contrary to popular belief, sitting next to suna rintarou was nice.

you had no personal problem with suna. he was quiet, didn’t bother you much,

(that is, of course, if you exclude how you have to send him your notes almost daily because he believes your joined desk is more comfortable than his own bed. he occasionally got you a coffee as thanks, though, so you couldn’t complain.)

and most of all, he did his parts in your assigned partners’ assignments, which was the most important part to you, something you cared about after many sleepless nights of doing other people’s works and after losing multiple marks due other people’s carelessness.

however, on the fourteenth of february, you found the biggest flaw of being the suna rintarou’s desk mate.

it was barely eight in the morning when you strolled into your classroom, halting in your steps and pausing abruptly at the sight of your joined desk, sleepy eyes widening in slight disbelief.

suna caught your eyes and immediately flushed, eyes widening slightly as his cheeks reddened. it was unbelievably uncharacteristic of him to lose his nonchalant cool-guy persona as he grimaced behind the piles of expensive bouquets covering your joined desk from top to bottom, set on the seats and building till it was all the same level.

“i’m so sorry,” he muttered, sounding distressed. “fuck, i hate valentines. i’ll solve this issue as soon as i can, i promise.”

you only blinked again, then raised an eyebrow, an amused smile pulling on your lips. “i’m not sure i want to add my own now. oh, and here i thought i might be special.”

“yeah, i promise i will get this out and—“ he paused, eyes widening as he finally seemed to register your words before he turned a few shades even darker. you wondered how much the twins would pay for an image of him in that state as he leaned slightly closer to your amused figure, spluttering. “wait— wait, what?”

you let out a light laugh. “i’m kidding, suna. how are you planning to solve this ‘issue’?”

he groaned in what you assumed was a mixture of embarrassment and then frustration at the reminder of the issue before he set his hands on his hips, a familiar dead look in his eyes. “i don’t know, i fucking hate valentines. can’t we just sit on the floor for the day?”

you were sure suna was joking, but you simply shrugged as you slumped on the cold tiles with a yawn. suna didn’t have to think twice before he was beside you, yawning due to your yawn before he gave you a lazy smile. “thanks, i definitely owe you a coffee for this. god, i hate valentines.”

“mhm.” you hummed in agreement as you unlocked your phons, the mention of coffee making you feel so much sleepier. you regretted your decision to ignore the early alarms set with the intention of waking you up in time to grab a coffee for the simple favor of a few minutes of sleep and—

“[y/n]?”

you blinked at the call of your name before tilting your head slightly, meeting suna’s eyes. despite how he was back to his nonchalant monotonous self, you could tell something was up as you hummed again. “yeah?”

he crossed his legs, his elbow digging in his thigh as rested his cheek on his palm and rested his gaze on you. “did you wonder why i don’t care for any of these bouquets?”

you couldn’t help the semi-amused smile that pulled on your lips. “because there are at least twenty and you aren’t planting a garden?”

“no,” he sighed softly, gaze softening. “because none of them are actually from you.”

you pushed back your surprise at your feelings actually being reciprocated (you now owe your best friend money) and the sound of your frantically beating heart in favor of giving him a lazy grin, copying his pose. “i knew you didn’t read cards, the twins owe me so much money.”

you have never seen suna move quicker than he did to find the bouquet with your name, wide eyes softening quickly as he stared at it before he turned to you with an excited grin.

“have i ever told you i love valentines day?”

—

“i didn’t know you cared about current trends, rin.” you hummed quietly, eyes soft as you stared at the boy in front of you. he furrowed his eyebrows in concentration as he applied semi-clear lip gloss on, legs crossed. you didn’t understand his focus, considering he was about to smudge it anyways, but you allowed him to do whatever he wanted.

after all, he was too pretty in lipgloss for you to care.

“i don’t,” he mumbled, narrowing his eyes pettily at his reflection. “but i do care that stupid atsumu and his stupid partner did this trend and he said no one was cuter than them both, so we need to do it.”

you snorted, his actions finally making sense as you laid on his bed, eyes glistening in amusement as he finally joined you. he didn’t bother pulling you up as he immediately leaned down, placing his first kiss against your nose, the action causing your lips to twitch upwards.

he repeated the action all over your face, occasionally reapplying the the lipgloss, but all you focused on was how pretty he was.

god, you were so lucky.

after the last kiss, he pulled back and stared at you for a few seconds, his lips suddenly breaking into a wide grin as he grabbed his phone, and you didn’t have time to hide your face before he was taking literally hundreds of photos. you only gave him a small smile. “satisfied?”

“very. now get up, we have a trend to be the best at.”

you snorted softly, lazily pushing yourself up. suna set his phone up, starting the video with him casually applying lip gloss before ‘accidentally’ smudging the edge. your thumb came into the frame as you gently wiped it off, but unlike what he told you, you didn’t glance at the camera when it turned to you. instead, you kept your eyes at your boyfriend, unable to look away as you continued staring dreamily at him.

he only grinned once the video ended, going to rewatch it before he blinked, face going blank. you tilted your head in confusion. “what?”

his only response was tackling you against the bed, face buried in your neck. “you make me blush, it’s disgusting.”

you laughed loudly, running your hand through his hair as you leaned over to place a gentle kiss on his head. “i love when you blush, rin, it’s cute.”

“i’m not cute,” he mumbled adorably, words muffled as he buried his head further into your neck, his breath tickling your skin. “‘m a hot handsome manly man.”

“sure you are, my sweetheart.”

you stared blankly at your best friend. “rin, what?”

he blinked innocently, as if he hadn’t just blurted out a statement that made you doubt the fact that he was a sane and fully sober high school student. “what?”

“did you just say that the pyramids aren’t real?” you repeated calmly, trying to keep yourself from straight up banging your head violently against the wall.

he scoffed. “yes. do you actually think they’re real? that’s so stupid of you.”

“rin, the pyramids are real,” you stated blankly. “they’re very real, are you stupid?”

“no, they’re not.” he rolled his eyes. “they’re like, this fantasy idea.”

you stared at him for a few seconds before you quietly pushed yourself up, turning around and immediately starting to walk away. you heard a huff before his figure was beside you, carrying both your bags on one shoulder while using his free arm to slung it over your shoulder. “so, where are we going?”

“i’m going to talk to atsumu to heal from you,” you muttered, still in slight disbelief. “that’s how stupid you are.”

he frowned. “are you messing with me? the pyramids are literally not real.”

a loud snort caught your attention, making you turn to the twins, atsumu staring at suna as if he was stupid, which at the moment, you believed was true. osamu was beside him, busy staring at the onigiri he held like it was a gift from heaven, but amusement was still clear in his eyes as atsumu raised an eyebrow. “do ya genuinely think pyramids aren’t real? what the fuck is wrong with ya, suna? i thought ya were smart.”

you stared blankly at atsumu for a few seconds before letting out a slow sigh. “i could fucking kiss you right now.”

suna’s arm immediately held your should a little firmer, eyes narrowing at the setter who smirked like he knew something you didn’t, teasingly leaning closer to you. “you’re very welcome to—“

“shut the fuck up.” suna hissed, kicking his leg. atsumu jumped with a noise that sounded like the mixture of a groan and a smug laugh, a pained smile on his lips as he poked his tongue out childishly. suna grunted in annoyance. “fine, pyramids are real!”

“i can not believe this is a point that needed to be argued about,” kita’s voice rang, making the suna stiffen slightly before he slowly turned around to face his captain, his arm causing you to automatically turn as well. kita frowned, eyes set on suna. “stop skipping your classes.”

suna nodded quickly. “okay.”

you offered an awkward wave. “hi, captain. you look nice today.”

kita turned to you, his intimidating blank stare immediately turning to a smile. “hello. thank you, you look nice as well. i wish you luck with dealing with the three of them.”

you held back a snort as the three gasped in offense, suna’s gasp quieter than the twins. “thank you, i need it.”

he calmly reached over to ruffle your hair affectionately before walking away, suna immediately groaning. “god, how many people do i have to get jealous of today?”

you glanced up. “what?”

he froze. “what?”

you grinned. “you’re jealous?”

he immediately let go of you, shoving your backpack into your chest. “no. why would you even think that? you’re insane.”

“are you trying to gaslight me, rintarou?” you teased, relishing in the way his cheeks flushed just the slightest as he scoffed, walking away. you ignored the twins snickering in amusement as you followed behind, grin widening.

“i’m not gaslighting you,” he mumbled, words barely audible as he refused to look at you. “in fact, i don’t even know what gaslighting is. it’s probably not even a real word, you probably made it up because you’re crazy.”

you sighed dramatically, forcing yourself not to let out the laugh that was struggling to get out. “what a shame, maybe i should go get a kiss from atsumu to make myself sane again—“

he halted in his steps, glancing over you with a tired exhausted stare. “you’re a menace. i hate you, i hope you know that.”

“shut up,” you snorted, nudging him playfully. “you love me.”

he stared at you for a few seconds before his eyes softened, lips twitching upwards into a discreet smile as he sighed in mock exhaustion.

owning the café right next to the building with the MSBY black jackels team had it’s pros and cons. the cons were simple, including how atsumu often comes in after the café is already closed and begs you for a coffee if you’re still inside, how bokuto shattered the door once because he was too excited to hear you started selling his favorite kind of cake and underestimated his strength, how hinata always clumsily drops his coffee when he’s sleepy and how sakusa frustrates all your baristas by ordering the most specific drinks and you know it’s just simply to spite them. there were a lot of other cons, but you didn’t want to think about them enough to realize that you should probably ban the four most popular players out.

the pros were shorter. the athletes being always there meant you had for rich regular costumers that dropped nice tips for your workers and kept them motivated and how you have slowly gotten befriended by each of them in their special way. oh, and you get to see sakusa kiyoomi, the only man that had ever managed to capture your attention that deeply, everyday.

( although, you could also count that as a con because that also meant sakusa could also see you every day no matter how unflattering you look. )

so, when valentine’s day arrived and sakusa strolled in at 8 pm alone with a scowl, you only raised an amused eyebrow, eyes sleepy as you rested your chin in your palm, elbow on the counter. “someone’s happy.”

“whatever,” he muttered with a huff, crossing his arms. “everyone else fucking ditched practice because they have dates, how stupid is that?”

you let out a small snort at his attitude. “oh, everyone’s happy, how miserable.”

he ignored your clear sarcasm, pushing his wet hair back with a hand. “exactly. get me a caramel cappuccino.”

you raised an eyebrow. “no extra instructions? you must be really mourning.”

he shot you a glare. “shut up before i switch it into a twenty minute drink.”

you snickered, mocking a move of you of you zipping your lips shut as you moved to make his drink. he didn’t move from behind the counter to his usual seat, instead, he moved to stand behind the small staff door and crossed his arms, watching you move. “so, why are you alone tonight?”

“hm? i gave the staff a day off to spend it with their partners.”

he scrunched his nose up. “disgusting, but that’s not what i meant. you look nice today, so you clearly had better plans than to work here.”

you let out an amused chuckle, ignoring how his simple ‘you look nice’ made your heart a little faster. “thank you, but i have no idea what you mean. all i did was take a little longer doing my hair.”

“exactly,” he mumbled. “why?”

“well, unlike you, mr. miserable, i happen to find valentines day pleasant and i wanted to not look as awful as i usually do.” you teased, placing holding out his drink. he accepted it, your fingers brushing, and he only shot you a glare when he noticed the little ‘happy valentines :p’ scribbled before he huffed.

“you don’t look awful everyday.” he murmured. you raised an eyebrow and he only furrowed his eyebrows in return. “why do you like valentines if you’re single?”

“it’s nice to see everyone happy for a day,” you hummed quietly, avoiding his eyes. “it’s really cute. i don’t have to be in love to enjoy seeing over people happy, you know? the glee on people’s faces when their beloveds gets their overpriced roses or cute —also overpriced— heart-shaped chocolates is nice and—“

“please don’t continue,” he scrunched his nose up in absolute disgust. “ew.”

you rolled your eyes playfully. “you got your coffee, right? go away.”

he scowled as he walked away, slumping in the nearest table to the counter.

it was normal to see sakusa having his drink inside. he did it always, having a grudge against the time he accidentally hit a curb while drinking and had his entire car sticky for too long even after multiple cleaning jobs. however, what was definitely not normal was how he stayed in after he finished his drink, glaring at the now empty cup with crossed arms.

you passed by after flipping the sign to closed, raising an amused eyebrow. “so?”

“give me one of those stupid heart-shaped cakes.”

you snorted. “sure. by the way, i’m kicking you out when everyone else leaves.”

he glanced up with a blank stare. “are you this rude to all your costumers?”

“nope,” you grinned. “only you.”

you ignored the way his cheeks seemed just a little redder almost immediately, walking away while removing your apron. once you returned with his desert, everyone else was gone and you placed the plastic bag on the table, raising an eyebrow. he glared at the bag. “i wanted it in.”

“we’re past closing hours.”

he ignored your words, frowning as he glanced up at you. “sit with me.”

you cracked an amused grin as you slumped across from him. “am i your valentines date?”

“shut up,” he sulked. “this is so unfair.”

you watched in entertainment as he ripped the paper packaging to create a shitty plate before he offered you a fork, which you accepted happily. he narrowed his eyes at you, earning a shrug. “this is all on the house anyways so i might as well enjoy it.”

“i was going to pay.”

“i know,” you hummed, taking a forkful. he took a small piece, almost pouting as he placed it in his mouth, and you pushed aside the thought of how his lips looked so soft as you cleared your throat. “so, why are you pouting over valentines? i didn’t think you cared about this holiday.”

he scowled harshly. “first of all, i am not pouting, i’m not a child. second of all, i don’t! i’m just annoyed everyone else actually managed to confess to their stupid little partners while i can’t even their phone number.”

you ignored the ache in your heart as sakusa paused as if he just blurted out the biggest secret to exist, his face causing you to snicker. he glared when he heard your laugh and you immediately bit down on your lower lip in an attempt to stop, but you only managed to stay silent for a few seconds before you bursted into giggles.

“you hate valentines because you can’t get your crushes number?” you snorted as he sulked further, giving you a glare. however, the pout on his lips ruined the harshness of it.

“it’s not a crush,” he refuted weakly. “i’m a grown man, i don’t have crushes.”

“so, why can’t you get your crush’s number?” you mused, emphasizing on the word. despite looking like he would love to have the world crack and swallow him whole, he sighed, seeming to think about his answer.

“well,” he furrowed his eyebrows. “they’re too good for me, i’m just saving myself from rejection.”

“…why?” you blinked. he stared at you like you asked the stupidest question ever.

“because i don’t want to get hurt.” he scoffed like the answer was obvious, sinking lower in his seat.

“that’s stupid.”

“you’re stupid.”

you snorted at his weak mumbled retort. you couldn’t believe that was the same sakusa everyone was terrified of, really, especially with the way he looked so offended by your simple ‘that’s stupid’ and the way he looked so fucking adorable, buried in his thick jacket and scarf. “i don’t understand what you have to lose. i mean, you’re already mourning, so what do you have to lose if you confess?”

“everything.”

“you’re dramatic.” you deadpanned as he sighed loudly, ignoring how hypocritical you were. he didn’t need to know about it. “plus, i’m sure they like you back.”

“i’m sure they don’t,” he huffed. “they’re too good for me.”

