Anyone else ready to uhhhhh not live like this anymore

HOW DO PEOPLE FALL ASLEEP SO FAST I DON’T UNDERSTAND I HAVE TO CREATE AND ACT OUT A WHOLE FUCKING MOVIE LENGTH STORY IN MY HEAD AND THEN CONTEMPLATE THE MEANING OF LIFE BEFORE I EVEN FEEL TIRED AND THIS BITCH STARTS SNORING IN TWO MINUTES

me: *goes to my nearest hospital* hello i would like to be put into a medically induced coma 

that boy you just called a krusty krab? his name is patrick

lmaoooo khloe is me af

i dont care how corny iris by the goo goo dolls is bc i love iris by the goo goo dolls and i will continue screaming iris by the goo goo dolls from the top of my lungs every time i hear iris by the goo goo dolls for the rest of my miserable life 

what’s the pink they put in pink lemonade that makes it so poppin

that’s pussy babe!

i hate applying for jobs because the employers are always like: do you enjoy working in a stressful environment???? do you strive for unobtainable standards of perfection???? are you good at dealing with people that make you feel extremely uncomfortable??? do you mind losing real hours of your life in order to make minimum wage?? are you a fan of capitalism??? do you love selling your soul just so you can afford to live???

she is beauty, she is grace, she got her feelings hurt 42 times today

Me: Calls the cops

I adore the catfish episodes when it turns out to be the actual person 😭💗

I hate those episodes I only watch for the deceit and lies