MoonBearVA

You have reached the required conditions for acquiring your first familiar.

HOWEVER... There is a slight issue...

You gots no money. You know what that means, right?

You gotta go to the discount familiar store. Beggars can't be choosers, so it's basically up to chance which one you'll end up with...

Whichever familiar happens to be on the CLEARANCE_RACK at the time is what you'll end up with.

Once you've selected your familiar, you must now pick a stylish getup for them! Actually, a whole outfit would be expensive, let's just choose one singular accessory instead:

Here Tumblr have this

i tried an edible for the first time and in a sloppy disjointed stupor i thought "What if Freddie Fazbear, but like, he is Bavarian???"

"What would a 'Die Hard' porn parody be called?"

And there were responses like "Live Hard" and somebody found a real one called "Dick Hard". Also 'Die Hard' on its own is sufficient.

But I suggested "Die Soft"

When asked to elaborate how that works I explained "If you lose your erection... YOU DIE!"

So there was some speculation about how that would work, like is it some sort of constant edging situation?

And I had to further elaborate:

"THERE IS A BOMB IMPLANTED IN THE BALLS. IF YOU CUM, THE MUSCLE CONTRACTIONS SET OFF THE BOMB." You cum = explode

I then used this as a visual aid: