𐌌 ☯ 𐌍

ìn between so much work and life, mingyu's birthday almost slips your mind. but right when the clock strikes 12, you kiss him happy birthday and give him a tight hug. though gyu wouldn't wish for anything else, you still feel guilty for not gifting him anything.

the both of you decide to watch a movie mindlessly, while drowning in your phones, ignoring seokmin's calls. gyu finds it overwhelming to receive all that attention from nowhere and has been hesitant to voice it out until you. you had helped him in prioritizing himself and his needs because knowing mingyu, he will tend to everyone but himself. but halfway through the movie, gyu heads to the room while you just stare blankly at the shitty-plot movie. there's a slight shift in the moment, where you think you're gonna start spiralling. in that instance, you shut off the TV and leave for your room.

nothing beats the view (gyu) as soon as you enter, shaking off the urge to trigger your cute aggression for your lover. moving the sheets aside, you lie down, going on your phone instantly. who knows what's wrong with your mood, it keeps fluctuating over and over again. next to you is a very head-empty gyu, just staring blankly at the ceiling which takes you a while to notice.

"whatcha thinkin' about?" asks mingyu, breaking you away from your dear doomscrolling.

"i'm not sure, i don't think i know." you say, perplexed. "do you wanna talk about it?" asks gyu, making space for you, like always.

sighing, you try to get started. knowing mingyu, he probably wouldn't let go until you speak your mind.

"it's just....i don't think i love you enough gyu. you love me so much, in so many different ways, but i don't think i love you enough" you say, triggering mingyu's defensive side. he stands up, leaving the bed, readying himself for the defense he'd prepared.

"why are you thinking like that? you know I love you and you love me, so please y/n" he whines.

"no gyu, you don't understand. you love me from each breath I take in and out. it feels so holy and pure but I just wish I knew. knew how to receive it and love you the same way back cause trust me, I so damn want to. its just, no one ever taught me how to receive or give any love. I'm sorry for lacking in loving you the right way" you say, tears starting to swell up your vision

"I...I understand love. if I don't who else will, hmm?" he asks, looking at you with intent and absolute adoration.

"there's not one said way to love babe. you doing little things like house chores, planning a date etc is love. I feel so lucky to be loved by you. I just wish you realise that, the way you and I love will always be different and I love that about us. it's like we can make a cocktail out of our ways to love and we'll never run out of ideas!" he jumps, making an action of bartending.

by this time, tears have flown down and you're way past crying.

"how do you make loving look so easy gyu? i just can't help but stay with feeling of lacking in loving you" you state, feeling afraid.

"it's a lengthy process my love. the learning is never-ending and the uncertainty is what gives birth to new ways of learning how to love. i'm here to tell you that you love me in your own ways and that's enough for me" he says, sitting beside you. taking your hands in his, he starts again.

"please don't ever think that you don't love me enough, cause i know you love me" he says, shutting down all your advances of trying to prove the contrary.

without leaving air for anything, gyu engulfs you in his arms, giving you a tight squeeze and a fleeting kiss on your forehead.

"look at me, my love" he says so gently and softly, like he's about to tell you a secret. wiping your tears quickly, you look up to him.

"i love you and you love me. these are the facts and the only thing that does matter for us to sustain. regardless of how we love each other, i have never doubted you and won't be doubting in the future too. i'm just a happy man to be by your side" he says, pulling you back in to a tight hug, almost underestimating his power and squeezing the life out of you.

while this happens, you can feel all the self-doubt leaving your system and being replaced with all the warmth coming from your 6"2 human heater of a boyfriend.

all you can think of how sweet it is to know that you're loved and you decide that's enough for tonight, at this moment as you eyes slowly droop and feel yourself doze off.

knowing how stressful going on a hiatus can be, you successfully lure jeonghan into a staycation, away from the city. though han had to be present for rehab, you had checked with the doctor and he was okay with han being away for a weekend. doing nothing was the plan since jeonghan was actively burning out from working hard to the extent that he's injured, so he was looking forward to spend time with his loved one for a while. what neither of you knew was the fight that would gonna pop up at reaching the room. hannie had drove all the way to the hotel since you didn't have a license and all you had done after reaching there was ask what he wanted to eat since y'all had skipped the rest stops.

~ 30 mins before

"hey love, what do you feel like eating? i could order it for us" you ask a very eepy han.

"just anything, i'm okay with anything" he replies and you can sense the exhaustion in his voice. to make sure you don't get him more grumpy, you ask again to confirm if he's sure about his decision.

