as ever. Josh comes in on time, Danny perfectly, and you make your cue. Well, tried to at least. The A string snaps, causing a sound almost as nasty as the welt that quickly formed across your knuckles. 

“Fucking cunt!” Yelling, you quickly remove your guitar and toss it on the couch, holding your left hand with your right, rubbing your thumb over the bright red welt in attempts to soothe it. Tears well in your eyes, more out of anger than anything. Angry at the situation but not her, it isn’t her fault. 

“Jake? You good?” Josh comes over, pulling your hand towards him to see the damage.

“Just one thing after another piling onto my plate of fucking issues.” You mumble, tilting your head back to keep the tears from flooding. 

“Hey, why don’t we just take a break? C’mere,” Josh ushers you to sit on the couch as he moves your guitar to its stand. Danny and Sam keep looking between one another and you, almost like they want to say something. 

“I can’t do this, Josh.” You sigh, wiping your face with your hands.

“It’ll be okay, dude. We’ll figure it all out, like touring and stuff. I know you didn’t want kids, esp-”

“I wanted this with her and she’s just… not pregnant.” You choke out in a whisper, the tears you worked so hard to keep in falling anyways. 

“What? But she- I…?” 

“She’s not pregnant, Josh.” You whisper again, Danny and Sam still staring. They couldn’t hear you, that being made apparent.

“I’ll be the daddy,” Danny giggled, looking to Sam for approval. 

“Damn, is that why you pulled a move on her last night?” Sam replied a little too loud, Danny hitting his arm with a straight face. 

“I’m sorry, you did what?” You glare towards Danny. If looks could kill, he would be dead where he sat. 

“I told you she was for the streets, Jake. Her and Danny got steaaamy last night!” 

“Sam! What the fuck is your issue? Actually?” Josh pushes up from the couch, ready to stop you. He couldn’t, you’ve always been stronger than him. 

“What the fuck are you on about, you pricks?” You stand up too, Josh trying to push you back. 

“Jake, just sit down. We can talk about this.” Danny stands up from his kit, walking closer towards Sam’s keyboard to create distance. 

“What the fuck did you do?” Anger painted your face, filling you until you spilled over. 

“Just kiss- we only kissed.” Danny swallows harshly, fear in his eyes. 

“Um… didn’t y’all hump each other?” Sam added, one eyebrow raised. 

“HUMPED?” Oh, you were furious. A kiss would be one thing, it would be hard to look past but you’d eventually get over it. But humping? Who did he think he was? 

“Jake,” 

“You have got to be kidding me. I fucking knew something was up when she was gone this morning.” All you see is red as you grab your guitar off the stand. “Fuck you. Fuck all of you.” You throw your guitar across the room, smashing it to pieces mere inches away from Danny’s body against the wall. They all stood frozen as you stormed out of the room, not a single word exchanged as far as you could hear. 

You sat in the car for a few minutes before peeling out of the parking lot, heading for somewhere more quiet where they wouldn’t find you to cool off before going home. You couldn’t go home angry after everything today. Even after what she did, that still wasn’t fair to her. 

A new kind of feeling found its way instilled in you. Sure, you’d mourned before, several times before, even. The death of family or close family friends, the death of Bill. None of it amounted to this feeling. Mourning the loss of what could have been in so many ways. 

You keep driving in a direction you don’t recognize as the thoughts race, some that you felt remorseful for even thinking of. Wanting to beat the shit out of Danny, most notably. You really liked him, truly. He’s the only one of Sam’s friends who wasn’t a douchebag, at least you thought so until now. Did he coerce her? Take advantage of her? 

Next was wanting to drown your thoughts with a bottle of cheap liquor. A craving burned deep inside of you, your mouth salivating at the mere thought of whatever you could get your hands on. You know it makes her upset, especially when she made the comment about needing liquor to deal with her. A creature of your own habits and viscious cycles, you can’t help it. Too stubborn to admit your feelings, let alone talk about them, all you knew was to turn to the bottle.

A lot of doubt swarmed your mind. Did she even like you? Sure she’s hinted at it, but neither of you have ever came out and said it directly. Maybe she just likes not being at home with her miserable mother, somehow finding your sorry ass less miserable. Bringing a baby into something so unstable wouldn’t have been fair to either party involved. You couldn’t stop drinking for Y/n, what made you think you’d be able to stop drinking for a baby?

You find your way to a bike trail, parking your car in one of the handful of spots with worn out lines. Getting out, you bask in the silence of nature as it grows eerie. It was almost too quiet, but not for long. 

It all sets in. No baby, Danny making a move on your girl, smashing your guitar. All of it. Everything was slowly slipping through your fingers one day at a time as you desperately tried holding onto what was left in your hands. It was like grasping onto rope, fists wet with emotions you’d held in for so long. She had been helping you win this game of tug-of-war, but it felt now she, amongst others, were pulling on the other side for themselves. The rope burning your palms with each tug, ripping through your skin until it bled you dry. 

All you can do is yell. Frustration, anger, loss. Emptying your lungs of their air, you feel you’re about to pass out. So much pent up emotion finally coming out in one go, it’s unfortunate what’s caused it. The air cools the anger off your cheeks and nature resumes as the sound of birds chirping sound in the distance. 

Now you just feel dumb for mourning the loss of things that never existed. Getting so angry over the mere thought of things was useless. Y/n had forgiven you for so much in the past, the least you could do was hope she’d bring it up first, forgive and forget. She deserves the same forgiveness she’s granted you so many times. Ultimately, this one mistake of hers amounts to nothing you’ve put her through. If she wanted to work on things, that was okay with you, but part of you wondered if Danny would be better for her in ways. A less dysfunctional family, not to mention Josie loves her which was more than you could say for your own siblings. Although he loved her now, you’d never forget when she opened up about Josh yelling at her in the cafe for leading you on, or the many of times Sam has treated her like absolute garbage. She doesn’t deserve that. More importantly, you don’t deserve her. 

You make your way back to your car, reaching into your pocket for your wallet. You slide out a little photo of her you’d slipped in there months ago for good luck during traveling, running your thumb over the worn edges. So many times you’d found yourself in this position, taking in every detail of her in this photo wishing she were beside you. 

“I’m so sorry, my beloved,” You sigh, tucking the photo back into your wallet before making your way back home. You look at the radio wondering how so much happened in less than an hour. 

The entire drive was spent white-knuckling the steering wheel, attempting to rid your anger before returning to her. More desperate for answers than silence, you call Danny, hoping he’ll answer. It rang six times before he picked up, the hesitation of his actions very prominent as he spoke first. 

“Jake? Everything, uh, o-okay?” Danny sounds like there’s a gun to his head and someone holding cards for him to read. 

“I need to know everything that happened,” you sigh followed by a deep breath before continuing, “I won’t be mad, I just need to know.” 

He laid everything down for you in a mess of words, proceeding hesitantly as he tried to read your emotion with each sentence. Angry didn’t scratch the surface, yet you still remained calm. 

“We were kind of, well, we were grinding against each other…” 

“Did you fuck my girl?” The first words you spoke since he began explaining the situation spilled out before you could stop yourself. 

“N-no, Jake I would never do that.” 

You pulled into your parking spot next to the apartment, throwing the car in park as you pried more information out of him. 

“Y/n finished,” Danny’s open ended thought only fueled the rage boiled beneath your skin. 

“But?” 

“But it was your name she said. Like it was the only one she knew, Jake, and then she made me go home immediately.” 

Silence. She still thought of you and that ripped right through your chest. No matter how horrible you were, she somehow always came back to you. It didn’t make sense. 

You won’t dare mention it first, only hoping she’d be honest enough to tell you. Guilt creeps up on you, though. Would you have told her about Brooke or that other chick had she not caught you? In your defense, she didn’t know them. Everyone knows what happened between her and Danny. 

Dragging your feet behind you and finding your way to the front door of your home is odd. Having to enter the shared space knowing everything that took place in the short time you were away from her feels wrong, like you don’t belong. Regardless, you finally push the door open slowly, peering in before even taking a step. There she sits, in all her glory, at the kitchen table. She looks up, sadness in her eyes but a smile tugging the corners of her mouth. 

“Hi,” She offers coyly, nervously biting her bottom lip while shutting her laptop. You smile in response, awkwardly waving your hand. 

Y/n furrows her brows and tilts her head, pushing herself up from her seat to approach you. You wanted to run, but you found yourself unable to simply breathe as she entered your bubble, a hand on either bicep. 

“You okay? Practice usually goes a bit longer,” She smooths her hands down your arms until she reaches your hands. Still, you’re unable to reciprocate her actions. 

All you could do was look at her as you fought back tears in the process, ultimately failing. Unable to keep your lip from quivering, or the tears from pooling in your eyes, you tilt your head back to hide it. She knows better, wrapping her arms around your torso, rubbing her hands up and down your back. Eventually you hugged her back. 

She deserves grace, too. 

“Why?” You mutter into her hair. You hadn’t meant to, but it came out anyway. Her hands still as she pulls you closer, so close it feels you might become one. The wet warmth of her tears soaks the front of your shirt, she knows she can’t ignore it. 

“I-I wanted you,” SG chokes out. 

“Y/n, I was there,” You let go, pulling away to look at her, tear stained cheeks staring back at you. 

“You were drunk, Jake. It just, it feels like-” 

“Feels like?” You prod, raising your eyebrows. 

“I dunno, it’s dumb,” 

“Okay, but you do know, Y/n. We can’t just ignore the elephant in the room.” Your voice grew loud, you didn’t feel bad until her lip quivered and she stepped back. 

“It’s like you’d rather be drunk than to even bother with me. Sam hates me and you never stick up for me.” Her face is red, more so with frustration versus anger. 

“That’s not true,” A frown forms as you drop your shoulders. “SG, that’s not true.” 

“Then why do you drink, Jake?” 

The age old question. Why do you drink? You couldn’t answer that question even if you wanted to. Maybe it was the taste or the ability to forget, who knew? 

“I was scared.” 

“And you think I wasn’t?” 

“I know you were, I’m sorry, Y/n.” You close the space between the two of you successfully, holding your arms out as an invite. She slowly approaches like a stray cat, her arms folded across her chest as she falls into your chest. 

“I’m sorry about Danny,” She starts, followed by a deep breath. “I wasn’t thinking, I just-”

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s my fault for not being there for you.” 

A moment of silence follows the sentiment as she finally lets her arms fall to her sides before eventually bringing them around your torso. 

“Will we be okay?” Y/n mumbles into your chest. 

“We’ll always be okay, baby,” You assure, bringing your hand to rest at the nape of her neck. “Do you wanna take a nap?” 

“With you?” SG hesitates, looking up at you. 

“Yes, with me, goofball. I mean, as long as you want?” 

She obliges, following behind you to your room. You ask to braid her hair so it doesn’t get knotted and offer to massage her legs and feet. Anything you could think of to make it up to her. The massage had her nearly asleep, only stopping when she nudged your hands away with the opposite foot. She reached her hands out for you and you crawled up to lay next to her. Maybe everything could be okay. 

“I really am sorry, Jacob.” She whispers. 

“I am, too,” You pull her closer and press a kiss on the top of her head. Neither of you needed to say it, there was an unspoken understanding after that to not mention either instance. That was okay and honestly much preferred.

November 30th, 2017

Where you felt things would be okay, they were far from it. Over the course of a week Y/n had slowly worked herself back into her shell. She blamed it on work and needing to study, yet somehow it felt deeper than that. After mentioning not seeing her much she tried to make an effort to spend time with you where she could. She only slept next to you a couple of times, last night being one of them. 

Leaving her is the hardest part of what you do. You knew she wouldn’t be able to catch any shows, but that didn’t stop you from asking her anyways. She started answering your calls less and less as the days went on and you began to wonder if she’d even be home when you returned. Danny seemed to be on his phone a bit more, you tried to shove the jealousy aside because if it was her he spoke to, at least it meant she was taken care of. In the end, that’s all that truly matters to you. 

December 16th, 2017

“You should fly down for our show Monday,” You suggest between bites of a Subway sandwich. “We play Mercy Lounge both nights. I-I can fly you here and then you can drive back up with us?” You were desperate for her addictive presence, the lack of sleep without her beside you doing a number. 

“Winter break doesn’t start until Friday, I have exams I can’t miss.” 

“SG… I haven’t seen you in over two weeks!” 

“Jake,” She sighs tiredly. You can’t tell if the exhaustion comes from talking to you or her busy schedule. 

“I’m sorry, Space Girl. Just missin’ you, is all.” Silence tugs your heart as you hold your breath and wait for her to return the sentiment, anticipating she won’t. 

“I miss you, too, Strings. I can’t wait for you to come home.” 

Strings. Home. Music to your ears. 

There wasn’t much sustenance to the rest of the conversation but that didn’t matter nearly as much as simply hearing her voice. She rambled on about her photography class, and while you didn’t understand a thing she was saying you still offered ears. The two of you texted off and on throughout the night until ultimately you were talking to yourself. She’d fallen asleep, or at least you told yourself that to feel better about the fact you couldn’t without her beside you. 

You: We’ll be home the 21st

You: ish… 

You: Good night Space Girl

December 19th, 2017

Today was off to a good start. SG texted you letting you know she could catch your set tonight if you called her. You’d made it a thing not to play Mountain of the Sun unless she was there, physically or FaceTime. Fans would shout for it often and Josh would find a one off joke as to why you guys couldn’t play it. To be honest, the setlist had grown tired after a while. Mom insisted you started creating setlists, that taking time between each song to figure out where to go next wasn’t professional. You guys came up with a solid list and sort of stuck to it, the only exception being SG’s song. 

You called her and she answered immediately, propping your phone up against your case before shuffling onto stage. Everything felt right for the first time in a long time. The show felt electric more than ever, periodically peering over to catch her watching. She, as usual, was so gorgeous with her head propped up with her hands. You couldn’t wait to get home, so much so you tried convincing the boys you could drive home tonight versus leaving tomorrow. 

It was no surprise the boys wanted to sleep instead of packing up and getting on the road. You sat up eagerly until the early hours of the morning mindlessly swapping between apps until your eyes grew tired, well past the time everyone else fell asleep. Eventually you decided to force your eyes shut at the realization of the time. It was hard to sleep when excitement was bursting through your body the same it had in elementary school the night before a field trip. Y/n had that effect on you.

Naturally as the last asleep, you were the last awake, Josh shoving your shoulder as you weren’t waking up on your own any time soon. Mumbling for five more minutes, you tried ignoring him but Josh wouldn’t let up. 

“C’mon, Jake.” He shoved you nearly off the bed this time. 

Groggily, you sit up and rub your eyes before checking the time. It was ten in the morning meaning by nine her time, she’d be in your arms again. Knowing you’d get to see her before you went to bed again felt like a weight off your shoulders, one less thing to stress about. Y/n was all the motivation you needed to get out of bed, shuffling to shove all of your belongings into your duffel bag that still faintly smelled of home. 

Later that day

The drive is going painstakingly slow, or maybe it’s Josh’s persistent yapping that makes it feel that way. 

“I just think we could utilize this time to stop and get cool, one of a kind gifts!” Josh exclaims, waving his hands about. All you can think is thank god he’s not the one behind the wheel. 

You were never one to like taking breaks beyond getting gas, especially now that SG is the final destination. There wasn’t much of a choice for you this time around, Danny and Sam entertaining Josh’s idea made sure of that. Josh directs Sam to take the next exit, insisting we drive around until something catches someone’s eye. It’s a matter of minutes before you, of all people, spot a store. 

“Right there,” You point to the old building. If it weren’t for the couple of cars parked out front, you would have assumed this place was out of business. Hidden Treasures in big western letters sits above the rickety wooden door frame. 

“Jake… I said something cool.” Josh shoves you followed by a giggle. For it not being cool enough, he sure is quick to be the first one out of the car. 

You and the other two follow shortly after. Pushing the wood door open you’re met with a very specific scent. One you can’t quite put your finger on. It almost reminds you of your grandparent’s house, the way it always smells clean but not chemically, hints of church perfume, mothballs and purse mints lingering on the furniture. You close your eyes for a second, remembering how it felt the first time you visited them and could remember. It was right before that trip to Gun Lake, the trip SG was on well before you knew her. As if the signs couldn’t be any clearer, you open your eyes and land on a shelf of cameras. She liked those, and while you didn’t know too much about them, you know just the person who does.

“Hey, Josh! C’mere!” 

Shuffling commences before he’s beside you. 

“Yeah? What’s- ohh…” He smirks, elbowing your side. “Which one are you lookin’ at, lover boy?” 

“One, don’t call me that. Two, I don’t know. That’s why I’m disturbing my peace by having you over here.” 

“Okay, okay, sheesh…” Josh doesn’t say anything after. He begins picking up each camera one by one, inspecting every inch. He gravitates towards one in particular and you can’t tell if he likes it for himself or Y/n. 

“I think this Canon EOS Rebel would be really good for her. She can take videos on it, too, if she wants,” Josh glances towards you before averting his attention back to the camera. “Actually, forget I said that. I’d like to sleep at night.” 

He definitely saw the smirk, but you don’t care. Even if she didn’t want to do… that… with the camera, maybe she would create short films while you were away or something. 

Sam found a jewelry box for Mom, along with some vintage looking jewelry to go with it. Danny picked up some poor old soul’s rare golf memorabilia, of which you were unsure he’d be willing to let go of and actually gift to his dad or not. Josh hadn’t gotten anything, which was funny considering it was his idea. He’d found his way towards some old movies you thought for sure he’d give in a get for himself, and when he walked away you went and grabbed the one he was lingering on. 

Paris Is Burning. 

It sounded a little odd to you, but Josh was always into odd things, so you bought it to give him on Christmas. 

A few more rotations, bathroom breaks and one diner later, you were finally home. A light dusting of snow coats everything, SG’s car included meaning she’s been home waiting. Sam and Danny skipped the last two rotations so they could drive home. Josh tried convincing you to let them stay the night, but the snow wasn’t coming down bad and they didn’t want to share the couch again. The last time they tried, Sammy lost and ended up on the floor. 

“Alright, love ya guys, drive safe. Text the group chat when you guys get home,” You hug them, holding onto Sam a little longer than usual. Josh tells them he’ll bring the equipment back to the office tomorrow, his rambling fading out as you run inside. 

Just outside the door you hear shuffling around in the kitchen paired with fairly loud music and the smell of something baking. You take the opportunity to quietly open the door and creep into the apartment, her back towards you as she’s leaning over the counter. It looks like she’s frosting cookies, humming to Only Angel. She’s been listening to that album on repeat since it came out back in May, and you hate to admit it but it quickly became one of your favorites, too. 

Walking up behind her, you wrap your arms around her waist, causing her to jump. Every muscle in her body tenses before she realizes who’s touching her. She drops the cookie in her hand onto the counter, resting her hands on your forearms as she tilts her head back. You take the opportunity to kiss the side of her neck, trailing down to her shoulder. 

“Hi, Strings…” She giggles, spinning around to face you. 

“Hi, baby,” You press your foreheads together, ghosting your lips over hers. As you lean in to kiss her, Josh enters with his absolutely divine timing. The two of you release one another, turning to watch Josh’s movements. He brought in the bag you got from that little shop, placing it on the dining room table. 

“Hi, Miss Starletta, I missed you!” He pecks her on the cheek, followed by a quick hug. “You make these?” 

“Yes,” She nods with a smile. Josh doesn’t need to say anything, she already knew his next question. “And yes, you can have one.” 

“Oh you are the greatest! If he doesn’t marry you, I will!” Josh smirks. 

“Not if I kill you first.” You say, smacking him in the arm with the back of your hand. 

“Ow! Okay, okay. Anyways, I’m going to a friend’s house, just wanted to let you know before I take off.” 

Josh doesn’t leave enough time for a response as he grabs his keys and heads out the door. You grab Y/n and resume your previous position. 

“Where were we?” You ask, your lips nearly touching hers. She takes the initiative, closing the space between your mouths. She tastes so sweet, like frosting and coffee. 

Wanting to see her, you pull away. She pouts at the loss of contact. You rub your thumb over her bottom lip and kiss her forehead. 

“I missed you so much, Y/n.” 

“I missed you, too. I’m sorry I couldn’t visit,” She sighs, bringing her forehead to your chest. “I couldn’t sleep without you, I really missed you.” 

You think about how sudden everything was. From thinking she was pregnant, the fight at Thanksgiving, the Danny situation, and going right back to touring so abruptly. She’s been through so much in such a short period of time and you hadn’t been there for any of it, really. It was time to take care of her again, show her how much she means before she becomes the one that got away. 

“Then let’s get to bed,” You suggest, grasping at her hips. 

“Hm, can we smoke first?” Her puppy dog eyes will be the death of you. 

“Do you have some left?” You remember leaving her a baggy with a note on it.

In case of emergency.

“Uh-uh, I smoked it to help me sleep.” She wraps her arms tighter around your torso, nuzzling her nose into your chest. 

Her POV 

Jake loosens his hold on you, rustling around in his pocket before you hear the sound of his phone unlocking. His arms still held you as he typed behind your back, each movement being felt against you. 

“Who ya texting?”

“Harrison,” He says like you’re supposed to know who that was. You pay attention, somehow remembering every name and face you’ve met at his events. “He’s the guy I get weed from.” 

“Will he make you get in his car again…?” You remember the guy, just never got his name as far as you were concerned. 

