run around the rules

The equality sign. It's small and simple, but so personal and powerful to me. Figuring out and learning to accept this part of myself was a really long and really hard journey. For the longest time I bounced back and forth from denial to bitterness to resenting myself as I started to realize that I wasn't like my friends. I didn't "fit" into the stereotypes I had grown up believing. For years, the way I felt inside didn't match who I thought I was looking at in the mirror. And as much as I wanted to keep this secret forever, I was thrown out of the safety of my closet before I was even ready to admit to myself that I was living there. There were times that the rejection and ostracism I received from others made me wish I wasn't here anymore. I tried to "deal" with myself by becoming hard and distant, my only pride being in not caring about anything so that nothing could make me hurt. After years of pretending to be and wishing I was something else, I finally started to see the world a little differently. I got to know people who supported and loved me more than I could love myself then. I started making friends who didn't even blink when I came out to them. I finally stopped crying when I did come out to people, no longer fearing I would lose them. I met others who had walked this road before me, paving the way and proving that it could be done. I finally recognized the person in the mirror as myself. I learned that you do get to choose your family and surrounded myself with nothing but love. With their help, I tore down the walls of that closet and let myself be truly happy and truly in love. I realized that I am so much more than the box I was "supposed" to fit in, so many things other than my sexuality, but most importantly, so proud of everything that I am. Today is the second anniversary of the Supreme Court passing marriage equality. It's been a rough road, but thanks to those who came and spoke up and fought and LOVED before me, it's a much easier walk for me than it was for so many others. Our right to love still isn't secure. There are still a lot of people who want us to shut up, sit down, disappear, change. So many beautiful souls are still taken from this earth for living their best life. We're still not always safe walking down the sidewalk holding the hand of our significant others. For so long, I thought that I was flawed, defective. But watching the LGBTQ community pick itself up and keep spreading peace and love after every blow, after losing so many of our brothers and sisters and allies to hate, has given me the strength to do the same. The = sign on my hand is just that-- an every day reminder to myself that I am whole, we are whole, and that we all deserve to live this life to the fullest. Happy Pride month y'all 🌈