"jesus y/n! can you cut me some slack? just stop fucking bothering me and order whatever the fuck you want!" he yells, shaking you to the core.

here's the thing - there necessarily hasn't been any major disagreements or "fights" in your relationship, so the intensity of his feelings get to you. but he should've known better than to snap because your rage knows no bounds and hannie does know about this.

"well, fuck you with that behaviour of yours, i'm not gonna be ordering any food!"

"good! because i don't fucking need it anymore either!" he screams, walking away from the room. you had put great effort in picking a room which is right by a stream, surrounded by mountains and a temple on one of the mountains.

trying not to mind the rage and disappointment with han, you chug a glass of water before doing anything. but you weren't gonna let han off the hook because he was having a hard time. the value you hold for yourself is much more important and you've tried so hard to just have that value in your life for so long, hence you are not going to let the love of your life doubt on it. finishing another glass of water, you leave the room in search of hannie with some snacks and a drink.

you are yet find han with the passing time. he wasn't by the stream, hadn't left the premises according to the owner and definitely hadn't hiked up a mountain(cause bro was literally eepy). but the one place you hadn't scraped was the temple, so you hydrate and go on to check if he's there.

in fact, he is there. his silhouette seems regretful. melancholic even. hunched over and zoning out by overthinking. you stomp your way towards the temple, letting him know of your arrival as he fixes his posture and keeps his gaze down. leaving your shoes behind, you enter the temple and kneel infront of han to provide well-needed snacks and water. he whispers a small 'thank you' and you move aside to sit away from him. not that you wanted to, rather wanting to just talk without any physical contact. you see him chug the water and eat his snacks, making a part of you feel relieved. after finishing his nibbles, han thinks he's ready to talk cause he knows it's better to do this right now than to dwell and let it become bigger.

"y/n, i'm sorry. i am not gonna reason myself for my actions towards you but i do wanna let you know i'm really tired. probably beyond exhaustion. i love you but that was really wrong of me to behave that way when you were just trying to make me feel better." he begins.

"okay, i accept your apology. but i'm not sorry because i haven't done anything wrong. and i'm gonna have to get this off my chest cause if i don't say it now, it's just gonna grow and rot in me." you say, stretching out your hand for him to hold. hannie slips his palm in yours and there's a little squeeze from both of you before letting go.

"okay, i'm gonna listen what you have to say and i'm sure i'll have things to say after, but i'm gonna listen to you first." he says, reassuring you.

"thank you. i hope you know that i was just trying to be of help and not a bother. you snapping at me was unnecessary, which you know by now and it scared me han. for a moment, you were an angry stranger to me and it made me so angry too. why? because i don't deserve to be treated like this han, you know how hard life has been and still is for me." you pause, taking a deep breath as you feel tears welling up your eyes. but one look at hannie and you know he's making space for your anger, willing for you to continue.

shit, you really do love him.

"i understand how mentally and physically exhausting things have been for the past week or so. i understand so much han, i really do. but that does not give you any leverage to be rude or angry at me. regardless of the terrible things i deal with in my life, i'm really trying to be positive towards our relationship and this unconsciously might've broken a part of me. maybe i'm being dramatic but my feelings are big and valid. i love you but we'll need to work on this at our own pace, yeah? what do you think?" you finish, catching a breath that you didn't realise was held.

jeonghan takes a deep breath, before he begins. taking one look at you, he fidgets with his phone and tries to talk cause he has to start somewhere.

"firstly, i am really sorry love. i wanna let you know that i regret my actions and shouldn't have behaved that way towards you. it's just been really hard for me to go into a break from being so packed with schedules. i don't think i've rested at all since i started working and it's just a lot. it's a lot because i now am realising the importance of rest and that solely is beyond overwhelming. but now that i'm here, i want to make the best of it and spend as much time as i can with the people i love. again, i can't think of anything other than apologising because you don't deserve that. i have no right to be treating you that way when you've put your complete trust and love in me. i'm so sorry again love, i want to work on this. i'm not sure how but i wanna work on us, with you. i love you." he finishes, letting out a loud sob. you hold yourself back from going and holding him cause he needs this more than anything else.

Mingyu's on his way back, with your favourite meal and boba. Was there a reason to get take-out? Definitely not, he really just felt like it. If you had made food, Min could convince you to have it next day. That's how it usually went and he was mostly successful. With his manager dropping him off, he heads inside the elevator and straight to your floor. Since he already knew the code to your apartment, he quietly let himself in, eyes immediately searching for you.

What he doesn't expect to find, is you sitting in the dark on a chair, curled up in one of your fav blankets with a flask coddled in your arms. Your head's supported by a chair on the dining table, mouth slightly open as you doze further away. Min quietly trots through the living room to you, slowly putting the bags down, careful not to wake you up. He adores you for a good minute, slowly lifting you up to rest in your bed. Their neck must hurt, but they keep doing this >:( he wonders to himself while carrying you.