“Umm… No, but I do have to go to his apartment.” 

That somehow made you feel worse. 

“We.” You correct, pulling away from his chest. 

“You comin’ with?” 

“Well I sure as shit don’t want you going alone.” 

“Touché, Space Girl, touché.” 

You quickly run to your room throwing a pair of sweatpants that were definitely his over your sleep shorts and his Frankenmuth High crew neck. 

The drive was peaceful, passing time with conversation about the tour and some ideas they had for the upcoming album. You missed him, and you missed this. Driving with your boy and listening to him talk. It doesn’t matter where the destination is, just as long as you have him by your side. He’d helped a lot with your anxiety while driving before he left for tour, but never lets you drive when he’s home. You missed getting to be the passenger princess with his hand on your knee. 

To your very pleasant surprise, the apartment was in one of the nicer neighborhoods. It felt like a weight being lifted off your chest as Jake turned into the complex, pulling into a parking space in front of apartment 1D. You can’t help but giggle at the little detail. 

“What?” He giggles, squeezing your knee before letting go to kill the engine. 

“1D, like One Direction.” You laugh. 

“Y’know… I never noticed that,” Jake leans over to kiss your cheek. 

He’s quick to get your door, intertwining his fingers with yours as he leads you to the front door. Watching Jake knock on the door without lifting his arm should not have gotten you the way it did, but something about the action had your center warm with need. He was effortlessly sexy all of the time. 

“Hey, Jay! Who’s the pretty lady?” 

You look at Jake puzzlingly before extending your hand and offering your name. He tells you his name is Harrison, and in better lighting you see he is not what you expected. Six something white boy with dorky glasses and a buzz cut. He directs you guys to sit on the couch while he goes into a room down the hall.

“Why’d he call you Jay?” You whisper into Jake’s ear. 

“To be honest, he used to call me Josh and when I corrected him, I think he misheard me.” 

“And you didn’t correct him again?” 

Jake shrugs and diverts his attention back to the way Harrison went. There Harrison stands at the end of the hallway with a girl around your height beside him. 

“Y/n, this is my girlfriend, Eva.” He only looks at you for a second before directing his speech to Jake. “I figured the girls could keep one another busy while we do our thing.” Harrison shrugs and waves Jake over. Eva takes Jake’s spot next to you on the sofa, nearly just as close. You watch the boys walk back down the hallway. 

“So…” Eva starts, bringing her leg up on the couch as she turns to face you. “You Jake’s girlfriend?” 

Your body freezes, unsure how to answer. Technically, the two of you were nothing more than best friends who fucked… You weren’t not dating, but you definitely weren’t dating. Every time you thought he was close to asking, he just never did. It felt like you guys were dating, but yes would be the wrong answer. 

“It’s… Very complicated right now,” You curl your lips in and nod your head awkwardly. Not really the kind of conversation you want to be having with a stranger, that’s for sure. 

“Psh, girl, he’d be dumb not to date you.” Eva gently hits your shoulder with the back of her hand. The scent of her perfume trails behind her. She smells like marshmallows, vanilla and a hint of coconut. 

“You think so?” The blush was rising to your cheeks. What was happening?

“I know so. He’s mentioned you before, and he shows us pictures all the time. I’m surprised with how much he talks about you, there isn’t a ring on that pretty finger.” Eva places her hand over yours, locking her fingers between yours. “He’ll get there, give him time. It took Harrison until after highschool.” 

You part your lips to respond only to be interrupted by the boys entering the living room again. Kind of saved by the bell, because what the hell would you have said anyways? Eva had you… flustered? No, that can’t be right. You are positive you like men. Jake, to be exact. You like Jake, who has subsequently been the only individual to make you blush like that prior to Eva.

“Alright, well I’ll catch y’all around!” Jake waves as he comes and collects you from the couch. You weren’t high, but god did it feel it as he helped you to your feet. 

Silence washes over the car as the two of you settle in. All you can think of is her scent, how warm and soft her hands were, her long black hair and green eyes. She was captivating, and you were left wondering how Harrison ended up with someone like Eva. 

“You okay, babe?” Jake asks, clicking one of the lights to look at you. 

“She… I just-” Lost for words. You are lost for words. 

“What?” He furrows his brows before relaxing. “Oh… Somebody has a crush,” He giggles, turning the light back off as he starts to pull off. 

“Not a crush.” You manage, finally picking your jaw off the floor. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

“It’s okay if you do, nobody can replace me.” 

Oh, he was being cocky. 

His cockiness and a full joint led to several good sessions, and only one awkward conversation. 

“So,” Jake says entirely out of breath, the weight of his body on yours as his dick slowly grows soft inside. 

“So…?” 

“Eva,” He starts. 

“Uh-uh, I told you I d-”

“Baby, please just listen? And I need you to really think about this.” You can feel his heart begin to race as his bare chest is pressed against yours. He brings one hand to cradle your face, stretching his fingers to move the hair stuck to your sweaty skin. 

“Okay,”

“I don’t really know how to say it, so I’m just gonna say it, okay?” 

“Jake, you’re scaring me.” Was he about to tell you he had a thing with her? Or worse, currently has a thing with her… He fully removes himself from you, sitting up and helping you forward.

“Harrison told me Eva has a thing for you…” He watches your face for a reaction, to which your eyes widen. “She wants to, uh, try things, something…” He couldn’t even say it. 

“What do you mean?” You know what he means but you need him to say it. 

“She wants to have a threesome… W-with you…” 

“And Harrison?! I do not-”

“No, no, no, and me… He just wants to, uh, watch… us?” 

Oh god. 

“Can I please think about this? Like, for a couple days at least?” 

“As much time as you need, princess.” He kisses your forehead before standing up, guiding you to the shower. 

Christmas

Josh came home the day after what you think of as the incident. Hesitantly, you approached him about the Eva situation. Obviously, for the sake of everyone, you spared the details of the hypothetical threesome. For the first time, Josh opened up about his sexuality. It was like seeing a whole new side of him. He explained how he knew he wasn’t straight, but how he also knew he didn’t want a label. That it was okay to have or not to have one. That we didn’t need to put ourselves in boxes and try checking them off to fit people’s expectations. Suddenly, a lot of things about Josh began to make sense. From his outlook on life to his ability to openly love and frequent night trips. 

You’d come to terms with the fact you might be bisexual, but a lot like the hypothetical threesome, you needed to sit on it and think for a little. Being bisexual wouldn’t change anything other than the dating pool. You pushed the hypotheticals to the back of your mind, allowing yourself to get in the holiday spirit full force. 

To no surprise, Jake was the first one awake. Then came you, padding into the kitchen to the smell of coffee, and eventually came Josh. The three of you worked together surprisingly well to make breakfast and ate before sitting in the living room to open gifts. The tree wasn’t much, but it was good enough. When they were on tour, you took the liberty to go pick up a tree to help spruce things up. And you only had to pay your brother fifty bucks to drop it off in his truck and help bring it upstairs. It always bothered you that nobody in your family could help out of the kindness of their own heart, they always needed something out of it. But the boys coming home to a decorated apartment meant more to you than fifty dollars did. 

There were about a handful of gifts under the tree, but Jake and Josh being home was already more than enough. The first gift went to Pearl, it was an assorted pack of little toys that had pouches to tuck catnip into. She didn’t understand the concept of Christmas, or receiving gifts, so you had to help her. Stuffing catnip into the cartoon fish, you toss it into the kitchen and she runs off. 

You hand a gift bag to each of the boys. Josh pulls out a few records you know he’d been eyeing. You managed to get them for a pretty good deal. First he pulls out Joanne by Lady Gaga, Back Home Again by John Denver and last but not least, the Seussical Soundtrack. Josh noticeably rolled his eyes at that one, but thanked you with a hug anyways. Ultimately the room busted out into laughter. Jake reaches into his gift bag and pulls out a brown, wide brimmed hat adorned with a little decoration feather tucked between the fabric of the hat and a thin, silky brown ribbon. You knew he liked the floppy kind of hats, he had worn a red one during your birthday bonfire. 

“Y/n, baby, you didn’t have to,” He leans over and presses a kiss on your forehead. 

“It reminded me of you.” You smile and shrug. 

Jake hands a wrapped box-like gift to Josh. It was a copy of Paris Is Burning. Whatever that meant. You were positive he’d ask you to watch it with him anyways. Josh got Jake some guitar maintenance stuff, new strings, a cleaning kit, and some rare magazines with his favorite artists adorning the cover.

Josh hands you a thinly wrapped gift and based on purely shape, you know it’s a record. There’s a smirk plastered on his face before you even open it, and he watches intently as you tuck your pointer under a flap of wrapping paper. As you slowly peel the paper back, you’re met with your very own copy of Harry Styles’ self-titled album. 

“Joshy… Am I that predictable?!” You joke as you get up and peck a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you, I love it!” As you make your way back to the couch, you see Jake boiling with jealousy. He knows better, you both do, and you know he’ll be just fine in less than five minutes.

Jake hands you a box with the most devious smirk you think you’ve ever seen. It’s a green, medium sized box with a lid and you’re wondering what the hell could even be in here. You look him right in the eyes as you lift the lid, only looking down once the lid is completely off. 

“Jacob…” You whisper in disbelief. It was a camera. Had he really listened when you rambled on about school? Did he genuinely care about you enough to take note of your interests? 

“Is it okay? If not we can-”

“No, no, no,” You place a finger over his lips to shush him. “Strings, it’s perfect.” You bring both hands down and carefully remove it from the box. Pressing the power button, you watch the little screen light up. It was fully charged and already had an SD card. Bringing it up towards your eye, you snap a picture of Jake. God, he is beautiful, the perfect subject. 

“It um… It takes videos, too.” He whispers into the space between the two of you, but Josh still hears and has to make a comment. 

“Yeah, if you’re gonna record your… sessions… Please tell me so I’m not here. You guys are LOUD.” Josh dramatically rolls his eyes. 

Later

It didn’t take long after opening gifts before Josh asked if you’d watch Paris Is Burning. Jake peeked into the living room periodically as he prepped dinner in the kitchen. He cleared his throat and asked you to come taste something once he noticed your legs laying across Josh’s lap. He claimed that wasn’t the case, but he was notoriously jealous, especially of Josh for some reason. 

Part of you wondered if Jake knew Josh wasn’t straight. Surely Josh would tell his literal other half such a detail, but you felt it wasn’t your place to question. You knew any physical touch with Josh was purely platonic for many reasons, Brennen being one of them. 

After dinner, Josh had announced his departure. Mentioned something about Christmas with his friends. It clicked that Jake never tags along for these kinds of things. You know he has friends, but you wonder why he chooses to spend so much time at home instead of with them. You kind of do the same, granted you have significantly less friends than they do. 

Jake asks if you want to smoke, to which you happily oblige. You’re not technically supposed to smoke in the apartment, but it was almost below freezing. Jake stuffed a blanket against the bottom of the front door and lit several candles and incense throughout the kitchen and living room. 

“And then we smoke in my room ‘cause it’s too far from the door.” He says as he wraps an arm around your shoulder, kissing your temple. 

You follow him to his room and sit on his bed as he shuts the door and grabs his rolling tray off the top of his dresser. One of your favorite things was watching Jake roll a joint. It wasn’t inherently sexual, but somehow he made it that way. He sits beside you and starts grinding some weed. 

“So, SG, I was thinking,” He starts, taking a second to look up at you through his brows. 

“You think a lot,” 

“Well, yeah… Anyways, I was thinking maybe you could come to our last three shows?” 

You haven’t seen Danny since Thanksgiving, and you honestly wanted to keep it that way. Wouldn’t it be too awkward now? Part of you felt you owed it to Jake. He did get you that camera, and you could put it to good use. 

“One condition!” You exclaim, pointing your finger in the air. 

“Let me hear it, dork.” 

“I’m not a- can I photograph the shows?” 

“Oh for sure, Y/n. That’s not even a question, c’mon.” 

December 28, 2017

As the van pulled up, there was already a line started, and while you knew they were only the openers, a smile tugged the corner of your lips at the handful of Greta Van Fleet shirts. St. Andrew’s Hall was not what you expected. It was one of the bigger venues you’ve seen them play. The inside looked completely different than the outside let up. 

You moved around the venue and watched as they got set up, looking at him from every spot to see what the fans would see. You knew one day every face in the crowd would be there for Jake, it was just a matter of when. 

While waiting for their set to begin, you joined them in the greenroom. You could hear the crowd chattering and occasionally singing along to some of the songs on the pre show playlist. Danny wouldn’t even look at you, and Sam kept giving you dirty glances, constantly looking like he had something to say. Your chest feels a little tight over the thought of loss progress with Sam. Almost like the night he hugged you on the couch was a fever dream, the sentiment you shared with one another lingering around to rub salt in the wound. And you hate yourself for knowing even when he’s nasty towards you, you’d continue to defend him the same way towards anybody. Regardless of how he felt ninety-nine percent of the time, you can’t help but picture fifteen year old Sam. Sammy boy, with a bass far too big and heavy looking for his boyish figure and the dorky hair and retainers that gave him a lisp. 

The boys argued a little over the setlist, Jake absolutely adamant your song was played. Josh was never one to argue, he’d sing anything he was told to as long as it had been practiced at least twice. Danny didn’t care to give much input, he honestly seemed so out of the loop as he continued to peek down at his phone. Sam, however, was very opinionated about the setlist.

“I just think there’s no point in playin’ Mountain,” He shrugs before throwing back half a bottle of water sloppier than a dog from a bowl. 

“Non-negotiable. It’s getting played, I don’t really care how you feel or what you think.” Jake is incredibly stern and just flat out rude. You slap his arm and he snaps his head to look at you.

“Be nicer to him,” You offer gently, raising your eyebrows and tilting your head. He thinks you don’t notice him rolling his eyes. Sometimes Jake could be a brat, too. 

“Danny? Input?” Josh chimes in as the only cheery one of the bunch. 

“Huh? Oh, yeah sounds great!” Surely he has zero idea what’s going on in the real world as he has yet to look up from his damn screen. Not that you cared, but what the hell was more important than the show ten minutes away? 

“Alright, so if everyone is in agreement…” Josh says, jotting down a nearly illegible setlist. “This is tonight’s show!” 

The pit was hot, and without any barriers you were forced to shoot between fans who were not willing to budge one bit. It felt like you’d be walking away with more bruises than usable shots. Jake’s side was packed like sardines, it was nearly impossible to get any close-ups of him which left you incredibly bummed. Especially when he threw his guitar behind his head. Of course Sam stayed as far back as possible, his side was so easy to move around. You managed to get a few decent enough shots of Sam, and struggled to get any of Danny. Maybe one or two, but the damn cymbal blocked his entire face. You couldn’t look at him much, anyways. Otherwise you were brutally reminded of the incident. 

Josh… Now he was where it was at. Enough space to squeeze in, and he absolutely loved the attention. It sort of felt like it was just the two of you as he practically paused and posed a few times. It was successful shot after shot. You don’t think you’ve ever looked at Josh this much in your life, it really hammered in just how much he and Jake look alike. Obviously, they’re identical twins, but that fact was so easy to forget because of their drastically different aesthetics. 

By the end of your session you got virtually Josh photos. In order from most to least you had Josh, Sam, Danny and Jake. A singular photo of the one you wanted to photograph the most, and you couldn’t even see his face. A part of you wondered why you still tried. You’d been photographing plenty of shows for extra credit points, why was it such a task all of a sudden? There was a show at the Van Andel you shot with less time and several other people in the photo pit that kept knocking you over with a better turnout than this. 

You caught back up with them after the show in the greenroom once again. They had limited time before they’d head to their merch table. Everyone seemed less tense, Sam and Danny still refusing to acknowledge your existence. 

“Hey, show me what you got, pretty girl.” Jake comes up beside you, wraps his arm around your shoulders, and kisses the side of your head. You eagerly flip through what is essentially a Josh Kiszka catalog versus a Greta Van Fleet one. Jake loosens up his hold and you watch from the corner of your eye as his arm hits his side. 

“That’s nice, Y/n,” He sighs and offers lightly. 

“I wanted to get more of you, but the girls over there wouldn’t budge. I tried, Jake.” Tears threaten your lash line, but you knew better than to cry in front of the entire band. “I really did try.” 

“Hey, it’s okay, there’s always next time.” Jake tries to lighten the mood with another quick peck on your cheek this time. He tries to continue the sentiment but is ultimately dragged away by the other three to meet fans at the merch table. Next time held an unspoken promise that you’d photograph them again, and that was just about the only hope you held onto for this photography thing. 

December 31, 2017

Josh was gone once again. He made plans with his friends for New Year’s, and while part of you was jealous Josh had friends, you enjoyed the opportunity to be alone with Jake. 

Jake planned a dinner somewhere called Noto’s in Grand Rapids. It was a reservation-only Italian restaurant. He set the reservation for seven o’clock, stating the worker informed him to arrive thirty minutes early to experience the lounge. That allowed ample time for the two of you to get ready. Jake helps with your jewelry, poking each earring in, clasping your necklace and sliding your ring onto your finger. There were only a handful of times he’d slipped that ring on your finger, and every time a desire burns deep into your soul. You couldn’t imagine someone else in that position if you wanted to, not that you wanted to. He takes your hand and leads you toward the living room, ushering you to sit on the couch. Jake delicately grabs your left foot, kissing the inside of your ankle before gently pushing your heel on and tightening the strap, repeating the process step for step on the right side. His fingers linger against your calf as he looks up at you. 

It dawns on you how long it’s been since you’ve touched one another. Weeks, probably. There was an urge there, but every time you got close to something, Josh managed to ruin it with a call or barging into the apartment with Brennen for a forgotten family board game night. If you didn’t have reservations at an expensive restaurant, you’d have him right now. But there was a time place, right now being neither. He kisses your knee and squeezes your thigh, groaning at the feeling of your skin in his palms. 

“Gonna fuck me good when we get home?” You tease, running your fingers through his hair as he levels his face with yours. 

“Oh, better than you’ve ever had it.” He challenges, pressing his lips against yours with a little bite. 

The car ride to Noto’s was painful. Jake’s hand resting on your thigh as he slowly inched his pinky towards your center without ever touching you. Desperately rutting your hips forward had led to nothing as he’d just push his hand back towards your knee and restart his motions. At one point, you even begged him to finger you just a little bit to which he denied both of you the pleasure. He even declined road head, something about not messing up your makeup yet. Yet. He was the good kind of cocky. 

Upon arrival, Jake was sure to get your door and offer his arm before leading you towards the building. He checked in under Kiszka, to which the host referred to the collective as Mrs. and Mr. Kiszka. The two of you giggled at the idea, earning a puzzled look from the host as he showed you the lounge. 

“Here is our curved bar and fireplace. Feel free to share a couple drinks before your reservation time. I will retrieve you at seven for your reservation.” The gentleman smiles politely before turning on his heels to walk away.

You take a second to soak up your surroundings. Dark green walls, textured black ceiling tiles, the black marble counter at the bar, and the dark wooden details in the walls and furniture. Jake leads you towards the bar, helping you onto the stool. 

“What can I get for ya’s tonight?” 

One bottle of way too expensive wine and a full authentic Italian meal later, the night was coming to a close. The two of you hadn’t finished either, being offered a cream colored velvet wine bag with Noto’s Cucina Antica embroidered in gold thread across the center and some black take home boxes. When offered dessert Jake politely declines, and as much as you can sense the dessert at home joke, he refrains. To your surprise, Jake had remained on his best behavior tonight, unlike that time at the nightclub in New York. Occasionally his fingers would dance over your knee below the table, but never higher than such. 

In the car, Jake still didn’t fully make a move, ghosting his fingers on your inner thigh, just barely inching towards your clothed center. He was taking his time with you, teasing you. You were nearly soaked before entering Noto’s, positive that by now you’d left a spot on the car seat. 

“You wanna smoke tonight, SG? Smoke and let me make love to you?” Jake suggests, slightly looking towards you.

“Mm, that sounds delightful,” You nod, inhaling deeply. He always fucks good, but it’s somehow better when you’re both high. The thought of tasting weed on his lips as the weight of his body is against yours makes your stomach whirl. 

“You okay with stopping at Harrison’s then?” 

“Mhm, yeah.” 

It wasn’t much out of the way. The only thing that started getting to you was the conversation Jake had with you a few weeks ago. What Eva wanted and how you hadn’t given him an answer yet constantly bounced around your mind. Jake hadn’t pressed you for answers, but after Christmas, you felt you at least owed him an answer. He never once made you feel like you needed to repay him for anything, but you thought you needed to at least give back to him somehow. Show thanks further than the word itself could express. Maybe he’d forget ever mentioning it if he hasn’t forgotten already. Even the thought of him with someone else made your stomach turn, and after seeing him with someone else… Well you surely didn’t want to witness that again. 

Your thoughts had run so rampant you didn’t notice Jake pull into the complex and park right in front of Harrison’s apartment. Your chest grew slightly tight, and you were made abruptly aware of how well Jake knows you. Granted he’s no mind reader, he could tell you were getting anxious about something.

“Hey,” He says gently, caressing your cheek with his thumb. “It’s okay, we’re just gonna get the stuff and go home and have a good time, okay?” 

“Okay, yeah.” With a fake smile, you let out a forced laugh and nod. 

Jake knocks on the door and Eva answers. You feel your cheeks go instantly flush as her eyes trail down your body and back up to your face. Did she just undress you with her eyes? 

