fanfics & stuff

I

"I swear boss, it wasn't me. I would never betray you." The man said lying on floor, covered and drowned in his own blood, bruises covering his face and his body barely able to move.

You watch as Taeyong leans down and lands a punch of the man's face, sending him flying few steps back. Taeyong looks invincible as he walks ahead and stops, there's a red light glowing around his form, a thin red border covering his whole body as he stares at the man on the ground.

 Taeyong leans down again and places his leg on the man's head.

"If you want an end to your misery, I suggest you speak while you still can." Taeyong spoke calmly.

"I am sorry boss-" You are not even startled by listening to the sounds that come, having witness it countless time. The red glow of Taeyong swallow the man and his body forced downwards towards the ground, almost buried inside. Taeyong takes out his gun and shoots him three time in the chest. The man lies lifeless on the floor and Taeyong is walking back towards you.

 There's no words exchanged as you both walk outside the building and get into the car while everyone bows . This is the life in the mafia and this is the life of the city, where a few powerful organisations with people with gifted ability runs the city. The people who are gifted with an ability are few, but still their existence is known. There's no telling who out there might posses what kind of ability. One of those organisation happened to be the Mafia, run and controlled by the Mafia Boss, Lee Taeyong, a manipulator of gravity; an ability that allows him to manipulate the gravity of him and his surrounding; one of the most powerful ability to exist.

 "These shitty pawns are nothing but headache when lured." Taeyong mutters. And it's all good. The traitor is gone and an example is set for the others and they had the enemy's information.

 "You should wait out your violence until I am able to choke out all the information from them, I thought we were clear on that." You said as the car started.

"And I did."

 "By a few seconds-"

"You can't seriously expect me to wait killing him after he betrayed me."

"You just use violence and your power every time-"

"And you are just too damn smart for your own good. I appreciate your intelligence but sometimes tearing apart their limbs is more important." Taeyong said with a tone that implied that end of conversation.

 "Sure, whatever the boss says after all." You said with a sneer. It was a very common banter between you both, too common. It has been like that since you fought each other as mere kids, kids who were not normal, kids who have had far more blood on their hands than they could give account for. Ever since the day you both met, it has been countless bickering, competitions and the hunt for more successful missions, for you both combined were the mafia's most powerful weapon after all. But beneath those countless fights, lies a trust that neither of you will admit ; a trust that you place in each other that even in the most gruesome of situations, even at the cost of your own lives, you will save each other. 

You harbored more feelings for him than just that. It took a long while to admit those to yourselves. After all what even could you call those? Love? Love is for kids who exchange shy notes between classes, for normal people who look for company, for the youth that walks under the cherry blossoms with a smile on their lips and glitter in their eyes not for monster like you or Taeyong. You were kids who learned to use a knife before learning to write; who don't look for company but for blood; mafia leaders that have sin on their lips and death in their eyes.

  II

It was around midnight when you were done making a few important calls for the next mission. You were waiting for Taeyong in his office, which was just adjacent to yours on the highest floor of the mafia's long glass building that stood in the center of the city; also the tallest building in the city. Midnight was when the mafia works, everyone in the city was aware that the nights were run by the mafia and even the government could not interfere.There was a limited truce.

 You sighed and looked at glass window which covered the entire floor, the moon was bright and big, staring strongly back at you; asking you; pitying you. You were not strong enough to stare back so you looked at your reflection in the glass; a black jeans with black boots hugging your legs, a white shirt with a black bolo tie, sleeves rolled to your elbow, a black belt choker sitting on your neck; a gift from Taeyong; "It looks so beautiful on your neck." He had whispered in the night, words that only bloom under the moon, forgotten and left in the morning while both walk forward.

  Love is not for sinners.

A series of strong footsteps draws your attention towards the big wooden doors, behind those Taeyong appears, walking powerfully as he always does. He can fly as high as he can, defying the very nature of physics but when he walks; he makes his presence as loud as he can; strong.

  "It's so the world knows my existence, my power; so that I know I exist."

The black tiles crumble beneath him as he gracefully walks towards his grand table. His usual black attire, black pants and white shirt; a black blazer with a long black overcoat hanging on his shoulders, flowing behind him. His hands in black gloves. A black onyx bolo tie sitting proudly underneath his collar; a gift from you. "This compliments your aura."  His hair bright crimson, matching the blood on his face, that's definitely not his.

 "Admiring the beautiful moon tonight,__?" Taeyong spoke wiping the blood off his face.

"At least there's something worth admiring here." Taunts flowing from you like a second nature, something that only Taeyong brings out.

 "Admire away then, amusing to see your laziness doesn't stops you from that." 

You smile, hidden from him, what actually amusing is how riled Taeyong gets from small taunts, all the more reason to annoy him.

"Well shitty Boss, my lazy strategy plans saves your ass multiple times."

"Well fucker my ass can be saved just fine without your shitty plans." It's a lie, he knows it but nobody points it out. 

There's a knock at the door before before you can say something. Taeyong presses a button and the door opens, giving a sight of Yuta. He bows and makes his way inside, standing in front of Taeyong's desk. He gives a small bow again and looks up. He looks up ragged up, as if just came here from a fight, which he probably did. But still no signs of any injury, his purple hair a little disheveled but his black jeans and shirt still in place.

"Thirty six total deaths. Five of our own."  Yuta says and Taeyong lets out a soft sigh and a pained expression crosses his eyes, gone as soon as it came, at the mention of the death of our own. Deaths of mafia's men has always pained Taeyong more than he shows, as if even after sacrificing his humanity he is still the most human inside. 

"What is the result of their lives, Yuta san?" Taeyong asked.

"__'s predictions were right. The special ops department are planning to disrupt the deal tomorrow and most possibly launch an attack. The lead you told me to follow lead into their group today, they also have few gifted ones with them. They possibly have few spies in the company that's arriving tomorrow for the deal." Yuta  breathed. 

"Then the answer is clear. If they dare to interfere, the mafia will retaliate." Taeyong said lazily, but his eyes spoke sheer danger and revenge.

"The Black Lizard won't let you down." Yuta said, voice dancing with excitement, as if he wanted someone to dare just so he could get the chance to kill. Nakamoto Yuta, the commander of Black Lizard, a special unit under the Mafia which exist only for one reason, to annihilate the enemy. His gifted ability was what made his ways of killing even special, an ability to create illusions on his target, playing with their minds, allowing himself to dissociate them from their reality and kill them within their madness. For such a skilled assassin Yuta is, he can do the job just fine even without using his ability, but you wonder that he just likes to see his victim in pain and confusion while he toys with them.

 "I won't expect anything less." Taeyong spoke with a dismissive tone.

 Yuta sighed and looked up you and then at Taeyong. "Boss I am deeply sorry for the lives of our subordinates that were lost under my command." Yuta spoke, his eyes deep in grieve. 

A small smile ghosted over Taeyong lips as if he was expecting, waiting for Yuta's apology.

 "Yuta san, as long their deaths gives us a meaning, all is forgiven." 

 Yuta nodded and turned around walking towards the door from where he came, his shoulders a little less tense than they were before.

 "Yuta san." You voiced out. "Patch yourself up before the fight. It will be more uglier then." 

"I wish I could but my boss is very ruthless and demanding employee." Yuta said amusingly.

 "That I cannot deny." You spoke looking over to Taeyong, a small smile in your eyes.

"Give yourself a rest after the black caskets are out. We need all the power for tomorrow." Taeyong said annoyingly with affection. 

"Sometimes I forget you're such a nice person Taeyong!!" Yuta said teasingly and walked out.

 It is all good because it is Yuta, a member of mafia, a men of your own, a friend from the forgotten but longing years of childhood, a small kid who bumped into you and Taeyong and has always been here since then. If it was anyone else, any other mafia member, they would have knelt in front of Taeyong before even daring to look up; If it was anyone else, they would have shaken with fear, kept their eyes down; If it was not Yuta, even an informal breath would have resulted in something cruel and tragic.

III

You were still standing there, admiring the moon. Taeyong standing besides you, his presence bringing a familiar warmth towards you. An intimate silence broken by Taeyong.

 "The moon is beautiful tonight, isn't it?" He breathed, looking at you. An honest expression, at least as honest as he could muster, spread over his face. You smiled, treasuring this moment with all your heart.

 Moments like this which only existed in the darkness, in the quiet of night where the moonlight gave your vulnerable being a protection, a  shelter which covered your soul and made it more honest. A few more moments passed like this until you spoke again. 

"Do you wanna hear a plan?" 

"I was waiting for that." He smiled.

 "All the reports that you showed me, I am definite there will be a full attack on us." You started. " And they will bring out the ability users, although I am quite doubtful there will be more than two. The best moment of attack for them would be-"

 "In the middle of the deal." He completed. 

"They have the intel that the mafia boss would be there, probably from the traitor you killed before."

 "They are still no match for the mafia. We will proceed according your the plan." He said and sat on the table looking over the city while stood to his right, like always. 

You observed his face, eyes shimmering from the reflection, lashes casting a shadow on his cheeks; the moonlight shining on his face. You were busy in staring, forgetting he was looking back.

 "Now who's worth admiring?" He asked.

 "Well still not you fucker." A weak jab.

"Stop thinking about tomorrow." He said, rubbing a thumb over your forehead.

