we are the monsters inside your head

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It wasn't rare that Felix was at Wandering Atlas well into the evening, but lately it was feeling easier and easier now that the sun wasn't going down until well past 8pm. They still had a couple hours before it even got close, which meant Felix could keep most of the "big lights" off and save on electricity and allow the oversized windows shed light on the modern features.

Felix normally wouldn't have asked Nate for help. Unfortunately, he had a hard time asking for help with most people, but for some reason it always felt harder asking Nate. Lately things felt a little easier. Him knowing about Claire felt like he could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. No more big secrets, mostly just the truth. There would always been some things unspoken, but weren't all families like that?

He had placed the pizza order and put a bottle of white wine, probably from some gift basket at some point, in the kitchenette fridge to chill as he finished up a few things around the office as he waited for Nate to show. As usual for Felix, just as he began making strides in his work, the front door swung open. "In here!" he called out from his office, through the open door.

"Did everyone leave early today?" He asked as he came in, dropping the gym bag on a chair and leaning over on the backrest. It had been a long day, after all, but he couldn't be happier to change the usual four walls of his own office for his brother's.

Knowing him, he probably introduced himself, complimented Matty on something he was wearing and began the tour of the house. ''Honey! Your brother is here,'' he shouted to get her attention and then said something else she couldn't quite hear. Probably tried to defend her by saying something sweet about how long she took to get ready.

The truth was, she was nervous. She wasn't often, but this was her brother. The only family she had left. Well, in a way. She knew she had changed a lot over the years. Last time she saw Matty, he still was calling her his brother... The letter she left him was signed with the name Rosita and he obviously chose to respect that, but it was hard to tell how he would really react.

She forced a smile as she finally came down the stairs. ''Hi Matías.'' He changed a lot too. He looked older. He looked nice, but the effect their father had on them their entire life was obvious. ''I see you've met my husband, Eduardo. Do you want anything to drink or eat? We have everything,'' she said as she lead the way towards the huge kitchen. Different fruits, vegetables, cheeses and crackers were displayed on the kitchen island.

After a few minutes, Mia started doubting her sister would come down at all. Despite knowing very little about her nowadays, she was sure that standing her up would not be surprising, but when her voice came from the big staircase behind her, Mia felt like every single hair in her body stood up. It took her a couple of seconds to actually look up at her. She knew what she looked like now; she had done enough research about her whereabouts to recognize her on the street, but seeing her face to face, eye to eye, felt harder than she realized it would be. "Sister," she responded with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, but softened the second she actually got a good look at her. She seemed... fine. More than fine. Mia had to remind herself that she knew this and it shouldn't be a surprise, but her controlling side had constantly yelled at her that if she didn't take care of her, Rosita would not be okay. She was wrong. And she was glad to be wrong for once.

"A drink would be okay," Mia responded, moving behind her sister almost automatically. "I'll take whatever you want to have, I don't mind," she spoke almost meekly, but grabbed a cracker from the table to cover up for it. "You look– well, fuck. It's like looking in the mirror– you look great."

Her expression softened a little at his explanation about the spoon, and for a second Aspen simply watched him as he stood and moved closer beside her. There was something surprisingly endearing about the fact he was genuinely concerned over who deserved to lick the batter. "Nate, you realize most people would've stolen the spoon before even asking, right?" she said softly with a slight shake of her head. "You're allowed to enjoy things even if you didn't earn them." Aspen couldn't help but remind him. In all their years of friendship, she always did feel that he never gave himself enough credit where it was due. He'd always been harder on himself than necessary.

Still, she humored him, tilting the spoon slightly toward him with a playful little nod. "Alright, deal. But only because you're being weirdly gentlemanly about cake batter." As he leaned in closer, Aspen bumped her shoulder lightly against his arm. "And for the record, sitting here with me while I bake actually is helping. Kitchens are nicer when you're not alone in them and moral support is still support." She moved to finally put the cake in the oven.

Nate couldn't help the scoff that left his throat at her comment. "I thought I was here to catch up, not a therapy session." He could use one, to be fair, especially dealing with everything he had been dealing with in the past couple years, but he had enough with trying to keep up with his medical appointments to keep up with yet another non-work related thing. "But I know, I appreciate it. And I guess I do need a reminder every now and then, but this isn't the case! I just think you should have it. I can always take what's left of it on the bowl," he smirked, taking the bowl and smearing a couple of fingers with what was left at the bottom and taking it. He immediately regretted not taking the full spoonful, but his cardiologist and nutritionist would be proud of him, and that was enough to help him through the feeling. "I know that– my mom loves it when I come over during the weekend, and she's still making dinner. The woman can barely hold a single conversation, but she likes the company."

“How can you be so sure she hasn’t met another dog!” But Minho already knew the answer. There was no way they would miss something like this either, even if they had twelve of them. Every moment of them being outside was monitored. Even when Minho was not the one taking them for a walk, their dog sitters would occasionally send updates with pictures. The only time they would be left to their own devices was when they were home or around the home, within the fence of Minho’s vast yard. 

Minho fumbled, mumbling to themself incoherently. “But… I have a tall fence!” They defend, immediately being their own devil’s advocate in their head. But she is a Great Dane, she is tall enough to jump. “The size difference!” She could’ve laid down. But then it dawned on them. Surely this would explain it! “All of my dogs are fixed!” Actually…

Minho pauses, rethinking. All of their dogs were sorted, except… for the youngest and most newly arrived, just a couple of months shy of a year old. Coincidentally exactly the one they were holding right now! They lift the pupper up, making him face them and their annoying barks instantly turn into happy pants when Minho fills their vision. “Oh, you…” They feel like giving him a little shake but they could never, even if it’s just a little one. Knowing that his beady little eyes looking up at them with all the adoration in the world would just make them melt away, they tuck him under their arm. Facing Matty again, he resumes his little one-sided barking debate. 

“Well I suppose that it’s a possibility! But not one we can verify with absolute certainty.” Minho huffs a little, now just feeling like they should defend their babies. They were all good boys, they were! They do not deserve to stand accused, even if guilty! Love is love, it does not choose! Minho’s eyes flit to Gaia again. Oh, she had those cute button eyes too, albeit much larger than their dogs. How could they tell no to those eyes, even if none of this puppy business might be true. 

"I mean, we cannot– I don't know if there are paternity tests for dogs, but I'm pretty sure that we're about to have a dozen very weird hybrids," the idea made her almost laugh. She couldn't imagine what the puppies would look like: if they would be more like Gaia but smaller, or more like the poodle but bigger, maybe a mix of them both. She needed to Google if this had ever happened before, but the look the vet gave her when she mentioned the possibility of the father being a toy poodle said enough. "You could ask her, I guess, but I'm not sure if any of us will understand whatever she has to say about it." This whole thing was comical, she had to admit. Mia was sure she would have a big laugh about it later, when she had it all sorted, but now she had to figure out how to take care of a litter that big all by herself, and she really didn't want to do that. "You're taking all of them for a walk? At the same time?" Mia asked as she fiddled with the leash, then turned to look at Gaia, who was already excited about a walk from just hearing the word, and she couldn't fight those shiny marble eyes of hers. "I guess we're coming. Lead the way."

"What's– oh... It's fine. It was just a little bump, really. I'm a big guy, I can take it," but before he could finish talking, the bright blue patch was on his face, and he wouldn't say it out loud, but the coldness of it did bring some immediate relief. "I see two fingers– I'm fine," he let out a little bit of an embarrassed laugh as he became aware of the few other stares on them. "Don't worry about it," Nate said finally, putting the patch down to really show her she hadn't done any damage at all. "I don't think it'll even bruise, but thank you," he added, handing her back the patch. "You're Claire, right?"