“Hey guys, come in!” She addresses both of you, yet you’re positive she hadn’t even looked at Jake since opening the door. As you walk in, Harrison’s already standing in the living room. 

“Hey! You guys get all dressed up for us?” He jokes, but it hits a little too close. 

“Oh, haha! Just took my girl for dinner and figured we’d get some bud before heading home!” Jake laughs awkwardly, letting go of your hand to follow Harrison. The lack of contact makes you queasy, like you need Jake to hold you down. 

“Come sit down,” Eva suggests, patting the couch beside her. You can’t stop yourself from following her direction. Her voice was that of a siren’s. You sit beside her and leave space between the two of you. 

“You seem anxious,” Eva reaches across to the table next to the couch to grab a blunt and a lighter.

You find it hard to look away as she places it between her plump lips and lights the end. The cherry glows a bright red, illuminating her face from a new perspective. She takes a couple hits before passing it to you, and all you can think of is how Jake kisses you and blows the smoke into your mouth. Then you start to wonder how she’d do it. Somehow she’s closer, you were positive neither of you moved, the heat of her body coursing through you. You finally have an answer, you could do it. What happens next feels involuntary, but not unwanted. 

You lean into Eva, pressing your lips against hers. How could something feel so wrong feel so right? What if Jake or Harrison saw this? What would they think? Well, you were sure Harrison wouldn’t mind, but Jake is the jealous type. Would it be different since it was another girl, or would he react the same? It didn’t matter. All that mattered was the taste of her cherry chapstick, spearmint gum, and the hint of weed coating her lips and tongue. Eva brings her hand up and cradles your chin. Her hand is small and soft compared to Jake’s which are large and calloused. 

“SG, you ready to- oh…” Jake cuts himself short.

“J-Jake…? I’m so sorry, I just,” You stammer, tears pooling in your eyes as you turn to look at him. Why doesn’t he look mad? 

“Hey, it’s okay,” He approaches you, Eva letting go of your face as she scoots back. Jake leans down to whisper in your ear. “Do you wanna?” 

You know what he’s asking, and you’re pretty sure you have an answer. At least the whole room assumes so. 

“Now?” You ask shyly.

“It’s up to you, dollface.” 

Those words led all four of you into the bedroom.

Harrison sits back in a chair diagonal from the bed. Jake is standing at the foot of the bed, watching as Eva lays you back. You keep your eyes on Jake, trailing down to watch him palm himself through his jeans as Eva starts kissing your neck. Her hand slowly makes its way up your thigh, your heart pounding in your chest the closer her soft fingertips get to the waistband of your panties. 

“Can I take these off?” Eva asks in an almost shy voice, her fingers slipping under the lacy edge. Nodding, you lift yourself just enough to help her.

You reach your hand up and move your hands in a grabbing motion, calling Jake towards you. He makes his way to the side of the bed, reaching his hand down to grab yours. Eva’s slowly kissing across your stomach, but you close your eyes pretending it’s Jake. 

“Ahem, E-Eva?” Jake breaks the silence, clearing his throat. 

“Hm?” She hums against your skin, barely lifting to look at Jake. 

“Just, uh, neither of us have, um…” He presses his lips together, letting an awkward popping sound out.

“Oh, yeah, no problem. I’ll guide ya’s.” 

Eva instructs Jake to strip as she begins lifting your dress over your head. What was a weed run has turned into you and Jake naked in a room with two clothed strangers. Jake can almost sense how you’re feeling, laying on his side next to you, propped up on his arm. He brings his free hand to your cheek, rubbing his thumb over your warm, pinkened skin. Eva’s off to the side removing her own clothes, encouraging Jake to warm you up.

Jake gently places his lips against yours, kissing you more tender than you could ever recall. His hand migrates from your cheek to your chest, softly kneading your breast in his palm. 

“This okay?” He whispers into your mouth, dragging his calloused fingertips down your sternum. 

“Uh-huh,” You assure, moving your hips back and forth desperately. 

“Just tell me if you wanna stop, okay?” 

“Okay,” You manage between shallow breaths as Jake runs his fingers through your folds. He returns to kissing you and you close your eyes, whining into his mouth as he works tight circles around your aching bud. In return, you reach your hand down and start to jerk him off.

A new pair of hands introduce themselves into the mix, much smaller and softer than Jake’s. Eva gently pushes two fingers inside of you, curling them upward painfully slow.

“Mm, so fucking wet… Jake, can you move here?” Eva points to the side of the bed, directing Jake to stand once again. She brings one of your legs up, touching your outer knee to the bed and carefully adjusts the other to be bent. “We’re gonna try scissoring, okay?” Eva asks, caressing your thighs. 

You’ve heard of it… But did it even actually work that way? It didn’t matter, the combination of her hands and Jake’s on you clouded your judgement too much for you to care if it would or not. You needed more of them, of her. Eva maneuvers her legs, pressing her pussy against yours. Your breath catches in your throat at the feeling as she begins grinding against you. 

Hesitantly, you finally look at her and find yourself in complete awe. The way her eyes were closed, eyebrows pinched in concentration as her tits bounced with each movement of her hips. Suddenly it all makes sense… The reason Jake likes you on top and all… You reach your hand out again for Jake, opening your mouth and sticking your tongue out. He gets the hint, kneeling onto the bed as he carefully rests the throbbing tip of his dick on your tongue. One hand rests against Jake’s hip, the other on Eva’s, as you take in just how drastically different they feel. Eva’s hips come to a halt before she moves. The loss of contact is abrupt, and disappointing to say the least. 

“I wanna watch you fuck her.” Eva states bluntly, pointing to Jake. He doesn’t argue, of course. Jake and Eva swap positions, him between your thighs and her beside you. 

Jake bends your legs to your chest, teasing his dick against your clit as he collects your slick on his tip. The two of you lock eyes as he slowly pushes into you, somehow feeling thicker than usual. It has been long overdue. You hiss at the feeling as he pushes deep inside your soaking cunt, deliciously stretching you. Eva begins kissing you before ultimately trailing her lips down your torso and across your belly again. 

A pit forms in your stomach just a little the closer she gets to Jake, but you push the feeling aside as you feel her tongue lap against your clit. Out of habit, you grab a handful of her hair, painfully aware that while she feels good, she isn’t Jake. Jake, Jake, Jake… You open your eyes and see he’s looking at you and only you, flashing you that toothy grin as his fingers press into the supple skin of your thighs. 

“I wanna try something now,” Eva pulls away, taking Jake with her. She positions herself on all fours between your legs, adjusting your legs over her shoulders as she ghosts her lips over your clit. “I’ll fuck her… And Jake, you fuck me…” 

Jake looks at you before moving, only doing so when you nod. Your stomach grows in knots watching him get closer to her, so you pinch your eyes closed as Eva attaches her lips to your cunt, pretending it’s Jake. She works her fingers inside of you again, humming against your sensitive skin. You’d convinced yourself so much it was Jake touching you that you opened your eyes when he moaned, only to be met with the complete opposite.

Tears began pooling in your eyes watching his head fall backwards, strands of his chocolate locks sticking to his sweat coated face and his hands on Eva’s hips, digging into her skin. He must have been doing a damn good job, because Eva had completely stopped touching you without noticing, her forehead pressed against the bed between your legs and her hands gripping the sheets. Harrison sat stroking himself in the corner, his head tilted back and eyes closed. You seemed to be the only one paying attention. 

You carefully and quietly scoot back against the headboard, reaching for a blanket that ended up on the floor to cover yourself. It’s like a wreck, you don’t want to watch but you can’t look away. You watch Jake’s face pull in every direction as he plows into someone who isn’t you, once again being reminded of the scene you walked in on before. Tears run down your face, and you’re just thankful nobody is looking. At least you thought so, however. Still watching Jake’s face, you’re met with his brown doe eyes looking back at you. His entire demeanor changes, stopping his actions to comfort you. 

“Ugh, why’d you-” Eva whines but is quickly hushed by Jake telling her to shut up.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He whispers, swiping your tears away with his fingers. 

“I-I can’t do this, I wanna go…” You choke out with quivering lips. 

“Okay, that’s okay, we can go,” Jake wraps his arms around you, asking the other two to leave the room for a second. 

“I’m sorry… I just- I don’t like someone touching you,” You sigh, burying your face into his neck. “I thought of that one time and I just couldn’t-”

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay, my baby.” He soothes, rubbing his hands across your bare back. “Let me get you dressed and home, okay? Can I do that?” 

“Uh-huh,” You sniffle, sighing as he pulls away. 

Jake shuffles around the floor, gathering all articles of clothing that belong to the both of you. He helps you get dressed before quickly dressing himself, sitting beside you on the edge of the bed. Wrapping his arm around your shoulder, he hugs you into his side and kisses the top of your head. You feel awful for an assortment of reasons, finding yourself unable to melt into his touch the way you usually do. 

“Are you okay, Space Girl?”

“Can we just please, please leave?” You take a deep breath, pushing yourself up from the bed and walking towards the bedroom door. Jake follows behind you, trying to grab your hand but you don’t let him. 

Harrison and Eva aren’t anywhere to be seen, they must have disappeared into a different room. It was better that way for your sake, not having to see either of them, especially Eva. Jake gets the front door, and then the car door, waiting until you’re settled in before closing it and getting in. Jake starts the car and goes to connect his phone to the bluetooth. 

“Can we just… have quiet? Please?” You ask, placing your hand over his to stop him from pressing the radio. He only responds with a nod as he presses his lips together.

It’s not long before Jake breaks the silence, first by sighing and clearing his throat. Knowing he’s trying to get you to talk first, you break. 

“I’m sorry,” You start, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I thought I could do it, but it all felt wrong.”

“I’m not mad at you.” 

“I know, I just-” The words barely break through, catching in your throat as you try to process everything. It’s a matter of seconds before tears trickle down your cheeks, licking the salty drops when they hit the corners of your mouth. You can barely see through the tears, just enough to see you’re pulling into the parking lot of the apartment. 

“Space Girl…” Jake reaches his hand over and swipes the tears away with his thumb. 

“I just wanna start new, Jake.” You whisper so low you’re unsure he heard you over the car’s engine, but somehow he did, he always does.

“We can do that, look,” He taps his finger against the clock on the dashboard. 11:57. “We have three minutes to get it out, at midnight we kiss and start fresh, okay?” 

Anyone else would have laughed at the idea, deeming it corny or whatever word they’d choose. Anyone who didn’t understand the love you had for one another, at least. It feels like a promise of new beginnings. A new year where you entirely belong to one another. The next three minutes are spent in silence, Jake’s hand cradling your face as you stare at one another. The looks alone say everything words could not possibly string together with all the letters in the world. 

Sure enough when twelve hit, Jake pressed his lips against yours. Passionate but gentle, he tasted faintly of wine and remnants of your chapstick from earlier. His fingers softly tugged the locks at the nape of your neck. This was it, a new beginning. 

Chapter 12 “how easy you are to need”

Her pov

You both sat in comfortable silence in his car for several minutes, your eyes closed as you took in the sounds of nature. Crickets had begun chirping, an indication the sun would kiss the sky goodbye for the night sooner rather than later. 

“C’mon,” Jake broke through the silence as he pushed the driver side door open and sliding out of the car. You followed suit, lingering around the front of the car as he got into the back seat and reappeared with several things you hadn’t realized he’d even brought with the two of you. The blanket you kept over the back of the sofa and then a few bags that held items that were unknown to you. He led the way down to the dock, gesturing for you to sit before he did. You took a moment to toe your shoes off before sitting down, letting your legs hang over the side of the dock and dipping your toes into the cool water. 

“Our spot,” you repeated once you felt settled, forcing a small smile as you watched the water ripple and sparkle in the evening sun. 

“Happy birthday,” Jake offered, pulling a wine cooler from one of the bags and opening it before handing it off to you. You accepted it readily, sipping from the bottle as he opened his own. You both clinked your own bottles together in a cheers before your gaze returned to the water before you. 

“So, look.” Jake placed his bottle next to him before pulling a large pack of fireworks from one of the bags. You somehow knew he would do this, how he had known that you’d always counted on the fireworks every year was beyond you. Had you told him? Had Dad at some point? You weren’t sure on either in the moment, the memory of the year prior the only thing filling up space in your head at the time. You’d never gotten the fireworks, instead being called half a world away to come home because he had died. “I know that your last birthday was not great. Bill told me once how he always told you the fireworks were for you each year…” there it was. When had Dad told him that? You shrugged it off as he continued. “I know you didn’t get them last year. I wanted to make sure you got them this year, maybe we can let some off for Bill, too.” 

“Um,” you bit into your lower lip nervously, watching as he opened the pack up and took out several bottle rockets. “I…guess yeah.” You weren’t sure about it, the idea of celebrating your birthday on the same day of Dad’s death was too much to fathom, but you knew Jake meant well. 

“Cool, here. Hold this for a sec,” he handed the bundle of bottle rockets off to you before picking his wine cooler up and chugging the entirety of it. Once empty, he took the fireworks back and placed them in it before pulling a lighter out of his pocket. “Oh, I got you a cake too,” he continued, pulling a small cake from one bag and opening it. Of course, the gesture was sweet and you appreciated what he had done. But it was still bittersweet. 

“Thanks, Jake,” you offered softly. 

“Here,” he stood and offered you his hand, helping you up before holding the wine cooler bottle out and lighting each of the bottle rockets that were in it. Placing the bottle at the edge of the dock, Jake stood upright and watched as the wick of each one began to shorten quickly until they were shooting out of the bottle into the air, the bottle itself busting in the process. The noise was loud enough that it caused you to jump, gasping loudly as you backed away from the edge of the dock. It sounded too much like the car accidents you saw in your dreams, your heart rate picking up as reacted. “SG, what’s wrong?” 

Jake had turned to you, frowning in confusion as he studied your face. His eyebrows were knit together in concern as he closed the short distance between the two of you. 

“SG?” You felt his hands come up to lay on your shoulders as you looked up at him, your vision blurry with tears. “Baby, you’re shaking,” his hands slid up from your shoulders to cup your face. “Baby, what’s wrong? You’re shaking.” 

“This was a bad idea,” you choked out, beginning to cry as he stared at you. “Can, can we leave please?” 

“Leave? SG…no, what’s going on? Did the noise scare you? They’re just bottle rockets…” 

“I wanna leave, Jake please. Can you take me to Mom’s house?” Your hands were grasping at the front of his shirt, balling it up in your fists subconsciously. 

“What? Y/N…we’re just as far from Grand Rapids as we are Detroit, why not go home if you want to leave?” 

“No, not my mom’s,” you sniffled, your voice shaky as you continued to cry. “K-Karen’s please. Can we j-just go to your parents house?” 

“Yeah. Yeah okay, anything you want,” he gave a nod, turning and grabbing the blanket he had brought but leaving the bags as he ushered you back to the car. You were silent as you got in, taking the blanket when he handed it to you and waiting for him to get in. The short drive to the Kiszka’s home was spent in complete silence, aside from your sniffling here and there. How embarrassing. 

“Look, I’m sorry if the fireworks scared you,” Jake offered, pulling the car into the driveway and parking behind Kelly’s vehicle. “I didn’t think the bottle would bust the way it did.” 

“Yeah,” you whispered, wiping at your nose with the back of your hand. Once he shut the car off, though you were eager to rush out, you gave pause until he had time to make it around and open the car door for you. Jake led you quickly up to the front door, knocking once before pushing the door open and leading you in. 

“Ma. Dad.” He called out, shutting the door behind the two of you as Karen walked into the living room from the kitchen. 

“My baby!” She smiled brightly at Jake before cutting her eyes to you. 

“Oh, sweetheart what’s wrong?” You rushed to Karen then, allowing her to envelope you in a big hug. Crying on her shoulder hadn’t been your intention, but as she held you, you broke down sobbing all over again. 

“We were out letting fireworks off,” Jake offered from where he stood. “A bottle busted, I don’t know if that scared her or what but she asked me to bring her to you.” He sounded so timid, unsure of himself in that moment. You knew he likely felt bad for your reaction, he had only been trying to give you the most normal birthday he could. 

“I see.” Karen rubbed your shoulders and back as she continued to hug you and you continued to cry, giving you a few minutes of comfort before she led you to the couch. “How about you have a seat, okay? And I’ll make you some tea or hot cocoa?”

“Mom. It’s like 90 degrees out.” 

“Okay and it’s like 50 in here. There’s never a bad time for a nice mug of hot tea, Jacob.” You sat as Karen excused herself to the kitchen, your eyes studying your hands in your lap. 

“SG, what happened out there?” Jake joined you on the sofa, stretching his arm around your shoulders and pulling you into his side. 

“I don’t know,” you shrugged one shoulder as your fingers picked at the hem of his shirt. 

“Cmon, I don’t believe that. Talk to me, dove.” 

“I just got scared. The noises, they sound a lot like the same noises you hear with car accidents.” You mumbled your excuse, hoping he would simply drop things. You could feel your eyes watering more, the thought of ruining his surprise making you feel even more guilty than celebrating another birthday when Dad couldn’t. 

“Is there anything else?” Jake used his finger tips to lift your face, studying you as he waited for a response. 

“No. It just kind of scared me, I’m sorry I ruined your surprise. Thank you for taking me to our spot.” You sniffed and brought your hand up to wipe at your eyes, Jake using the pads of his thumbs to gently wipe your tears away before you could. 

“Baby love,” he sighed, pulling you into his warm embrace. “You didn’t ruin anything.” You let him hold you for a few minutes before excusing yourself to the restroom in hopes of a few minutes alone. You didn’t want to keep crying in front of him, knowing it would only make him feel bad which you deemed unnecessary. 

Jakes POV

To say you felt bad about SG’s reaction when the fireworks went off would be an understatement. You just wanted to give her a bit of normalcy, you thought for sure you had been doing the right thing. But the look on her face was one you wouldn’t soon forget. The fear in her eyes was all you needed to know that you had messed up. Again. When would you stop doing that? 

You watched after her as she disappeared into the bathroom before standing from the couch and retreating to the kitchen where Mom was busy readying some cups of hot tea. 

“Is she okay?” Mom asked without turning to face you, dropping a tea bag into one of the mugs she had before her. 

“I don’t know. She said the bottle busting or the fireworks sounded like a car accident. I feel so bad, Mom,” you sighed heavily, leaning against the counter as you watched her ready the hot tea she had promised. “I even got her a cake, but we left that and I didn’t even get to sing happy birthday to her.” 

“Here,” Mom finished pouring the water from the kettle into each mug and then pushed them both toward you. “I’m gonna go to the store and get some things to bake her a cake. Why don’t we celebrate with her tomorrow, you focus on calming her down tonight.” 

“I dunno Ma, should we? I don’t think she wants to celebrate anymore.” 

“Jacob, honey. Look, she’s experiencing a lot of firsts without Bill. I would be willing to bet Kathy didn’t even call her today?” She looked up at you, hopeful but sure that she was likely right. 

“No, I don’t believe she did,” you shook your head, tucking your hair behind your ears after. 

“Okay. So give her some grace tonight. Help her focus on something other than fireworks and, you know, death. We can try tomorrow, just the family so it’s not too overwhelming. Now. Tea.” She pointed at the mugs, steam rolling off of the hot liquid they held. “I’ll be back in a bit.” You agreed with a nod, taking both cups of tea to the living room and placing them on the coffee table. You watched quietly as Mom grabbed her purse and car keys and then left, leaving you alone in the living room to wait. To fill the silence, you turned to the record player they still kept in the living room and turned it on. No need changing the record they’d left in it, anything would do. A Sam Cooke record began playing and you stood messing with the adjustments on the audio receiver as the song played through. As the next song began, SG shuffled into the room. Her presence was announced with a quiet sniffle, causing you to turn and hold your hand out to her. 

“Come here, pretty baby,” you held your hand palm up, smiling gently at her when she placed her hand into yours. Pulling her into your embrace, you wrapped one arm around her waist and swayed with her. 

“Mmm make me weep, and you can make me cry,” you mouthed the words along with Sam Cooke as she looked up at you, her eyes still red from crying but no tears present. When it got to the part where Sam sings you’re the apple of my eye, you placed a kiss to the apple of her right cheek and then the left. “You’re the girl of my dreams,” you sang this line out loud to her, dipping her slowly before pulling her back up right and flush against your chest. 

“Love you, Strings,” SG sighed, resting her cheek against your shoulder as the two of you continued to dance. 

“Love you too, dove.” You held her close until the song ended. 

“Can we keep dancing?” She asked as you pulled away, unsure if she would want to continue. 

“I’d love that,” you happily pulled her back in as a song you knew well began, Little Girl being slightly faster paced than the previous song but still danceable. You pulled out a few fancy moves, twirling or dipping her at times. One more song and the record needed to be flipped. Rather than play that one, you picked an album by Ella Fitzgerald, making sure to play it right when Dream a Little Dream of Me would come on before going back to dancing.  

“Where’d you learn to dance?” SG’s voice was soft and curious as she blinked up at you from where her head laid against your shoulder, her petite hand in yours as you curled your fingers around it firmly. 

“Took a little bit of dance when I was little, but mostly just making it up,” you shrugged a shoulder and held her to you, your lips pressing a kiss to her forehead. The two of you danced to a few songs before you heard the front door quietly open, Mom coming in the door quietly. SG seemed to be in her own world, her head still on your chest and her eyes closed as you swayed with her. Mom offered you a knowing smile, sneaking past the two of you and into the kitchen with the few bags she carried. When the current song ended, you pulled away slowly as your hand caressed her cheek. 

