wow depersonalization is AWFUL!!!!! I'm not familiar at all with it, so when it happens it still gets me completely by surprise and it hits me like WOW what the fuck is going on with me. i feel so lost and want desperately to tell someone about it like if i speak about it it'll anchor me back and i won't simply float away. this is so scary, i can't believe this is real, like a real thing that my mind is capable of. im terrified

what the fuck is wrong with everyone

shout out to ME who's never come out to MY family and do not intend to any time soon. it's so lonely staying silent. I want to celebrate pride as much as everyone else but the idea of being accidentally outed is too terrifying. it's not in MY current plans and I need a few plans to keep things going somewhere better. MY whole mental health is built over a fragile structure. I know it'd be much more than I'M willing to handle right now, and that's up to ME to decide how much I wish to handle right now. pride is still for ME too. I'M still entitled to feeling proud about MY own realization, about learning who I AM and what I truly AM made of. pride is for ME too. I have secret plans to celebrate pride on MY own today, but again, it's so lonely staying silent. I'LL stay silent if I must. my thoughts are with MYSELF today. I know I'm not alone.

I wish i were something else but every day I'm all I have left

depersonalization suckss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

living is so burdensome when you're chronically sick

my pup lost his first teeth today! he'll be 4 months old tomorrow like the big boi he is. his fur is starting to grow curly too. AND he hasn't missed his pee pads in a few days. now i can sometimes take a short nap (!!!) after 6:30 am because i can trust him to pee correctly. he's also enjoying taking warm baths in the afternoon and looking out the window (guessing he's an Air soul like me). he loves getting some fresh air and watching people taking the trash out late at night. he chews our visitors, but kindly. he likes being cuddled right before we go to sleep, while he also kindly chews my hands off. he's learned not to jump out of a queen sized bed. at 3 am he feels like going to his own bed though and i can hear him quietly sighing trying to get comfy. he barks a lot when he hears children playing outdoors like he too wants to communicate with them. the same way he barks like crazy when he hears my niece's voice calling him through the video calls.

how did lan wangji even react when he heard the song he wrote being played over 10 years later at a random forest while he was casually having lunch? how many split seconds did it take him to acknowledge it was his song and not any similar other? did he watch wei ying from a distance before approaching him because he was scared of what he'd find or if wei ying would reject him? I'd pay anything to see him flying the fuck away to follow the sound and finally find the love he was mourning so painfully

manifesting some amazing shit for myself this year. lmao it will b so good and GREAT that its gonna be hard to believe it's happening to me.

thinking bout yibo putting all his efforts in getting that lan wangji part. the fuck am i supposed to do with that info... this shit keeps me up at night