“you’re an attractive professional volleyball player.” you stated blankly, cheek resting on your palm as you stared at him. “you’re pretty and smart. sure, you might be an asshole sometimes, but that adds to your charm.”

his lips twitched downwards. “i am not an asshol— you think i’m pretty?”

you gave him a soft smile, pushing yourself up. “you’re very pretty, sakusa, and you’re also very stupid if you’re unaware of it.”

he stayed silent, yet you could feel his eyes on you as you grabbed your stuff, shoving your phone and wallet into your pants pockets with a quiet yawn. he only stood up when you motioned for him to move, quietly tossing his trash into the bin near him before he slowly caught up with you. it was silent as you both walked outside and you locked the door, giving him a stern look. “look, i’m not trying to get involved with your love life, but i really think you should confess. the key to moving on is getting rejected, anyways, so you should confess either way and—“

“i’m driving you home, come on.” he cut you off, unlocking his car. you rolled his eyes at his inturruption, not bothering to reject his offer as you quietly walked over to the passanger seat. once inside, sakusa shrugged his jacket off, eyes in front of him as he stared ahead. you shivered.

“can we turn the heater on?”

“no.” he muttered. you rolled your eyes despite how an involuntary small smile tugged up on your lips at how childishly annoying he was, eyes shutting as you sank into the seat, mumbling your address. he shoved his jacket into you, and you prayed your flushed cheeks wouldn’t be too obvious as you gratefully pulled it on. “so, what about you?”

“hm?”

“no crushes?”

you kept your eyes shut. “i have one.”

you weren’t sure if the car halted slightly or if it was your imagination, hearing sakusa suck in a breath.

“and have you confessed?”

“fuck no.”

“you hypocrite,” he hissed. “you implied i was a coward!”

“what you assume i imply is none of my business,” you remarked. “plus, i have more valid reasons than you.”

“which is?”

“i know he’s too good for me and i am easily co-existing with said fact without pouting over it. not to mention, he likes someone else and i am not going to be someone’s rebound.”

sakusa scoffed loudly as if you said the most absurd statement ever, sounding so personally offended that someone could assume you insulted his entire family line.

“now that’s stupid—“

“—you’re stupid—“

“—no one can be too good for you,” he stated bluntly. his words made your mind go blank, words dying on your tongue. his tone made it clear he wasn’t lying. “whoever he is, he should he lucky you even look in his stupid direction.”

you remained silent, heart beating so loudly that the sound echoed through your head.

“confess and if he doesn’t accept it, bokuto, miya and hinata can always beat him up.”

at that, you let out a huff of air, the image of the three attempting to beat up sakusa despite how they are definitely secretly terrified of him being too funny. you pushed your eyes open, giving him a soft smile. “not you?”

“i’m never involuntary touching a stranger even in the form of punching his face unrecognizable.” he deadpanned blankly, pulling up in front of your building as your smile turned into an amused one at his words. “you can return the jacket later.”

“thank you,” you murmured, hand on the handle. “thank you for the ride as well, i—“

“before you go,” he muttered, voice low and almost shaky. you glanced up, eyes widening slightly at his flushed cheeks as he stared ahead, knuckles turning white over the steering wheel before he sighed and turned to you with an unnervingly charming smile. “i got some solid advice from a pretty stupid hypocrite today and while i feel like i might regret this later, i know atsumu would never let it go if i don’t do this. so, you can either get out and roll right into bed now, or you can spend the last hour of valentine with me, what do you say?”

—

considering your boyfriend made it pretty clear on several occasions that he hated valentines, you weren’t surprised he made no move to even contact you during the day. you were slightly disappointed due to the fact that you loved the day, sure, but it wasn’t fair to place your disappointment on him when you knew what you were getting yourself into due to the years of friendship before dating, so you didn’t dwell much on it.

you had asked previously if you two would meet tonight and when he mumbled a response about how he would probably be practicing late, you took over your co-workers shift to save yourself the boredom of being home alone while consecutively giving her a chance to see her partner, earning multiple ‘thank you!’s and a promise that she will take your shift whenever as she rushed out, prompting you to smile.

you loved valentines.

you didn’t have a solid reason on why you did, but you didn’t need one. you loved being surrounded with red heart balloons and roses wherever you walked and you loved the glee on people’s faces as they celebrated the day with their beloveds. it made you feel warm every time despite your plans or status and you couldn’t help but smile as you watched a boy blush furiously as his girlfriend handed him flowers, giggling quietly with a love-dazed face.

the obnoxious bell ringing against the glass door made you turn to the costumers walking in, your smile widening just slightly as you saw osamu and atsumu bickering as they approached the counter until their eyes landed on you and widened just the slightest, atsumu gasping. “yer working today?!”

“yeah,” you mused, placing your chin on your palm. “you’re both spending valentines together?”

they both shot you a glare that only caused your grin to widen, placing their usual orders down on the system either way. osamu grunted. “he finished his date early and went over to have a mental breakdown at my restaurant.”

atsumu gaped at him for a few seconds in pure betrayal as you let out a quiet snicker before he shot his twin a harsh glare. “at least i had plans!”

osamu gave him a glare back. “they are out of town, you little—“

“please don’t scare my costumers away,” you retorted, cutting them off. they both huffed, avoiding eye contact before their eyes landed back on you and atsumu raised an eyebrow.

“what about ya? plans ended early?”

“there were no plans,” you shrugged casually, adding extra syrup into osamu’s drink while catching the discreet way his eyes lightened up at the action. “kiyoomi hates valentines.”

atsumu frowned. “but ya love valentines!”

you hummed, sliding osamu’s drink over. “so? i don’t have to spend it with him against his will to be happy.”

osamu stared at you with furrowed eyebrows and a frown that matched his twin’s. “yer too nice. so, where is he today?”

you shrugged. “told me he was practicing.”

they both shared a look before looking at you and speaking in sync. “when do you get off? we’re taking you out.”

you smiled as you slid atsumu’s drink over, stating that the drinks were on the house when they attempted to pay before telling them that you only had a few minutes left. as you finished the last bit of your shift, you could hear them checking with their partners that it was okay and you couldn’t help but silently melt at how cute their relationships were as you waited for the last costumer to leave and closed up, shrugging your jacket off before calling out for them.

the rest of the day was nice. the three of you bought over-priced cupcakes and ate them in a dark playground, half the time spent with you laughing in amusement while they argued while the other half was spent with the three of you gossiping about drama suna had shared. they even bought you a red heart-shaped balloon and you almost teared up as you gleefully accepted it, thanking them frantically as they walked you to the door of your apartment building.

“can i do something before ya leave?” atsumu grinned mischievously and you snorted as you nodded, interested to see what his plan was. he simply got out his phone, making you stand between the twins before he snapped a selfie of the three of you, making sure to capture osamu’s small smirk, the balloon and his poked-out tongue before he beamed. “sent!”

you raised an amused eyebrows as osamu snickered. “you sent that to kiyoomi?”

“yeah, told him we stole ya.”

you laughed as you bid them your goodbyes and made your way up to your joined apartment, humming your favorite song under your breath softly. you assumed your boyfriend was still practicing, so you were pleasantly surprised when you unlocked the door and the lights were all on, your boyfriend’s shoes in their usual spot.

“kiyoomi, i’m home!” you called out after a sleepy yawn, expecting to get a simple ‘in our room!’ or anything back. instead, your boyfriend walked out of the hallway with furrowed eyebrows and a frown.

“you were with the miyas?”

“hm? yeah.” you hummed, placing your stuff down on the coffee table, too sleepy to notice the way he was practically sulking. “they came before my shift ended and decided to take me out. when did you arrive?”

he huffed as he dragged himself over, strong arms pulling you into a tight hug as he buried his face into your neck. you smiled softly, your hands moving to lock into his hair as you hugged him even tighter. he hummed softly. “i missed you, how was your day?”

“it was nice,” you murmured quietly, enjoying the warmth he provided. “i love valentine’s day.”

he froze. you obliviously continued.

“the café was super busy, but it was nice seeing everyone on dates, you know? there were a lot of roses as well and it’s just so heartwarmin—“

he pulled away quickly, eyebrows furrowed deeply. “you… you love valentines?”

“hm?” you blinked. “yeah? it’s my favorite holiday.”

“you love valentines?”

you let out a small laugh at how cute he looked when he was confused. “of course i do. everyone knows i do, kiyoomi, how did you never notice?”

he tugged his hands into his hair. “how did i not notice— why didn’t you tell me you loved valentines?”

you shrugged calmly, not seeing the issue, and your nonchalance only seemed to make him even more distressed. “you hate valentines so i didn’t see why i should mention it, you know? i didn’t want you to force yourself to plan anything or do anything for me.”

he stared at you for a few seconds before he fell back on the couch, burying his face into his hands and mumbling muffled words before he let his hands fall down and frowned. “you’re an awful human being.”

you were too amused to take offense as you shrugged a few of the thick layers you wore off. “why am i an awful human being, my love?”

“how can you not tell me you love valentines? i would have taken a day off and i would bought you those stupid overpriced flowers and those overpriced chocolates you would hate and we could have spent the entire day together and—“

“you don’t like valentines.”

“yeah, but i love you.” he huffed. “i love you and i want to make you happy.”

“i’m always happy with you,” you assured, slightly entertained. “i promise. why do you seem more upset about us not spending this together than me?”

“because i was under the impression that you also hate valentines,” he muttered as exhaustion finally seemed to take over, his drooped shoulders and pout causing the almost 6’3 professional athlete to seem like a child. you took the seat beside him and he immediately laid his head down on your lap, huffing. “i didn’t know you liked it. i would have planned the best day if i knew you did, i promise.”

“you keep missing the point, my love.”

“what’s the point of anything if i ruined our first valentines together?”

“you’re such a drama queen,” you snorted softly, running your hands through his soft hair as he blinked sleepily. “the point is that i don’t need to celebrate valentines with you to be happy, kiyoomi, and you not buying ‘overpriced flowers’ won’t make me love you any less. i knew what i was getting myself into when i started dating you, i don’t want you to change and i genuinely don’t mind.”

his cheeks flushed, but he still sulked. “whatever, i’m taking you out next year.”

“or… we can stay in and order takeout? how’s that?”

“i’ll buy a stupid bouquet too.”

you grinned at his sleepily grumbles. “you can buy me a stupid bouquet then. you can even buy me stupid chocolates too, how’s that?”

“i will,” he mumbled determinedly, eyes finally shutting. “i love you so much, i’m sorry.”

“i love you and you have nothing to be sorry about, my love.” you promised, leaning to kiss his forehead. you only got a soft snore in response, your grin widening.

you truely couldn’t wish for a better valentines.

—

maybe it was cruel of you to think so, but the hurt look on sakusa’s face as you ignored him was satisfactory, and his attempts of getting you to acknowledge him were almost amusing.

he tried with the classic ‘tighten the jars’, ultimately failing as he watched you easily twist them open and shut them even tighter, causing him to struggle. it moved to the cliché ‘hide your things around’, which also utterly failed when you easily found them. he tossed a few things above shelves and cabinets so it’s impossible for you to get, promising himself that he will figure out how the fuck to get it himself once you ask him, but you remained unfazed.

you could easily see his desperation increase, and you stood your ground despite how he had no idea what exactly he had done until he walked over to where you sat on the couch, laptop on your lap, and slumped on the ground. you sucked in a calming breath when he carefully moved your laptop aside and grabbed your hand, but he only carefully linked your fingers, staring up at you with soft eyes and a troubled frown.

“at least tell me what i did, my love.”

you stared into his eyes for a few seconds before you unlinked one hand and reached into your pocket, calmly pulling out two small velvet boxes. his body froze before he hesitantly accepted the one your fingers held out, letting go of your other hand as he carefully opened it, revealing the gift. immediately, his eyes widened as he looked up, and you stared back at him blankly. “is that…”

“a promise ring.” you continued calmly. he glanced down at it, then back up at you, then back down, then back up, all with wide eyes, and you only avoided his eyes. “i was supposed to give it to you yesterday, on the dinner i planned for us for our anniversary, the one you didn’t show up for.”

you didn’t have to look at him to see the way his face paled and eyes widened, body stilling. you only sighed softly, placing the second velvet box aside as you moved to the side and stood up, glancing down at him. he was unmoving, eyes still staring where you sat. “i’m not even upset that you didn’t remember our anniversary, i know you don’t really care about it, but you could have let me know you weren’t coming with even a text. i waited three hours in your favorite restaurant, kiyoomi.”

when he gave no reaction, you sighed and glanced down at your watch. “i’ll go get coffee, be back in a few.”

with that, you slipped your shoes on and left, hearing a simple ‘fuck.’ echoing as the door got shut.

seeing you didn’t exactly weren’t eager to get back quickly, you decided to run a few errands after buying your coffee to busy your thoughts, unaware of how much time had truly slipped until you noticed the sky getting darker, realizing that it may be time to get home.

the last thing you expected to find once you did was your boyfriend slumped on the kitchen floor, knees tugged up to his chest and face buried in his arm, muffled sniffles escaping him. you dropped the bags you held with an audible thud, accidentally causing sakusa to flinch, peaking from above his arm and at you, eyes widened before a light sob escaped his lips.

you didn’t even realize the mess around him until you were avoiding stepping on kitchen supplies as you rushed towards him, quickly kneeling to be on his level as you watched his eyes fill up with more tears. “kiyo, what’s wrong? are you hurt? what happened?”

he let out a loud sob when he attempted to speak, and you moved closer to him, quickly pulling him into your arms, heart breaking at way he immediately clutched into your shirt, burying his face in your chest as he pulled you impossibly closer.

it took a few seconds of whispering sweet nothings into his ear and running your hand through his soft hair until his sobs had calmed into soft sniffles, and he finally lifted himself away from you, eyes immediately tearing up again once he glanced down at your shirt. “i ruined your shirt.”

“it’s okay, i promise,” you immediately rushed out. he glanced at you, lips quivering, and you pulled him close again, his head falling on your shoulder. “i promise, kiyo, i could not care less about this shirt right now, okay? you’re my top priority. what happened? was it because i left? i didn’t—“

“it’s not.” he mumbled, burying his face into your shirt yet again. you patiently waited, and he shakily breathed out after a few seconds. “after… after you left, i was very angry at myself and wanted to make it up to you by making you your favorite meal for dinner.”

you furrowed your eyebrows. “but kiyo, you can’t cook.”

“i know!” he cried out. “i thought it was easy, but it’s not, and i accidentally lit up the stove on fire and broke our cabinet and our kitchen table and i got jam on the fucking ceiling and— are you fucking giggling?!”

“‘m sorry,” you immediately apologized, but the genuineness got cut off with another snicker you couldn’t hold in, and he pulled away, offended. “i’m seriously sorry, kiyo, genuinely, please carry on.”

his shoulders drooped. “i just… i wanted to make something nice for you, you have been so patient with me even though i am not the best boyfriend there is, and i just kept fucking everything up. all that went through my head was why would you even stay with me when you have so much reasons to leave and— did you just flick my forehead?”

“yeah.” you hummed, looking around until a box of tissues came into your view, and you leaned over to snatch a couple, turning back to your confused sulking boyfriend. you gently grabbed his face, starting to carefully wipe the purple jam off his face. “you’re stupid, kiyo, i would never leave you. you may be a very dumb asshole sometimes, but you’re my asshole. so, let’s ignore this mess for now, you get up, go take a shower and get dressed so we can grab dinner and you can give me a simple sane apology, okay?”

he slowly nodded, face softening into an emotion you couldn’t figure out as you pulled yourself up, helping him up as well. he pulled you closer to him and grabbed your face before you could walk away, pushing your lips together and pulling back after a few seconds, eyes soft. “i love you.”

“i love you.” you murmured back. he gave you a soft smile, before he suddenly froze when his eyes landed on something behind you, and you arched an eyebrow. “kiyo?”

“uh, remember when i insisted we buy white furniture because we are two clean responsible adults who can handle themselves?”

“…jam?”

“jam.”

—

it has been around ten minutes since you first stood in line, and you have yet to order. it was slightly frustrating, really, how the small cozy coffee shop you have visiting since high school suddenly began attracting an annoying amount of costumers, and how buying coffee now takes you about thirty minutes instead of the usual five.

everyone was clearly pretty annoyed, too, but the coffee was too good to abandon. you watched as the attractive man in front of you grumbled under his breath in annoyance, his mumbled muffled by his mask as he crossed his arms, muscles clear underneath the black shirt he wore.

you only yawned, shoving your hands in the pocket of the hoodie you were wearing, hearing the man in front of you mutter a quiet ‘finally’ once it was his turn, stepping forward before quickly stating his order.

the barista, one you were familiar with, tiredly told him the price, only glancing up to ask whether he would be paying card or cash. he mumbled a quick ‘card’ before reaching into his pocket, and you watched him freeze. he sucked in a sharp breath as he quickly patted his other pocket, and the man behind you groaned loudly.

“can you hurry the fuck up?!”

the man in front of you turned sharply, eyes narrowed in absolute annoyance, but you only blinked once, eyebrows raising slightly as you noticed he was possibly the most attractive person you have ever seen. “can you shut the fuck up?”

the man behind you only grumbled angrily, seeming to quickly realize he wouldn’t win a fight if he started it, and the man in front of you turned back around, checking his pockets yet again before reaching over to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“nevermind—“

ding!

he turned towards you sharply, but you only ignored his deep gaze on you as your favorite barista glanced over, eyes lightening up as you casually pushed your card back into your pocket. “oh, do i add your usual?”

“please,” you smiled politely. “add an extra shot, too.”

“will do. next!”

you yawned as you walked over to where you would be receiving the drink, hearing the exhausted employee sigh.

“sir, if you won’t order anything else, please step out of the line.”

there was quick shuffling before there was a presence beside you, and you only glanced over, your eyes meeting confused dark one. the man stared at you with furrowed eyebrows, seeming genuinely disturbed. “why would you do that?”

“you seemed like you need a coffee.” you stated shortly. “i have enough money. why wouldn’t i?”

he grimaced. “what do i owe you?”

“…nothing?” you raised a simple eyebrow, looking over when your drink was called out along with his. you accepted your cup, lips twitching slightly at the smiley face drawn instead of your name before you glanced back at him as he slowly took his, offering a polite smile. “nice meeting you—“

“wait,” he mumbled quickly, reaching into his pocket hurriedly. you raised an eyebrow as he pulled out a pen and held his hand out, eyes glancing up at yours, and you relished at the sight of his face reddening despite your confusion. “receipt.”

you handed it over, and the realization dawned on you as he quickly scribbled his number down before holding it back towards you. you didn’t bother questioning why did he have a pen yet not his card as you accepted it while trying to contain your smile, but he only cleared his throat timidly, cheeks flushing further. “if—“

“omi-omi?!”

he grimaced as you both turned to the glass separating you from the outside, and you almost snorted in amusement as you found three guys pressed against it, eyes wide comically and jaws dropped. he pinched the bridge of his nose. “i’ll definitely beat their asses.”

sakusa kiyoomi hated relations.

he hated getting to know people, he hated having people get to know him and he hated everything about building relationships, whether platonic or romantic.

so, he really had no idea how he had silently developed a routine with you.

well, he had a vague one. he remembers the first semester in college, how he stepped last into the crowded bus and immediately grimaced at the sight of the single empty seat in the very back.

he saw you briefly take a glance at him before nonchalantly pushing yourself up, allowing him to awkwardly slide into the window seat. he expected you to slide in the seat beside him after, but you only placed your backpack, one hand holding the seat so you don’t trip and the other holding your phone, eyes down on the screen.

the bus driver had glanced back, asking if you wanted to move into another bus so you could sit, but you refused, and it took sakusa a flabbergasting amount of time until he finally realized what was happening.

you were making sure he was comfortable by making sure no one is beside him.

he would take the fact that his face turned an embarrassing shade of red under his mask once he registered what was happening to the grave.

and so, the routine was set. every time sakusa stepped into the bus, you would leave the row empty for him with the exception of your stuff. he would always mutter a low ‘thank you’ once you two were out, and you only hummed, walking away.

before he even knew it, he was staring looking forward towards seeing you every morning, and after mentioning you briefly to his cousin, who immediately grinned and pointed out how his lips twitched just the slightest, he realized he was absolutely and utterly fucked.

you, completely unaware of all of this, managed to invade his mind. he remembers you every time he sees the color of your backpack anywhere, he remembers you every time he sees a drink you were drinking once, he remembers you every time he sits down and holy fuck, he doesn’t even know your name.

he tried to deny his crush at first, really. he tried to push away every thought of you that entered his mind, refusing to believe he could be that whipped for someone who didn’t even say a word to him once, but you missed the bus one day and despite how he still had the entire row to himself, he was annoyed the entire day, sulking miserably.

so, the facts he had were simple.

he had a crush on you, you didn’t mind standing for the half hour between the stop he got on and the campus, and you were unbelievably and utterly gorgeous.

today, however, he could feel something off as soon as he stepped into the bus. his eyes narrowed at his gut feeling as he slowly approached where you sat, and you briefly glanced over, blinking once before carefully getting out of your seat.

he frowned under his mask. you were always already up by the time he stepped on.

first red flag.

he slowly slid in, eyes watching your ever move. you quietly dropped your stuff, but instead of unlocking your phone, you shoved it into your pocket, clutching both backs of seat your stuff was on and the seat of the person on your other side instead.

second red flag.

he tilted his head, eyes slowly trailing to your face and frowning at the sight of dark eye bags that were not present last time he had seen you. of course, you still looked unbelievably breathtaking despite so (and he actually questioned the fact that he found it slightly more attractive) along with the hoodie and sweatpants you had on, but that was still out of the usual and he made sure to mentally note it down.

third red flag.

on your other side, the boy you had your hand on the back of his seat sighed almost tiredly, giving you a blank stare. “you are too stubborn for your own good.”

fourth red flag.

he ignored the slight annoyance building in his stomach at the way the boy was clearly close enough to you for you to glance over, face still blank, and poke your tongue out childishly. the boy snorted, shaking his head, and you sighed, moving your hand from the back of his seat to his shoulder, your weight leaning over his.

(he totally did not have his jaw clenched or eyes narrowed.)

once the bus pulled up, you didn’t take your items and rush off like you always did. instead, you grabbed them, taking a slightly step back so he can slide out.

fifth red flag.

he frowned, an uneasy feeling making it hard from him to function properly as he got off the bus, then paused. he didn’t exactly know what he was waiting for as he watched all the other students pool out, the last two out being you and your friend, who sighed dramatically as soon as you both stepped out.

“you’re too stubborn. would it have hurt you to take your own seat?”

sakusa paused. you hummed almost mindlessly, placing your arm over your friend’s shoulder, and before it could click in his brain, a hand reached out, smacking you in the back of your head harshly, and you flinched, turning to your other friend with a pout as you rubbed your back. she only gave you the harshest glare sakusa had ever seen.

“you’re injured and you still stood in the fucking bus?! you know this little asshole could have stood up if you wanted to respect that dude so bad!”

“ouch,” your other friend muttered at the insult directed at him.

sakusa’s eyes widened as everything clicked in place.

bingo.

“i’m injured and you hit me?” you scoffed back. sakusa could probably count on one hand the amount of times he heard your voice, so despite everything going on, he couldn’t help but feel slightly light headed. god, your voice only made him fall further, and he swore he would do anything if you simply asked. “beside, it’s not a serious injury, my ankle is okay.”

he glanced down as you pulled your baggy jeans up slightly, just to reveal your ankle and once he looked back up, he was sure he had the exact same glare your friends were giving you.

“it’s fucking blue.”