“It’s a bit early still, but why don’t we stay here tonight? I can order us a pizza if you want?” You hoped she would agree, aside from her breakfast she hadn’t eaten and you wanted to make sure she did. 

“Yeah, okay,” she gave a nod, not giving away any disdain to the fact and so you set out ordering a pizza. As the two of you waited, you snuck off to the laundry room to let Mom know you would text Josh about the surprise celebration, hoping the idea wouldn’t bite you in the ass. The rest of the night was spent with a movie on, SG curled into your side. She had managed to eat a little, much to your delight, before snuggling up to you. At some point Dad had joined the two of you in the living room to finish the movie you had turned on, and then Mom as well. It didn’t take long for Ronnie and Sam to find their way out to the living room also. SG had fallen asleep before the movie ended, and rather than try to wake her up you simply carried her up to bed in hopes the rest would help her mood. 

Laying beside her, you made sure to let Josh know about your plans for the following day. You weren’t surprised when he asked if Brennen could come, he had begun to work with the band while on tour. Slinging merch, helping drive, carrying equipment. Whatever had been needed, and you knew that Y/n got along pretty well with Brennen so Josh wanting to invite him didn’t really seem odd to you. After that, you texted in the family group chat to decide on a time everyone should meet at the house before falling asleep. 

The next morning had started slow, as they generally do when you’re home and she doesn’t have to work. Even at your parents house, it went generally the same. You would either wake up to her having a bad dream, or rooting around to nuzzle her face against your neck. Luckily, it had been the latter where she had rooted around nuzzling her face into your neck when you blinked awake, your arms holding her against your body as you adjusted the both of you to lay on your sides. Remaining like that for some time before eventually dragging yourself out of bed, glad that SG had fallen back into a peaceful slumber as you snuck down stairs to check in on plans for the day. Mom had already baked her cake and had it cooling so she could frost it, Ronnie had been sent to the basement to gather some lawn chairs that had been stored there, and Dad was apparently going to drag the grill out. It had been decided that the celebration would start around 2, the height of the day when it was set to be the warmest. You knew the guys would somehow find their way into the swimming pool your parents had put up early that summer. A lot of the morning and early afternoon had been spent just laying in bed with a movie on, the two of you making out lazily until she dozed off again. You heard the front door open just before two, Josh yelling out a loud greeting causing SG to wake back up. 

“Why the hell is he yelling,” she grumbled sleepily, turning to her stomach and burying her face in the pillow. 

“Well princess,” you began, climbing off the bed and turning to look down at where she lay. “Because we are having a celebration today.” 

“A what?” She turned onto her back and stared up at you through tired eyes. 

“Come on, get dressed,” you offered your hand to her as you heard footsteps coming up the stairs. 

“Nuh uh, nap time.” She moved back to her stomach and closed her eyes. 

“SG, cmon.” You watched her press her eyes shut tighter, fake snoring as you crossed your arms over your chest. “Oh, is that how we are playing it?” 

“Mmm hockkk shooo,” she dramatically let out. You shrugged before bending at the knees and pushing your hands under her until your arms up to your elbows were curled around her middle, standing and lifting her like that as you did. 

“Jake!” She squealed, thrashing as you maneuvered her around until you were able to put her petite body over your shoulder so she was bent at the waist and hanging upside down. 

“You getting up now?” You smacked your hand across the wide of her ass, chuckling as she yelped and thrashed around. 

“Yes geez, what is so important that we are celebrating?” 

“Well,” you began, bending until her toes touched the floor and letting go of her as you stood straight again. “Get dressed, and you’ll see.” 

“Ugh, fine!” SG rolled her eyes but did as you pleased, pulling on her clothes from the day prior. She raked a hand through her hair before you reached out and smoothed it down, your hand cupping her jaw after. You soothed your thumb over her smooth skin momentarily, admiring her for all she was; yours. 

“LETS GO,” Josh’s voice rang out suddenly while he simultaneously banged loudly at the bedroom door. “You two better NOT be naked, I’m coming in!”

“Josh,” Brennen warned, clearly behind your twin as Josh pushed the door open. 

“Little Starletta,” your twin crooned, SG rushing to him as he opened his arms for her. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. 

“Hi Joshy, why are you here?” 

“Came to save you from my scary little brother,” he joked, pulling away but keeping one arm around her shoulders. “Come on, we gotta get you downstairs.” 

“For what though? Jacob refuses to tell me.” 

“Oooh, sweet girl. You’ll see.” With that, Josh led her and Brennen out of the room. You changed into a pair of swim trunks, just incase, quickly before following behind them. Everyone was outside already, dad manning the grill and Ronnie helping mom set the picnic table up with a table cloth before laying out a pack of paper plates, cups, forks and spoons. 

“What the hell…” SG mumbled from only a few feet in front of you as Josh walked her through the kitchen and out to the back patio. You had to jog to catch up, grabbing her elbow as you did. 

“We just, well I just. I know I kind of ruined your birthday,” you mumbled, butting yourself between her and Josh. “So Mom wanted to, well we all wanted, to just make it up to you and celebrate. Even though it’s a day late, just…wanted your birthday to feel special.” 

“Jacob,” SG sighed dreamily. You’d really anticipated her being upset, so the fact she either wasn’t or was very good at acting as if she wasn’t made your heart swell. 

“Happy birthday, sweetie!” Mom called out, holding the cake she had made up and titling it just enough so y/n could see it. “Confetti cake, rainbow chip frosting. Kelly has burgers and dogs going and even some grilled chicken.” You had requested that, hoping more variety would tempt her to eat something. 

“Thanks, Mrs. Kiszka,” she smiled at Mom and then up at you, leaning in to press a quick kiss to your cheek before padding over to Mom. As the two began conversing, you moved to helping Dad on the grill. The remainder of the afternoon and well into the evening was spent this way. First, everyone joked around and ate food from the grill. Dad passed beers around, even to Sam and Danny, and everyone toasted SG. She got a little shy with that, but you managed to open her back up by cracking a few jokes and then betting she couldn’t shotgun the beer quicker than you. To your surprise, perhaps everyone’s surprise, she had. At some point Josh and Brennen had coaxed her into the pool, stripping down to her underwear and your T-shirt to swim. You wanted to give her space, let her enjoy the time without you being right next to her if she needed that but after half hour of listening to her giggle and laugh at Josh’s lame jokes, you grew slightly jealous. You were ready to jump into the pool when Dad asked you to toss another pack of hot dogs onto the grill just in case. Reluctantly, you’d done as he asked while watching Sam and Danny join the others in the pool. Twice you caught Danny whispering in her ear followed by her giggling, which only made you more jealous because what could he be saying that would make her laugh like that. Nothing. He wasn’t that funny.  When you finally joined them, SG had attached herself to you and whispered in your ear about how lucky she was that you’d do something like put together a small celebration for her despite the evening priors events, and then she’d kissed you so deep and passionate you’d forgotten about being annoyed with her giggling at whatever Daniel had said to her. Swimming was followed by cake, a bonfire, someone suggested s’mores. Ronnie suggested you get your old acoustic out, Josh insisted no one wanted to hear you play and SG insisted maybe Josh was simply jealous of the attention you got from playing. By the time everyone had meandered off to various parts of the house to sleep, Mom insisting everyone stay because drinks had been had, you were left watching the bonfire burn out slowly. 

“Jacob,” you heard SG whisper to the left of you, turning your head to face her. She smiled shyly before glancing toward the house, and then back to you. “Take me to the car so I can give you head before we go up to bed,” she continued. Okay, she wasn’t that straight forward often, so you wasted no time in pouring a bottle of water over what was left of the small fire before taking her hand and doing exactly what she asked of you. 

✨

September 2017

SG pov

“Tell me about your classes,” Jake requested, his hand splayed out on your thigh as his fingertips pushed under the hem of your dress just a little. The warmth of his palm against your skin had your breath catching in your throat as you tried to string together some semblance of words. The two of you had been tucked back in a round corner booth at Prime + Proper, an upscale but cool restaurant in Detroit, Jake having insisted that he take you out for a date to make up for your birthday. You’d said it was fine, he’d more than made up for it with the small celebration his family had put together the day after, but it hadn’t been enough for him. Besides, he’d gently reminded you while tucking a wadded up fifty into your palm and insisting you get a mani pedi, the two of you had two full months to catch up on. The first part of your meal had been spent with Jake showing you all the things he’d taken photos of that he’d thought you would like, talking about each city and show that you’d unfortunately missed. It was evident by the gleam in his eye how much he loved touring, and you were excited for him and the band that they were gaining such popularity. Even when you missed him, you were still happy he got to live out his dreams playing guitar every night. 

“I don’t want to bore you,” you said coyly around the rim of your glass, wanting to forget about school for the time being. 

“No, now come on, SG, I wanna hear about them.” Jake turned his body toward you some, a smile playing on his lips as he watched you lick yours. Absently, he leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to your mouth before encouraging you to talk. “I’ve done all the talking this evening. I wanna hear about your stuff too, my girl.” 

With a nod you delved into telling him about all of the classes you were taking this semester, animatedly going on about the photography class you’d picked up as an elective. It had become your favorite already, and you looked forward to it each time the class met. Jake listened with quiet eagerness, his fingertips tracing light patterns over your thigh as you talked for several minutes before finishing with a shrug. 

“Anyway, it’s weird being back at school without you or even Josh. My classes are hard but in a good way, it’s nice to feel challenged again.” 

“That’s great, SG!”

“Yeah. The only bad thing so far is Brooke is in my photography course but that’s whatever.” You rolled your eyes as you mentioned her, that had been an awkward realization upon the first class. 

“Brooke?” He looked confused for a moment before realization dawned on him and his cheeks grew a dark red. “I’m sorry babe.”

“It’s okay,” you took a final bite of your food before pushing your plate away as you chewed. “It's not a big deal. Anyway, I’m happy to be back in school but I’ve missed you and I’m sorry I haven’t been able to come to any shows.” 

“Hey, that’s okay, I understand why you haven’t been able to, even though it would be nice if you could’ve come to some.” Jake hooked his grip around your thigh and pulled you across the booth until you were flush against him, then snaked his arm around your shoulders. “What matters is I’m home now for a few days so we can spend time catching up. And I’ve missed you, so much…” he trailed off as he leaned in and kissed you again, this time deeper and a little more passionate than before. He offered a smirk when he pulled away, his fingers twirling locks of your hair around. 

“I’ve missed you, Strings.” Jake kissed you a few more times before suggesting the two of you head home, knowing that Josh had planned to be out with friends for the night. After paying the bill and leading you to his car, he took the shortest route back to the apartment while telling you about an argument he had had with Sam a few nights prior. It seemed kind of minuscule to you, but Jake seemed aggravated enough that rather than blow it off you let him talk it out and he seemed more relaxed by the time he pulled into his usual parking spot outside of the apartment. You gave pause so he had time to get out and open your door, allowing him to take your hand and lead you up the stairs to the apartment. 

“You know what we didn’t have at the restaurant?” He unlocked the door as he spoke, ushering you in as you questioned what had been missing. “Dessert,” he grinned wickedly, pushing the door shut and spinning the lock on the knob before picking you up abruptly and maneuvering you over his shoulder. 

“Jake!” You squealed, trying your best to hold the skirt of your dress down over your ass. “What’re you doing!?”

“I think you know,” he chuckled, carrying you back to his bedroom and depositing you onto his bed. 

“Tell me anyway,” you insisted, dropping your phone next to your head on his mattress as you watched him drop to his knees and pull you to the edge of the bed. 

“Well, I’ve missed you. And as much as I love our FaceTimes, there’s nothing better than the taste of you SG,” he sighed against the meaty part of your thigh, pressing a kiss there before blinking up at you. “Been too long, wanna lose myself in you for the rest of the night.” You knew what he meant, it had been too long since the last time the two of you had been together. And it wasn’t like you didn’t want him, you’d all but counted down the days until he had gotten home-making sure to be silky and smooth in all the right places knowing his hands would find a way to touch every inch of your skin if he had it his way. 

“I like how that sounds,” you whispered, lifting up off the mattress just enough to aid him in his plight when he reached up under your dress and tugged at the waistband of your underwear. Very quickly he had your panties off and his head buried between your legs, the skirt of your dress blanketing him as your legs fell open. Several minutes passed with Jake noisily going down on you, your moans filling the room and mixing with his groans and lapping. You would happily spend your night just like that, except your phone rang and interrupted. You let it ring a time or three before reaching up and grabbing it so you could silence the call. With that done, you grabbed at the material of your dress and pulled it up so you could watch Jake. Again, the phone rang and interrupted the moment. 

“Fuck,” Jake groaned, leaning back on his heels and wiping the back of his hand across his mouth as you picked your phone up and stared at the screen. “Who the fuck is it?!”

“Sam? Both times, should I answer it?” 

“No,” Jake grit out, dipping back in and placing languish kisses to your inner thigh as he slowly moved closer to your center once more. 

“Jake, what if it’s important?” He growled in response, nipping at your thigh before moving his mouth even closer. Maybe you could just see what Sam needed quickly, so he wouldn’t call again. Hitting the green accept button, you held the phone to your ear as you tried to focus on anything but Jake's tongue considering he had just begun to slowly roll it over your clit. “Hello?” 

“Y/n?!” Sam’s voice was loud and higher than normal, panicky almost, on the other end. 

“Ye-yeAHHHH,” you tried to bite back the moan that was threatening to escape as Jake teased a finger around your entrance. 

“Oh god. I can tell I’m interrupting,” Sam sniffled and then cleared his throat. “But please don’t hang up, I-I’m in trouble.” 

“What!” You sat up, pushing Jake away as he whined over your action. “Sam, what’s going on?” 

“I was gonna call Jake but we haven’t been speaking,” he sniffed again, his voice wet as he continued. “I need you to come bail me out. Please?” 

“BAIL?! Sam what did you do?” You watched Jake’s eyes widen as he raked a hand through his hair and then stood from the floor, placing his hands on his hips as he waited for you to fill him in. 

“I-well I got arrested for being under age and having alcohol. I was at this party and. You know what it doesn’t matter, can you bail me out please? I can’t call mom and dad, they’ll kill me. Please?” 

“Yeah, yeah just tell me where you are.” you watched Jake continue to pace as Sam gave you the information he could, which wasn’t much more than how much his bail would be and where to go. When you hung up, you searched for your underwear before giving up and running across the hall to your room. 

“What did he do?” You could hear Jake following you, his tone annoyed. You could understand his irritation, sure, but his little brother was in trouble. 

“Got caught with alcohol it sounded like, needs to be bailed out,” you gave a shrug as you pulled a new pair of underwear from your dresser and stepped into them, pulling them up and situating your dress back down before following Jake out of your room and toward the living room. With some grumbling from him, you both made your way out to his car. You had Jake stop by the bank first, withdrawing the amount Sam had told you his bail was from your savings account before making the drive to the town he had been arrested in. A good 2.5 hour drive, longer because Jake took the backroads and you weren’t sure if it was for your sake or to torture Sam a bit more. When you finally made it, Jake still grumbling about how you shouldn’t use your money to bail his brother out, you made your way into the police department to see Sam sitting to the side of an officer's desk, one wrist handcuffed to the drawer of it. 

“Sam,” you breathed, noticing as the younger Kiszka whipped his head in your direction that he definitely looked more than drunk. 

“Y/n,” he squeaked, his face falling when he noticed Jake’s less than pleased face. “Thank you for coming.” 

“No, we didn’t get to that,” the older of the two grumbled, causing you to jab an elbow into Jake’s side. 

“Strings.” Your warning came between grit teeth as an officer approached. You took time to confirm Sam’s bail was what he’d told you on the phone, paying it and getting things taken care of as Sam tried in vain to quietly apologize to Jake for interrupting your evening. 

“It’s not my fault, I mean it is but like..it was a party. You’ve done the same thing, Jake.”

“Hush Sammy, we’ll talk about this on the drive home.” Jake pressed his palm to the small of your back as you waited for the officer to release Sam, then led the three of you back out to his car to begin the long drive home. 

“I really am sorry guys,” Sam sighed once Jake had pulled away from the police station. 

“No it’s okay Sam. I’m glad you called me, I’m glad to help.” 

“Piss poor timing really,” Jake interjected. 

“Jake,” you warned again, resting your hand on his leg and giving it a gentle squeeze as he continued. 

“Should call mom and dad and tell them tonight, drop your ass off there.” You could hear Sam sniff before clearing his throat. 

“Jake please. I can’t, I can’t go home tonight. I’ll tell them tomorrow I promise I just.”

“Sam, don’t worry.” You assured, giving Jake’s leg another squeeze before he could protest. “Stay at the apartment tonight and then tell Kelly and Karen tomorrow. Get some rest first you know.” You heard Jake groan but he didn’t protest further on Sam staying at your apartment, instead spending the remaining time of the two plus hours driving in silence. You knew he was annoyed, but whether at you for blowing off his plans for the night to help Sam or at Sam in general you couldn’t be sure. By the time the three of you had made it home and into the apartment safe and sound, Sam had sobered up quite a bit. 

“I’ll get you some pillows and blankets for the couch,” you offered in Sam’s direction, excusing yourself and making a beeline for your bedroom. You took two pillows from your bed and the throw blanket you normally kept at the foot of it and carried them back to the living room. Jake had already left Sam alone, and you could hear him back in his room mumbling to himself as he undressed. 

“I’m sorry I interrupted your night y/n,” Sam sighed, kicking his shoes off and plopping down onto the couch as you deposited everything to the cushion closest to the arm. 

“Don’t apologize Sam, you know I’m happy to help.” 

“You are. Jake not so much.” Sam sighed, situating the pillows and unfolding the blanket before laying down. 

“He is too. He’s just annoyed right now. Probably tired from all the travel lat-.”

“Not annoyed,” Jake yelled from his room, causing you to stop in your tracks and your eyes to widen. You didn’t think he’d have been able to hear you. “Or tired,” he continued. “Pissed the fuck off? Sure.” 

You gave Sam an empathetic look before wishing him a good night and passing back down the hall toward your room and Jake’s. Lingering in the hall between your door and his, you contemplated whether you should leave him be for the night. He was already in a bad mood because things had been interrupted, and he was annoyed with Sam. And likely with you for inviting Sam to stay the night. 

“Are you coming to bed, SG?” He made your mind up for you, watching you from inside his room where he sat on the bed. 

“Yeah,” you agreed, stepping into his room and pushing the door shut quietly.  ✨

October 2017

Halloween was around the corner and you felt awful you hadn’t seen Jake much. Between his mini tour across the west coast, school and work, there just wasn’t time. He offered to fly you out to catch their shows at The Troubadour, in which you’d just drive home with them. 

“Please, SG? It’s been like… a month, and I miss my girl.” He desperately pleaded over the phone. 

“I know, but I just can’t. I can’t miss school.” 

The silence spoke volumes. He’d expressed before how much they wanted to play this venue, and now you wouldn’t be there to witness it. The guilt ate you alive, but the truth was you absolutely couldn’t miss class. You’d slowly been slipping back into your bad habits while Jake and Josh were away. Not sleeping, not eating, your grades were slipping through your fingers. Your professor offered extra credit for you to pass this semester, but that required your schedule after school to be open. 

“I can’t lie to you, you always catch me anyways.” You sighed, pulling your phone from your ear to put it on speaker, resting it on the countertop as you propped your head up with your arms. 

“You cheatin’ on me?” He asked sarcastically, his own attempt to lighten the mood. 

“W-no! I’m kind of failing photography and if I wanna pass I gotta shoot a band at The Intersection on Monday.” 

“So you’re cheating on all four of us?!” 

“I would much rather be seeing you than this Meatloaf tribute band.” 

“Well, if you change your mind, let me know by Friday and I’ll have you on a flight, okay?” 

Friday came and you dreaded responding to his text. Every time you spoke to him recently it just felt like you let him down more and more. 

Strings🎸❤️: Hi baby, you flyin’ out this weekend? 

You: I really can’t, I’m sorry :( 

Strings🎸❤️: It’s okay

Strings🎸❤️: Can I take you to dinner when I get home? 

You: What would you like me in?

Strings🎸❤️: Ideally? Nothing, but that one black dress would be nice 😊 

He proceeded to send you fifty dollars via Apple Wallet and requested you get your fingers and toes done in that pretty pink color he likes so much. You worked over the weekend, and barely drudged through class on Monday before rushing home to get ready to shoot. 

This was a huge deal, you had never shot a show before. Your professor mentioned the photos being added to his website. The entire drive to The Intersection you white knuckled the steering wheel with sweaty palms, praying you had everything you needed although you checked what felt like a thousand times. Jake must have been watching your location, a text lighting your screen up as soon as you parked. 

Strings🎸❤️: Good luck tonight, I love you

You: You too I love you ❤️

You grab your bag from the passenger seat, flipping down the visor to check your teeth in the mirror. You hardly recognize yourself, your features slowly sinking in and your hair dull again. Jake would never say it, but he was going to be pissed when he got home. The nerves boiled up so much as you began heading inside. What if something was wrong with your pass? What if the photos don’t turn out? What if your camera dies? You kept it on the charger all weekend and brought backups in preparation, but that didn’t ease the anxiety of the situation. 

Five things I can see.

You try practicing that weird trick Jake used that worked so well, and before you found five things, your hand was pulling open the door. The venue was much larger than you expected for a Meatloaf tribute band, which didn’t help ease your nerves. You approached the box office and explained you were there to shoot, and that it was your first time. The woman was incredibly kind as she showed you where to go and explained what to do. She handed you a photo pass on a lanyard and sent you on your way. As the lights dimmed and another photographer joined you in the photo pit, the anxiety melted away. Your camera became an extension of you versus an accessory as you imagined the day it was Jake you were taking photos of. 

Though no longer anxious, as the first three, painfully long, songs went on, you grew very aware of how much space you took up. Each time the other photographer moved around you, you felt less confident. He seemed to know where he was going, what he was doing, what he wanted to capture. It seemed like second nature to him where you felt like an imposter. You push the feeling aside to deal with later. All that matters is in the moment. You, the camera, the artists on stage. Before you know it, the other photographer begins leaving the photo pit, signaling towards you to follow him. It was almost like you blacked out, no recollection of taking a single photo, you just hoped you got anything. 

“You did good out there! I saw you getting angles I’ve never thought of, and I’ve been doing this for years!” 

You turn to see who he was talking to, maybe there was a third photographer you hadn’t noticed. Upon looking around you notice it is just you and him in the room, but you’re still in denial until he points a finger at you. 

“Yeah, you!” He smiles as he puts his camera away.

“Thank you, this was my first time,” You timidly respond.

“Well, it’s clear you belong there.” 

That was the conclusion of the interaction, there was no goodbye before he walked out of the room with his items. He never gave you his name, but you’d carry his words and warm smile with you everywhere you went. You finished packing up your camera before heading home yourself. Silence felt appropriate for the drive home as anxiety settled in once again. 

What if nothing turned out good?

What if you didn’t take anything?

Your body and mind grew too tired to keep thinking, autopilot kicking in and the rest of the drive home becoming a blur. A hell of a park job and a couple times tripping up the stairs later, you finally stumble through the front door of the apartment. It always felt eerily unfamiliar without Jake in the kitchen and Josh beside him poking and prodding, the occasional Sam and Danny arguing on the couch. The boys, your boy, made everything so lively and you realized that the longer they were gone. 

Halfway through your nightly routine, your phone rings against the faux granite countertop of the bathroom sink. Without looking you knew it was him, answering without second thought if it weren’t. 

“Hi, darlin’, how’d it go?” Jake asks almost out of breath, evidently having just ran off stage to call you.

“Was a little nervous, but I got through it. Just gotta go through and edit tomorrow.” 

“M’proud of you, ya know that?” 

“I’m proud of you, too, Strings.” You meant it, too. You tried to tell him often, but sometimes the words felt empty with how much you remind him. 

It wasn’t long before he had to go. They had one last show tomorrow at The Troubadour again before they’d be heading back home. Wednesday could not come any sooner, that was for sure. 

Tuesday

“Where’s your little boy toy been? Haven’t seen him around…” Brooke leaned over your desk, her hand uncomfortably close to yours. 

“Huh?” 

“Wow, Y/n. Been that long you forgot his name?” She scoffs, slowly shoving your laptop closed with your fingers still on the keyboard. “I’m talking about Jack.” 

“Jake?” 

“Sure, whatever. Where’s he been?” The smell of last night's regrets lingered heavily around her. Cigarettes, tequila and sex, all cheap. 

“It’s not-” 

“Oh, you dumb girl. Know what? Actually, I’ll just text him.” 

Why is she still standing there? 

The anger boils up inside, you know she wants a rise out of you, and she honestly might get it the longer her dumb face stood there. All it takes is her popping her gum and smacking her lips before you break. 

“Y’know, Brooke, maybe if you weren’t ran through like a train station, he wouldn’t have felt like a hotdog in a hallway. You have a lot of nerve asking me about him after the shit you pulled. I advise you take your lip filler and fake tits far away from me before-”

“Y/N!” Professor Larson scolds from the front of the classroom. Red seeps through your cheeks in anger and embarrassment as tears pool in your eyes. You hadn’t gotten a chance to let the tears fall before you watched Brooke run out into the hall crying, her face buried in her hands. 

Dead silence was broken by someone’s awkward coughing, every pair of eyes in the room on you. Red rose to your cheeks faster than ever before, anger and embarrassment washing over in heated emotion. 

“Ms. Y/n, why don’t you excuse yourself for the day? I will be emailing you.” Professor Larson takes a deep breath before sitting down at his desk, completely disregarding the subject he’d been touching on. 

You nod, pushing up from your seat as you shove everything in your bag. You hadn’t run out of a classroom so fast in your life, barreling through the halls as you made your way outside. The cool autumn air brushed your cheeks, still unable to wash away the heat. Part of you felt you needed to apologize, the other part felt Brooke had it coming. You couldn’t let the situation bother you, she had done it on purpose. 

The drive home was one in silence, tears pooling in your eyes as you reflected on today’s events. That reaction was so unlike you. People hitting on Jake was not new territory, it’s inevitable everywhere you go with him. As a matter of fact, it eats you away not being with him on tour. You constantly remind yourself that the two of you technically are nothing more than friends with benefits. Whenever he’s with another woman, it’s not cheating. Yet it continues to eat away at you. The thought of his lips on another woman. His lips on Brooke. That girl with your name. You had to trust since those situations it was only you his lips had been on, but what if always lived in the back of your mind. 

The silent drive was more than enough, your thoughts racing zero to a hundred faster than you could keep track. You park in your usual spot and kill the engine, sitting in your car as the heat dissipates, staring straight forward at the side of the building. 

What if he was sleeping around?

The air grows cold rapidly, urging you inside before your thoughts could race past a hundred. Once inside, you drop your bag by the coffee table, plopping onto the couch. Twelve in Michigan meant it was only nine in California, unsure if Jake was awake you called him anyways. It takes him three rings to answer, two more than usual, the what if feeling coming back. 

“Mornin’, baby,” His morning voice seeps through the phone, warm and hoarse. You dream of the way he smells right now and how his arms would be wrapped around your torso, fingers intertwined in your hair. 

“Sorry for waking you,”

“No, no, no. I miss you being the first person I hear.” He clears his throat and you hear him sit up in bed. “What’s up? How was class?” 

“Welp,” You pop your lips and take a deep breath before explaining everything that happened with Brooke. 

“Damn, Pops was right! Little firecracker,” Jake giggled, followed by silence on both ends. “That’s a good thing, SG. I’m glad you stood up for yourself.” 

“Jake, I was horrible to her!” 

“And think about how horrible she’s been to you. I doubt she’s ever been humbled in her life, she needed it.” 

You fought the urge to ask how it really was. If he secretly enjoyed himself just a little bit. Instead the conversation turned into what his schedule was looking like, you began editing and showing him some of your shots. Eventually he switched to FaceTime, leading to you watching the show. For once something felt normal. The two of you stayed on FaceTime all night, past him getting changed and loading up their equipment. 

Even once they settled in their shared hotel room, he never hung up. The boys picked on him every time, but they secretly loved your presence. As the other three slowly fell asleep one by one, Jake remained awake. He always did, oftentimes you’d catch him in the living room watching cooking shows early in the morning. You knew better than to ask if something woke him because the truth was he never went to sleep. 

Tonight was no different, you watched the time crawl closer to three, which meant it was only midnight for Jake. You wondered how he stayed up for so long, especially since he only drinks coffee on the occasion. Your eyes were already getting heavy, but you wanted more time with him.

“And I j- SG?” Jake whispers into the phone. 

“Huh?” You groan. 

“My sweet girl, you need to sleep,”

“But I miss you,” The words came out wet, tears in the corners of your eyes. Were they tired or sad? 

“I miss you too, princess. I’ll be home this weekend, okay?” 

“Okay,” 

“And I’m gonna take my girl somewhere nice,” He shifted in the bed. “And after that, we can do anything you want.” 

“Anything, anything?” 

“Within the law, yes, my dear.” 

“Mm, no fun.” 

“I’ll show you fun when I come home.”

Friday

Wednesday and Thursday drug on for what felt like forever. You finished editing your photos and submitted what felt professional enough to Professor Larson. He was pleased with your work, and before you knew it your failing grade was no longer failing. The aura of the classroom felt vastly different since the incident, people weren’t actively engaging with you now. Surely it would blow off by Monday. 

Taking today off from school felt like the right course of action, besides you still needed to get your nails done. You slept in today and actually ate breakfast. The longest month of your life is finally ending, Jake will finally be home tomorrow. You deep cleaned the majority of the apartment last night, leaving the less grueling tasks for after your nail appointment. All you had left was putting new sheets on everyone’s bed and folding your laundry, maybe Jake’s if there was time, and never Josh’s. He should be glad you washed what he left piled up in the bathroom. 

While on the way to your nail appointment you stopped to get a coffee, out of habit ordering one for you and one for him. Spending the two measly dollars on his hot, black coffee didn’t bother you. Even though he wasn’t there to drink it, you could add creamer at home and drink it later. More insensitive to wake up tomorrow morning. 

Your nail appointment goes quick, the lady asks why you always pick the same shade of pink, even insists on a different shade for fall. 

“My boyfriend likes this color.” You shrug with a smile tugging the corners of your lips. Boyfriend. They didn’t have to know that wasn’t technically his title, and you’d give it to him any chance you got. 

“Your boyfriend likes pink? Does he like boys?” She suggested in broken English. 

“What was that?” You asked for clarification as her accent was heavy. Surely she didn’t just ask if your boyfriend liked boys… Right? 

“Boyfriend, or boy who is a friend?” Her filing slows as she lifts your hands, comparing the nails on both sides. 

“Boyfriend, like my partner. He thinks the color is pretty on me.” 

“Ahh, okay, I see.” She still seems confused, but nods nonetheless.

A few moments of silence pass before she continues asking about your mysterious boyfriend. Getting to speak about him to someone who doesn’t know him is something you’ll never grow tired of. Seeing the way he touches people he’s never met simply by talking about him. 

Usually these appointments go by slowly and quietly, but today was much different. The woman doing your nails wanted to hear more about Jake, about the two of you, and you joyfully shared everything you thought of. Straight down to him taking care of you after Dad died. 

“He’s a good one.” She nods as she taps away at a screen. “Twenty five for you today.” 

You hand her the neatly folded fifty and insist she keeps the change. Jake never asks for the change back after getting your nails done, so neither do you. Once you’re in the car, you prop your hand on the steering wheel and snap a picture to send Jake.

Strings🎸❤️: I know something else they’d look good wrapped around 😉

You: Jacob Thomas! 

Strings🎸❤️: Save that energy for tomorrow night

The long awaited for tomorrow night. You just had to get through one more night without him until he was yours for almost a whole month. It never dawned on you how much he felt like home until those four walls felt empty without his laughter. They say “home is where the heart is” and yours was in California. You knew once he came home everything would feel better again, feel normal. 

But home needed to feel like that, a home. You sprayed a new air freshener over the couch and lit a matching candle before finding your way into Jake’s room to make his bed and fold his laundry. He never once asked for you to do any of this, but it felt right. Jake truly does so much for the family, the least you could do was fold his laundry. 

His room smells positively nauseating of him. The faint woodsy, tobacco scent of his cologne soaked into his dresser. His bed smells like him, too, in forms of worn cologne and last night’s sex. Except last night’s sex was well over a month ago. How you dream of his lips gliding across your skin, fingers pressing into the very skin he gave meaning to. You were quick to finish folding his laundry and put it away, opting to sleep in his room to ease that one last night. The scent would have faded far too quickly had you been sleeping in his bed from the moment he left. You wanted to preserve what you had, not that you’d ever forget how he smelled. Falling asleep was no issue, his bed was the more comfortable one. You found yourself hugging his pillow against your chest for some semblance of him. 

That desire was eventually fulfilled, Jake crawling into your arms at some point in the early morning. You weren’t sure when they got home, just knew a part of you felt full again as your arms wrapped around his shoulders. It’s evident he wasn’t trying to wake you, but you woke anyway. You bring your palm to his cheek, thumb running over his bottom lip until finally building the courage to meet them with yours. The dusting of facial hair above his upper lip tickles you, drawing a giggle from you.

“Hi, baby,” Jake smiles against your lips. He’s always so warm in every sense of the word. 

“I missed you.” You pout, whispering into the space between your faces. You bring your hand back up, thumb toying with his mustache. 

“I missed you, too, but I’m here now.” He kisses your thumb and then forehead before rolling onto his back, pulling you into his side. It wasn’t long before his fingers were massaging your scalp, lulling you asleep once again. 

Over the course of the night your legs found themselves intertwined with his amongst every other part of your body, your center flush against his groin. Close was just never close enough. 

“Jake?” You whisper, caressing his cheek until you see his eyes flicker beneath his lids. 

“Hm? Y’okay?” He glides his hand down to rest above the small of your back, his fingers gently tracing the bottom of your spine. 

“Yeah… Can we-” You suggest by pressing into him. “Can we do the thing?” 

“Which thing?” He furrows his brows and pulls back to see your face more, his fingers tucking stray bits of hair behind your ear.

“Where you’re in me so we feel closer?” 

“Oh, yeah,” He giggles, gently pressing your neck so your foreheads touch. “We can do that.” 

Jake slowly moves his hands between your bodies, toying with the sleep shorts you hadn’t bothered changing out of. His fingers trailed past the elastic waistband, dragging his nails down the wide of your ass. Out of habit, your own nails found themselves digging into his shoulders, earning a desperate moan from his plush lips. It wasn’t long before his hand migrated to the front, his palm cupping your heat as he teased a finger between your folds. You were already wet from the second he agreed, the pad of his middle finger brushing against your clit aiding in the wetness pooling at your center. 

“Take these off for me?” He sounds so needy whining into your neck like that. So fuckable. You obliged, shimmying out of the shorts as best and quick as you could. He wasted zero time removing his sweatpants in the process, his aching cock hard just from the thought of you. 

Jake brings his hand down again, hiking your leg over his hip as he pulls you closer. He ruts his hips forward, teasing his cock between your folds. You reach your hand down to stroke his length before resting him at your entrance. 

“Whenever you’re ready, princess,” Jake whispers into the crook of your neck between soft kisses. Bringing your chests together causes his thick cock to slide inside your dripping core, stretching you with each inch. 

A moan falls from your lips as your arms hook around his back, grabbing onto his shoulders. Jake wraps his arms around you, holding you tighter than ever. He gave you exactly what you wanted, intimate closeness and nothing more. Yet somehow even with him deep inside of you he still wasn’t close enough. 

Sleep came easily when Jake was with you. You so desperately needed the rest, that was made abundantly clear by the way you hadn’t woken up the first few times Jake called your name, only waking when he shook your shoulder. 

The two of you ended up sleeping pretty late, leaving just enough time to get ready before heading out for dinner. Jake helped fasten your necklaces so they stacked perfectly, otherwise sitting on the lid of the toilet as he watched you get ready.

“Shouldn’t you be getting dressed, mister?” You joke, pointing your powder brush in his direction. 

“It won’t take me long. Besides, I like watching you,” 

“Yeah? Do you wanna help?” You suggest, holding your eyeshadow pallet out towards him. 

“Want me to pick colors?” 

“Can I try one or two looks on you? Just so I don’t ruin my base…” 

He looks hesitant, squinting his eyes and pursing his lips before obliging. Jake plants his hands on your hips as you straddle his thigh, the pads of his fingers gently pressing into your supple skin. He watches intently as you dip your brush into a deep and rich shade of purple, one you thought would compliment his eyes well. You were more so doing this to see him in makeup versus planning out makeup of your own. 

“Do you have anything less offensive than purple?” He asks, looking between you and the brush. 

“I’m sorry ma’am, is there a shade you prefer?” 

“No, no, no! I trust you, I trust you!” 

You carefully swiped different eyeshadows on his lids, committing the image of him in makeup to memory. It was a short lived experience as he began getting whiny about how heavy his eyes felt. After you freed him from “makeup prison,” he hurried off to get dressed himself, allowing you to do a simple but effective look. 

The drive wasn’t long, but he still made it feel special by playing your favorite songs and holding your hand. It felt very high school first date but in the best way possible. You had butterflies, too. Jake looked damn good, his solid black ensemble with silver accents from his belt and jewelry had you practically drooling. You found yourself fighting a lot of urges during the short trip from the apartment to the restaurant, opting for your best behavior as you pulled into the parking lot of Olive Garden.

“I know it’s not like, super fancy or anything.” 

“I love Olive Garden, Strings.” 

“Well, perfect! Then we’re off to a good start!” 

Giggles filled the car before Jake exited, running to the other side to open your door. You wrapped your hands around his bicep as he led you inside. 

You’d never been in this Olive Garden, come to think of it you don’t recall ever having been in an Olive Garden. The wooden chairs and tables paired with the weird designed brown carpet oddly complimented one another. The dim yellow lights and bright red accent wall threw you off a little, but all in all it was quite beautiful. Taking in your surroundings, you missed Jake’s interaction with the hostess, only realizing you were being seated when Jake placed his hand on your waist to guide you. 

“Look, Jake!” You whisper excitedly, discretely pointing to a carseat resting in the booth. 

“Who brings a baby to Olive Garden?” Jake scoffs, shaking his head as he pulls out your chair, guiding you to sit.

“I dunno, but she’s so cute,” 

She reminded you a lot of the baby you’d see in your dreams, honey eyes and chubby pink cheeks. Her little noises were to die for. Jake ordered drinks while you were in and out of conversation, most of your attention spent ogling over the infant. 

You could feel Jake’s irritation due to your lack of attention towards him. You reached across the table and grabbed his hand to hold as you looked at the menu, creating small talk over the menu options before ultimately ordering for the two of you. 

“I was thinking maybe you could squeeze in some time to see us in December? We have a show at The Intersection on the thirtieth.” Jake suggests. 

“That’s plausible, I’ll be on winter break by then.” You nod, rubbing your thumb against the side of his hand. 

“Right, how’s that by the way?” 

“It’s going okay…” 

“But?” He prods.

“But I miss having you in class with me, rockstar.” 

“It’s never too late to drop out and join me!” 

It was tempting. You hated not being able to see him while he was on the road, and you knew he hated it, too. 

“I have to finish school, Jake. If not for me, for Dad. He would want me to.” 

“I know, honey. I was kidding,” He clears his throat followed by a sip of wine. “I’m proud of you for going back even if it means I have to miss you.” 

The waiter comes back with your food, placing each plate of steaming pasta before each of you. As he walks away, the baby in the booth begins crying. Jake looks a little irritated, but tries to hide it with a smile when you look from the baby towards him.

“So,” You lead, quickly chewing the bite of pasta before continuing. “Have you ever thought about it?” 

“Hm? About what?” Jake furrows his brows while sipping his wine. 

“Parenthood, having a baby, stuff like that?” 

“Um, no not really. Having a baby would absolutely wreck my future. Can’t be a dad and be on tour at the same time.” Another sip of wine. “Besides, they cry way too much, I couldn’t stand that.” 

“Oh, right. I didn’t think about touring and whatnot.” 

“Have you thought about it?” Jake asks almost disgustedly, as if it were a thought you should never have. 

“Um, a little bit yeah but not a whole lot.” 

Lie. 

You constantly dreamt of having a baby, having his baby. But with his reaction towards the booth baby, you felt there was no use entertaining the idea. He made it abundantly clear where he stood on having children, either you’d have to deal with that or you’d have to find someone else down the line. A bridge you’d cross when you got to it, right now all you knew was Jake and you weren’t willing to know someone else. 

“I just think maybe not now y’know? Like sure, when we’re older, but not right now.” Jake tries to lessen the blow, the awkward silence growing rapidly until a new conversation is started. He begins asking if you have other photography gigs lined up and what that process looks like for you.

By the end of dinner, the wine had settled in causing both parties to grow flirty, Jake gently touching your knee under the table. The comment that made you a little upset earlier almost didn’t matter with the way his hand felt against your leg. He himself was enough. 

Jake was quick to pay the bill and get you to the car where he was significantly more touchy than before. His fingers trailed up and down your thigh until they snaked under your dress, dangerously close to your center. He always acted up while driving, where you knew you had to compose yourself because others could see your face. He brushes his fingers against your clothed center, drawing a breathy whine from your lips. 

“This okay?” He asks, pulling up to a red light. 

“What are you gonna do?” You knew what he was going to do, but you teased him anyway. 

“Could do lots of things,” He licks his lips. “I could keep teasing you until you’re soaked and begging for me…” 

“Yeah? What else?” 

“I could give you what you want,” 

“Which is?” Your breath hitches in your throat as he dips his fingers under your panties, pushing them to the side. 

“You want me to touch you,” Jake runs his fingers through your folds, collecting your slick on the pads. “But I’m gonna do what I want.” He removes his hand, bringing his fingers to his mouth as he licks your juices off of them. 

“No fair.” You huff, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“Baby, the real fun is when we get home.” 

Before you knew it, you were parked outside the apartment. Josh’s car was gone, which meant getting to be as loud as you wanted. Not that him being home ever stopped you before, granted you did feel bad for disturbing his peace. Jake hurried you up the stairs, following behind you and standing very close as you fumbled with the keys to the front door. You ended up dropping them, putting on your best show to retrieve them. Ass high in the air, making sure your dress inched up as he grabbed your hips, pressing his groin against you. You wanted him to take you right there, it didn’t matter who saw, but you both knew better.