 "Can't help it."

"None of their armed men compares to ours and as far as the ability users are concerned, we have you." He spoke.

 He was right. Ability users had no effect on you due to your own ability. Your gift was a disabling ability, an ability that allows you to nullify any other ability with just a simple touch on their skin. Some say it's a useless ability, Taeyong says it's the mafia's ace. You already knew who to believe.

 "You're an ability user too. I could disable your power and get rid of you too."

 "You could and you should. But you won't." Taeyong mused.

 Your ability takes away the ability of others, makes them vulnerable, takes away a part of themselves that makes them special. It's easy to defeat them because they are so dependent on their abilities, they don't know what else to do. Taeyong is not a slave to his ability. His ability does not define him. Even if it is taken away from him, he's still Lee Taeyong. The man who rules the mafia, the man who kills his enemies mercilessly; the man who makes you feel human in the most inhuman ways. 

As you watch him leaning against your shoulder, you can't help but think about what is he to you. You don't often, because it is so tiring to think about the same thing again and again and yet not being able to reach a conclusion. A friend, you both have never used that word, too busy bickering and silly fighting with each other to use the word friends. A lover, that word always stung too deep within you. A word too pure, too beautiful, too normal for someone like you. Lovers cannot define the complex relationship you had with Taeyong. Countless nights of sex, tangled with each other, whispering softly all the things in the night that vanish in the daylight, small gifts hidden somewhere, birthdays celebrated in the company of each other, a silent respect, a strong trust and a hard and sharp instinct of protecting each other at any cost. It was clear that you both were exclusive to each other but nobody ever said that it was a relationship. And love was never on either of yours tongue ever.

  Love is for humans. What are you?

You discarded the idea of love a long time ago. You don't know when you fell in love with Taeyong, at fifteen perhaps when you both met or at sixteen when you both became mafia's strongest weapon or maybe at seventeen when you both secretly bought a safe house together, or might be at eighteen when you both were mafia's youngest executives. You don't know. You didn't need to know. A partner, that has always been more intimate to you than anything else. You both were partners as soon as you joined the mafia, a string of successful missions beside your names. You could jump in front of bullets knowing Taeyong would stop them. Maybe a partner was the best word to describe what he was to you.

"You know it's like I can still hear his voices in this office." Taeyong whispered. You tensed, you knew exactly who he meant. A ghost of the past that still haunts you.

"It's like he's angry that I am in his office, in his place." Taeyong continues.

 "Taeyong." You tried.

"He just looks at me like he always did with those fucked up eyes and his ugly smile-"

"Taeyong, there's no one here."

"And he keeps asking why I stabbed him that night but he knows, right, he knows why."

"Taeyong" You said lifting his head. "He's not here. He's dead. You're the boss now." 

"He keeps whispering in my ear that how am I monster, like he told me-"

"Taeyong! You're not a monster. The old boss is dead, for good. He's gone forever." You said sternly, holding his face.

 No matter how many people Taeyong has killed, the only soul that has bothered him was of the mafia's previous boss. A crafty man of great power, who brought you all into the mafia world, who taught you how to perfectly slit a throat, how to manipulate someone to the core; he taught, made you into a perfect weapon, a tool. The hatred for that man runs deep in your skin, even deeper for Taeyong since he was always the target of boss's puzzles. This will make you even more stronger, He used to say, while watching you get tortured by enemies in return for obtaining information. Until one day he went too far, that day he died by the hands of Taeyong, while you stood and watched serving as a witness as his position for the next mafia boss. 

"He told me he saw himself in me. What does that says about me? "

"Taeyong. We are not going to believe his words." You spoke taking his hand. "You want to go home?"

"Always."

A place to live for you both was the pent house in the mafia's building, just a floor below the office, provided with every luxury that a man could imagine. Home was an apartment in the city, a place that used to serve a secret safe house for you both, but now it's where the peace resided and where the words come out and bloom and where you feel a little human with Taeyong.

  IV

You stepped out of the car with Taeyong at the extraction point, a few steps far away from where the dealing was supposed to take place at a warehouse. You were waiting for the latest information before proceeding any further. You watched as Taeyong in his usual mafia attire, dragged a puff from his cigarette looking up the sky, a cloudy night with no moon or stars in sight. He throws the half smoked cigarette down and crushes it, turning towards you.

 "The moon looks beautiful tonight."

"It's a foggy night Taeyong, we can't even see the moon."

"I can."

 "Taeyong-"

"BOSS!" Yuta comes walking from the shadows of trees, looking around quickly and bowing to Taeyong.

 "What's the news?" Taeyong spoke calmly. 

"They will launch an attack. It's given." Taeyong looked at you while he listened to Yuta. "They have men around the warehouse at a distance. Of course, our men have them covered. There are two gifted, we have eyes on one, his ability is related to controlling the wind around him. I will be able to take him down."

"And the other?" You asked, looking at Yuta's expression darkened. 

"We don't know. He controls his size. That's all I could gather. How much threat he holds is still questionable." 

"He must be an ace considering how secretly his power has been kept." You thought.

 "For the special ops to be so brave with launching an open attack like this on us. I just pity for their lives." Taeyong said.

 "Boss I don't think we should underestimate them." 

"Are you doubting your skills Yuta san?" Taeyong said darkly.

"You know that's not what I meant Taeyong." Yuta spoke quietly. The driver of the car looked at Yuta in horror, wondering how the death will come to Yuta. It was probably his first time watching someone talk to Taeyong like that besides you. 

"This is why you were told to patch yourself up. Don't let these morons get to you. This is nothing for the mafia." Taeyong spoke with a commanding voice, but you could hear the underlying softness, a little consolation, a little advise.

Yuta nodded and gave out the position details before disappearing  in the shadows again. 

"He was not wrong. It's never safe to walk into an unknown enemy, an ability user for that." You spoke as you and Taeyong walked towards the warehouse.

"I know." Taeyong said simply.

 It was in the middle of deal, just after exchanging the goods, you heard a loud noise outside. Just as you expected. A message from yuta ten minutes said that he had the first gifted under his control and the second one was heading your way.

 "What was that?" The other businessman said.

 "Absolutely nothing of your concern. Our deal has been done and the official papers will be send to you." Taeyong said getting up.

 "But what-"

"Also If I were you, I would pay more attention to what my subordinates are up to." Taeyong spoke with a glint in his eyes, a warm and powerful desire, an excitement of some action awaiting him. 

Outside you saw at least fifty men, all of them armed, in front of the warehouse. A tall man stood in the middle leading the rest. It was just you and Taeyong against them. 

"Well partner, let's just get on with it." Taeyong said, activating his ability, a bright red hue glowing around him. You take out your gun. Even though your ability was not an attack one, you were the best fighter in the mafia. It was lasted probably twenty minutes when all of them were in the ground. A few grunts were heard from the ground, a few ones who were just minutes away from their dead. You thought about shooting them again, and again until you could end their painful suffering soon and for once. It would be better to just accept death rather than lying in the cold mud, drowning in their blood. You were about to about pick up your gun again when you saw an unusual movement from the middle of the ground.

"Taeyong!" You shouted, while pointing the gun and shooting at the person of movement but it was useless. The movement continued and as you squinted, you saw the form getting bigger and bigger, like a giant. 

"__, what the hell is that?" Taeyong said beside you.

 "The ability user." You spoke as you saw the enemy grow as tall as trees surrounding you, various roots covering him, as if he was using them to grow his form. You had to get close to him and touch him, to nullify his ability and return to his normal form, otherwise he could keep causing destruction for you. 

"Step back,__." 

"Huh, Taeyong?" 

"It's not safe to go close." He said looking at the enemy, fist clenched

."We have to try it." You said going towards the growing structure, but every time you got too close he could try to kick or stomp really hard, and that flow would throw you backwards with a force. His defense was not allowing you to go close to him, let alone touch him. You tried one more time and this time too, you were thrown back.

"__." Taeyong called running towards you. "You okay?"

 "He knows our abilities." You said standing up again. "That's why he laid back when you were attacking, that's why he won't let me come close." 

"That traitor snitched everything, but we have to stop him anyhow." 

"There's only one way left, but it's your choice Taeyong." You sighed.

"Every time you say that, it's not like I have a choice anyways." Taeyong said, walking ahead a little, and started pulling his gloves out; a finger at a time until both the gloves were thrown aside.

 "If I am late to touch you, you know what will happen right?"

 "But you won't be." He said, looking back at you, eyes intense. "Or I'll kick your ass."

 Taeyong walked ahead towards the enemy, a red glow, brighter than ever before started surrounding him. Red marks started decorating his skin, his hands, his face; his coat flew aside. You could feel the gravity shifting around the whole area, the center being Taeyong. He was activating his corruption. Simply controlling objects through their gravity was only the front of Taeyong's ability, that he could use in his full control. Corruption was something else though, something more uncontrollable and devastating to the city, to Taeyong himself. Activating corruption allowed Taeyong to control gravity of a larger area and create black holes with his power that swallows everything that comes it's way and destroys it. He could control gravity to a particle level. After all, he is called the manipulator of gravity. This part of his abilitywas only known to a handful of mafia members and you're the only one who has ever witnessed it. The downside of it was that, Taeyong could activate his corruption at his own will but once it was activated, his mind goes blank and he is not in control anymore. He becomes a destructing machine and keeps destroying every thing that comes his way, until he runs out of his energy and dies.

