Here a short fic inspired by āUntitled 2014ā and this pics:
The very same day I wrote this letterā¦ now one of my most praised and successful songs, was the very same day I almost lose the love of my life.
I was tired of all the pretenses, of all the hiding, lying. Iāve been trying to convince myself that I wasnāt completely and utterly in love with who at some point I couldnāt stand, who later on time I considered to be my little brother, one of my best friendsā¦
The evolution of our relationship couldnāt, shouldnāt, end with me falling in love.
It was 2014, I canāt even remember the month, the date, everything is such a blur. I was just so overwhelmed with all the emotions, with the circumstances.
I was supposed to be preparing for tour, to be on stage in front of thousands of people. But the only thing I was able to do was to think about my beloved maknae. I got drunk, I called him, he came to see me at my apartment, I told him I was in love with himā¦
He looked hopeful, and that hurt me the most. He looked happy and I was heartbroken.
Because I only wanted to be rejected, not be the one to rejected him. I just wanted to let it all out, but not to be reciprocated. Not even in my sweetest dreams I saw this coming, my maknae been as in love as I was with him. How could I have been so blind?
In the end I told him that I was in love but that I didnāt want him. That I just needed to tell him and move on. That we were coworkers, that we were there for the fans, the music, the group, and nothing else mattered.
I thought I have done the right thing. I thought that with that I would save our friendship, our works, the group, our futureā¦ I have never been so wrong.
The following days were awkward, uncomfortable. Everyone around us could tell something was bothering maknae, not me, because somehow I was able to keep pretending to be ok.
My teammates told me they were worried about maknae. They were conflicted as to why I wasnāt as worried as them, or even more.
I confronted maknae, I told him to move on, to accept the reality, that I didnāt love him that much, we were never going to be together. He would never be my priority, music was, my work was, not him. I broke his heart, I lied, but he believed me, he always trusted my words.
When I looked into his eyes, they were so sad, the eyes that I have once considered the brightest, the prettiest, at that moment were lifeless, his expression was dull. Then he suddenly looked angry, and then he surprised me with a poker face, he agreed to never speak about this again and to forget about his feelings, and mine.
He went back to rehearsals, and acted as if the past days never happened. My teammates looked at me relieved, and I have never felt more empty.
The days passed, and I was empty, alone, sad, disappointed, and regretting with every fiber of myself every word I said to maknae. He didn't talk to me beyond the necessary, he didnāt hang out with me or with the group of people I was with.
I was going crazy. I didnāt have maknae, I messed it up, I couldnāt write songs, I couldnāt work, I wasnāt eating properly. I looked for him again, a drunken mistake, I asked for forgiveness. I begged him to come see me.
And he did, he came, we spoke, we fight, we kissedā¦ I witness the hope arising again in his eyes and I panicked, I regretted it immediately, I started to back out of my words, of my actions, I told him it was wrong, that I would never would be able to abandoned it all for him. And he said something about how he didnāt intend me to do it, but I insisted, that I couldnāt do it, I asked him to leave, I practically dragged him out of my apartment and yelled him to never came back.
The next thing I knew, Seungri have been on a car accidentā¦ My world collapsed.
I wrote him a letter, I never gave it to him. Then the letter became a songā¦
I learned the hard way. I know now, love is music, love is inspiration, love is pain, love is Seungri.
prguitarman
theartofmadeline
dailybridgerton
amandla
titsay