Finally unlocking the door, Jake slams it behind and wastes absolutely no time getting to business. He pushes you against the door and drops to his knees, bunching your dress up at your waist as he begins kissing across your clothed mound. You place one leg over his shoulder, bringing his face even with your center. His teeth teased the hemline of your panties before you felt him bite down. It was inevitable, another pair was about to be destroyed. The number of panties he’d ruined was growing increasingly high, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered as he tore the fabric to shreds, enough for the air to cool the warm slick that he created. 

“I’ll get new ones,” He mumbles before dipping his tongue between your folds. 

“I-I know.” You whine, nesting one of your hands in his hair, tugging at the base as his head bobs back and forth. 

“Fuck, baby. I need you on me,” Jake lets his head fall back, looking up at you with his pussy drunk eyes and wet lips. 

“Lay back.” 

Jake lays on the floor as you lower yourself to the ground, straddling his hips. It was your turn to ruin an article of his clothing, your hands splayed on his chest as you made your choice. You grab either side of his button down, ripping it open to expose his chest. He looks at you in absolute disbelief. 

“That’s my girl,” He laughs, placing his hands on your hips, rocking you back and forth over his hardening length. Your nimble fingers make quick work of his belt and zipper, shimmying his pants and underwear past his thighs as his aching cock sprung against his belly. 

“Miss me?” You tease, rubbing his cock with your pussy, his hard length pressed against your clit. 

“So much. Haven’t even touched myself.” 

That comment tugged your heart. 

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“Not the same as having you on me,” Jake removes one hand from your hip to the space where your bodies connect, gently nudging your entrance with his dick. “I need you, Y/n.” 

You slowly sink onto his length, your eyes screwing shut at the sensation of his thumb against your clit. Neither of you move, simply just taking a moment to revel in the feeling. 

“Jake?” A breathy whisper barely leaves your lips. 

“Hm? What is it, pretty baby?”

“Record… Wanna see how you fill me…” Ecstasy courses through your veins as he fumbles for his phone. 

You lean back, balancing yourself with your palms firmly on his knees. Jake’s right hand is lazily holding his phone propped on his belly, his left hand working your bundle of nerves as you find your pace. 

“How does she look?” 

“Fucking perfect. I need you, SG, please?” He begs, dropping his phone to the side as he pulls your torso towards his. Your arms rest against his sides, hands hooking around his shoulders while he locks his arms around your torso. 

When did he get this strong? 

Cheek pressed against his exposed chest, your lips begin moving across the sweat coated skin of his throat. You suck light pink marks anywhere your lips can reach, Jake groaning at the feeling as he fucks into your dripping center. 

“Uh- Jake… Please?” You whine, digging your nails into his shoulders. 

“Cum for me, princess. Show me how good I feel.” 

“Soooo…” You trail off, lifting your head from his chest to look at his face. You’re holding off until he’s close for the feeling of finishing together. 

Jake’s cheeks and nose are blushed the cutest tint of pink, a thin sheen of sweat across his face that his hair sticks to and perfectly furrowed brows. You bring one hand up from his side to tuck his hair behind his ear before cupping his jaw in your palm. Teasing his bottom lip with your thumb is all it takes for him to open his eyes. His beautiful, brown doe eyes that you fell in love with the moment you walked into that lecture room. His hips begin slowing, he’s painfully close and somehow feels thicker than before. 

“So pretty,” You whisper, kissing the apple of his left cheek, moving to the tip of his nose and then the right. 

“Tell me again?” He desperately pleads, precum leaking from his tip. 

“You’re so pretty, Jakey.” 

“And again?” 

“My boy is so pretty,” You mumble against his lips before finally kissing him. That was all either of you needed, that one extra step of closeness before his seed spills into you. Jake’s hips stutter, your clit rubbing against just below his belly making you clench around him. 

“Mm, baby…” He groans, still moving his cock against your walls as he fucks his cum deep inside of you. “One more for me?” 

One more led to three, four, you lost count as the two of you slowly made your way to his bedroom. A hot bath was on the horizon as your muscles grew deliciously sore from each position. He filled you more times than you could count, praising you and talking you through it. The feeling of him lingered between your legs and on your skin well after you’d fallen asleep in his embrace. Missing him simply didn’t explain the several forms of emptiness you felt while he was away. How your body and soul yearned for his. 

“I missed you, my girl.” Jake mumbles into your damp hair, locking his fingers with yours. 

“I missed you,” You mutter coyly. 

“Wish we could be like this forever,” A sigh falls from his lips and he pulls you closer. “I hate leaving you. Just wanna be here and take care of my baby.” 

As much as you’d like that, you know his heart is set on the road. Jake is meant to be something great one day, you can feel it. You had since the first time you met him, the folded flyer for his show at Omega with his number eagerly scribbled on the back as he offered to get you in for free. 

Jake is destined to be somebody more than your college sweetheart. Mom was probably right. What would a rockstar like Jake want to do with someone like you? That didn’t matter, it couldn’t. Happiness felt incredibly hard to come by since Dad passed, and Jake made all of the pain go away. His family became yours, you finally felt wanted and loved. A label didn’t mean much at this point, you had everything you wanted with him and that was enough.  ✨

November 11, 2017

Every single day this week you’ve woken up nauseous as all hell. Naturally, as the one with the weakest immune system, you always get sick first. But Jake and Josh hadn’t seemed to be feeling off yet, meanwhile your symptoms hadn’t been getting better. You’ve been under a lot of stress between work and school which was a notorious trigger for a late period. Something just felt off, and while you tend to overthink things you couldn’t help but wonder.

After a half hour of babying yourself, you finally muster up the courage to get out of bed. Jake had plans to look at guitars with a friend, making today’s goal to make Josh get the groceries, or at least go with you to do the lifting. 

You walk into an empty livingroom, no musical number to be heard in the distance. It wasn’t like either of them to just not be home without warning. You call up Josh to see if maybe, just maybe, he took initiative for once. Four rings later he finally picks up sounding out of breath. 

“Good morning, Starletta!” 

“Hi, are you coming home soon?” 

“Um…” He moves around for a second, something shifting in the background. “I hadn’t planned on it. Why, what’s up?” 

“Gotta get groceries, still don’t feel good. I don’t know what’s wrong but everything hurts.” 

“Y/n…” 

“Josh…” 

“It’s been over two weeks, have you been taking medicine?” He sounds almost accusatory, as if you were willingly keeping yourself from feeling better.

“Yes, in fact more medicine is on the shopping list I thought you were so graciously picking up.” 

“Okay, okay,” Josh sighs and takes a deep breath. “I will be home in twenty and we can go to the store, okay?” 

“Perfect, thank you.” 

You didn’t care much for looking presentable, only comfortability was the goal. Everything simply ached to say the least. No sleep was enough sleep, no food stayed down as much as you wanted it to. The stress from school was taking so much of a toll you nearly considered dropping out like the twins.

A text from Josh comes through letting you know he was here. Grabbing the shopping list, you make your way downstairs and into his car. Josh also didn’t look like he cared about looking presentable, which was out of the ordinary. Except he, unlike you, had a glow to his messy look. A ‘just got laid’ look which made you feel bad for interrupting. 

“Who’s the lucky gal?” You teased while settling in. 

“Oh come on, a real man doesn’t kiss and tell.” He shrugs. 

“I get it,” You reach over and press your finger into the big hickey on his neck. “I also wouldn’t tell people I slept with a leach.” 

“Ha ha, Y/n, very funny.” 

There wasn’t an exchange for almost two songs, just humming and Josh tapping his fingers. Granted he was not tapping on beat, he seemed almost anxious. 

“So…” He slowly started.

“So?” You questioned with furrowed brows. He could be about to say quite literally anything and surely you would not be prepared for whatever it was. You never were. 

“I was thinking when I was driving home…”

“Uh-oh, did it hurt?” You giggle, smacking his arm with the back of your hand. 

“Y/n.” He scolds. 

“Sorry.” Wow, whatever it is must be weighing heavy. 

“The symptoms seem pretty obvious, to me at least.” 

“Yeah? And what is that, Dr. Kiszka?” 

“Well, what if you’re pregnant?”

Your heart sinks at the suggestion. Pregnant? Was this his nice way of calling you fat? In highschool they tried starting a rumor you were pregnant because you’d gained weight over the summer. 

“Okay,” You scoff, shaking your head in disbelief. “Just tell me I’m gaining weight. That’s a symptom of birth control. Y’know, the thing that prevents pregnancy?” 

“You’re not gaining weight, Y/n. You’re hardly eating because you’ve been nauseous for two weeks. That doesn’t sound weird to you?” 

“It’s because I’m under a lot of stress right now, Josh. Sorry I’m not fitting your boxes.” You huff and cross your arms very childlike. 

“Please just entertain me and take a test? At least then we’ll know for sure.” He’s right, and you hate when he’s right. 

Josh pulls into the Meijer parking lot, going for a spot near the doors.

“Fine.” 

“Thank you.” He leans over and kisses the side of your head. 

The grocery trip is overwhelming to say the least. Christmas decorations filled every space that was empty ten months of the year, bright lights and the unbearably strong scented pinecones existing around every corner you turn. Never sensitive before, for some reason the smell makes you feel beyond sick. 

After getting everything on the list, Josh drags you down the aisle of despair. Condoms, pregnancy tests and diapers all in one spot. They really wanted to drive the message home. You grab a box that has two tests in it for safe measure, just so you can rub it in Josh’s face that you’re right and he’s wrong not once but twice. 

Checking out was quite the interaction, the cashier asking you and Josh how long you’ve been trying to get pregnant. Josh could have literally answered any way other than what he did. 

Oh, we aren’t! This is my twin’s girlfriend!  

He meant well, but the look on the cashier’s face said otherwise. Now a poor elderly lady at the local Meijer definitely thought you were whoring around with your boyfriend’s twin and got knocked up. She wished you luck in the form of ‘whatever result you’re hoping for,’ dragging on the weird interaction.

The drive home was somehow more awkward as you clutched the bag with the tests in it. At least Josh carried in all of the groceries without asking for help or complaining. 

“I’ll put this stuff away so you can do that, okay?” 

“Okay,” You nod, tearing the plastic off the box as you walk to the bathroom. 

Peeing was not a problem considering you’d been holding it since Meijer. The stick however was quite the problem. Target practice was not on today’s to-do list, yet here you are. In ten minutes, all of your anxiety would be alleviated, but until then you nervously paced in the bathroom. 

“Stop that, you’re making me anxious.” Josh huffs in the doorway. 

“Imagine how I feel. At least-” Saved by the bell. What was about to be a rude comment is cut shy by your timer set on your phone. “Something’s gotta be wrong with it.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Like I think that’s a second line, but it’s not very promising. False positives happen all the time.” Gaslighting yourself would only work for so long. If that second test came up the same you were royally fucked. 

“Can you take the other one?”

“Not with an audience, Josh.” 

He lifts his hands above his head before turning and walking into the living room. You repeat the process, setting the alarm as you hover over the counter in anticipation. 

It was almost immediately another positive test, the color leaving your face as the second line appeared. This cannot be happening. Not right now, not like this. Not after Jake’s comments about a baby. Not with the man who loves you, but doesn’t like you enough to make you his. Your phone starts blasting its alarm, but the sound begins to fade out as your vision tunnels. 

“Well, survey says?” Josh asks from the other side of the door but the panic has already set in, you can’t answer. All you can do is slowly fall to the floor. “Starletta?” 

He begins opening the door, pushing it enough to see you sitting on the floor with your back against the tub. You can hardly see him past the tears in your eyes, but you know he’s there. All you have the strength for is grasping the pregnancy test in your palm. Josh sits down beside you, the heat from his body warming your cool, damp skin. He reaches for the test and stares at the two pink lines. 

“Oh my god…” Josh whispers to himself softly. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.” He brings his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side in an attempt to comfort you. You turn your entire body towards him and latch onto his torso, sobbing into his ribs. 

Would it all be okay, or did you just ruin Jake’s life?

The muffled pounding of bellowing music shakes the rickety front porch beneath your feet, the aged wood groaning with every hesitant step. By the sound coming from behind the door, you can tell the party is in full swing, and like usual, you’re late. It’s not like you meant to be late, it was your ride’s fault. Speaking of which–

“The door should be open,” Josh huffs while rushing up the front porch steps of his home. He offered to pick you up since you’re wearing matching costumes– vampires– and wanted to show up together. Josh is dressed in a white long-sleeve button-up with fake blood dripping down the side of his neck, staining the stark white fabric of his shirt; implying that he’s your victim. 

You, on the other hand, are wearing a deep red satin corset with a mesh flared long-sleeve underneath and a black mini skirt that rests just below your ass. Your lips are crimson, a similar shade dripping down the corners of your lips, which hide the removable vampire teeth implants on your canines. Josh is sporting the same implants, which flash every time he speaks.

“I know, I'm just waiting for you.” You lie, and he notices, stopping in his tracks and looking at you with a quirked brow. “Do you think we look ridiculous?” You sigh out, looking down at yourself. 

“Of course not. We look amazing,” he frowns, looking at both of you. “Do you want to wait a moment?” He asks sincerely, his tone gentle, and his hand coming up to rest on your shoulder. 

“No, no, I’m ready.” Nodding, he steps before you, turning the handle and passing the threshold as the door swings open. The once-muffled music blares in your ears with the uncomfortably humid air engulfing the two of you as Josh pushes past the dense crowd. His hand reaches behind him, encouraging you to take it while you weave between partygoers, the stench of their sweat and consumed alcohol reaching your nose. Your hand rests comfortably in his, his long fingers intertwining with yours and gripping tightly as you approach the cramped kitchen.  

You’re honestly surprised by the number of people attending the party; the sea of individuals is a mixture of Halloween costumes– clowns, zombies, pirates… Multiple pirates, actually. You notice a few costumes as references to films and even spot a couple dressed as vampires, though they’re Twilight vampires based on the excessive amount of glitter stuck to their skin.

“Here we are.” Josh’s voice comes out in an exasperated huff as he stops in front of the array of cheap alcohol, mixers, chasers, and red solo cups. “Your usual?”

“Yes, please.” 

Josh lets go of your hand and swiftly conjures up your usual drink, but you doubt you’ll be drinking much tonight. With parties this big, you prefer to stay alert, and you mostly end up people-watching– witnessing sloshed strangers embarrass themselves and act out of character. 

“Nice costume.” A deep voice says behind you, causing you to turn around to see who it is, but you’re unsure when you look at him. He’s dressed as Frankenstein’s monster and has an equally terrifying smirk on his face. 

“Oh, thanks. You too.”

“You here with anyone?” He questions despite your deliberate lack of interest.

“Yes, actually.” Just as Josh finishes making the drinks, he butts into the conversation, his arm wrapping around your waist and pulling you into him as he hands you a drink. You’re aware this is his way of asking the stranger to politely fuck off, but you can’t control the heat that creeps into your cheeks. Josh isn’t scary in the slightest, but the man still backs off, silently apologizing while backing away. 

“Thank you for that.” You sigh, bringing the cup to your lips and taking a sizable gulp. 

“Of course. Looks like I’ll be needing to keep an eye on you tonight.” He chuckles, leaving his arm wrapped around your waist as he reaches for his drink. This wouldn’t be the first time, and certainly not the last, that you and Josh acted couple-like to avoid the unwanted attention of others, but something felt… different. 