With a little bit of reluctance, the dog walked by his owner's side, and Armin simply stood up properly and dusted off his hands on his pants. "It's fine, really. I'm used to running, and it would be a shame if he got lost or... worse. I hope it's okay... that I stopped him, and you didn't have him actually running after something, I don't know." He offered a smile. "Is that his name? Shogun?"

And then, as they had been getting into the park, Yellow had seen a squirrel and bolted, making Kat stumble and fall before she could take off after her... but then again, taking off after her was definitely not something she could be doing. Her friend tried to run, but the dog was already gone behind a bush and bolting in a direction off the path. Kat left her bike with her friend and asked her to take it home so she could get this sorted out and started at a quick pace in the direction Yellow had run to. She had the snacks out of her pocket, jingling the plastic box with sunflower stickers over it and shouting the name. She hoped she was going in the right direction, and even if she wasn't, she was sure the dog would be okay; she was a good girl and always did manage to come back to her, whatever happened.

She was starting to give up when she saw someone holding her bright blue leash, and the dog was just happily wagging her tail as if she had not just made the young woman shout for 5 minutes after her. "Yellow!" she said in that half-stern grin that was the only kind of scolding that could come out of her lips. She wobbled quickly towards the man and her dog and nodded enthusiastically when he asked. "Yes, oh Gosh, thank you so much for grabbing her. She started running almost right away at the entrance, and I've been trying to catch up for forever," she said with a big sigh, even if it was an overexaggeration.

"No worries at all– she's lovely," Armin responded, still running his fingers through Yellow's fluffy fur down her back, but it was only a matter of seconds before she happily returned to her owner. Armin took that as his cue to get up from the ground with a smile. "I know the feeling. I once had a dog who hated the paper boy, and every single morning was a marathon."

Natalie had come back from another night shift. It had felt like these night shifts were going on for years and years and not just... simply one month. She didn't remember the last time she had done this, maybe in her early twenties. And then she had stayed in the day for most of the time unless someone really needed her for a day or two. But for two months? She was turning into a vampire.

She had woken up from a loud noise in the neighbouring apartement, it was two pm, and she just wished that she could keep sleeping until five... but alas. Maybe it was better that she was waking up so early so she could go to the gym, run some daytime errands and get to that stupid task she'd been postponing for a few weeks now.

Throwing some jeans and a t-shirt on, she headed outside the door, her long hair swaying behind her in frizzed curls. Sleep still in her eyes and face. She knocked on the door that was right next to hers - where the sound was coming from. She leaned on the door frame with one hand, looking a bit more threatening than she intended, but she was woken up after only four hours of sleep. She was bound to be grumpy.

"Hi, I'm not sure what's happening in there, but I feel like I hear this constant noise from your place, and I just wanted to ask if you could turn it down," she spoke once the door opened, looking up rather than straight at the man there, warm eyes squinting slightly.

After three nights in a row, he was exhausted, though, and with no personal appointments for today or the next day, he planned to spend them sleeping and recovering as much as he could. The city had different plans, however, and with whatever work they were doing being right outside his bedroom window, he had been able to sleep for maybe two and a half hours before fully giving up.

Armin didn't hear the knock on the door since he was wearing noise-cancelling headphones, but he felt his phone vibrating when his doorbell camera caught some movement and sent him a notification. With a protein smoothie in one hand, Armin padded down the hallway to his front door and opened it mid-yawn. He didn't get to hear the first few words coming out of the woman's mouth before he pushed down his headphones, but he managed to understand the entire context of it.

"Listen– I really, really wish I could do something about it, but apparently, the city or the owner– somebody decided to change some moldings of the building. And I guess noon is the best time to do it, but I'm... girl, I'm right there with you." He sighed, pushing a hand through his hair, just then remembering he was in nothing but pajama pants, so he half closed the door as if the other hadn't seen enough already. "Feel free to come in and check. I swear it ain't me."