 The only was to stop this was your ability, to touch Taeyong and nullify corruption as soon as he defeats the enemy. You watched as corruption took over Taeyong and he annihilated the the giant enemy in the span of few minutes. You ran over to him before he could any more damage to the surrounding, to himself. You grabbed his hand and watched as his ability became null, the red glow leaving his posture, the red marks disappearing from his skin, as if they never existed in the first place. He fell down on his knees and coughed blood, a normal occurrence after using corruption. You held him. A wave of relief passes over you seeing that Taeyong is safe. It has always been your fear, that you'll be late, that you will break the trust; that you will lose Taeyong.

 "Take rest Taeyong, the enemy is defeated." 

"You stopped me right after?" He asked, coughing.

"I was about to, but you looked such a red dork like that."

 "Fuck, you better take me home right--" He said while coughing and falling onto you. 

Thankfully grabbed him at the right time."Rest now."

 "__."

"Taeyong-"

"__, the moon--"

 "I know. I know. The moons looks beautiful tonight right?" You spoke as you looked up to the sky, the clouds were cleared away; countless stars scattered, dancing across the black canvas but the moon still was shying away somewhere. You could never understood what Taeyong talked about sometimes, you did not needed to anyways.

  VI

You lay on the bed next to Taeyong, bodies tired from the fight before. All the fresh wounds covered in bandages. You were a little better than Taeyong, using corruption leaves him tired for a lot of hours. But a fight was won and the boss could use a little rest. You heard some noise as you watched Taeyong turn around in the sheets and settled on his back. 

"You should rest properly shitty boss." You spoke.

"Aww is that concern __?" 

"No that's a headache because I am the one that has to take your tantrums." 

"Well that's--" Taeyong hissed clutching his side. You rose up quickly and helped him sit. 

"See, that's why I told you to rest. How's the pain?" You asked, checking the ribs.

"Nothing much. It's the usual one."

 "Are you lying to me?"

 "Come on partner, don't you trust me?" He asked, a smirk plastered over his face. You just huff and sit beside him on the bed, in front of the large window that looks over the sky and  city underneath it. A calm and comfortable silence follows over both of you. You look over at Taeyong. He looks pretty healthy, apart from corruption side effects, there's not any major physical injury. Even the violence in your life has become a second nature, it still does not sit well with you that every fight you go into, could potentially be yours or Taeyong's last fight. You hoped it was yours because you did not knew what to do without the man next you. It  could be your years long partnership that makes you so co dependent, nothing else and not certainly love. Love is for people with a heart, not for you who just killed hundreds of men without blinking not just few hours ago.

 "What thoughts are interesting enough to keep you invested?" Taeyong asked, still looking ahead.

 "I just forgot how beautiful and calm the moonlight feels." You whispered.

"I think we spend too much time looking at the darkness instead."

"We are the mafia Taeyong, even the blood is black. Darkness is where the mafia exist." You spoke looking at your hands, little cuts and scraps littered across.

 "No."

"You don't agree?"

"More like, we exist in the stars, in the air, among the wind, under the moonlight. I believe that's where you and I exist together." 

"Since when did you started thinking like that? But I understand, you always had more human thoughts than me. "

 "I don't know. It just swiped by, I- don't mind, corruption really tires me a lot." He spoke smiling softly. 

"Come on now, you never talk to me about this."

"It's not like I need to speak for you to understand." And it's true. He does not need to tell you about his fears. But still when it came to corruption, you had your own fears; or just single fear, that is losing Taeyong. You bear the burden of saving him and not being able to do so, was the single most terrifying thing for you. You always wondered how Taeyong felt during that time. But he refused to talk about all of this, specially since he killed the boss. Its ironic, before the death of boss you were the one who was closed off and reserved but now that you want to get close, it's Taeyong who seems lost. It's like the burden is too much, even for someone as invisible as me.

  "Easy there, might sound like we actually like each other." You tried to joke around, tried to change the heaviness in the only way you knew but it did not had any affect on Taeyong. He was still looking at you with a soft smile; a smile that made you believe in your humanity, a smile that made you dead heart shake, a smile that made you fall in love.

"I think you do, otherwise you won't run to save me every time."

 "I don't want to burden myself with being a boss, that's why."

"You would be a better option than me." Taeyong spoke, so many  emotions swinging in his eyes. You could pick each and every one of them apart, but then again, that's what you always did. Sometimes you wished Taeyong would tell you, explain to you rather than just leaving you with these unspoken feelings.

"I-it's- I would not be. You know that. Besides that's not the point."

 "Then what is the point?"

 "It's just that you don't have to be so closed off you know. We're partners after all." You said, still trying to maintain the conversation because this is your safe space, a place you and Taeyong call home, if there's any solace in existence, it's right here at this very place.

"I just said you will make a better boss. Someone who can lead an organisation."

 "I am not someone who can sacrifice myself for the mafia like you. I don't need an end like that."

"It's not sacrificing myself if I know you will save me in time. I know I am not going to die."

 "You can't be sure of that." You said letting the words hang in the air between you two. 

"Is that your fear?" Taeyong spoke after a while, voice little shaky. Not used to honest conversations. 

"I-Taeyong it's pointless to fear death in the mafia. Either yours or mine. I came to peace with that a long time ago. I believe that death is not opposite of living, it's merely a component in our process of lives."

"Then?"

 "If you die some other way, there's always an explanation for that. But if you die using corruption, it's me, that I was too late. I will be the one with your blood on my hands. Your death will be my fault, it'll be on my conscience. I know I won't be able to live with that, I can't survive knowing that I was the reason for you death, that I-" You took a deep breath "that I broke our trust."

 "Even if that happens, I am sure there will a reason for you being unable to save me."

 "Is it not your fear? You're the one who'll be dying."

"Like you said, a mafia blood should not fear death. Besides I don't think there's any such time when one should chicken out, specially a boss." Taeyong said in a low tone, he was looking ahead in the sky but his eyes seems so blurry and lost. You sighed, the conversation looked like it was over, until Taeyong spoke again.

"The fear, if that word can dare to come close to what I feel, is not simply dying. It's a possibility that every time I use corruption, it might be the last time I see you. Even when I have lost control, mind black and body in red, I know in my heart that you will come. But if something happens to you while I am out, I won't be able to do anything." Taeyong smiled, a sorrowful one, the same smile that laced his face when he came back after killing the boss. But the mourning was not for the one who died. "That is my fear."

The fear of losing you, the fear of not protecting you.

You knew he has always been protective of you, an instinct that came as soon as you met. Something blossomed inside your heart, like a flower that was showing it's petals, so soft and sweet. The fear that was unspoken till now, was something you both shared. The fear of losing each other, the fear of not being able to protect each other; a feeling of not being able to survive without each other. Maybe you both were not human, and maybe love was not for you but that is not what you needed anymore. Love was not beautiful enough to define what you both felt for each other, and there was no need to define those unspoken feelings. As long as I have you here, right with me, I could survive anything. He was not your lover, but he was your partner. Love was not for you, but Taeyong was.  And somehow, that was enough.

He turned his eyes away from window and looked at you. Sorrowfulness replaced with softness, Eyes crinkled and small smile dancing on his face, red hair falling unevenly, the stars in the sky, the smell of rain, the sound of his breath when he spoke.

"The moon is beautiful tonight, isn't it?" 

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The moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t is? = I love you. By Natsume Soeseki

At the time, Japanese people were more reserved than they are at present day. They hesitated to express feelings of love directly. I, for one, like this expression 月が綺麗ですね | tsuki ga kirei desune (the moon is beautiful, isn’t is?) -- it sounds literary and intelligent.

This phrase was used by Natsume Soseki as a form of saying “I love you”. For the writer, two people with deep feelings for each other do not need to use those three words to effectively convey their feelings. Sometimes, even the simplest phrases contain more emotion than direct ones.

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if  you guys don’t know about bungou stray dogs idk what is up with you. it’s one of best anime’s out there, like i still don’t have feels for anything else like i did for this. Please watch it & you’ll love it even more if you like literature because every character is based on real life author. Just watch it pls :))

anyways y’all if you watched/read Bungou stray dogs you probably realized that taeyong= chuuya & you = dazai ( bc daichuu <3). 

ALSO PLS SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS IF U HATE IT, DISLIKE IT, LIKE IT, LOVE IT, JUST PLS SEND IN ASK OR TEXTS OR COMMENTS. IT’S A SIDE BLOG SO I CAN;T REPLY PERSONALLY BUT PLS GIVE ME FEEDBACK.

You start to dress up fast looking at the time. It was 8:30 PM. You had to be there at nine. You texted Johnny that you will be on your way soon. You pulled your black jeans and some t shirt and pulled over hoody. It was best to dress as simple as possible for the place you were about to go. You called your mother and told her you'd be going to sleep early today as you had an early shift tomorrow. The lies tasted so bitter on your tongue.

"Ah yes, sleep early and don't take too much stress. Also don't miss your meals. Otherwise I will come down there."

"Don't worry mum, I am perfectly fine." You said trying to sound as cheerful as you could. There was a little pause.

"You can tell me everything honey okay? I love you so much. You're my everything."

