dork

"This vexes me." Use this in response to anything negative said about you. The more you use it, the better. "That haircut isn't working, man." "This vexes me." "...What?"

"I'd press L2 at the precise time, parrying the [X]." Use this in response to any hypothetical. "What would you do if your best friend flirted with you?" "I'd press L2 at the precise time, parrying his flirt." "W- What the fuck are you talking about?"

"This is so sad, can we get 50 likes?" Use this in response to any complaints. Much funnier if you use it in realspace. "Me and my girl had a fight. No idea how I'm gonna make it up to her." "This is so sad, can we get 50 likes?" "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"It's because of the Ritual." Use this in response to any question regarding the cause of something. Never explain what "the Ritual" is. If anyone asks, say "Don't worry about it!" And smile. "Ugh, why can't anyone here be good at their jobs!?" "It's because of the Ritual." "...What's the Ritual?" "Don't worry about it! =)"

"That's what they want you to think!" Use this in response to anyone stating any facts. "I just landed a new gig." "That's what they want you to think!" "What? Who's 'they'?" "..." "What the fuck?"