He did not press further for now, not really wanting to know the reason why she had no desire to attend a stranger’s funeral. The reason was unlikely to concern him enough to prompt further inquiry or factor into the future. She had already earned a quiet sort of approval - most people lied longer.

By the time she returned to the kitchen, he had already exchanged a few brief messages on his phone, a new cigarette between his fingers, at this point in his life, the absence of one for long was concerning. "You are not bothering me, Miss Bloomberg," he said evenly, setting the phone down against the marble island, turning his attention to her and pointing with his hand toward the tall glass of cold water that he had poured with a few slices of lemon that he always had stacked in the freezer.

"My assistant will be here shortly. She will ensure the arrangement reaches the correct address," he said, leaning on the counter now with an elbow. He tried to remember the last time he had someone in a place of his where the expressive goals weren't sexual or business-related, and found it lacking. Even Ryden hadn't come to his home before; they were always in the restaurant or another venue. He was unsure if he liked the idea and filed it away for later review. His gaze lifted properly to her, lingering a fraction longer than necessary, studying her features and what seemed to be a better grasp on emotions. "Would you like coffee while we wait for her?"

Nin took a sip from the glass of water without saying a word, keeping her eyes connected with Mark's for a moment as if she was silently thanking him for the gesture. "You really didn't have to do that, but I appreciate the gesture. I won't forget it." She smiled as she put the glass down. "I'm not sure if there's anything someone like me could do for you in return, but I owe you a favor," Nin said without any thought, not often speaking before thinking about the words coming out of her mouth. "Coffee? I– I mean, only if you're making some for yourself."

"Hm? Oh." His attention returns to her in time to realize she'd asked a question and he tucks his hair behind his ear. "Oh. Yeah. I .. They're okay.. or.. fine." He can't help but notice the futility in them. "Why?" He ends up asking, still staring at the flowers and their vibrant and softly fragrant petals. He supposes the arrangement is done well. It looks balanced. "Or.. isn't it.. kind of pointless? They're just going to die so.."

Nin forces herself to swallow the sensation without changing her facial expression. She has always been very good at concealing her emotions. Nin was an expert at crying in secret, holding her pain until it was safe to let it all out. She smiled very softly, not daring to look up at the man out of fear of being read. "Isn't it worth it, though? To have something beautiful to look at and care for for a few days? It might be just me, but looking at them makes me feel joy even for a couple of seconds during a day. You may not feel the difference right away, but I can assure you, you'll find yourself smiling when you look at them." Nin reaches to fix a few more stems so all the plants are in view. "I think if they could talk, they would be very happy to do so for you. They can't, so they just let us know in their own way. Don't they smell amazing?" She pushes the vase a little closer towards the man. "Whatever little they last... I think it's worth the joy they bring."

And he tried to do that, almost successfully, watching as her chest swelled as she leaned forward, leaning over the table with the worst hand coordination he could remember seeing. It was almost too bad if he were to think on it, but of course he didn't. Instead, he tried to empty his head, really do that, and put a hand on her lower back, feeling a shot of warmth through his chest and stomach. He could paint a dirty picture with her right now, and that was enough of a distraction. "Definitely not ok.... for right now, on the pool table... for pool," he said, as he stepped closer behind her. His other hand moved to hers on the stick, adjusting her grip before guiding it slightly lower.

"Relax your shoulders a bit," he said in a voice that couldn't be heard by the people standing around - not shouting over the music nor whispering. "Just hold it with less force... and we'll do the first hit with your stick. You can add gentleman to my resume," he joked, his smile warmer now. At least this was shutting his brain up for a minute.

Liv bit her bottom lip, adjusting her grip on the stick a little bit, and forced herself to take a look around. She had to wonder what any of her siblings would do if they saw her in that very moment, and, well, she wasn't sure Logan would be safe from a word with any of them, especially her brothers. The idea almost made her giggle, but she concealed it all very quickly as she leaned forward a bit, feeling Logan's body behind her. "Gentleman? Because you're letting me go first?" She turned her head, speaking very close to his ear for a moment before getting her eyes back on the table. "God, the standards are so low nowadays," she sighed teasingly. "Okay, so... Do I hit the white ball now, coach?"