"I love you too mum, good night." You took a deep breath and went out of the apartment.

It was a little cold today , so you called a cab. You dropped off a block away from your destination. You walked there, it was shabby place. Not too crowded specially during the night. You walked to the gate and knocked.

"Who's it?"

"It's me,___" You said lowly. The gate opened and you walked in.

"Hey, you're on time. People have started coming in and they're gonna place bets now." Johnny said walking towards you.

You worked in a underground boxing matches, allowing people to place bets on the players. Not a dream job, not even an acceptable job for a girl like you, but it paid and that's what you needed. You only took bets on Taeyong, your friend and classmate. He was the one who introduced you to this place.

"Listen, I will never encourage you to take this spot. I did not even wanted to bring it up to you, but you told me you needed to make money but honestly I know you, and that place, that job is not for someone like you." He had told you. Looking guilty and anxious.

"It's okay. It's only for a short time and I'll find another one soon. Besides you will be there."

"Yes, yes of course."

Your whole day was spent in the uni and then your job at the cafe. You worked there till evening and then went home to rest a little and then you were here. You were thankful that matches only happened once or twice a week, during the weekend, so you could be here as less as possible. The only reason you could even make it here was because of Johnny and Taeyong. And they both always made sure you were safe and as comfortable as you could be in a  place like this.

You stood near Taeyong's spot near the ring and everyone started handing you money for the bets. He never lost, but still it was hard to see your friend end up bruised up at these nights. He was a monster in the ring. At first you were surprised at the sudden change because he was a whole different personality during the day, a shy friendly person, and here in this ring, he is ruthless.

"I am betting on Lee Taeyong." A man said and handed you the money. You tried to take it but he took your hand and grabbed you. You already knew what kind of man he was, you had enough of them here.

"And how much for you for the night?" He said with a smirk eyeing you. You jerked your hand and pushed him against the wall.

"Listen here you bitch, place your bet and get your fucking ass away from me." You spat in his face. A few months ago, you would not even imagine about being this brave but this place has sure taught you to be rough.

"Or what huh?" He started coming to you again. He was a stubborn one. As he tried to speak again, he was pushed back against the wall harshly by someone.

"Or I will make sure that even the street dogs won't  be able to find your fucking ass. Now move." You could only see the back of the person who tried to save you but his voice sure sounded compelling. The man backed away and walked off looking petrified.

The person turned around and smiled at you. And the only thing you could think was 'beautiful'. He has dark brown hair, almost too dark.

"You're okay?" His voice, his accent sounded different, he was not from around here.

"Oh yea, I am fine. Thank you." You said, still surprised. It was not usual for people to help someone here, it was dirty ruthless place after all.

"This place is full jerks." He chucked a little and it made you smile. His little laugh really sounded cute. It was like a dazzle in a dull place.

"Yeah that, I am used to it." You said and looked down. He was wearing a black tank top and black skinny jeans. His muscles moving has he used his hand to push his hair back.

"You should not be." He said, still giving you a small smile.

"Hey,___, Yuta? You're here. You're up next after Taeyong. You should go back there." Johnny said making his way towards you.

"Yeah sure." Yuta told Johnny and turned towards you. " Hi I am Yuta."

"___ and thank you again." You smiled and watched him walk away. You were numb for a minute. You felt a little warmth inside you and clenched your fist softly. For the first time in this dreary place, you felt something vibrant.

"Did something happen?" Johnny asked leaning against the wall and lighting his cigarette.

"No, he just helped me with some old jerk. Who's he?"

" Nakamoto Yuta. He's going to start fighting here from today. And I want you to take bets for him." He spoke, blowing out a puff.

"ME? What about Taeyong?"

"You can take for both if you want. They're friends so they won't fight with each other. Or I can help you out with Taeyong from time to time if you want."

"Why don't you take him?"

"I already have a lot and besides I want an honest one for him. You know others are just corrupted." He stated offering you the cigarette. You took it.

"Fine. I will do it." You responded with a puff and gave the cigarette back to him. "Seriously how many friends you have? As much as the people in the city?"

"I got more than that darling." He smiled. "Definitely more than that."

After Taeyong's match, he came up and sat with you and Johnny at the front. You all were waiting for Yuta's match. Somehow you were really keen for it. You already saw a little dangerous side of him when he helped you out before but you had no idea how was he going to fight. The matches here were not the ethical ones, the basic rules are to not kill anyone or do anything that will make the hospitals suspicious or get cops involved. Apart from that, it was whatever you do to win. You saw Yuta walking out as the crowed cheered, was he famous? why would the crowd cheer for a new guy? You saw him bending and going inside the ring and you could not focus on anything but him. His whole demeanor changed from before. He hair a little sweaty and falling down on his forehead. He tank top off him and he was only in his jeans, showing his abs. You watched as his knuckles were covered in tapes. You were confused as to why you were even paying so much attention to him. You never watched the fights here except for Taeyong's and then leave, but something about Yuta made you fixated on him.

The fight began and Yuta landed the first punch. You did not have much idea about fighting but it was clear that Yuta had experience and was very strong. His defense was sharp and rapid with hardly getting any blow and constantly punching out his opponent. It was an easy win and the crowd cheered. Johnny and Taeyong looked very confident about him.

"Told you he was gonna own. Come let's meet him." Johnny exclaimed and you all went to meet him.

"Hey man. Piece of cake was it?" Taeyong said and hugged Yuta. You handed him his amount and stood back.

"Thanks." He said and smiled. You noticed his eyes crinkled from the side. Even with a bruise on the jaw and blood on lip, all you could think was how beautiful that smile is.

"We're going to leave. See you tomorrow." Taeyong added. "Thanks for helping out ___." And you had expected this because Johnny can't keep his mouth shut. While leaving you mouthed a 'fuck you' to Johnny and he mouthed a 'you wish' back at you.

You sighed and leaned back in Taeyong's car. He always dropped you off after these nights, and you were glad that you had your friend with you.

"You should call me or Johnny if someone tries to bug you like that. I am glad Yuta was there." Taeyong said,making a turn. You did not wanted to tell him. The first time it happened, Taeyong was near you and he saw everything. He beat up the guy to pulp and caused a scene. You decided it then you had to handle your own fights.

"It was nothing. I told him off." You said smiling. "I did not know Yuta was your friend."

"He's Johnny's childhood friend. I have known him for quite some time but we have hardly time to meet. Now that he's here, I can see him more."

"He sure made an impression tonight." You said showing the cash to Taeyong.

"This was nothing to him. He used to fight in a different place before this and he's been a champion there."  Taeyong chimed.

"Ah that explains his popularity."

"You have never asked so much about anybody else before." Taeyong smirked and you decided to look out of the window. The sky was clear and with little stars scattered across it, the moon was lighting up the entire night. You never really wanted to know so much about anybody else before.

--

The next time you see Yuta is surprisingly is outside that boxing ring at the cafe you work at. He had a head band on, but still his hair were falling on his forehead. The football was dangling in his hands and the jersey hugging his chest. He was with Johnny, he turned around and noticed you, giving you an instant smile. You could not look away. The sun rays were falling on his face from the glass windows, and he was making his way towards the counter. You smiled, because confusingly his presence was so calming, you could  not help yourself.

"Hi, remember me?" He asked, his football by side.

"Yeah, of course. So you're on team?" You inquired, motioning towards the jersey.

"The captain." He said proudly.

"Well what would the captain and his friend like to have?"

"My friend would have whatever his regular is, and the captain would like to have the waitress's favorite drink and her number." He smirked. So you exchanged numbers, after all he was part of your group now.

You started seeing him more often on the campus, in the library, in the park ,cafeteria and he would always smile at you. Sometimes you would watch him from afar, you noticed he hardly ever talked to anyone apart from a few close friends and was mostly with Johnny or Taeyong. It was weird, he was the captain of the football team, one of the most handsome guy on campus, he should have been everywhere, but he avoided everyone. He was like a boat, trying to sail opposite of the waves.

It was Yuta's fifth time when he faced a nasty opponent and you knew things were not good when even Johnny looked concerned and not his usual snarky self. He won but with multiple wounds and his face and knuckles covered in blood. It was not new, you have seen Taeyong in this condition before but looking at Yuta, leaning on Taeyong, limping towards the car made your heart feel heavy. It was like somebody was injecting thrones in your chest.

"My match is still left, you take him, you know what to do." Taeyong said, and you knew exactly what to do. Going to the hospital was not an option for him, you learned it the hard way.

Taeyong was grunting, clutching his jaw with his hands. Your hands shaking trying to constantly wash the cloth and dabbing his blood.

"Please, let's go the hospital. It doesn't look good, I don't want to see you hurt. Please Tae-"

"And what huh?" Taeyong hissed. "Let the doctors see this. They will fucking know from where I got this. The cops will get involve. Bloody hell why can't you just dab it?" So you just did.

"I am sorry ___. I really am."  Taeyong said, after a long silence.

You helped Yuta inside and started grabbing out all the first aid kit. You have watched tons of medical videos specially for these nights.

"Alright, this is going to hurt a little." You said while putting the cloth against his face.  He didn't flinch, maybe he was really used to it. You quickly patched him up and applied the bandages.

"You will need to replace these for a couple of days." You stated, patting the bandage.

"Would you?" He asked, looking at you intently. "I suck at doing these stuff, and I don't have anyone else to do it." He whispered.