That feeling remains persistent throughout the night, and while no one else bothers you, Josh still keeps his hold on you. His hands find your waist with ease, his eyes lingering on yours, and his body stays glued to yours while talking with mutual friends. You’re unsure if it’s the slight buzz clouding your senses, or if maybe his actions hold a deeper meaning. You’re not opposed to finding out, either. 

~~~~~~~~~

The last stragglers eventually stumble out of the house, climbing into waiting cars to take them home in their drunken state. Josh’s brothers have already disappeared elsewhere, most likely to avoid the lingering mess throughout the eerily silent house. The music is no longer playing, and the constant murmur of people talking has gone void, leaving you and Josh alone in the mess of a kitchen. Crumpled plastic cups make themselves home on the counter, and floor, while piling around the perimeter of the overflowing trashcan. Half-empty cups are left on every surface of the house; above the fireplace, the coffee table, the dining room table, and even the bathroom sink. It takes you both some time to collect every piece of remaining trash and pack them into larger garbage bags, but once you finish, the two of you lean against the cleared kitchen counter, admiring the somehow spotless kitchen. 

“Wanna stay the night?” Josh’s tone cuts through the silence of the kitchen, pulling you to look at him. You’ve both sobered up by now, and the exhaustion that’s built itself through the entire night consumes you. You’d be lying if laying in Josh’s bed doesn’t sound amazing right now, and it’s not like sleeping over is new for you, but still, you’re hesitant. The brief grazes, subtle touches, and flirtatious stares have you wound up, and you’re not entirely sure sharing a bed with him is a good idea. 

“Sure, why not.” Fuck it. 

“Perfect.” He smiles, flashing his faux vampire fangs, pushing himself away from the counter, and walking toward the living room. Following him, you depart from the counter, meekly mimicking his path into the next room and up the creaky staircase. The quiet house amplifies the sound of your heavy steps, your pulse matching as you come closer to his room. Why you’re so nervous, you didn’t know. 

Josh swings the door open, allowing you to step in first, and closes it behind you, rounding your stance and plopping on the edge of his bed. You opt for his desk, leaning against the sturdy piece of furniture, and crossing your arms. He looks confused, tilting his head, surely wondering why you’re keeping your distance from him. 

“Did you enjoy the party?” He asks, visibly pushing aside the previous thought. 

“Of course, I did,” A small smile tugs at the corner of your lips from his small talk, the sudden awkwardness causing heat to wrap around your neck. While you’ve known Josh for years, it feels as though something shifted during the party, and you have a suspicion he feels it as well. “Did you?”

Taking him in as he nods, his doe-eyes look up at you from his seated position, the blood dripping down his neck now dry and cracking, and his lips are peculiarly plump as the fangs push against them. He’s leaning back, his arms propping him up on open palms, and his legs are naturally spread. He looks… Good. Rising heat settles in your gut as the pitch-black of your pupils expands, and ironically, given your costume, your mouth waters, and your skin prickles with pure desire. 

You don’t exactly plan, or expect, the next phrase to come out of your mouth, in fact, you’re not sure where it’ll lead. However, you can’t help yourself when the stillness settles yet again between you, and he too looks like he’s expecting something… Waiting… His eyes are glossy, his eyebrows scrunched upward, and the minute twitch in his leg shows his anxiousness.

“Come here.” 

With a simple rushed expression, he’s off the bed and standing mere inches from you, your slouched position against his desk prompting you to tilt your head back. The rich browns of his irises are consumed by the darkness of his pupils, reflecting a chilling amount of lust underneath the surface. His chest rises and falls quickly, small huffs of air pushing past his partially open lips. Wild eyes filled with uncertainty search your features, his hands hesitantly reaching for your waist, just ghosting over the thick material of your corset. 

“Can I kiss–”

Without another word, your arms uncross, your hands grasping his face in a firm grip as your lips collide with his. A startled hum catches in his throat, his eyes going wide for a second before fluttering close, his body melting into yours and pushing you further into the desk. His hands find the courage to grab your waist, his fingertips turning white from the strength of his hold on you, and digging slightly into the rough fabric.

Your vampire fangs poke just behind your lips, causing you to part them, allowing Josh to brush his tongue against yours. He tastes exactly how you’ve always imagined… for an embarrassing amount of time. He’s sweet and smokey, and the lingering taste of alcohol dances along the corners of his mouth. It’s intoxicating. Insatiable.

His hips instinctively thrust against yours, fully propping you onto the flat surface of the desk. Your legs open for him, your skirt slowly hiking up your bare thighs as he settles between your spread legs. A small gasp pierces your lungs when you feel his hardened bulge pressing against your clothed core as he slowly grinds into you, deepening the kiss. 

Hunger takes over, the sharp edges of both of your vampire fangs nipping at reddened, plump lips. Your crimson lipstick has transferred onto him, smudging along the edges of his lips as he pulls away, his pupils blown and yours mirroring his. Chests heaving and lips agape, you pause, his hands subtly trembling against your waist and your hands sliding down his cheeks to his shoulders. 

“Keep going.” You whisper. Moving with haste, Josh reaches for the implants, struggling to take them off before you grab his wrist, stopping him. “Keep them on.”

A smug smile pulls at his lips, accentuating his perfect teeth paired with the dull sharpness of the fangs. He leans forward, dipping into your neck and planting soft kisses along the sensitive flesh. A soft breath brushes past your lips, letting out a silent sigh as your head tilts, allowing him more access to the expanse of your neck. 

Gentle kisses become open-mouthed, his teeth grazing the tender skin. A moan melts from you when you feel him sink his teeth into the skin just below your jaw, biting hard enough to leave a mark, but without drawing blood. He repeats this motion along your neck, pulling needier whines the harder he bites. Your hips absently buck into his, chasing the friction you so desperately crave. 

“Please, Josh. More.”

“Wanna enjoy this—” His words are mumbled against the crook of your neck as he switches to the other side, giving it as much attention as the previous. The unbearable heat that pools in your gut causes you to grasp at his waist, pulling him into you and rubbing his erection against your aching clit. A shared groan fills the silence of his room, and without much encouragement, he thrusts into you again, and again. 

A consistent string of moans and silent curses blows into his ear as he grunts against you, his hands traveling to the outside of your thighs and gripping tightly to gain momentum. You could finish just like this, the tingling sensation already building deep in your cunt, your walls pulsing with arousal. But you want more. Need more.

With a squeeze of your legs around his hips, he pulls away, his eyes examining his work; red two-dot marks litter your blotchy skin with small developing bruises alternating between bite marks. From the smirk on his kiss-plump lips, he’s satisfied.

Watching intently, his gaze travels down your body, his eyes lingering on your restricted breasts pushing against the corset. You open your mouth to speak, but you shut it when he sinks to his knees, his face level with your aching cunt. His eyes hold yours, silently asking for permission as his hands hook in the waistband of your skirt. Nodding fervently, he tugs gently, pulling the stretchy fabric of the skirt and your underwear down. 

He swallows thickly when his eyes settle on your glistening cunt, and if it were possible, his eyes become a black void. Nerves climb your throat as he leans forward, the soft huffs of his breath sending a chill down your spine. Slowly, he presses firm kisses along the inner of your thighs, occasionally sinking his teeth into the plush flesh. Strained whines melt off your tongue, your eyebrows scrunching the closer he gets to where you want him. Finally, his tongue darts between the fangs, swiping leisurely up your slit and nearly causing you to double over from the unexpected pleasure. 

“Oh, god—” Shallow gasps expand your lungs while your hands fly to his curls and grip gently, encouraging his movements. He works faster, exploring your velvety folds and humming when he tastes your arousal spread on his tongue. His eyes roll back as they shut, his lips nuzzling against your clit and sucking harshly, making you throw your head back. “Fuck!” 

The sound of his slurping and your drawn-out moans are borderline pornographic, but you can’t bother to consider the thought of anyone hearing. His movements are strategic, being mindful of his teeth, as he rhythmically flicks the tip of his tongue against your swollen clit. 

“Josh— Fuck, I’m so close!”

Just when your peak heightens, the squeezing of your walls quickens, and your hips sporadically grind against his open mouth. You’re so close and your breath hitches, stopping completely as the coil tightens—

He pulls away and your climax disappears just as quickly as it came. A frustrated groan grumbles deep within you, and he snickers, getting up and standing between your writhing legs. 

“Why’d you stop?” Your words are winded, your chest heaving from your heavy breaths. 

“I need to feel you.” His lips are shiny with your arousal, his chin sporting the same shine, and his eyes stay on yours. It’s enough to distract you from his hands fumbling with his jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping them, then pulling them down to free his erection. Holding his gaze, sharp breaths enter you both when he rubs his tip between your slick folds, spreading your arousal along his sensitive tip and prodding at your weeping entrance. Your legs open further with your fingers still tangled in his hair as he pushes his hips forward. Inch by inch, your walls accommodate his impressive size, stretching around him and pulling him in the deeper he pushes. He lets out a groan with a breath you weren’t aware he was holding as he bottoms out, his forehead leaning against yours while he catches his breath. 

A beat passes before he finally pulls back almost completely before thrusting back in slowly. Shaky breaths fill the space between you and his hands rest on your waist for reassurance, squeezing lightly. He remains the unhurried pace, allowing the dull ache to melt into pleasure, and the scolding heat returns to your gut. Restraint is present in his rhythm as he holds back, his jaw clenching as he chases for more. 

“Faster.” You tell him, holding his curls tightly as he moves quicker, thrusting into you roughly. The desk rocks from the vigorous movement, and you wrap your legs around him, keeping him close as your climax rebuilds itself. 

“Feels so good. So wet.” He mutters, his eyes squeezing shut as he thrusts harder. “Been thinking about this all night.”

“Shit– Me too.” You admit, “For so long.”

“Yeah?” His forehead leaves yours at your admission, his eyes boring into yours. 

“Yeah.”

“Me too.” 

From such simple words, your orgasm is at its peak and you can no longer hold it, but based on Josh’s thrusts growing sloppier, he’s not far behind. His grip on your waist becomes stronger, more desperate, as if he’s trying to hold on longer– to keep going. 

“I’m– Fuck!” Before the words can leave your lips, your climax crashes into like a ton of bricks, leaving you hopelessly out of control of your body. Your head tilts forward and your open mouth latches onto his clothed shoulder, your fangs piercing through the soft material and sinking into his muscle. Your cries are muffled as your walls spasm around his cock, waves of arousal coating it as he continues to thrust into you, his orgasm hitting simultaneously.

“Oh fuuuck.” His words come out in a prolonged whine, his head thrown back as he finishes inside of you, milking his orgasm while his erection twitches with every pump. As if he’s unable to stop, he lazily continues, pulling exasperated whimpers from you both. “S’too good.” 

Releasing his shoulder, specks of blood stain the white fabric, matching the fake blood that drips along the front of it. You examine him; his hair is a mess– a product of your tugging– his cheeks are bright red, and his eyes are hooded. He looks, well, fucked. And you’re sure you mimick his expression; brows furrowed from overstimulation, lips parted, and skin marked by him. 

When neither of you can take anymore, he hesitantly pulls out, and a single moan escapes you from the lack of contact. A shiver travels down your spine when you feel the mixed orgasms spill out of you and onto the desk, leaving you a mess. 

Josh is quick to find a towel, wiping the surface beneath and gently cleaning off your sensitive cunt. He assists you in sliding off the desk and your legs are immediately wobbly when you put your weight on them. Pulling you to the bed, he sits down on the edge, encouraging you to sit on his lap, straddling him. Not a single word is shared between you, though it’s not uncomfortable. 

With his head tilted back to look up at you, you kiss him tenderly, earning a soft groan from him. Unable to help yourself, you grind your naked cunt on him, and you’re pleasantly surprised when you feel his erection returning. 

“Already?” You chuckle, breaking the kiss and quirking a brow.

“Well, you know what they say,” He smiles, flashing those damn fangs, “Vampires don’t sleep.”

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

10:33 PM

With a creak and groan, the ancient wooden doors of the abbey slowly part before you, revealing a luminous scene that takes you by surprise. The room beyond is bathed in an otherworldly blue glow, shimmering with the eerie splendor of two enormous stained glass windows. The blue light spills across the space, pooling like liquid at your feet. You step through the threshold, your heels echoing against the stone floor, and immediately the air is filled with the hum of conversation and laughter, the cheerful din of partygoers. Somewhere, distant yet resonant, the haunting notes of an organ drift from another room.

You pause for a moment, letting your gaze travel over the room. Two grand firelit lamps stand sentinel on either side, their flames seemingly casting not orange, but blue-tinged shadows. The paintings on the walls, the velvet-upholstered chairs, the intricately woven rug beneath your feet—every last detail shimmers in rich, captivating blue.

But there's no time to linger. You catch your breath and continue forward, making your way down a long hallway towards the growing sounds of the partygoers.

The corridor twists, and with a sharp left turn, you find yourself in yet another grand room, though this one is bathed in the deep, sultry warmth of magenta. The walls radiate the pinkish color, and it paints the faces of the few guests scattered about in soft, rose-tinted shadows. You don’t recognize anyone here—and that doesn’t surprise you. You hadn’t expected to know many people at this event; after all, you had been invited by your long-time friend, Mira, who never missed an opportunity to thrust herself, and by extension you, into the center of extravagant events. Parties like this were her playground, where the eccentric and the elegant intermingled seamlessly.

You didn’t mind following along, though. Truth be told, you enjoyed the excuse to dress up, to wear something that made you feel like someone else, if only for a night. Your dark purple gown flows as you walk, the soft fabric brushing against the floor, and the lacy black masquerade mask you wear lends you an air of mystery. You glide through the magenta room without pause, the conversation barely registering as you pursue the growing noise of the crowd ahead.

Another turn, another left, and now you enter the green room.

It is smaller, but far more crowded, a buzz of lively chatter filling the space. The green hue saturates everything, casting the scene in an ethereal, almost dreamlike light. You scan the crowd, eyes darting from one masked face to another, searching for Mira. No sign of her yet. But before you can make another move, you notice something strange—someone standing at the edge of the room, a man in a crimson suit.

He's not mingling, not engaging in the festivities like everyone else. Instead, he leans casually against the emerald wall, his piercing gaze fixed on you. His outfit is striking—an almost unnaturally bright red suit and matching mask, and his black hair slicked back away from his face. The pit of your stomach tightens with unease. There’s something unsettling about the way he watches you, as though he's been expecting you all along.

You look away, pretending to be preoccupied with the crowd, but as you move through the room, you can’t shake the feeling that those eyes are following your every step. No matter where you turn, you can sense his gaze lingering, unrelenting.

Suddenly, a deep, resonant sound reverberates through the walls—the unmistakable chime of a clock from somewhere deep within the abbey. A bell tolls, loud and clear, its echo rippling through the air. Everything comes to a sudden halt. The laughter dies, conversations cease, and the organ music stops in mid-note. You freeze, heart pounding, as the room falls into an eerie, unnatural silence. Every face you can see looks grim, as though anticipating something awful.

After a few minutes, although it feels like an eternity, the clock’s final chime fades into nothingness, and the crowd resumes its former liveliness as if nothing unusual had happened. Conversations reignite, laughter resumes, and the organ music swells once more, yet the strange heaviness in the air remains.

11:00 PM

You find yourself stepping into yet another room, this one taking your breath away. It's larger than the others by far, with towering ceilings that seem to stretch into the heavens, and at the center of the back wall stands a grand pipe organ—magnificent in its scale and design. Its gleaming pipes rise like spires, glinting in the dim light.

As you take in the sight, the soft sound of footsteps catches your attention, followed by a voice, smooth as silk, from behind you.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

You turn slowly, and your eyes meet those of a man dressed in all black. He’s tall, with an air of quiet elegance, a single orange—or perhaps white—flower pinned to his lapel. His face is obscured by a simple black mask, but his eyes, dark and enigmatic, capture your attention and hold it. There’s something magnetic about him, something familiar yet unknown.

“It’s incredible,” you reply, turning to look at the organ again. “I’ve never seen one in person before. It sounded beautiful earlier.”

“Thank you,” he says, a note of amusement in his voice.

You blink, turning back to him in surprise.

He was the organ player. Of course he was.

Before you can respond, he steps closer.

“I’m glad you enjoyed the music,” he says, his voice smooth, rich. “But I suspect you didn’t come here for a performance…”

A playful smirk tugs at the corner of his lips, and you feel a warmth rise in your cheeks beneath the mask.

“I suppose not,” you reply, trying to sound composed. “Though I can’t say I’m entirely sure why I am here.”

Obviously you had come because Mira invited you, but something about the abbey seems to be pulling you in as if you were brought here for a reason.

His smile broadens, just enough to suggest he knows more than he’s letting on. “Perhaps that’s part of the fun. This place tends to attract the curious… and those searching for something they can’t quite name.”

You tilt your head slightly, feeling a strange pull to his words. “And what about you?” you ask, shifting the conversation back to him. “Are you here searching for something too?”

For a brief moment, his dark eyes flicker with something unreadable, like a shadow passing over them. He pauses before responding, as if contemplating the answer. “Perhaps,” he says finally, his tone quieter, more serious. “Or maybe I’ve already found it, and I’m just here to see if it will stay.”

His reply sends a shiver down your spine. Before you can ask him to elaborate, a burst of laughter erupts from the adjoining room, pulling your attention away. The party seems to have returned to full swing, the hum of voices and clinking of glasses growing louder. But here, in the bright orange light, it feels like a separate world entirely, one where time moves differently.

He follows your gaze towards the other guests, his expression unreadable once more. “These gatherings,” he muses, almost to himself, “they bring together all kinds. Some come for the spectacle, the excitement of an elegant party... Others come for the anonymity, like they just want a place where they don’t have to be themselves.”

The last words hang heavy in the air.

“I’m not sure which one I am,” you admit.

He chuckles softly. “You’ll figure it out. Though I’d wager you’re not just here for the party.”

Before you can respond, a flash of movement catches your eye—a familiar figure entering the room. It’s Mira, dressed in her usual flamboyance, a gown of shimmering fabric that almost rivals the abbey’s decor in brilliance. She’s laughing, arm in arm with another guest, her head thrown back in her typical carefree manner.

“There you are!” Mira calls out when she spots you, her voice bright and full of life. She sways toward you, pulling you into a quick embrace before her gaze flicks over to the man standing beside you. “Oh, I see you’ve met already,” she says with a sly grin, as if she knows something you don’t.

Your eyes dart between them, a question forming on your lips, but before you can ask, Mira leans in closer and whispers, “Watch yourself with this one. He’s a charmer.”

Mira pulls you aside and the masked man retreats into the crowd of people.

“Who was that?” You ask, hoping that Mira knew him as well as she let on.

“That’s Sam. He’s always throwing parties here, I think he just uses it as an excuse to show off his organ skills for pretty girls.” She laughs.

You laugh too, partially because it was funny and partially because his apparent plan had worked.

You and Mira chat for a few minutes before she is pulled away by someone else. Life of the party, as always. When the two of you part ways you find yourself retreating to the drink station.

You pour yourself a cup full of the punch they have laid out for guests. With the amber colored light beaming in from the stained glass windows, you couldn’t tell the color of the punch but you hoped it wasn’t flavored orange too.

You sip the undoubtedly orange flavored punch and go to turn around when you’re met with the dreaded man in the red mask standing right behind you. You jump, startled, and nearly spill your drink.

“Oh, I’m sorry-“ You say, trying to get out of his way of the drink table. He steps aside with you, maintaining the close proximity.

“Don’t be sorry. I’ve had my eye on you since you arrived.”

You force a smile, heart hammering as he inches closer, his intense gaze never wavering from yours. The air grows thick, and you can feel the unease radiating through every fiber of your being.

“Really?” you manage to say, attempting to mask the nervousness in your voice with a light tone. “Sorry, I’m just here with a friend.”

He tilts his head slightly, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. “Oh, but you don’t seem to be with anyone right now.”

You search for an answer, but the words seem to evaporate under the weight of his stare. His hand reaches out, fingers brushing your arm lightly, and a shiver runs through you, though not the pleasant kind. He leans in, his voice lowering as he murmurs, “Come chat with me. I don’t bite.”

Before you can step back, another voice cuts in, calm but firm. “Everything alright here?”

You turn to see Sam standing next to you. There’s a subtle warning in his eyes, and you feel a surge of relief at his presence. Sam steps between you and the stranger, positioning himself protectively, and for the first time, you see the man in red falter, a flicker of irritation passing across his face.

“We were just talking,” the man in red says, a tight smile pulling at his lips.

Sam doesn’t flinch. “Good to hear. But I think she was just leaving,” he says, glancing at you with a look of reassurance.

You take the hint, nodding gratefully as you step back, moving closer to Sam. The man in red hesitates, his gaze shifting between the two of you before he finally nods, the charming facade falling away. He steps aside, vanishing into the crowd, his eyes lingering on you one last time before he disappears completely.

“Thank you,” you whisper, feeling your heartbeat begin to steady.

Sam offers you a small, reassuring smile. “No need to thank me. Just thought you looked like you could use a hand.” He pauses, then adds with a slight smirk, “Besides, Mira would probably kill me if I didn’t look out for you.”

You chuckle, the tension finally breaking, and feel a warmth settle in as you realize you’re not alone in this strange, eerie place.

As the unsettling presence of the man in red fades into the crowd, you feel Sam’s hand gently brush against your arm, guiding you toward a quieter corner of the room. The buzz of partygoers swirls around you. Sam’s eyes meet yours, his expression thoughtful as if he’s deciding how much to say.

“Do you want to get out of here?” he asks, his voice low. “I know a place where we can actually hear ourselves think.”

You nod, the idea of escaping the crowded room with him unexpectedly enticing. Without another word, Sam gestures for you to follow, and you weave through the clusters of guests until you reach a doorway. He holds out his arm, gesturing for you to pass, and you slip through into a dimly lit hallway that stretches away from the party.

The silence here is a sharp contrast to the cacophony of the party, and you’re suddenly aware of the echo of your footsteps in the vast, empty space. Sam leads you down the corridor, turning left, then right, until you pass through a few other colored rooms, much like the others. An all white room, followed by a deep, rich purple. You reach the very end of the abbey. You walk into a room completely shrouded in black velvet furnishings, deep red windows bringing in a blood tinted light.

Sam stops near a velvet tufted bench beneath the large window, his gaze drifting over the room before turning back to you. For a moment, he seems almost shy, his confident demeanor softened. “I thought you might need a break,” he says quietly, looking at you with a gentleness that catches you off guard.

“Thank you. I did.” You take a seat on the bench, letting out a long breath. “This place is beautiful, but it’s… overwhelming.”

He nods, settling beside you. “That’s why I come out here sometimes. The party can feel like it’s pulling you in, swallowing you up.”

You glance at him, surprised. “And yet, you’re the one throwing it.”

A flicker of a smile crosses his face. “I guess even the host needs an escape every once in a while.” He pauses, then looks at you, his gaze earnest. “What about you? Something tells me you’re not much of one for this scene.

You feel a slight blush rise under his scrutiny, the truth not as straightforward as you’d like. “Yes and no,” you reply. “Mira loves these things, but… I think I came because I needed a night to just… let go. To feel like someone else, even if only for a little while.”

Sam nods, understanding glinting in his eyes. “Well, you certainly found the right place for that.” He tilts his head, studying you for a moment. “I’m glad you came, though. I didn’t expect to meet someone like you here.”

There’s something sincere in his tone that makes your heart flutter. His shoulder brushes against yours, a subtle connection that sends warmth spreading through you. For a few breaths, the world narrows to the two of you, the warm red light, and the distant sound of partygoers in the other rooms.

Sam turns slightly towards you, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper, "So… who might this new persona be that you've adopted tonight?" His eyes crinkle at the edges, amused, inviting.

”I guess you’ll have to find out,” you say, matter-of-factly.

“Do you think Mira is looking for you?” he says, seemingly starting to get nervous.

You smile and shake your head. “No, she’s probably going to be busy all night. This is how it always goes. Besides, I don’t care if she’s looking for me.”

He smiles back. The tension between you is thick. He leans in closer, putting a hand on your arm.

“Do you think- I mean, can I–“

Before he can get the sentence out, your lips are crashing softly into his like two magnets being pulled together against their will. His fingers squeeze your arm in surprise, but pull you closer to him at the same time. You pull away from his lips, and the grin on his face is one you hope to save in the depths of your mind for eternity.

In what can only be described as a sudden stroke of confidence, Sam pulls you in for another kiss. This time deeper, more passionate. The sounds of your breathing and hungry kisses mixed with the plastic edges of your masks clicking together creates a symphony of passion that fills the otherwise empty room.

His hands roam over your body, feeling the curves hidden beneath the silky material of your gown. A soft moan escapes your lips, muffled against his kisses.