''Me neither!'' he said a bit too quickly, almost forgetting where he found himself. ''Well, not until the bell rings, c'mon,'' he lead the way towards the back, showing her his boss' office, the rooms, the lockers where they kept most of their uniform. He didn't forget to show her the famous firefighter pole. ''We usually only sleep during night shift, but sometimes if we get sleepy we're allowed to nap. As long as we don't sleep through the alarm,'' he gave her a warning look, obvious he had been caught doing so in the past.

"Alrighty then– wait, there's an actual bell? Is it not like... an alarm or something? Do you guys have a pole to go down to? What is that even about?" She knew nothing about firefighters other than what she'd seen on TV shows, which was already fascinating. She wasn't sure how different it could be, but even if it was the total opposite, she was already finding it amusing enough. "That sounds to me like it's happened once or twice, hasn't it?" Liv teased, gently elbowing his side. "Am I wrong?"

When Liv came out of her room and towards the living room Kat stpped their game, the dog making a frustrated sound at the interruption but after a few jumps around, she just decided she'd go get water instead of returning to the couch. "How are you somehow late to an event at home!" she exclaimed as if it was a sin, loving just how much freedom there was between them to express things and to talk without a filter. She had missed this when she had been away to university, and then when Liv had been away for life and work. But now they were both here, and it could feel like they were back in their big family home full of siblings and parents and shouting and laughter.

She reached out to tickle Tea and then put her feet up on the coffee table, looking at the bag that Liv showed her. The idea of her mind either going on overdrive or silent... was frightening. There was already always so much happening in it, so many thoughts that she sometimes lost the train to unless she focused hard to find them and file them out of the cabinets of the endless library that never threw away volumes.

"How about I see how one of them affects you, and then I decide. Meanwhile, I'll have a glass or two of wine," she decided finally, the new experience one of the few she strayed from. She was rarely one to turn down something exciting. "And you can tell me all about your messy love life and your transgressions with that awful ex of Jodie's. And Jodie. Wait, and then your Mr Perfect? I barely get any details in texts, and then we keep not talking about these things, you're not talking about them," Kat pushed a finger up accusatively, though she herself hadn't mentioned any of her own little outing with people she was meeting, either at work, on Tinder or just randomly around town. For her, all of those were simple meetings, friends to explore town with. Unless something else was suggested.

"Oh, my love life is..." The blonde paused for a second, because she truly couldn't say it was boring anymore. If anything, it had been more eventful than ever before. She still felt hesitant about talking about it, like every single thing that came out of her mouth put everything at risk. Or maybe she was just embarrassed about the decisions she had made, despite everything. "Jodie's ex was... Well, he was actually not that bad. He's a fun guy. I could tell his mind wasn't totally in it, though. And I mean, I don't blame him– if I knew the kid I didn't see growing up was around town, I would be going through the wringer and worse." Liv paused to get a few licks of the lollipop again. She wasn't sure when he would feel any effect, or if she would feel any, but the sweetness was a good distraction.

"And Mr. Perfect... well, what can I tell you about him? He's... he's everything?" Liv had to hold back a smile, only succeeding halfway, but even if she had, the blush on her cheeks and across her nose would give her away. "He's patient, he's gentle, he's... a fucking work of fiction come to life. I think he's what Mom, Dad, and Amy would want for me. I even think all the guys would like him, or at least find him respectable enough to be with one of their sisters." Liv pulled her knees to her chest. "It feels surreal that he's that into me, to be honest, I don't even understand why– it's not like... like I've had to even work for it. It feels almost fake. Like a book." Liv pinched the bridge of her nose. "It's strange. I'm happy, but I'm scared..." The blonde admitted, then bit her bottom lip. "He asked me to be his girlfriend."