“that’s a bruise, not an injury.” you deadpanned, waving them off with a yawn. “can we go get coffee now?”

both your friends sighed loudly in exasperation, and he only bit down on his lower lip harshly, the guilt practically eating him alive. why didn’t you mention you were injured? he wouldn’t have even hesitated before forcing you to sit down. hell, he would have stood up for you.

he couldn’t focus the entire day, thinking about how to make it better. he was stressing at what he would do once he saw you again, but once he got on the bus and realized you were nowhere to be found, his discomfort only grew.

especially once the bus driver counted seats and decided that one more person could come along. he grew more uncomfortable by the second until your friend suddenly pushed himself up, allowing the girl to take his seat. sakusa expected him to slump beside him, but he only placed his stuff down, leaning over his seat. once he met sakusa’s confused eyes, he gave him a small reassuring grin.

“they put me on the ‘making sure the stranger on the bus is comfortable’ duty.” he hummed, smile stretching once he saw how sakusa’s eyes widened. “they’ll be back tomorrow morning, though, so don’t worry much about it.”

sakusa breathed out a soft ‘thank you’ and watched as your friend waved him off, moving his eyes to his phone.

to say he was relieved once he stepped on the bus the next morning was an understatement because once his eyes landed on the row you two sat in, you weren’t sliding out of your seat. instead, you were deep asleep, head leaning against the window as soft snores escaped your parted lips. unfortunately, your friend reached over and nudged you awake before sakusa could stop him, prompting you to immediately jump up on instinct, but sakusa had his hand firmly on your shoulder before you could slide out.

“sit.”

you blinked in surprise, sleepy eyes meeting his with confusion swirling, but all he did was tilt his head almost challengingly. you furrowed your eyebrows. “but—“

“please.”

you hesitated, but finally slumped down. he followed behind, ignoring the surprised glance you and your friend shared as he allowed his eyes to shut, trying to control his frantic heartbeats just because your knees are touching. he swallowed harshly. “i’m sakusa kiyoomi, by the way.”

“[l/n] [y/n].” you mumbled back softly.

he grinned widely, glad his mask hid your view and completely oblivious to the way your friend silently fist bumped you proudly. it was silent for a few more seconds, before he cleared his throat softly. “you don’t have to stand anymore.”

you grimaced. “if it’s because of my… injury, i can just switch with my friend and make him stand, i really don’t—“

“it’s not,” he said, cutting you off as his eyes lifted, meeting yours. “i promise. just… you don’t have to get up anymore.”

“oh.” you mumbled, before nodding slowly. “cool. tell me if you change your mind anytime, though, i don’t really mind standing up.”

he nodded promisingly, then frowned. “you shouldn’t really stand up at all for at least the next few days, though. you seemed to be really in pain yesterday.”

“i didn’t, it’s just a bruise,” you muttered, sinking in your seat in defeat. “but fine.”

“woah.” your friend blinked. “did they just actually— you know what, i like this one. you have my blessing, bus boy.”

you turned to your friend with a mixture of confusion and annoyance. “what would he need your blessing with— why would he even need your blessing?”

when you first heard that sakusa kiyoomi was an asshole, you doubted it.

you knew he was a germaphobe with fans who wouldn’t know the meaning of boundaries if it hit them in the face, so you dismissed every rumor about him being an absolute asshole. you saw with your own eyes how his face softened when he called his cousin and how he discreetly feeds the stray cats outside the university doors when he thinks no one is looking, so him being an asshole simply seemed… doubtful.

until you got partnered up to do a project with him. immediately, your slight admiration was gradually replaced by pure annoyance.

he refused to meet up in person, which you had accepted easily for the sake of his comfort. then, he refused calls and zoom meetings, insisting you can finish the entire thing over texts, which wouldn’t have been a problem if he didn’t fucking take hours to reply.

he dismissed all your ideas disrespectfully and insisted his were better, refusing to elaborate on any despite his own demanding. moreover, he forced most of the work on you, insisting that him doing the powerpoint slides was enough.

the last straw was when the night before the final presentation when he nonchalantly sent you a text saying he had lost the flash drive with the presentation, so he was going to re-do it in the fifteen minute gap he had before the lecture started because he was too tired from practice.

seeing red was an understatement for what you felt as you clicked the unsaved contact number, eyes narrowed purely in rage as you gripped your pen so tightly your knuckles turned white.

at the last ring, he picked up, a smooth yet annoyed voice speaking. “i thought i said i don’t do calls.”

“listen here, you fucking brat.” you started, voice warningly low. “i don’t fucking care if you don’t get a wink of sleep, you will fucking finish the presentation today and send me a copy before it hits three in the morning. i kept up with your fucking attitude, your crappy ideas, your late responses and the fact that i basically did the entire fucking work alone with the exception of the presentation, so if we don’t get the full grade and i see a little drop on the 30% this stupid crap is worth, i will personally make sure you won’t live to create another presentation.”

you hung up before he could even think of a response, slamming your phone harshly on the nightstand as you turned your attention back to your laptop. you expected your phone to be buzz with notifications of him throwing a fit, because your expectations were six feet under for him at that point, but there was none.

instead, there was an e-mail sent at 02:59 with a slide show attached. you placed it on your own flash drive, finally feeling the pressure fade ad you shoved everything to one side of the bed and immediately passed out.

the next morning, you walked in a few minutes before the presentation started, thankful you had already distributed what would be said in the presentation days ago as you carefully placed your stuff down, unaware of the way sakusa froze once his gaze landed on you, eyes widening in pure panic.

once you finally glanced over and met his eyes, you offered a flat ‘hi’ and pushed the flashdrive into the computer connected to the projector. he blinked rapidly. “you’re [y/n] [l/n]?”

“obviously.” you responded lowly, face blank as you set the presentation up, turning to him after. “you remember your parts?”

he nodded, seeming very distressed about an unknown fact as he scrunched his face up in frustration, but you ignored it, adjusting the collar of your top as students started piling in.

to your delight, the universe granted your desperate wishes the presentation went smoothly. you earned the full 30% and you were finally very relieved that the nightmare was over as you thanked your professor, quickly grabbing your stuff and walking out.

“wait!”

sucking in a deep breath, you paused in your steps, turning around with your lips pressed together and your eyes narrowed as they landed on sakusa. he stopped a few feet away from you, grimacing slightly as he shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket.

“i’m sorry.” he started. you raised an eyebrow, unamused, and his eyes drifted to his shoes almost anxiously. “i was a huge jerk, i know.”

“jerk is a little generous.” you muttered. he sighed quietly, his eyes moving anxiously to meet yours again.

“i know. i am very sorry you had to deal with me for the past month and thank you for handling all of this.” he paused, gulping for a second before he spoke again, his next words a mumbled mess that you could barely make out. however, the way the words ran in your head was clear.

you almost dropped your stuff in surprise. thankfully, you managed to tightened your hold on them before they tumble to the ground, blinking twice before you cleared your throat softly. “excuse me?”

even with his mask on, you could see his cheeks turning a light shade of red as he looked everywhere but your eyes.

“can i take you out for coffee as an apology?” he swallowed harshly. “please?”

it had been years since your own soulmate has rejected you. due to the nature of the message, one would assume it was cruel, but you couldn’t help but find it so despite how how your heart crushed when you had first seen it. it was simple and clear, the only sentence they had ever written you.

i don’t want a soulmate, please don’t contact me. sorry.

there were no conversations shared after you had responded with a simple ‘got it,’ and waited a few moments, making sure to give them time to view it before you erased the words to prevent the way your eyes seemed a little blurry every time you saw them.

when you had explained the situation to your friends, one of them looked you dead in the eyes, their eyes wide, and questioned how you seemed too nonchalant. they questioned if you understood what that had meant, that you would be alone forever, and you simply shrugged.

it wasn’t as if the situation didn’t affect you. of course, within all years you grew up, you tended to feel a little upset when you watched how other soulmates seemed so in love, how they completed each other upon first sight when the person made to love you didn’t want you, and of course you cried here and there, but one fact remained.

there was nothing you could do.

you weren’t going to pathetically and desperately try to change their mind. you had enough faith that if they changed their mind, they would grab a pen and make the first move themselves, especially since you were no longer kids.

you weren’t going to ruin your own life over someone you didn’t even know, so instead, you held your head high and moved on, and all your efforts were enough to let you intern and work with the manager of the MSBY black jackels. after talking with the lady, who seemed so overworked that you weren’t sure the salary could even be worth it, you found yourself finally standing in front of the team.