"Yeah, I would." You smiled. Lately you were finding it hard to say no to him. "I will pull out an extra mattress for you, you can stay here tonight."

"I see even these bruises can't tame my charms huh?" He smirked looking down at your lips. You were in the bathroom, beneath a bright light glowing over you, the smell of disinfectants and blood around you. It was always Yuta who was making you feel something vibrant when everything else was dull. He leaned in and you kissed him. Cautiously and softly. When you were breathless, he was resting he forehead against your shoulder.

"Thank you___." He whispered.

--

It was bright afternoon when you were sprawled in the university garden, with Johnny by your side, still a few minutes to start your cafe shift.

"You know Yuta is single."

"You know Mei is out of your league."

"Well darling  we both made if official so you can take your ass off me and stop directing the topic." He chirped. Of course he would end up with Mei, it was about time.

"How is he single? He's like the most desirable person out there, no offence."

"I said single, not a virgin. And offence is taken." Johnny said, lying next to you. "He has never clicked with anyone before, to have something serious. One night stands, meaningless sex, that's all I have ever seen."

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because I have known him forever, and for the first time I am seeing something different." He ruffled your hair and got up. "Time for work."

--

You sighed. You were supposed to meet Yuta after your shift, agreeing to replace his bandages and hang out you guess. Yuta left that night after the breakfast and you both carried on like usual. Surprisingly, it was not uncomfortable at all. He was still Yuta, the handsome guy who makes you feel like you could see the stars even in the darkest nights. You never had a serious relationship either, you wanted to tell Johnny. Not because you did not wanted to, but because you never had the time, always burdened with responsibilities, feeling like you will slow down if you tried to ever enjoy yourself.

"It's a clear weather today. Looks like there's going to be lot of stars." Yuta stated, standing next to you,  startling you.

"You almost gave me a heart attack Yuta." You gasped.

"There's a fair nearby, I heard it's cool and they're going to do fireworks tonight? Want to go?" Yuta asked, smiling like he always did.

So you went, your bag in one hand and Yuta's hand in another. There were indeed a lot stars today, sparkling continuously, like they were giggling at you both. The wind was cold but sweet, it constantly flew, like laughing in your ears. You looked at Yuta, the lights shining across his faces, his eyes glowing, lashed casting a shadow on his cheeks, you did not realize he was looking at you too.

"I loved it, thank you for taking me there." You said as you stood outside your apartment building, looking at Yuta.

"Thank you for coming with me." He responded. And you kissed again. This time it was sweet and nostalgic. You did knew what you both were, and you were scared to know. This was new, and exciting, a whole lot different from the life you have been living. So you thought it would be okay for a while to let things stay just the way they are.

--

You were cleaning a few tables when you saw Mei grunt a little while bending down. You took her to the counter and helped her sit. She also worked with you at the cafe.

"You should go home. I will talk to the boss." You said, noticing a few marks.

"No I am fine."

"What are you not telling me?" You asked, and she knew it was useless to argue.

"I fell from the pole. This guy was giving me a hard time constantly being on nerves about sleeping with him, so I was trying to avoid him and got distracted and fell. Awkward." Mei worked as a stripper. Works in a club not far away from the boxing place. She was an orphan, and was here on a scholarship. It's funny how you always found broken people like you.

"Anyways, how was your date?" She said winking.

"It was not a date. We just hung out."

"What? You guys are not like together? But I always see you guys together so I thought-"

"Well you thought wrong Mei, we are not together and we are not dating. I don't what it is, he's just my friend like every one else and you know I don't have time for anything or anyone right now. There's nothing special really." You said, flinching at the lies coming out of your mouth. You just wanted to not talk about it, until you made up your mind and talked to Yuta first. And looked up and saw Mei looking scared, staring past you.

You looked around and saw Yuta. Looking at you with a blank expression, the same one he has on while he is in the ring. You noticed a little flicker in his eyes. Anger, disappointment, hurt. His sweaty jersey and black jeans on. And he was out without saying anything.

"You fucked up." You heard Mei whisper.

--

You hurried up the stairs of Johnny and Yuta's apartment building. You had to see him, talk to him, yet you did not knew what you would say if you met him. You felt yourself getting out of breath. Just as you were about to take your next step, somebody pulled on your hand.

"Huh?Johnny?"

"You should not."

"I just-have-" you enhaled "have to see him. I think he-we"

"I get it. But right now is not the time."

"Why?"

"He got pissed off and drunk, bought some girl home. "

"Oh yeah." You said, sitting down on the stairs. You felt dull, numb, it was like the temperature dropped suddenly. You touched your throat, your neck, there was nothing but then why  you couldn't you breathe.

"There's match tomorrow. You can talk then. Come I will walk you down." The night was so cold. You looked up, no stars in sky tonight. It's like your darkness engulfed them too.

--

The match was horrible. Taeyong won. But all you could remember was his body in blood, with Johnny grabbing him and taking him away. It was all a blur. You were choking, crying, shouting how this time he needed a doctor. Yuta was holding you back, your tears falling on hands.

"He will be alright. He will be back." He kept chanting.

You were sitting in your room when Yuta bought a glass of water for you. Still frustrated, annoyed, at Taeyong, at Johnny, at Yuta , at yourself. Your anxiety was eating you up. You could feel everything was piling up on Yuta's nerves too.

"Here drink this."

"I don't want to." Silence for a few seconds. You heard Yuta inhale.

"Then what do you want? I told you he will be fine. We have connections to doctors who deal with his stuff. Johnny said it's nothing. What else is fucking wrong then?" He sneered.

"YOU KNOW WHAT IS WRONG?" You got up " You wanna know what's wrong? Huh? It's wrong that Taeyong has to end up being bruised every week so that he can pay his dad's bills. It's fucking wrong that Johnny has to deal with these shady people to make some money. It's-It's wrong that Mei has to deal with these perverts to survive. " You ranted. "It's wrong we all ended up here being so miserable. That we have to constantly compromise on this road in order to get the destination. And what I want? I want to stop feeling like I am choking all the time. I want to breathe. I want to be brave enough to tell you how much I fucking feel for you. Brave enough to allow myself to love, to feel, to actually live. " You crashed on the floor and closed your eyes.  You heard some footsteps and then some warmth. You felt the heaviness leaving you. You both sat there for a while, when he started getting up .

"Don't go." You spoke, pulling him towards you close, your nose brushing his.

It was the first time you actually felt his muscles, after seeing them from afar for so long. It was awkward, hot and passionate. It was like you both were trying to say something but could not find the words. So you used your hands, your lips. His grunts filling your ears. It was long after when he was asleep beside you, you looked around your discarded clothes on the floor and realized how you haven't seen him smile for so long.

The morning after was not awkward, not comfortable, just calm. You looked at Yuta, his face towards you, staring. His hair ruffled on your pillow, your finger tracing a scar on his shoulder.

"How did you meet them?" He whispered.

"Taeyong is childhood friend. We were neighbors, same school and now same university. He introduced me to Johnny. We all hit it off." He hummed. "You're not from here huh?"

"No. From Japan. Moved here in school, my dad got a job here. Met Johnny. Everything's a history since then."

"At what point it got fucked up?" You mumbled. He laughed, the voice ringing in your ears, it was like the warmth of ear muffs in a cold winter.

"It was a car crash. Both of them gone, just like this. No goodbyes, no love you's, no 'go to sleep, enough stories for today', nothing. Just silence. It was a like a black and white silent movie since then. I stayed with Johnny's family until my grandmother moved here to take care of me, helps me all she can. " He spoke, like a dream.

"You must really love her."

"I do."

"Your turn." He said, turning an imaginary mic towards you.

"My father was an abusive jerk. My mum suffered a lot, but one day she left. It was hard you know, she did not had a job. But still she raised me the best she could. I can't ask her for any more financial help, she doesn't tell me but I know how hard it was for her to send me here. So that's that."

"Your mother is a very strong woman."

"Seeing her work so hard, taking so much for me, I thought about dying so much. But I just could not. I am all she has."

"It's nice. To know you. To be able to understand you."

"Why would you want that Yuta?"

"Is it weird that there's a guy out here who's hobby is to try to understand you?" He spoke, barely a whisper, like a complaint, like it was unfair to him.

He was gone when you came out of the shower. You called Taeyong and he told you he was fine.

"A cast on the hand, and some bruises. Other than it's fine. Some rest and I will be fine."

"You're not lying, are you?"

"Never___."

A part of you was hoping Yuta would stay, after the morning you spent, talking about everything. You constantly replayed the conversation in your head. It felt unreal how he was just beside you just few hours ago, now he was gone. You wanted to talk him but what words were you going to choose. You looked at the bed, still unmade, the room still had a faint smell of his cologne. Even though he was not here, his memories still made you feel the stars were twinkling inside your heart.

--

"I love this smell after the rain." Mei spoke, as you both walked towards the park near the cafe, as you watched the evening disappear and the stars coming out . Johnny decided it was long time since the group hung out together and Taeyong wanted some fresh air after so many hours of sleep and pain killers. You knew Yuta be there too, after all Johnny said the whole group.

You saw Johnny and Yuta passing around the football and Taeyong sitting on the bench, laughing. You all talked, laughed and played. After a while, Johnny and Mei sat together, just looking at park fountain and Taeyong was writing something in his diary. Yuta was sitting under a tree, football by side. You went and sat beside him. His face covered in moonlight, his eyes closed.

"You left without a goodbye." You spoke softly.

"I thought you needed some time, you were upset last night."

"Do you think I slept with you because I was upset?"

"Should I think that?"

"No. I slept with you because I wanted." You sighed. "I did not mean what I said that day, in the cafe."

"Then why did you say it?"

"Because I was afraid, I still am. I saw my parents marriage crumble, I saw people change, I feel like you're too good for me. I am used to being alone, being responsible. I am on a journey and yet you feel like a destination." You spoke. He took your hand and held it.

"I have lost so much, I stopped feeling anything for a long time. And then I met you, and you I started seeing splashes of colors in white and the stars glowing in black, I could hear the voices again, people laughing, shouting, calling out each other. I am not your destination, but I want to be your journey. I want to be with you, beside you, I want to walk with you." He spoke.

"I want to be with you too. Being with you makes me feel the most vibrant, you make me feel like I can breathe, like I can stand up on my own. I used to feel like I was not supposed to feel happy or loved until I had everything, after meeting you, I know that the journey can be beautiful too."

"I used to see you in the university, always with Taeyong, Johnny and Mei. I wanted to approach you, but you looked just so happy with them." Yuta turned towards you and then smiled, his smile, the one that could light up the sky. "Then I met you this winter on a cold night,  and my life started to change since then. I miss you, I need you and I love you."

"Nakamoto Yuta, I love you too."

The kiss was sweet, full of longing, patience and love. The wind blew your hair, the stars were blinking at you, like they were laughing, the moon was bright, beaming at you, like it knew. You saw Johnny and Mei walking standing up and Taeyong closing his diary and smiling at you. You felt vibrant, not only on the inside but the also on the outside.

"You look beautiful." Taeyong said.

"Thank you for being here."

"I wouldn't let anyone else to be here."  Taeyong added. "Quite wonderful how all of us reached the destination huh, I am proud of us."  You hugged him.  "You have and will always be my little sister." He whispered.

"Shall we?" He asked, giving you his hand.

"Yes." You took it and walked down the aisle. You saw your mother at the front, Mei being your maid of honor, Johnny as the best man and then you saw Yuta. Standing at the alter, smiling at you, and all you could think was, so beautiful.

--

You looked at your watch continuously waiting for Doyoung to change and get ready.

"I hope you know we are running an hour late."

"Oh really? As if you haven't reminding me this every five minutes." 

"I am sorry but the board members are freaking me out so I am going to freak you out." You sighed.

 You have been working as Doyoung's secretary for over a year now, so you were used to his tactics. It's not like he is irresponsible but the opposite, the most responsible and passionate person you have seen in this business. But he doesn't like going to stupid and big parties, he calls them what they are "show offs". But as the owner of the company, it is necessary sometimes for him to show up and smile for the cameras and make a few toasts with his clients.  You are the only who has lasted this long. Everyone else left under a month. You're more of a care taker than a secretary at this point, and you cannot understand how you managed to last this long. Maybe you did but admitting about it was not going to get you anywhere.

 "Well Miss. Y/N How is it that you manage to look more beautiful in each of these boring parties?" Doyoung said, breaking your train of thoughts and making you blush internally. You were wearing your favorite black silk dress with a deep neckline. You knew you looked wonderful today but hearing it from Doyoung makes your heart beat a little faster

."Mr. Kim, You don't look so bad yourself." You smiled. Doyoung looked at you before looking away and walking away.

 "Let's put on our best faces for the party." 

At the party Doyoung was always surrounded with almost everybody, from clients to company employees to their girlfriends and wives. You could not blame them, he was worth every praise he got. You got a lot of jealous eyes from the women for being in a position so close with Doyoung. You laughed internally, if only they knew. Even though you spent most of your day with him at his home, it was mostly for work. For doyoung, you are nothing more than a secretary, an employee that stuck around long enough to be trusted and he pays for them, just like anybody else. 

But for you, he was so much more. You knew you loved him, it was hard not to. Over the year, you fell in love with his small details, his mistakes, his sarcasm, his attitude, his care, his passion, his everything. But you were just a little bug in his garden and you were not going to delude yourself into thinking something more. 

"Hello, Miss secretary." You flinched at the tone, you knew who he was

."Good evening Mr. Choi." You gave him a tight lipped smile and started backing off. He was a scum, but also a big shareholder and business partner of Kim Industries. He always used his position to come onto you and misbehaved with you.

 "I see you are still stuck with Doyoung." He spoke like venom.

"Yes, I am still happily working at Kim industries. Anyways I should get going." You said trying to get away but he held your hand.

"What's the rush darling? I am just talking here. I don't see why you keep running away when I am here to provide with so many opportunities."

 "I don't need any from you."

"Well this is the last time I will be so gentle, but leave this Doyoung kid and join me, you will be just be a shadow there but with me you will be a princess. Choose very wisely otherwise I will not hold back to use my money and power to ruin you and your boss's fun in the business." With that he left your hand and walked away. You looked down and arranged your bracelets to hide the red marks that started forming. 

 The party was almost over and you were looking around to call the driver or cab in case Doyoung decided to hook up with some pretty girl. Even though you were used to his one night stands, the picture of him with somebody else still stabbed your heart. It was another reminder that you were nothing for him. You sighed not seeing him and started to walk out.

 "Hey Miss. Y/N, decided to ditch me?"

 "Hey, sorry Mr. Kim, I thought you had other plans-I - mean - I thought you already left." He smiled knowingly what you meant

."Remind me that if Taeyoung forces another of his boring stories down my throat again, I will have to break our years of partnership."

 "That bad?" 

"It's always that bad." He smiled and opened the car door for you. 

"You didn't had to drop me, I could have taken the cab."

 "Don't worry, I like spending time with you." There was this little subtle words and looks that made it hard for you to ignore your feelings and move on. You both were professional half the time but the other half, Doyoung would flirt with you, act protective over you, want your full attention and just be overly lovely that it made your inside a mess. You just wanted to grab at him, shout at him and ask him what the fuck was going on. But you could not, so you didn't. After all, you were just a secretary.

 "And you are my responsibility Miss. y/n"

 "Oh is that so Mr. Kim? I would say it's just the opposite."

 "I am not that bad."

 "You would die without me."

 "Well not die." He looked at you. "Might end up in hospital but not die. But nothing like that is ever going to happen."

 "You're sure?" You asked, words of Choi suddenly ringing inside your head. 

"Yes. Because I know you'll be here." He said looking at you. " And even if you're not, admit it you'll be back after I end up in the hospital. So I am not reaching the dying part." He said laughing, with his cute bunny teeth and you just stared. How could a man, who looks the most serious and composed, could also look like a small kid who just got a candy.

That night you could not sleep, you kept repeating Choi's warning inside your head. He has always tried to force you to join his company, at every chance he got but you never paid attention. It was very common in the companies to try to hire people with good capabilities and skills, try to steal them away with better offers, or even blackmail them or use their dirty tactics. But with Choi, it was not his company wanted you, he was the one who wanted you. You felt disgusted by the way he would try to touch you or ogle at you, corner you every time Doyoung wasn't there. You knew what his intentions were. But this was first time he bought up Doyoung and sounded so scary. And he was not wrong, with his position, he could seriously injure the reputation of Kim industries that Doyoung worked all his life for.

 "Okay now please stop chewing me out Miss Y/N?" Doyoung said surrounded by bunch of papers that you bought in because he finally to decided to show up at the company today.

 "Well Mr. Kim your board members are chewing me out so-"

"So you're going to chew me out too. Got it?”

"Now that you understand, please be a sweetheart and sign these three papers and say yes to the dinner appointments with clients next week."

"Well how can I no do anything when you ask me like that?" To a lot of things, to my love. You thought to yourself.

"You don't say no, but your actions do." You said trying to hard to conceal your feelings. Doyoung just looked at you for a while and then smiled at papers and started signing them.

"But why do I have to attend these dinners? Didn't I hired Haechan and Johnny for these relations stuff." He said pouting.

"Well Mr. Kim because of the fact that you own the company and the clients always complain about you being absent from the meetings."

 "Yeah because I don't have work there. I make the technology and make sure our products are top notch quality, I don't want to hug someone and lie how I am jealous of their Paris vacation."

"I could do that, and I even won't be lying. I do love Paris." You said still busy trying to arrange the files. Doyoung was about to say something when the call rang. 

"Mr. Kim that's your queue for the meeting. Shall I say yes?" You asked. Becoming professional like you were supposed to.

"Yes Ms. Y/N." Doyoung said standing up and fixing his suit.

 Doyoung walks out and strikes a dramatic tired look towards you, as if accusing you to make him go through all these meetings and formalities today.

 "I am tired."

"Really? Couldn't even tell." You said smiling " We're done for today." 

"That's great because I need to breathe and we are going on ride."

 "We? Mr. Kim it's all right, I will ask the driver to drop me off-"

"I, as a boss of yours is ordering you that we are going for a ride." He said sternly and his serious voice that's only reserved for business meetings but then looked at you smiled and said "Unless you don't want to, I am not going to force you." And how could you say no

.Doyoung has a crazy collection of cars and he loves driving outside the city usually, and sometimes you were lucky enough to go  with him. You have been thinking about talking to Doyoung about Choi. You thought about not telling him the entire story. You could just talk about leaving and how this career is not satisfactory or some other reason. Although you knew it be almost impossible to make up a lie that would convince Doyoung, but you also could not let Choi hurt Doyoung for you. You are nothing compared to what he could lose.

 "Your thoughts must be really interesting that you're not paying attention to me?" Doyoung said with his cheeky smile

."Mr. Kim you always have my attention."

"Thank you Ms.Y/N. Now I wanted to know if you are free next month?"

"I might have few plans." You said pondering your appointments

."I don't like it when you have plans."

 "Mr. Kim if it's for the work-"

"Yeah for the work, let's settle for that for now, it's a little trip. We can call it a business trip."  Doyoung said, looking ahead. Sometimes you did not understand what was going through Doyoung's mind. It was like he was telling you something, but you could not understand the language

.Next week, you were in the car with Doyoung and he was literally acting like child who hated going to school and was being forced too. That's why you decided it was better for the driver to drive and not Doyoung. You were sure he was going to speed up the opposite way and escape.

"Mr. Kim throwing so many fits are not going to help it." 

"Well Ms. Y/N Do you suggest I throw the driver out and take the wheel, now that will surely help me." Doyoung said flatly. You mouthed a 'sorry' to the driver but he was too used to Doyoung to even care.

"C'mon Mr. Kim, don't ruin the night. Mr. Lee is going to be there too, That's good." You tried cheering him up

."Oh" Doyoung said even more annoyed "Not Taeyoung please."

When Doyoung was supposed meet his board members, you decided it was your queue to leave. You were thinking of joining of other guests at the dining room. But before that Doyoung turned around and poked your elbow.

"Honestly Ms. Y/N the only wonderful thing about coming here is to see you in that gorgeous dress." The statement made you blush visibly and before you could say anything Doyoung spoke again.

"Wait up for me. I will drop you tonight." With that he called Taeyong and walk off towards the hall.

 You got in the elevator and pressed the ground floor button, still thinking about Doyoung's comment. It was nice hearing him praise you, compliment you, getting you stuff in disguise of company gifts, spending more time with you, sharing his thoughts with you, it made you feel loved. He always showed you a side that nobody else could ever see. His weakness, his kindness, his ideas, his problems. You were glad that he treated you like a friend and recently, a little more than that. But you decided to not let these things get to you. He's a flirt, a ladies man, it was probably nothing to him. You were just happy that his strings of one night stands stopped a few months ago.

 You were so busy in your thoughts that you could not pay attention to who stepped inside in the elevator and pressed the stop button. And when you looked up, all the blood vanished from your face. 

"Well, look who decided to ignore me again?" Said Choi.

 "I thought I made myself clear that I was happy at my -"

 "And I thought I made myself clear too when I told you that I wasn't going to let you go away." He said, gritting his teeth and getting too close to you.

 You decided to press the button but he grabbed your arm and twisted it, cornering you. 

"LEAVE ME!" You shouted out of pain.

 "Not so easily, you have tested all my patience." He said in your ear and pulled something out pressed it against your head. A gun

."ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"

 "SHHH" He said and pressed it even closer to your head. "I see you don't understand my niceness. Now you're going to call your boss and tell him that you're leaving for me." 

"I won't do that. I WON'T." You tried to speak. But he turned you around and smacked your face causing you to fall down.

"You see I won't ask twice. You do as I say or you'll be dead here and don't worry, it's not that hard to kill off a billionaire when everyone wants to take his place." You went numb by hearing this. You could believe that Choi was crazy enough to kill Doyoung.  You tried to think a way to get out but there was no option, you were so injured and you could not fight back. So you took your phone and started dialing Doyoung.

"Hey Ms. Y/N? Miss me already?" He answered.

 You tried to speak but tears started streaming down your face. Choi pressed the gun even closer and whispered in your ear to go on.

 "Doyoung, I need to talk to you about something."

 "Oh yes. Where are you? I'll be on-"

"No. Just listen, you don't need to come. I-I" You choked.

"Y/N"

"I will be resigning as of now. I am going to leave the company. I won't be your secretary anymore."

 You said and there was a huge silence on the line before he spoke.

"Okay. Ms Y/N. I see you have made up your mind. So can I expect a resignation letter tomorrow?" He said with no emotion in his voice.

"Yes." With that he cut the call and you felt your heart being torn into different pieces. It was like someone ripped your chest apart and crushed your heart. 

"Don't waste your tears for him. Now wipe your face and we will walk-" Before Choi could finish his words the elevator started downwards, like someone just cut off the wire and you pushed him. 

The elevator stopped with a thud on the first floor and door started opening, you saw Doyoung briefly but Choi tried to grab you again. But before that Doyoung grabbed Choi and smashed his head against the mirror inside the elevator, shattering the glass. 

You could not even register the events before Doyoung held your and brought you inside, letting the guards handle with Choi.

  "Y/N. Say Something, Please tell me you're okay." Doyoung sounded so hurt

."I am okay. Doyoung I am so sorry, what I said on the phone." You started choking up again. Doyoung brought you close and hugged you cautiously.

"I know, I knew it from your voice that something was wrong." 

"How did you knew I was in there?"

 "Honestly after the call I turned the tracking system on to locate you and then Taeyong came and said how the elevator was stopped for a while and we turned the security camera's and I - I am so sorry, you had to go through all of this."

 "I should have told you. But I thought it wouldn't matter and that he would harm you- and he said your company-" Doyoung pulled you from the hug and looked at you intensely.

 "You should have told me because it does matter. Because you matter, more than anything. I am not going to walk around the bush anymore. You're the most precious to me Y/N, and I mean it. My heart stopped when I saw the footage, to think that I could have lost you today, you're not wrong. I would die without you."

 "Doyoung-"

"And if that what love means, then yes I fell in love with you. I don't know when or how, I just did. And I am not going to let anything happen to you, I want to be with you always." You saw Doyoung's eyes getting red. "If you let me?" He said with a small voice.

 "Yes. Yes."

 You said crying and hugging him again.

"Mr. Kim I did not know the business trip meant a Paris holiday and private dinner by the Eiffel tower." 

"Well Ms. Y/N What can I say? I am a hopeless romantic in love." Doyoung said smiling, his shining bright from the lights. "And besides this time it'll me telling stories of a perfect vacation with the most perfect woman by my side." Doyoung said leaning in to kiss you.

It truly is the perfect vacation.

----

You never believed Yuta when he said that he was incapable of love. You remember It was a chilly Saturday night on the rooftop of your apartment, looking at the stars above and drinking your hot chocolate when he looked you straight in the eyes and told you he was incapable of love.

"But how? Everyone falls in love."

"I don't know. But that's how we are."

You tried to read his expression but you could not. It was sad, longing, desperation or something else, you don't know. At times like those you would realize that no matter how much you think you knew Yuta, he had his ways of proving you wrong. Your heart broke that day, that moment and you wonder if Yuta could feel it. For someone who claims to have supernatural powers and super hearing he should have been able to. But the night ended like that conversation and Yuta never gave much away.

You have known Yuta for almost a year. A handsome guy with bright red hair moving in the apartment next yours, it was your right to be intrigued. For the first one month he was closed off, creepy and hardly spoke a word more than necessary.

"Hello."  He nodded. "I heard you moved in. I'm your neighbor."

"Okay."

"Ah-yeah. So don't hesitate if you need any help. It's a good place."

"Okay. Thank you."  He said while walking away.

It took two months for both of you to open up and have a conversation which lasted more than 5 minutes and could be classified as a decent one. That was also the time you started feeling infatuated towards him. Yuta was a gentleman. Always helped people in the apartment, played with the kids, even fed the stray cat when he thought no one was watching. He seemed like a simple guy but still there was a scent of secrecy that followed him. The only one who ever visited him was a black haired guy around his age, apart from that he never went out in the day.

It was the third month when you felt you both could be defined as friends. Yuta was still the same calm, closed off and mysterious person but there was a charm in everything  he said and did. You both shared some nice conversation at the rooftop every night and went for movies at some weekends.  Yuta sometimes even hanged around your apartment when he came asking for some stuff like extra pen or some room bulbs in the middle of the day when he could have easily bought those things just outside. You realized he had a great sense of humor but sometimes he talked like he knew something that no one else did. Somewhere along the end of the month you realized that Yuta knew almost everything about you but you didn't knew anything about him.

"So how long have you been living here?"

"Quite long. Can't exactly put the finger."

"Aren't you tired of the city then?"

"Never. It changes a lot and never let's me get bored."

Everything Yuta says leaves you with more questions but you don't understand how to put them into words. You cherish every small moment with Yuta. Even if it's small hello while passing each other in the hallway. At times you want sit in front of Yuta and ask him to tell you everything. Ask him about his life, where he came from and what's his favorite food or why he spends so much time cooped up in his room?

You were both returning home from the movie when you felt Yuta getting a little uncomfortable. He kept moving during the entire movie but he said he was feeling unwell or maybe could have caught a stomach bug. It was when the light from a passing car flashed on Yuta's eyes and you saw his eyes were as red as his hair. It should have rung a bell but it didn't.

The bell banged inside of your head at full volume the next week but it was too late. You were inside Yuta's apartment the first time, needing some ice. He was inside his room but you went to the refrigerator  yourself in a hurry, getting late for your classes. The thing you saw after opening the door was enough to make you gag, throw up and pass out all at once. But you stood there numb, frozen. The refrigerator was filled with blood packets, all stacked one over another.

"Ah-Oh. Bummer."

"Yuta Is it- Is ?"

"Yeah. It's blood."

And that's how you found out Yuta is a vampire. A typical one and that's why he never went out in the day. His eyes turned red because he was hungry and his appetite comprises of the blood he keeps inside his house, thanks to his black haired friend who works in the hospital.

"How are you so calm about it?"

"I have learned that some secrets cannot be stopped from being discovered."

"But aren't I a threat now? I know your what you are."

"Every problem comes with a solution. If you ever decide to threaten me, don't forget I have a lot of powers up my sleeve."

Even after learning he's a vampire, nothing is changed. Except now you the reasons for his unusual behavior, for not going out, for not eating and for having detailed information about a lot of historical events. You even learnt that he's not the only mysterious creature around.

"Why do you even use a coffee mug for blood, I thought you guys directly drank from the packet?"

"That's offensive Y/N, I'm a gentleman not some animal like those werewolves."

"WAIT THOSE ARE REAL?"

It has been six months since you have been in love with Yuta. You aren't surprised. The kind of man Yuta is, no one can stop for falling for him. But you never told him. Sometimes you feel like Yuta likes you. The way he cares for you, spends most of his time with you, looks at you but his voice from a month ago still rings in your mind.

"I don't know but that's how we are."

Incapable of love? Maybe yes Yuta isn't a human being like you but that does that mean he can't fall in love or feel affection for anyone. You haven't seen Yuta in a relationship or with a girl ever but sometimes he did return at dawn with some lipstick stains. When asked he told that he did one night stands but never got involved with anyone. You have done your research about Vampires being in love. It was very much possible, if you could believe those sources online. The hope was sparked when you saw the black haired friend, Doyoung, also a vampire, with a girl at a cafe looking very much in love. So you started the conversation with Yuta again.

"So you haven't loved anyone before?"

"I told you. My kind, we are incapable of love or romance, these kinds of things are not for us."

"For every vampire or it's just-"

"It applies to everyone of my kind."

"But who decided that, why is it a thing?"

"It is a long story. There's a reasons behind everything."

You did not believed it. Something about the way he spoke seemed fake and lifeless. Like he was trying to hide something, like he wanted to avoid something. But the conversation never got farther from here. So that's how you, the shy and insecure girl, decided for the first time that you will not give up, that you will make Yuta fall in love with you, or at least try for it. Because well you had nothing to lose, even if Yuta rejects you, you can isolate yourself in your room until you make yourself believe that was a nightmare. Like Yuta said, every problem came with a solution. The starting isn't easy because you have never done this before, never fallen in love before, never tried to flirt before.

"Oh hey, What's up?"

"You got quite late, busy day?"

"Huh?"

"I asked had a busy day, You here?"

"Oh sorry I got lost-" Finger guns "In your eyes."

1 second.

5 seconds.

60 seconds.

"Oh Y/N, I thought I was in a trance until I realized I'm a vampire and that's not possible."

It's been few weeks since you have been trying to flirt with him and give very transparent signals about your interest in him and you have got nothing solid results. Honestly you would give up if it was not for Yuta's reaction to your flirting. Sometimes he would blush as if all the blood he has sipped from his coffee mug went to his face or just smile looking at you for a while, sometimes he looks like he's about to say something but stops himself.

It's a lazy afternoon when you're both in your apartment, being your lazy selves.

"You know love isn't such a bad thing." You said trying to stir up the conversation again.

"Hm is it?" Yuta says.

One of the reasons your confidence has not gone is because Yuta never asks you to stop. In fact he enjoys it, teases you and even flirts most time.

"See, Snow White found her prince and lived, Cinderella found hers and escaped her nightmares, even Nala found Simba and got their kingdom back. Love also bring change in life."

"Are you saying I'm a disney princess?" Yuta says flicking his hair and laughing.

"Why not? You could be, a sexy goth princess who drinks blood and talks to bats?"

"I don't think anyone wants a princess like that and it's hard to find a prince."

"You're wrong. Maybe the prince is somewhere near, maybe in your neighbor or maybe in front of your eyes." You said huffing.

"Maybe." Yuta says looking serious and holds your hand. "But what if changes aren't positive? What if Cinderella didn't escaped her nightmares?"

"Well she would only know after trying it."

You both sit silent looking at each other. A lot of expressions flashed through Yuta's eyes, but he does not let go your hand, instead he takes it to his lips and kisses it. It's moments like these when Yuta is just right there, close enough to touch but so far away. Like there's wall between you and him and you can't cross it.

It's the next day when you're about to knock on his door when you hear something.

"Seriously Yuta, stop getting your insecurities get the better of you. You're a vampire act like one!"

There's a long pause, an oddly long pause until you heard several footsteps coming towards the door and you made a run for your apartment, you didn't wanted to be caught eavesdropping. You felt embarrassed, it was better to act like you did not know anything.

It was the next afternoon when Yuta knocked at your door in his black loose t-shirt, his red hair falling on his forehead and on his eyes, which looked the same bright red as his hair.

"Hi Y/N, did I disturb you?"

"Of course not, but are you okay?"

"Of course, I'm fine. Perfectly."

"So uh-why are your eyes still-"

"Red? "

"Or you want my blood." You said winking and Yuta choked on his breath.

"You know I stopped sucking blood in the 80s." He scoffed and made himself comfortable on your couch. "I just wanted to spend some time with you." He said patting the sofa.

You made your way towards the couch and sat opposite to him. It was nice spending time with him, even more nice when Yuta was the one who initiated it. But that doesn't mean he loves you and the thought makes you a little sad. Yuta sees you as a friend, with whom he can be comfortable and doesn't have to worry about his real identity. Maybe his incapability to love was just an excuse so he could be just be friends with you. You were deep in your thoughts and did not realize yuta was observing you.

"Hey Y/N, Y/N."

"Huh, yeah? Sorry I zoned off."

"Really? Here I thought you were lost in my eyes again."  He said making you blush.

"Yeah yea, how can I resist those crimson red eyes." You said dramatically fanning yourself.

You both sit in silence finding comfort in each other's presence. You don't even remember when did Yuta became such an important part of your life. He's not just a love interest, he's so much more. He's your best friend, the one who helps you in everything, the one let's you cry on his shoulder, the one who makes you laugh. He's the one for you.

"Why are you staring me?" Yuta says.

"Because I want to admire the look." You say smiling.

"Thank fuck, I thought there was something on my face."

Sometimes you thought if Yuta even knew the amount of feeling you had for him. You were scared that he saw you someone who was just fooling around and was not serious. But you would never be sure and you would never know what was going inside his mind. Even though months has passed, he still is the same yuta with a mystery that surrounds him.

That night you both entered his home when he went straight to the room. He looked tired, that's how he has been looking for a few days. His eyes constantly red and skin getting more rough, like it will crack if you touched it. You did not understand what thoughts were making Yuta so anxious and he was far away from telling you this.

You sighed and went to the answering machine. There was some problem with yours so you had to give Yuta's number to some of your friends if it was something important. Yuta was fine with it because the only to ever call him was doyoung and the landlady.

You pressed the button.

"Hey Yuta." It was doyoung. "Listen, I'm sorry for overreacting that day but I know you haven't picked up the blood from hospital in days and I'm just-just worried about you but you need to tell Y/N you love her. It's pointless to torture yourself like this. Stop thinking so much, just go with your heart and just come to the hospital." The line went dead.

You stood there still trying to process the information until you heard Yuta.

"Damn, I really hate new technology sometimes." You looked up to see him standing near the doorway.

"When you were going to tell me?" You asked and he just took your hand.

"I will tell you everything but not here." So he guided you towards the rooftop, same place where you both have shared countless of conversations, laughs , where he told you he could not love.

"Yuta please, was doyoung-"

"Yes, he was right. I do love you." He said smiling. "How could I not? You are the only one who made me feel like I could breath, that I was more than cold body, that somehow being with you I could remember what it felt like being a human." He said looking into your eyes.

"But why didn't you tell me something?" You said "I thought-that you did not see me like that."

"I'm sorry you felt that way but I wanted to tell you that, tell you how much you meant to me but I was afraid- I Y/N." He took a deep breath. "I have never felt like this before. I was really incapable of love, because I had never felt it until-" He said getting even more close. "Until I met you, and then everything changed. There's no words that I can use to describe how much I love you."

"And-and what about you starving yourself. What if you had died?" You said trying to wipe away your tears.

" I was just restless because I could not figure out what to do. That day when doyoung came, we really had a big argument and he made me realize how much of a coward I was being. He left when we felt your presence outside."

"Wait you knew I was-outside?" You asked getting embarrassed.

"We are vampires." He said as a matter of fact, smiling slyly. "And anyways what matters most is that I have you here now, with me." He said kissing your head.

"And I have you, finally. After so long." "Believe me, you had me at hello."

--

"You should not waste such a warm sunny day. Go out and enjoy a little."

"No. I don't like sunny days, I hate the hotness."