He lets you rest while he does all the chores that you weren't able to do cause of your sickness. A few hours pass by, you wake up with Mingyu sitting by your side, barely touching you in the process of waking you up. He knew how extra sensitive you were to touch when sick, hence he decided to call out for you than kissing you to consciousness. You wake up slowly while he adjusts pillows behind for you to sit straight, he really is a nagging Asian mum in disguise. Handing you warm water to hydrate, he looks at you with all the love in him to see if you need anything from him. You catch him looking and reach for his hand, realising the love you have for him is unbelievable.

"You know love, I can't ever thank you for being so kind to me. I feel like there isn't enough of me to be so damn grateful for you." you say, lovingly gazing at the love of your life. A faint pink's spread all over his face as he nuzzles his face to your hand.

"And I'm ever so happy to be the receiver of your gratefulness, regardless of the amount. It takes two to tango I guess." he says, ever so lightly pressing his lips to your hand. After basking in each other's presence for a while, he mentions about the food he's got, which gets you outta bed in no time.

You head to the kitchen to unpack the boba, while he joins you in heating the food up. It's then you think how freeing it is, to be doing the most mundane things with Mingyu. He just seems to make the littlest of things much more better and you love that about him. A bump against your shoulder gets you back, where the food to your side is all ready to be devoured. Quickly removing the covers around drinks, you move to place them on the dining table. One where you're sitting and the other next to you. That's the thing about you guys, Mingyu never likes it when he's not next to you. He hates how all the fancy restaurants have seats across and not next to each other. But now, he gets to have a meal with you next to him and he thinks about how this is his highlight of the day. Min loves being around you and having a meal, so it's like two of his favourite things put together. You spread out the mat for the hot pan to be put on while settling down in your seat, waiting for the food to arrive. Looking at this, Mingyu hurries to place the pan down while grabbing two spoons before sitting down. Both of you look at each other, nodding in agreement to start eating. It's absolute delight running through your body and eyes for Mingyu. He loves it when you enjoy things he does for you. Raising your boba drinks to cheer, both of you devour in silence, enjoying the food and each other's presence. By end of the meal, you're much more comfortable to let Min under your skin and he's never been so much happier to be as affectionate as his heart needs. Taking the last bite, you stand up to call dibs on cleaning up since he literally did all the leftover chores. And right when you're about to get the pan, Min's grabbing you by the hand, turning you to face him. You're glad to be seeing eye-to-eye since he's on his butt and you're standing.

"What's up?"

"Can you please let me do the dishes? You're literally sick, doing more work would just worsen it."

"But Min, you did all of the chores! It's really unfair if you don't let me, you know." you say as he scoffs.

"I don't care, I love you but please let me do the cleaning."

"I love you so so sooo much too my Min, but I cannot let you do the cleaning up."

"Okay, how about we rock-paper-scissors this?"

"Alright. On the count of three, two, one!"

And to his luck, you throw a rock while he throws a paper. The council has decided and you accept your fate, slowly moving away from the pan.

Right at the moment, Mingyu pulls you in a hug, nuzzling further to your middle while almost sounding like a puppy adjusting to fall asleep. You wrap your arms around him, leaning down to lay your head on his. But, you're suddenly pushed away just to be pulled back onto his lap, while he holds you dearly and continues to be adorable. Again, you have no choice but to stay limp for him to recharge himself. It's hard not to admit how secure and loved you feel in Mingyu's big beefy arms, you kiss him on the side of his head impulsively to convey the same. That loosens his hold on you, him whining on how you always catch him off-guard with your actions. Now, there's nothing but giggles filled in your living room, both of you so knee-deep in love and into each other cause when you know, you know.

-------------------------

Joshua had been living with you for a few years now. He had seen you at your worst, holding you with no plans of letting you go, but also patiently waited until you were okay to ask for a date. Although you were stunned at his bold approach, a date was all it took for you to see through him. He was in love, with you. And who were you to deny him of receiving love he deserves? 

So here you were, in a relationship with Shua, living life at a day’s pace. Waking up to him and sleeping with him had been the best times of your days, as you get to be so close and accessible to his heart. It was one of your unspoken routines to brief about the day, after and before going to bed. And just like any other day, you were getting ready for bed while Shua wrapped up things in the kitchen. Like there was a braincell being shared, both of you enter the room, smiling at each other while getting under the comforters. While he already got tucked in with a book, you were making sure to moisturise your skin and letting it dry before tucking yourself in. Unknown to you, Shua had been observing your actions – from how you got the cream, to the way you gently massaged them into your arms while making sure to leave no spots and flapping your arms for the lotion to dry away faster and to the saturated smile on your face while doing all of these. Shua finds his mind reeling and he’s suddenly so extremely proud of how far you’ve come.  

Having your heart broken by your best friend, things had been quite hard but you had taken your time to heal and Joshua had been nothing than patient with you. However, you were made sure to acknowledge your efforts which was his task daily as you tend to shrug your hard work away as nothing. Joshua’s seen all of it, almost. His heart swells at the sight of you and by the time you turn around, tears pool in his eyes, making him look away. Concern takes over you as you barely see Shua cry, because he always talks if anything’s bothering him. You move further towards him, taking his hands as he looks up to you, tears still streaming down his pretty face. 

“Hey, I'm here. Whatever it is, you'll be okay. Everything will be okay, I’ve got you” 

Hearing this makes Shua cry harder, now a sobbing mess in your arms as he presses himself further into your shoulder. Soft I love you’s escape from him, in between his sobs while you hold him dearly. Just like he's held you, so many times that you can't count of. You're so patient and gentle with him, all Shua wants to do is lose identity and leave to somewhere where he can be by your side all the damn time, for the rest of his life.  

A while passes by as Joshua collects himself, breaking away from your hold while reaching for the glass of water by his side. You see him chug it down, while worrying if something’s up. He turns to you, hands moving to hold your face while he slowly brings his forehead to yours.  

“I’m not sorry that I cried so much and wet your pajamas, but I love you. And I will make sure you know that, each minute of my life.“ he pauses, trying to collect his breath while you think of speaking.  

“Shua, I love you too. I'm always by you no matter-“he cuts you off, placing a little kiss on your mouth.  

“No, I'm not done yet.”  

Oh no, Mr. Sappy, Too-in-love Gentleman is here. 

Leaning forward, he takes a deep breath before getting started again.  

“You are so much. Good, bad or whatever, you are so much and I love you for that. You care so much about people around that you forget to care for yourself. But that's okay, because I will do that for you till my last breath.” 

Uh oh, the dams break loose again. Wiping his tears in one, he continues as he holds your face in the other.  

“I'm so proud of how far you've come. You're so much stronger than you think of and I love you so much that it makes me bawl my heart out. You deserve so much more and while I make sure of you receiving that, I will also love you to my fullest, babe. I love you” *hiccup* “so much.” he ends, crying through his hiccups.  

You heart is warm and humid at how much love you have for him, it’s disgusting!!!(actually, adorable) At a loss for anything to be told, you just hug Shua tighter than ever, leaving feather kisses on his knuckles and shoulders while waiting for him to calm down.  

In no time, he’s well hydrated and fast asleep, tired from all the crying as you tuck him in, slowly sliding in while he catches your wrist. You can hear a faint I love you from him, as you lie down facing him. He’s so pretty and your heart burns in love for him. 

PRESENT

Wonu was busy adoring Jiyeon, while your eyes were on him, Jiyeon’s voice snapping you out of your trance.

“You’ll be there as early as possible. I better see you at the venue, at least a week before. Please Y/N?”she goes on, from demanding to begging real quick.

“I'll try my best Ji. You know how busy I can get” you say, sipping your hot chai.

They were getting married.

Wonwoo was getting married and it wasn't to you.

The biggest heart break of all times.

The thought of Wonwoo being the first of your friends’ circle to be hitched, is beyond you. Wonu hated commitments, relationships didn't matter.

“I still can't believe you're marrying this annoying ass, Jiyeon. He must've really worked wonders for his previous eight lives” you say, playfully knocking Wonu’s head, signalling him to get off his phone.

“Are you really my best friend?! You're supposed to be happy for me!” he whines. You just laugh at him instead of replying. Honestly, you were happy for him. Though it wasn't something your heart desired for, you were happy to see Wonwoo happy. Even if it means that you won't ever have a chance with him. Maybe you'll eventually forget him, you think. Though that's almost impossible.

Almost.

“But I agree with Jiyeon. You need to be there ASAP, Y/N. You know how much of a wreck I turn into when I'm stressed. And all of us would have more time to spend with each other. I know how stressful all our lives have been and I'm sure we've all missed each other, so please?” he rambles, all in a single breath. As much as whatever Wonu told was true, you don't think you can physically handle it all. It’d be too overwhelming for you, with your emotions splayed out and heart on your sleeve, waiting to be ripped off by none other than the groom. So, you chose the safest option – to arrive on the wedding day.

“I'll try my best Wonu. I can only wonder how stressful it can be for the both of you, but I also know you guys are THE powerful duo who can overcome anything. So, I’ll root for the both of you, hoping everything would turn out well and I'll see you on your big day” you say, wearing a warm smile covering the growing pain in you.

The couple radiate the warmest of energy and nod at whatever you said as it’s nothing but the absolute truth. They've always been this way, unbreakable no matter what. You used to envy that, as your college-self wanted them to low-key breakup. You and Wonwoo were THAT powerful duo before Jiyeon came through, it was only human for you to be jealous of them. Now you just feel tender looking at them, there's no jealousy, which is truly surprising.

◇

Days pass by sooner than you think and you're on your way to the destination. As weird as Wonwoo can get, the wedding’s happening in winter instead of spring or summer like the others do. He was specific about this as he met Jiyeon in winter. Little did anyone know that the both of you met in winter too. Well, it was winter in your lives as you and Wonu were both loners. It’s almost fateful for the both of you to be stuck with each other for so long.

If only this wasn’t platonic, everything would be straight out of a well-written romance fiction. (haha, unlike this one)

Your said date a.k.a Seungcheol, had picked you up from your place early in the morning to drive you. Jeonghan had planned all this, since he can stay without a date as his sister was coming along. Cheol was great company, and he didn’t need to have conversations with you, making the whole scene feel alien. You were truly grateful for that, as you didn’t really have an appetite to digest the things spewed by others at the wedding. The weather was getting a bit warm for winter, making you roll your window down, feeling the sharp yet soothing breeze while you try not to feel like your heart’s about to be grilled because of the emotions you felt. Your thoughts were interrupted by Jeonghan calling Cheol, who’s phone was connected to the speaker. You pick it before he reaches, Cheol sending a small smile to you.

“Hey Cheollie, how far away are you guys?” you hear Hannie, enquiring like the mum he is.

“Hi Han, we’re an hour away. How’s it going over there?” you ask, warmth crawling up your cheeks.

“Hi Y/N!!! I can’t wait to see you,” he pauses, the boys screaming in the background as they hear about you. “These morons won’t let me speak to you, so I'm gonna hang up now and see you both soon!” he says, seemingly pushing Soonie away as he was whining over the speaker to you about not being there sooner.

Laughing, you almost hang up before pausing to ask something.

“Oh, and Han?”

“Yeah, love?”

“How’s he? Is he alright?” you ask, curiously.

Sensing how concerned you were, Han chose to not make it harder.

“He’s alright for now, babe. He’ll be okay. I’d ask about you but it’s way too early and I want you to be wrapped in my arms for at least 20mins before I ask you anything” he says, sighing in relief.

“Hannie, I thought WE were married!” Cheol whines, as you laugh at how he’s sulking over the affection Han has for you. It’s cute, how they’ve been each other's rock for so long and yours too. You’ve genuinely missed your friends so much, your heart aches a little at the instances where you avoided them to protect your peace.

Hannie’s giggles bring you back, as he replies saying that they’re over if Cheol doesn’t get us there ASAP. Now you’re dealing with a sulky Cheol, who’s whining at how Han’s pulling tricks always, though you can’t help but just laugh at your friends’ antics.

Time flies and you’re at the wedding, a whiny Chan and Soon clinging onto you as you walk. They lead you guys to where the others are and upon the sight of you, Han’s running over to you. He jumps on to you as you topple down, Hannie having no intention of letting you go. He asks about Cheol, who insisted that he can drop the bags in your room all by himself. You guys just lay on the grass for a bit and he gets up as the weather’s still a bit cold, to drag you inside the resort. Seeing all your friends made you tear up a bit, which led to all of you shedding a few tears as you guys hug the sadness away. It’s wholesome than sad, because of how much these idiots mean to you and vice versa. The friendships you’ve built with each of them is so darn precious to you and it’s baffling how you were ready to throw this all away, just for that one man. Who was now about to be married. Pushing this aside, you search for two of your other friends who were nowhere to be found. In the garden area of the resort, you find them caressing their own drinks. Mingyu’s got champagne while Jihoon’s in love with his whiskey. They’re still the same old dorks you met; you ponder over while walking towards to them.

“Already?” you say, startling the both of them as they were lost in their own drinking shenanigans.

Mingyu is the first one to get up, lifting you up while he gulfs you into him. He’s so warm and smells like home, you’ve missed this puppy.

“I’m so glad to see you, Y/N. Do you need a drink too?” he asks, ready to order one for you. You shake your head, not wanting to show up drunk at your best friend’s wedding. The minute Mingyu lets you down, you run to hug Jihoon. You feel tears stinging your eyes, heart feeling heavier than ever. Sensing that you need your time with Jihoon, Mingyu walks away telling that he’ll see you around and to contact him if anything. You hug him goodbye before turning back to Jihoon.

Honestly, he’s the best person to let your thoughts be and to just sit with it than avoiding it like a plague. Jihoon glances at you, ordering a glass of gin with ginger ale while you were settling down. Once the drink arrives, he pushes it to your side, signalling you to have it.

“Jihoon....I can’t” you say, hesitantly but low-key really needing some alcohol in your system.

“You’ll need it for later, Y/N. Have it please?” he requests, raising his glass and waiting for you to clink them with. You give up, taking the glass and toasting it with Jihoon’s before having a sip. The way your sip lasted more than it was supposed to, seemed like you were quenching your thirst but with alcohol.

Well, fuck being sober at the love of your life’s wedding, I guess.

You hang with Jihoon for a bit more, before a cute Joshua is waltzing through the room, letting you know that it’s time to get ready for the ceremony. At this, Jihoon just nodded at you and hugged you off, saying that he’ll see you at the hall in a bit. The hug lingered for a while which was broke by Jisoo, coughing to subtly steal you away from everyone.

What was with him?

Well, he had a crush on you. Everyone else knew, except for you. Even Wonwoo knew. Shua wasn’t sure if his adoration has stayed a crush for so long, but he wasn’t ready to give up on you. Though a part of him is sad that you’re not the bride, he’s slightly happier to have a chance to woo you. (PS: everyone knew you were head over heels for Wonu, cheers to being the monarch of simp nation. JK, you were too obvious around him)

Hand wrapped around his arm, Shua leads you to your room, informing that Cheol will be over to pick you up in two hours or so. You slowly get into your dress, adoring how beautiful it looks before the makeup artist’s knocking at your door. You let them in and then sit down to get your makeup done, while you snack on carrots and stay on your phone. In no time, you’re dolled up real nice and right on time, Cheol enters. He smiles at you before engulfing you in a hug, careful not to ruin the art you are.

“You look lovely, Y/N. If I weren’t gay and married to Han, I’d walk down the aisle with you tonight.” he jokes, making you laugh.

“There we go, a smile was all that was missing” he says, taking your hands in his.

“How are you feeling, dove?” he asks, eyes scanning for any discomfort or sadness.

“I’m doing alright, Cheol. Thank you for checking up on me, always” you say, giving his hands a tight little squeeze.

“Glad that Jihoon made me have a good ol’ glass of Bombay Sapphire with ginger ale. I think I can survive the ceremony without breaking down and confessing my love to Wonu, while he’s getting married to Jiyeon” you blurt out, jokingly. There’s a moment of silence as Cheol gawks at what you said before you tell him that it was a joke and how they should get going before it gets late.

Guess you are late, as the person you love would be walking the aisle with his lover, who sadly isn’t you.

Before entering the hall, you go over to see the bride and groom. You head to Jiyeon’s room, heart hurting yet happy for her. Knocking on the door, you open it to see Jiyeon, pacing around the room in her wedding gown. She looks ethereal, and so ready to share her life with your best friend. As soon as she notices you, she runs towards you to hug, and tries to collect her breaths.

“Y/N, I can’t do this. I can’t. Can you marry Wonwoo instead?” she asks, voice laced with panic. It’s pathetic how you actually consider that for a minute. Laughing it off, you pull Jiyeon back, holding her hands in yours, eyes meeting hers while you muster up the courage to say –

“Hey Ji. You’ll be alright, okay? It’s not someone you don’t know, it’s just Wonu. Everything will be alright. Breathe for me, please?"

“Right, you’re right Y/N. It's Wonwoo, why’d I didn’t think of that? Anyways, thank you Y/N. Though you’ve always been his rock, you secretly managed to be mine too” she says, a wide smile plastered on her face.

“So, I'll see you on the aisle, yeah? All the best Ji, you’ve got this” you say, leaving before she replies. Your feelings were up your throat, waiting to be pushed out anytime if you hadn’t left the room. You do the same thing you told Jiyeon – breathe. You take a few deep breaths, fixing yourself as you head towards your best friend.

Best friend.

As you were about to knock, the door opens revealing an equally nervous yet, oh-so beautifully dressed Wonu. He’s pulling you inside, locking the door behind, not giving you time to process. You wait for him to say something, instead he just looks at you like he’s about to cry if you don’t hug him.

So, you do. You embrace him in your arms, for the last time as a bachelor and probably the last time as your love.

After staying in each other’s warmth for a while, he lets go, letting you take a good look at him.

“God damn, Wonu! You look so sharp, didn’t know you could stop being in your nerd element” you joke, winking at him. He laughs, before twirling lazily to give you a 360 of his carefully crafted tux.

“Ready, big guy?” you ask, searching for any hint of resistance in his eyes. He locks eyes with you, nodding slowly. Things have always been like this with him, words didn’t seem like a necessity. You were more than glad to not be talking more than that because honestly, you wouldn't be in one piece.

“Yeah. Yes, I’m ready Y/N. Don’t think I've ever been sure of anything, than this moment right now.” he says, lips curling into a soft smile. That smile of his was reserved, only you had seen it apart from Jiyeon, of course. You reciprocate the same, hugging him for the one last time and leaving the room with the feeling of your heart, suddenly weighing a ton.

As soon as you exit the room, you find Cheol pacing around in the hallway. At the sight of you standing outside Wonwoo’s room, Seungcheol is walking towards you.

“Hey dove, you alright?” he asks, so full of concern. You smile so much as a reply. So much that your cheeks hurt and tears slowly start to well up from within the depths of your fragile heart.

“I'm okay Seungcheol. Let's head to the hall before we're late, yeah?” you slur, trying to shake your tears off. He comprehends how sensitive you are and just nods at you, silently hooking your arm to his while the both of you walk towards to hall.

You realize, the pain you feel, is beyond anything your brain could fathom and mere words can describe how much it hurts.

The hall looks so elegant and everyone there look so beautiful, like dolls in a dollhouse. There are lots of orchids and tulips, as an ornament to the room, making it look so soft yet neat. You move towards your friends, praising how good they look in their tuxedoes and chit-chatting your way through the whole thing, trying your best not to think.

Weirdly, Joshua’s by you the whole time, stuck like gum. Not that you mind it or anything, it's actually really comfortable. Cheol had left your side to sit with Hannie and he had taken over. His subtle touches and the way he looks at you – it helps you feel so grounded and you're more than thankful for that.

Music starts playing, indicating the beginning of the ceremony as you see Wonwoo, gracefully walking down the aisle with a faint blush and a soft smile set on his gorgeous face. Your heart falters at the sight and it refuses to function further when he looks at you, sending you one of his reserved smiles. You reciprocate the same, hands slowly being taken into Jisoo’s. You're amazed at how helpful his touches have been, it's shocking.

Gazing at Wonu, everything fades out for you except for the love you have for him.

And in no time, Jiyeon’s walked in, vowing to love your best friend until the last of her breath and with everything she’s got. You can feel your heart clenching, and Joshua senses the same too, as your clammy hands squeeze his unconsciously.

The thing was, Shua didn't need words from you to understand either. He looks at you, his pretty eyes checking for any discomfort and when you smile back at him, he decides not to bother you further.

There's a sudden cheering of the crowd, making you turn your head towards the couple as you see them kissing.

Vows were said, promises were made and bonds were created.

It was too late for you to do anything. You feel the emotions rushing out of you as you excuse yourself to get away from there.

I need some air you say, to all your worried friends. So busy running away from the love of your life, you don't notice Joshua following you.

As soon as you get out, clutching your chest you slump down onto the sofa at the lobby as tears paint your face. The pain is so much that you find yourself trying hard to breathe while the emotions keep nagging at you and drowning you in the depth of the love you have for Wonwoo.

While trying to calm yourself down, you feel a hand on your shoulder, the radiating warmth grounding you for the Nth time this night. You look up thinking it's Jihoon, but it's not.

Hong Jisoo stands there, tears in his eyes but also looking so fondly at you.

As if you're a porcelain tea cup who’d break if looked at any harder.

You feel pathetic, but Joshua pulls you into a hug, letting you wet his shoulders to your heart’s content. Hearts suddenly seem to weigh a ton, the energy draining all while you try your best to catch the breath you never had in the first place.

He's gone. The love of your life is no longer yours.

Jeon Wonwoo, your best friend but also the person who mattered so much, like how the sun was to the moon.

For the coldness in him, he had found his summer. But left you to be nothing, than a petal of the harsh Winter, waiting to writhe away in utter grief.

_________________________________________

Let’s just say, that might’ve been nothing but a kiss to Wonwoo. You were freaking out, actively avoiding him whenever you were around the campus. Jihoon had been of help, knowing that Wonwoo had actually kissed you during the game. He freaked out with you for a bit, before letting his rational self take over. The best way to forget whatever happened was to not see wonu.

Out of sight, out of mind. Or you thought.

Though you were avoiding Wonu in all ways possible, he waited outside your building after class and you had no way to escape that. Wonwoo knew why you were like this with him. At least on a surface level. He thinks you’ve messed up his relationship and it’s over between the both of you. Where infact, he told his girlfriend about it and she shrugged it off saying you both were drunk and she knows that out of everyone, the two of you are the most rational people she’s known. Wonu honestly was a bit taken a back, but he apologized and let go of it.