“guys, this is [y/n]. they will be sitting in on practice for the following two weeks, please don’t bother them.”

you offered a polite smile and a wave. “hello, it’s a pleasure meeting you all. if you need any help, don’t hesitate to ask.”

the exhausted manager proceeded to introduce them one by one, and while they were all very attention grabbing, your eyes only lingered more than necessary on one who coincidentally happened to be staring at you, eyes wider in an emotion you couldn’t make out.

sakusa kiyoomi.

it took you a few days to get comfortable with the overly chaotic team and it didn’t take long until atsumu finally brought up the over-used question that no longer made you flinch. “so, have you met your soulmate yet? they’re one lucky motherfucker.”

you almost snorted at the irony. instead, you hummed in disagreement, purposely acting unaware of how sakusa actually seemed to be interested in the conversation for once, how he immediately stopped his actions, eyes set on you as he watched your ever move as you scrolled through instagram. “flattering, ‘tsumu. i haven’t.”

the ball of sunshine that was hinata tilted his head curiously, eyes wide. “woah, do they live far? how come you haven’t met them yet?”

“oh, they rejected me.” you stated calmly, voice clear of any emotions. everyone seemed to freeze and you could have sworn you heard sakusa suck in a breath loudly, but you glanced up and offered a smile. “it’s fine, please don’t worry! it happened years ago, i’m already over it.”

atsumu blinked. “so… does that mean i can ask?”

meian immediately smacked the back of his head, apologetically glancing at you, but you only let out a light laugh. despite how the faux blond was very rude at times, you thought it was nice for him to ask first. after all, you had uncountable encounters where you hadn't even finished your answer before you were bombarded with rude, nosy questions. "yeah, i don't care. what's on your mind?"

immediately, miya, hinata and bokuto were slumped in front of you, legs crossed and attention undivided. they reminded you of little kids waiting for a reward, and you couldn’t help the small amused smile pulling on your lips as you shut your phone, taking note of how sakusa stood behind them, leaning on the wall with furrowed eyebrows and a frown.

“when did it happen?”

“i was ten.”

“did it hurt?”

“like physically?” you snorted, your amusement growing when the three nodded quickly. “no, it did not. it hurt a little emotionally, of course, but nothing physical.”

“what are you planning to do in life without a soulmate? will you fall in love with someone else?” bokuto gasped curiously, leaning closer, and you raised an amused eyebrow.

“contrary to popular belief, romantic love isn’t everything. i think i can survive alone, bokuto.”

he pouted. “that sounds so miserable, though! i have no idea what i would do without my keiji, [y/n]! how are you still alive?”

meian immediately pulled the athlete up with a scolding frown, but you let out a small laugh. “you can’t exactly miss something you never had, you know?”

“but still! i—“

“enough, you mannerless little shit.” meian sighed tiredly, shooing the two other athletes out as he dragged bokuto outside. the room was now empty with the exception of you and sakusa, and considering the man had never spoken a word to you before, nonetheless did anything but frown at you, surprise was an understatement to what you felt once he quickly took a seat in front of you, replacing the others with an even more distressed expression than bokuto had a few seconds ago.

“can i ask you a few questions?”

you blinked in slight surprise, then slowly nodded. “sure, go on.”

he swallowed harshly. “what— what would you do if your soulmate suddenly just wrote to you?”

for an odd unidentifiable reason, the question felt even more personal than any question you had ever asked before as you tilted your head in slight thought. “well, i would give them a chance.”

he frowned. “that’s stupid. they broke your heart, rejected you before they even knew you and you would give them a chance that easy?”

you stared blankly at sakusa, who seemed to realize his words immediately and grimace, swallowing harshly. “sorry— fuck. look, it’s just…”

he groaned for a second before he buried his face into his palms hopelessly and you resisted the urge to reach over and pat his head in a pathetic attempt to comfort him, your intense confusion distracting you as you patiently waited for him to continue. after a few seconds, he finally sucked in a breath, looking up with exhausted eyes and a frown.

“i may have rejected my soulmate when i was young and i’m too much of a coward to actually contact them again because why the fuck would you give your soulmate another chance after they rejected you? fuck, i have been through hell and i’m the one who made the decision!”

you blinked once, then twice, slowly registering his words, before shrugging. “i think that’s just because you’re a coward, sakusa.”

he pouted. you thought the sight was adorable and you ignored the sudden urge to squish his cheeks, mentally scolding yourself. you had more important things to focus on other than how utterly adorable he was.

“what have you got to lose?” you hummed, leaning over and resting your elbow on your thigh, your cheek resting on your palm. “you already said it yourself, you feel like hell. are you going to live the rest of your life simply wondering when you have the chance to change it and fix what you ruined as a child?”

he groaned loudly. “what if they weren’t as forgiving as you, [y/n]! what if they reject me?”

“well, they would have the right to, obviously,” you started, deadpanning. he visibly sulked, and you mentally groaned at how affected he was at this. why couldn’t your soulmate be anything like the attractive man regretting all his life decisions in front of you? you truely had the worst luck. “but, at least you wouldn’t have to wonder anymore, and even if they do reject you, they would probably take it back after a while, anyways. you’re soulmates, dude.”

he frowned as he considered your words, before he nodded slowly. “okay. fuck, okay, what’s the move?”

you blinked. “why are you asking me that?”

“you’re coaching me throughout this.” he stated blankly, and you would have immediately told him that you were definitely not qualified for that if it wasn’t for the fact that his hands were shaking. you sighed, reaching over and grabbing a pen from your pocket before you held it out. the way he immediately grabbed it without even bothering to satanize it first showed you how stressed he was, so you calmly stared at him until he huffed, looking up. “okay, i can do this. tell me what to write.”

you shut your eyes, leaning back in your seat with a tired sigh. this was definitely not what you signed up for when you decided on this job. “give me a minute to think. any prompts?”

“you’re too slow, i can’t wait anymore.” he hissed, and you heard the pen cap fall on the ground. you snorted loudly, ignoring how your arm suddenly felt a little numb.

“well, you certainly had no problem waiting years.” you muttered humorously. however, there was no remark from sakusa and you finally forced your eyes open when you noticed how quiet it was, your gaze falling on a wide-eyed sakusa, lips parted in disbelief. and to your disbelief, his gaze wasn’t on his arm, it was on yours, where there was suddenly a neatly scribbled sentence.

would you give me a chance if i asked?

it was silent for a few seconds as both of you stared blankly at your arm before you managed to swallow harshly, lifting your gaze up. once your eyes met, you couldn’t help but crack a wide grin. “well, are you going to kiss me or do i have to wait a few more years?”

your laugh echoed through the room when sakusa nearly leapt over to reach you, his lips silencing the noise as he held you desperately like you were to disappear, and every moment before his touch suddenly felt as miserable as bokuto had described it.

“i will murder you in cold blood if you even think about it.”

your boyfriend’s head snapped up, eyes wide in a mixture of shock and absolute confusion on what prompted you to blurt the threat out of nowhere as he followed you up behind the bus, until he saw the culprit.

one empty seat.

he immediately scowled, the action clear for you despite his mask. at that point in your relationship, you were sure you would know his reaction even if he had a brown bag over his face. with slightly furrowed eyebrows, he glared at you. “why would i have it?”

“i dragged you and miya out of practice at one in the morning. you have been there since nine, so you’re clearly exhausted while i am perfectly fine. it’s a thirty minute ride. so, sit.”

he opened his mouth to protest, scowl deepening, but you narrowed your eyes dangerously.