You look towards the open doorway. None of the rooms in the abbey had doors except, of course, the bathrooms. Yet nobody had ventured all the way down the winding hallway to this room, and judging by the dust on the window ledges, you figure they hadn’t in a long time.

Sam pulls you closer to him, his hand finding its way to your thigh. You push your legs apart for him to grab hold of. His fingers gently dig into your thigh and he plants a soft kiss to your jawline, followed by your neck, and back up to your lips.

“What if someone comes in here?” you whisper, against his breath.

“They won’t.” He sinks to his knees, lifting the skirt of your dress up above your knees and running his fingers up your calves. “Do you trust me?” He kisses your thigh, his eyes never leaving yours.

You’re not sure if you do, but he looks so good like this that you’re not sure you care. Besides, if someone caught you it’s not like anyone here knew who you were besides your one friend.

You nod and he smirks up to you before planting more kisses along your thighs, gently sucking and nipping at the sensitive skin on the way up. His head disappears beneath the bulk of your gown and you feel his arms reach up and pull you to the edge of the bench. The hard plastic nosepiece of his mask grazes against your lace panties, sending your hips forward, looking for more contact.

“Easy, baby… what’s the rush?” He pushes his nose back against you, running it up towards the top of your panties.

His hot breath fans against your sensitive skin, making you tremble with anticipation. He reaches up and gently pulls your panties to the side, exposing your wetness.

He leans in, pressing a gentle kiss to your center. You gasp, pushing your legs apart further, silently begging for him to keep going. He chuckles against you, the vibration sending waves of pleasure through your body. His tongue slowly slides out, parting and tasting you.

Sam's tongue begins to explore, circling your clit before flicking rapidly over the sensitive spot. His hands grip your thighs, holding you open as he licks and sucks, alternating between broad strokes and targeted flicks.

You feel a knot churning in your stomach as your fingers dig into the velvet bench cushion next to you. You try to stifle your moans for fear of someone hearing, but he sucks your clit into his mouth, swirling his tongue around you in the most delicious way, causing a groan to ripple from your chest.

He pulls away, and you pout at the sudden loss of contact. He pulls his now desheveled head from under your dress and pushes the skirt up to your hips.

“God, you’re so beautiful.” He whispers, looking you up and down.

“You haven’t even seen my face,” You chuckle. He bites his lip in response.

“I don’t have to,” His fingers trail up your thighs. “You sound beautiful, you taste beautiful. And this body…” He brings his fingers back down to your clit, drawing lazy circles against the black lace. “You’re the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen, I know it.”

The look in his eyes is honest, and the wet sheen on the edges of his mask reflecting the deep red light of the windows make it the prettiest sight you’ve ever seen.

Sam leans in, capturing your lips in a searing kiss, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. His fingers continue their maddeningly slow circles on your clit as he kisses you deeply, swallowing any sounds you might make. He breaks away after a long moment, both of you breathing heavily.

“Are you gonna fuck me, Sam?” You whisper, almost inaudible against his lips. His two fingers find their way into your panties and dip inside you, drawing a whine from your throat.

“Do you want me to fuck you? I thought you were afraid to get caught?” He teased, pumping his fingers in deeper, making your head spin. Your hips rolling against his hand, pushing him deeper.

“Please, Sam… I don’t care if we get caught.” He looks up at you with a grin that can only be described as mischievous. He curls his fingers inside you, hitting your sweet spot. Your head rolls back against the wall and your quiet gasps and sighs begin to grow into moans. His eyes watch the grandfather clock behind you and he starts to unbuckle his belt with his free hand, palming himself through his suit. His fingers work you until you’re practically heaving at his every command. His eyes flick back up towards the clock as he starts to pull himself free.

God, he’s gorgeous. You look down at the sight of him stroking himself, getting himself off while touching you. You’d never met a man that giving in bed, no less a stranger. He stands up and pulls you up with him, backing you against the wall. He presses his lips against yours, hiking your leg over his sturdy hips. Just as he pulls away you feel him rub against your entrance.

His eyes flick up to the wall again and, like clockwork, the clock strikes midnight. He grips your hips and pushes into you, filling you all the way to the hilt. A loud groan rips from your chest and his fingers dig into your thighs tighter, quickly picking up a steady pace. The sounds of the clock’s chimes fill the abbey. Your hand comes up to muffle the moans that fall from your lips but he takes your wrist and holds it tight against the wall.

“No one can hear you.” He bucks his hips into you sharply, and your eyes roll back into your head.

“Fuck, Sam…” You roll your hips against his cock, driving him deeper inside you. His grip on your hips never faltering, pulling you into him with all his strength. He drops your wrist and his free hand finds his way to your bodice, pulling it down to reveal your chest.

The clock continues to chime, filling the party with a deafening chime and masking the lewd sounds coming from the velvet room.

His fingers find their way back to your clit, swirling it in tight circles, looking for your end. The familiar knot forms again in your stomach, and you dig your fingers into his arm. He feels you tighten around him and groans loudly against your neck, seemingly coming to his end too.

“Come on, baby… we don’t have much time… give it to me,” he demands. His fingers work faster and the knot tightens more. Your vision turns colors and you squeeze him tight. His eyes flick up to the clock, knowing that it’s on its last big chime. With one deep flick of his hips he sends you over the edge, his hand clasping around your mouth to muffle you as the clock finishes its chime, and the partygoers resume their conversations in the other rooms.

His release comes shortly after yours, his hand still holding place over your mouth and his face buried in your neck, grunting quietly for only you to hear. His nails dig into your thigh as he spills into you, soft and hot and perfect. You wish he could hold you like this forever and never leave you empty again.

“Sam?” You whisper through heaving breaths.

He hums in response, nuzzling further into your neck.

“Maybe we should get out of here before someone sees us.”

He nods silently and pulls away from you. The loss of warmth leaving you wanting him close again already.

The two of you get yourselves put back together and as you begin to leave the room of black velvet, a hand stops you. Sam pulls you close for one last kiss before removing your black lace mask, revealing yourself to him for the first time.

He smiles and runs his thumb down your cheek.

“Just as I suspected,” he says, a smirk plastered across his face.

You give him a questioning look in response.

The air crackled with a thrilling energy, the scent of autumn leaves and pumpkins recently carved mingling with the pulsating beat of the music. It was Halloween night, and the streets were lined with cars and groups of people, their laughter and chatter echoing down the street. You were dressed as the twins from The Shining with your best friend and roommate Jordan, who had helped you put on fake blood about an hour ago before heading to the party at Tyler’s house. The two of you had been looking forward to this party all month, Halloween had always been your guy’s favorite holiday. You both believe nothing beats being able to dress up in matching costumes with your best friend since second grade.

But now you’re struggling to find her, she somehow managed to slip away from you while talking to a group of people you’ve just met for the first time. This party was bigger than the ones your friends usually have, but you expected it to be with it being Halloween. What you didn’t expect was to spend the night without your best friend at your side. It was unlike Jordan to have run off without letting you know where she went, but you brush it off and try to have some fun until you can find her.

You make your way to the kitchen to get yourself a drink in an attempt to take the edge off your worriedness. Although you assure yourself that you can have fun without Jordan nearby, you can’t shake the feeling that you’ve lost the sense of security she usually brings you. You hope to find someone you can stick around with for a while, but it feels unlikely as you don’t know most of the people here. Tyler isn’t even a close friend of yours and it was a surprise he even invited you at all. The two of you met at your coffee shop job months ago through Danny, a mutual friend of yours, but the two of you haven’t really gotten to know each other that well. You were flattered by the invite though, it wasn’t often you were being invited to events without it being for Jordan.

In the kitchen you find Tyler surrounded by friends you recognize as being part of his street hockey team. You’ve seen pictures of them before but haven’t been introduced to any of them yet. He notices you, and waves you over to join the group. All of his friends say hi and introduce themselves, and one of them offers to make you a drink. He makes it while you finish being introduced to everyone, along with a few girlfriends who were there.

As you drink the concoction handed to you, the boys leave to play beer pong, leaving you with their girlfriends. You take their departure as an excuse for you to leave the kitchen as well, keeping an eye out for Jordan as you look for anyone you already know. You wish you would have invited more of your friends to this party, but most of them already had other plans by the time you could ask them. Besides Jordan, Tyler, and Danny, you know anyone else who was going to be here.

You make your way into the living room now, and you catch a glimpse of light blue in the corner of your eye. Finally, there she is. You walk over to the opposite corner of the room towards Jordan, weaving your way through the crowd of people. But before you can reach her, you notice a familiar face walking towards her. 

Evan, your ex boyfriend stands in front of her now and passionately kisses her lips as he pulls her into his body. His hands wander over her skin and she leans in to whisper something into his ear, unaware that you are watching. The two of them start to sneak off down the hallway hand in hand and you start seeing red.

Betrayal spreads over every inch of your body, tangling itself around your throat making it hard to breathe. Suddenly everything is louder, your dress feels tighter, and you find it difficult to stand on your own two feet. The image sears itself into your mind, an unbearable weight of heartbreak threatening to drown you. You quickly take a step back as you try to take control of yourself, bumping into someone in the process. You don’t bother looking over to see who was behind you, hoping that they weren’t paying enough attention to notice or care.

Not wanting to stick around for even a second longer, you turn around and quickly make your way through the house. Or at least, that was the goal. Dodging and weaving through groups of people becomes harder than it's ever been before and your frustration almost explodes out of you. Your eyes land on the back door, yet despite it being in sight, it seems to be getting further and further away as your desperation for space and fresh air grows. 

After what feels like hours, you reach the door and walk outside to look for a quiet spot you can hide away in. Luckily, the backyard didn’t have many people in it, the temperature dropped quite a bit since you were last outside and it moved just about everyone inside to seek warmth. 

Turning to your left, you find landscaping surrounded by a low brick wall that wraps to the side of the house that you can sit on. The boom of the music and the chattering voices still find you back here as they pour out of the open windows, but you aren’t drowning in it now. 

Finally having a moment to yourself, you let out the heavy sigh you’ve been holding in. The simple act alone removed tension you didn’t even realize you were holding. You take in deep breaths as the tears begin to flow freely down your cheeks. The tears burn as they warm your cheeks which have been chilled from the cool wind. You wipe your tears off and try to steady your breathing, in attempts to calm yourself from full on sobbing at this party. 

Looking up at the sky you notice how the moon is big and bright, illuminating the sky around it. You watch as the clouds move and warp near the moon, the texture reminding you of waves in the ocean. The movement puts you in a trance of sorts, almost if the time stopped for you while the rest of the world went on by. 

The sound of a leaf crunching near you shakes you from your thoughts. You look up, your face giving away that you are a little frightened, to find Danny looking down at you with an apologetic look before speaking. 

“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for where you ran off to, why didn’t you say hi or anything before going off like that?” Danny asks as he sits next to you on the brick.

Danny is part of a group of friends you met almost two years ago now. The group consists of a very lively bunch of friends in their mid twenties who all live in or just outside of the city of Nashville. One night he had you join him for a drunken night of karaoke and pool at a bar downtown and ever since the two of you have been good friends. You were by far closest with him out of the group, only ever agreeing to join their gatherings if you knew he’d be there too. Yet out of all the friends, he was around the least. His busy work schedule made it hard for him to be home, but he always made sure to squeeze in some time to see you and his friends when he could.

Even though you wanted nothing more than to be at home and alone, locked away in the safety of your room right now, you were grateful he had found you out here in the cold. Having anyone besides Jordan at your side when you felt as shitty as this was something you weren’t used to, but you welcomed the concern regardless. You knew deep down you needed someone to lean on at a time like this, despite your track record of pushing everyone else away. All your mutual friends say that he’s the kind of person you’d want around when things aren't going your way, and you can’t help but agree with them in this moment. 

Although it wasn’t hard for you to agree with that; his presence was strong yet comforting like the drums in your favorite song. His smile was as warm as a cup of hot chocolate, with his hair and eyes matching in hue. God, he is so pretty.

If it wasn’t for his height and muscles you’d think he was secretly a living teddy bear; his heart and beauty could mesmerize anyone who had the fortune of meeting him. So in a time like this, you were happy he was next to you. If anyone could fight the pit of despair burning in your stomach it would be him.

The wind picks up and sends a shiver down your spine, snapping you out of your thoughts. You silently curse yourself for agreeing on wearing a short dress when you know Halloween always ends up getting ridiculously cold. Although you couldn’t have known you’d be spending your night hiding away in the corner of a backyard instead of enjoying the party inside…

“I didn’t mean to leave you, sorry.” You say as you sigh. “I honestly didn’t even see you.” 

Your eyes scan over the ground as you speak. The fallen leaves seem to be more interesting than ever before. 

“That’s alright, what are you doing out here all by yourself in the cold?”

You shrug, unable to come up with a sufficient lie to tell him.

“Are you trying to make yourself sick?” He softly jokes, nudging you with his elbow and hoping that it’ll get you to smile even a little. 

But you don't even look up at him. Your mind is too clouded with the horrible sight you stumbled upon to focus on him. It takes most of your effort just to listen to what he’s saying to you. He can tell your mind isn't very present at the moment and he starts to pull you into his arms.

“Oh, c’mere.” 

You try to focus on him again as he scoots closer, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. Your eyes still don’t leave the ground as you aren’t ready to look him in the eyes yet. His sweater is incredibly soft though, and you find that you can’t help but lean into his warmth. You start to feel a bit better as his body helps shield some of the wind from breezing against your bare skin. 

“Talk to me, y/n.” He whispers to you.

“Sorry, I just needed to get away from the crowd for a little bit.”

“Hey, no need to apologize, you haven’t done anything wrong. You okay?”

“I’m good, yeah. Thanks for checking in on me though.”

“You sure? You don’t look good.” He says before making a face and correcting himself. 

“Wait, I didn’t mean it like that. You look good, really good actually. That shade of blue suits you really well, y’know. What I meant is, it looks like something is bothering you. You seem really upset. And I want to help you.”

“Ugh, fine. Yeah, you’re right. I’m actually having a really shitty night and I was honestly about to call it quits and just go home.” You say as you slouch and look down, avoiding eye contact with him.

“Oh. Do you want to talk about it?” His voice is soft and his thumb starts to rub in half circles on the side of your arm.

“Promise you won’t say anything to anyone? I really don’t want to make a bigger deal out of this.”

“Your secrets will always be safe with me, y/n.”

You nod, knowing he was right.

“It’s Jordan…” you sigh before continuing. 

“I haven’t seen her like at all tonight and when I finally found her, my ex was all over her. Then they snuck off down the hallway and I don’t really want to know what happened after that.”

“What the hell? I am so sorry you had to see that, I can’t even imagine what that feels like. That is so fucking awful and disrespectful, I thought she was your best friend? Didn’t she know he was your ex?”

“Yeah, she was. And she most definitely did know, I used to trust her with everything. She was there for me through the entire messy breakup even. And yet she still went behind my back tonight, and by the looks of it probably more even before tonight.” 

“If you don’t mind me asking, didn’t you say he cheated on you? That’s why the two of you broke up?”

“Mhm. Found him with a girl we went to college with. Her dorm was down the hall from mine, I think they had a class together once. But that was a while ago. I guess he’s just been fucking around with anyone that’s willing. I just, never thought Jordan would do something like that to anyone… To me. God, just the thought of them doing that makes me sick. I can’t even get the image out of my head. And to think I thought she was my friend…”

You go to wipe a tear off of your cheek, hoping Danny hasn’t noticed it yet. But before you could, he’s already wiping it for you with his sleeve. The gesture makes you want to cry even more. He’s always been so sweet and caring towards you, something you weren’t used to coming from anyone else. Despite wanting to hide away and not let him see you like this, you feel so safe to show your emotions around him. He isn’t going to judge you one bit for feeling and reacting this way. 

He wraps both of his arms around you now and pulls you into a hug while assuring you things will be okay. You don’t really believe him at the moment, as the weight of the world is on your shoulders, but you’re grateful for the positive words in a time like this.

His embrace is warm, soft and gentle. The scent of his cologne lingers in the air in front of you; it’s woodsy and clean. Your tears dampen his curls as you nestle your head further into the crook of his neck. He holds you while you cry, not saying a word in hopes that he doesn’t disturb you more than you already have been.

"I've been there," he finally confessed to you. "I know what it feels like to have your heart torn to shreds by someone you thought you could trust. Someone that you thought loved you."

You look up at him surprised. He hadn't ever talked about his own experiences with heartbreak. Danny usually played the cool fun supportive friend. You’d never known he’d dealt with something like this before.

"I'm sorry," you murmured, not sure if you should ask him to continue or let it be.  "I didn't know."

He shook his head, a faint smile forming on his lips. 

"It's okay. It's not something I talk about much. I kind of just try to pretend it didn’t happen and go on like it doesn’t bother me."

A silence fell between the two of you, a silence filled with unspoken emotions. You sat there with his arms around you, the warmth of his touch comforting both of you. 

“Do you wanna get out of here?”

You raise your head up off his shoulder and look at him inquisitively. 

“I can let you crash at my place for the night if you’d like. That way you don’t have to go home with Jordan. You can have the guest room. It’s only about a five or ten minute walk from here, not too bad.”

“Yeah that sounds great. I actually didn’t even think about how I was going to get home tonight.”

“Well now you don’t have to worry about it! Want me to make some hot chocolate or something when we get there to help warm you back up?”

“Oh, you really do know the way to my heart don’t you?” A smile spreads across both of your faces.

You stand up, reaching your hand out to Danny and he takes it. The two of you make your way around the house and start the short walk to his house. 

As the two of you walk, a huge gust of wind blows against you both and you begin to shiver. Danny’s hand lets go of yours and you look up from the ground at him. Your eyes look to his, and see him pulling off his sweater revealing the white t-shirt he had on underneath. 

“Here. You need this more than I do right now.”

“But you’ll be cold, I can wait a few more minutes. It’s fine.”

“Just take it, I can handle a few minutes without it. You’ve been cold way longer.”

You take the sweater from his hands and the body heat that lingers warms your hands instantly. Pulling the sweater over your head you’re hit with the smell of his cologne. It’s woodsy and clean. You’re instantly wrapped in warmth, the wind only able to hit your face and legs now. The sweater is a bit oversized on you, but it’s incredibly comfortable. 

He steps in front of you and reaches up to untuck your hair from the sweater, his hand brushing against the side on your cheek in the process. The accidental touch of your skin causes you to blush and look away, Daniel mirroring your actions.

“Thanks,” you say just above a whisper as you look forward to him again. If it wasn't for the fact he’s still standing right in front of you, he wouldn’t have heard you.

“No problem.” He says just as quietly.

“Can I ask something?” You say as the two of you begin to walk again.

“Of course you can.”

“What was your costume supposed to be?”

“You can’t tell? I'm a scarecrow…duh…” His voice waves in unconfidence.

“No and I’m not sure you can tell either, that wasn’t a very confident response.”

“Okay fine, I waited too late to choose a costume and had to scramble at the last second to figure it out. Couldn’t think of anything else that could work with what I already own so I just wore one of my sweaters. I had a straw hat but it got passed around at Tyler’s and I don’t know where it ended up so I don’t think I’m getting that back any time soon.”

“You really couldn't think of anything else?! From your closet? Danny, don’t you have like, loads of cool stuff from all your traveling and band outfits?”

“I mean yeah, but I was under a time crunch! I just went with the first thing I could think of!” He puts his hands up defensively as another gust of wind blows by.

“If you say so…”

“Alright fine, if you’re going to judge why don’t you think of something better that I could’ve been.”

Leaves shake off the nearby trees, falling all around the two of you. The dull autumn colors cascade to the ground similarly to confetti, and you both watch as some get carried away down the street in the wind. When you look back at Danny, you notice a singular leaf landed in his hair, holding onto his dark brown curls. You chuckle lightly, gaining his attention.

“What’s so funny?” He asks with a small smile.

“You.” 

His smile widens as he tips his head to the side silently asking you to explain.

“You’ve got a big leaf in your hair. Which I suppose is pretty fitting for a scarecrow.”

“Ah, the weather finally decided to help sell the costume I see.”

“Here, let me get it for you.”

You step up onto your tippy toes and reach for the leaf. Danny hesitantly holds onto your waist to give you some stability as you stretch all the way out. You grab the leaf and hold it in front of him to see before letting go of it, allowing the wind to take it away. 

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” You smirk at how similar the conversation just was.

“I bet I can beat you to the end of the street.”

Before you could register what he said, Danny started sprinting down the street. It was a completely unfair race as he was in tennis shoes and you were in heels, not to mention his lack of a fair countdown. But your shoes were sturdy enough for you to attempt to catch up, just not as quickly as you’d like. Your eyes stay on the ground in front of you to make sure you don’t trip on anything on your way. His laughing being your guide as to how far you’ve got left. But as you reach the end of the street his laughing has subsided and you look up and don’t see him. 

“Daniel, if I turn this corner and you jump out at me I will turn around and walk all the way back to my house. And I’ll steal this sweater from you, you’ll never see it again.”

“Aw dammit, how’d you know I was going to scare you!” He says as he steps around the corner with a childish grin.

“It’s Halloween! Of course you’d try and find an opportunity to scare me. Nice try though. You’ll have to try harder to scare me next time.”

“Oh I will, just you wait.”

He turns around to continue walking, but abruptly turns around and puts his hands up in an attempt to surprise you. You flinch slightly, and the two of you burst out in laughter.

“You jumped!” He says through a huge smile. “Because you did first! It wasn’t scary though!” You say as you laugh.

“Mhm, sure it wasn’t.” His smile widening.

“I know you’re trying to be scary, but you’re just way too cute. It’s not going to work on me.”

“Oh really?” He says as he steps closer to you.

“Yeah, I told you, you’re going to have to try harder.” You step even closer to him, your faces just inches away from each other.

“Well fine. I guess I’ll just have to do this then!”

He grabs onto your waist and picks you up, throwing you over his shoulder in one swift motion. The action elicits a yelp from you, taking you off guard. You start to protest as he begins to tickle you, which sends the two of you into a fit of giggles as you try to wriggle free from his arms. After a little bit Danny sets you down as quickly and effortlessly as he picked you up. He gives you a side hug and smiles down at you and reaches for your hand. The two of you continue walking to his house, only a few streets away now.

The rest of the walk is silent, but it’s not uncomfortable. Actually, it's quite the opposite. You both look around at all the houses that are intricately decorated for the holiday, occasionally nudging the other to have them see. Neither of your smiles leave your faces the rest of the way, both happily content to be spending time together, despite the lack of conversation happening. You’ve never felt so comfortable next to someone in your life like you do now. Danny's presence brings you a peace you’ve never felt before.

As you round one final street corner, his house finally comes into view. These final steps to his property become bittersweet. While you’re glad to go inside and warm up, part of you wants to just sit outside with Danny forever. After tonight's events, you feel closer to him than you’ve ever been before. The way the two of you have joked around, the way he has been so sweet, the way he has been looking at you. You want to live in this moment forever.

“Here we are.” Danny says as he walks up the driveway towards his porch, pulling his keys out of his pocket.

“Hey, I’ve been thinking...”

“Yeah? About what?” He asks as he unlocks the door.

“I think I know what you could’ve been for Halloween.” You say as you grin and take a step towards him and the door.

“Oh, do tell.” He turns around, now face to face with you.

“Mine.” 

You step up on your toes and press a singular kiss onto his lips. He steps closer to you and lets his keys fall to the ground in the process. The sound pierces through the tension between the two of you like a knife. Your eyes follow the sound of the keys, but his hands lightly cup both sides of your face and tilt your head up to look him in the eyes. He looks at you and his eyes staring into yours as if to ask for permission. You nod slightly before his lips are crashing onto yours. 

When he finally pulls away, the two of you can’t help but laugh as you catch your breaths. You look away but can feel his eyes burning into you, silently begging you to look at him again. He reaches for your hand and pulls it towards his face, placing a gentle kiss on your knuckles.

“God, I have been wanting to do that for so long. I’m so glad we did. Your lips are so soft. I could kiss them all day.”