“sakusa,” you called his last name quietly, warningly. “sit down.”

you ignored the soft giggles of other passengers as your boyfriend finally slumped down, his hand immediately reaching out to hold yours while you used the other to hold the pole placed to keep you from stumbling around. even with his head down, you knew he was pouting. “you’re cruel. i am going to hate every second of this.”

you briefly moved your stabilizing hand to run your hand through his hair, forcing him to rest his head back. he shut his eyes softly, and you could see the old lady beside him beaming at you two as you pulled your hand away, feeling him squeeze the one he held tightly.

and before the bus could even moved, his eyes were shut, breath steady and body limp.

the ride home was almost an hour due to heavy traffic and unexpected construction and by the time it was your stop, you were equally exhausted. you quietly shoved sakusa awake, who blinked a few times sleepily before he realized where he was and pushed himself up with a yawn, his hand not once leaving yours as the two of you walked out, mumbling a joined ‘thank you’ for the driver.

your shared apartment was only a few minutes away, but each minute felt increasingly too long and you almost collapsed the second you finally stepped inside. you briefly mumbled a quiet ‘welcome home’ as you let go of sakusa, immediately walking towards the bathroom.

after a thorough shower, you curled up in bed, waiting for sakusa to be done with his own as you resisted the urge to pass out, blinking sleepily, but it was barely a matter of minutes before you fully drowned in your dreams.

you, however, awoke again when the bed shifted, your boyfriend’s warm body gently wrapping around yours. you could tell he was trying his hardest not to wake you up, so you resumed your state, eyes remaining shut as you breathed out a small hum of satisfaction.

it was silent for a few seconds, but before you could fully lose consciousness again, you heard him talk softly, voice merely a whisper.

“you’re the greatest thing that ever happened to me,” he started softly, voice thick with exhaustion. “i have no idea what i ever did to deserve you and i am not sure i could ever be enough for you, but i am so glad you’re mine. you deserve the world and i will make sure you know it, my love.”

you shifted again, attempting to control the urge to cup his cheeks and pull him into the best kiss of his life.

you always thought you were too much.

you genuinely believed it required too much energy to love you, really. in fact, you believed it was almost impossible for some to love you happily, that no one could love you and not be mad about it. you knew it was.

so, when kei, the absolute love of your life told you that he was breaking up with you, you didn’t ask for an explanation. you didn’t scream, as much as you wanted to, and you didn’t cry and beg him to stay no matter how much your heart pleaded you to, because you thought it would be selfish to ask him to continue loving you when you could barely love yourself.

why would you bother for an explanation, too? your brain already covered all the possible reasons the second he gently informed you that he couldn’t do this anymore.

clingy. annoying. unlovable. insufferable. unstable.

you could only breathe out a low ‘i understand.’ before you were up on your feet, silently gathering all your belongings from his apartment.

you didn’t cry. not when you were there, not when you were on your way back, and not when you got home, and not even a week later as you slumped on a random seat on the university bus, eyes staring blankly outside the window as everyone piled inside.

it would have been stupid of you too. after all, you knew the break up was inevitable.

your thoughts had swallowed you too much to realize that a familiar blond was the one who took the seat beside you, and you only realized so when the bus started moving, snapping out of your bubble once your brain started registering the smell of his cologne, and you stilled.

he didn’t even take the bus. why was he here?

you didn’t dare ask him. instead, you swallowed harshly, shifting your gaze to the window, and ignored the quiet sigh he let out. this was one of the rare times you hated your university being so far, because getting stuck beside him for a full hour when you haven’t seen him in a week was dreadful.

if you weren’t so exhausted, you would have hopped off the first stop and figured your way out home.

after what felt like forever and was actually exactly 58 minutes, which you frustratingly counted down, it was finally your stop, and you immediately got up, waiting for him to move and let you out since his place was a few stops away.

what you didn’t except, yet made your stomach drop, was the way he got up as well, hands shoved into the pockets of his pants as he walked off the bus with you hesitantly behind.

maybe he was visiting someone else, you insisted, maybe he was—

all your thoughts got cut off by a warm hand grabbing yours the second you stepped off the bus, almost causing you to gasp. yet, you stayed silent, your throat tightening up by the second as you allowed him to drag you off.

you recognized your favorite café immediately as it came into view, and so did he, his face still deadly serious as he pulled you inside. it was silent as you both walked in, and the pit in your stomach grew as he pulled you in line, still tightly holding your hand in his.

if you weren’t so… unfocused, you may have pulled out, but the warmth of his hand distracted you, reminding you how it felt to be wanted even if it was just currently temporarily.

how pathetic of you, really.

you ignored the sadistic voice that muttered so in your head, feeling like a rag doll. your surroundings seemed hazy as he ordered both of your drinks and payed, but you somehow didn’t miss the concerned glance he threw you, and god did you wish you did.

it was silent for a few more minutes, both of you waiting aside for your drinks, his hand still holding yours so desperately. despite being barely warm, it suddenly started feeling like it was boiling hot, and you finally gained enough strength to pull your hands out, clearing your throat timidly as you shifted your gaze off him.

(you missed the frown that took over his lips, the furrow of his eyebrows and the way his eyes visibly saddened for a few seconds.)

both your names were called out shortly after, and you silently grabbed your drink, allowing him to lead you to an empty table. now that you thought about it, you definitely shouldn’t have let him get you to this point, but you were always so weak for him.

as soon as you both sat down, you lifted your gaze up, your eyes meeting his, and for the first time, you saw how tired he looked. messy hair, eye bags, your initial still hanging off a barely adjusted gold chain from his neck and a hoodie that he was drowning in, one you had bought him.

you pushed the urge of hugging him aside to finally talk.

“what do you want, tsukishima?”

“it’s kei,” he immediately pleaded, face still serious yet voice uncharacteristically desperate as he leaned over, eyes softening. “please.”

you only stared at him, and he sighed, leaning back in his seat, head dropping in… was it shame?

“i’m sorry.”

you blinked once, then twice, then furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. “what? if it’s about the break up, it’s genuinely fine, i really—“

“i’m sorry i made it seem like you’re not worth staying for.” he cut you off, and you stilled. “i’m sorry i chose the easy way out and never explained that the reason we broke up was because i didn’t think i loved you as much as you deserve to be loved.”

“wh—what?”

“i know you think you’re unlovable, that you’re the biggest burden, that you’re high maintenance, that loving you could never be easy but god loving you was the easiest thing i could ever do, and i’m so unbelievably sorry that i never made that clear enough.”

you stared at him, eyes wide yet silent, because what could you even say?

“you say you’re unlovable, yet i am so desperately, pathetically in love with you. i love you and i love all your flaws. i love everything you hate about yourself, and i plan to continue loving every bit of you forever.”

“tsukishima—“

“please let me continue.” he pleaded, begged. you chewed on your lips for a few seconds before giving him a nod, and he immediately continued. “i love you. i love you so much that it’s driving me crazy. you never leave my mind and i desperately wish to have you by my side every second of every fucking day. no matter how long i have known you and will know you for, you always having me flustered like a stupid teenager in love just by the thought of you and god, i never even thought feeling like this could be possible.”

he suddenly reached over, his hand grabbing yours. “i have never been the best with words, we both know it, but i promise you, if you give me another chance, i promise to make you realize one day how lovable you are.”

“…am i worth the effort?” you whispered, voice shaky and eyes blurry, and his hold only tightened around your hand, face twisting as if your words had physically hurt him.

“always,” he whispered, his free hand gently wiping tears you hadn’t realized have already started streaming down your face. “always and forever, my love. so, may you please give me another chance to love you as truly as i should have?”

“…always, kei.” you finally breathed out, feeling as if oxygen had just met your lungs for the first time since forever. yet, you barely got the chance to see the relief on his face before he leaned over, desperately pressing his lips against yours, and god did you miss the warmth.