If only it were that easy for you, there’d be no thought of Wonu residing in your mind.

You get out of your class to catch Wonu, tapping his phone restlessly and looking around. You can’t escape him now that you’re eyes met his. Relief washes over his face and he smiles softly at the sight of you.

He missed you, so much.

You walk up to him, deciding that you can’t ignore him forever.

“Hey Wonu. What’s up?” you ask and the next minute, he’s crushing you in one of his tightest hugs.

Right when you feel like you’re gonna break down confessing your love to him, he lets go of you.

“Hi, sorry for that. I’ve missed you so much. Can we hang out today, please?” he says, looking at you with those puppy eyes you can’t resist. Wonwoo sees you contemplating, and he tries.

He really knows how to get his way with you.

“Please Y/N? Pretty please? Food’s on me, I’ll even get your favourite strawberry cheesecake ice cream from our usual place. Please?” he begs. You chuckle at him, nodding in agreement as the both of you start walking to get food.

Realization dawns on you, making you wanna crumble in a corner.

You’ve missed Wonwoo. Missed hanging out with your best friend. Even though you hadn’t avoided him much, you felt empty without him by your side.

The both of you were back at the dorms, Saiki-K running in the background while devouring the boiling hot soup with rice. Wonwoo looks at you in his peripheral vision, happy to see you eat and grateful to have found a best friend like you. His vision had turned into adorable gazing without his knowledge, when you called out for him. Snapping back, Wonu finds a grain of rice by your mouth and wipes it off without any warning.

Oh your poor, wrenching heart.  

You flinch at his touch, but slowly turn into a shade of red soon. Yet it’s so comfortable, being with him. Words aren't needed for the both of you to communicate when together. There’s a silent agreement from both parties that talking isn't a necessity always. Words can be spent when needed, like right now. The air’s getting a bit stuffy for you and like you're an open book for Wonu to read, he speaks up.  

“How have you been Y/N? I haven't seen you in a few days and you haven't even bothered to look at my messages, have you?” he questions.  

You truly are not God’s strongest soldier. 

“Sorry Wonu. I've been a bit all over the place. Not me, I mean- my mind. It's been quite the week, ya’ know?” you answer, sheepishly.  

“I understand, Petal. I just feel so empty without you by my side, ya’ know?” he pauses, while you try to grasp what just came out of his mouth.  

He felt the same way as you did.  

What the actual fuck?  

You groan, internally of course.  

“Sorry if I sound selfish and greedy Y/N for wanting you around me all the time. What I'm getting at is, let's talk about what happened at the party. I want to, I'm sorry if you don’t wanna deal with it but we’ll eventually have to talk about it.” he says, a sigh escaping his lips.  

The same lips which were on yours, the other night.  

You give him a small nod, agreeing and silently asking him to initiate the conversation. 

“I told Jiyeon about us kissing at the party.” he says, nonchalantly.  

You feel air being punched out of your lungs. It's like you've been struck by lightning, thinking how this stupid mistake might’ve broken their relationship and how Jiyeon hates you now because- 

“She wasn't bothered. She said we’re both rational enough to know that was a mistake and nothing else.” 

So, it was a mistake.  

You hear a shatter and you’re pretty sure, that’s your heart.  

“Oh.” you say, trying to process whatever’s happening at the moment, while Wonu gazes back at you, looking for a more sensible response.  

“I guess that settles it down. I still wanna talk to her about this, would that be fine?” you ask, gazing back at him. Wonu nods, going back to his food. There's a weird moment of comfortable silence, before he speaks again.  

“You know, we’re actually not done speaking. I mean, we just spoke about the consequences. But I wanna apologise” he pauses.   

“I'm sorry that I kissed you, Petal. I know I should've stopped when you said no, but God, you just looked so pretty.” he stops to take a breath while you turn into a flustered mess.  

“I don't get why you aren't seeing anyone” 

Because I'm in love with you, stupid.  

“You're so charming without even trying, I look quite dumb whenever I'm next to you. But you're my everything, so I guess you can't escape me anytime soon at the least.” he says, smiling like a child at you.  

If only Wonu knew, how this shared bond with him was everything to you too, but that being anything than the friendship he thinks of.  

Oh, if he only knew.  

--------------------------------------------------

Wonwoo.

The man he was and is right now.

It started when you were in college together. Wonwoo had befriended you and it amused both of you how well the friendship hit off. You guys shared a bond one couldn't define. It was so comfortable to be in each others personal space, without being bothered. What you guys shared even bugged the group of friends you guys hung out with, so much that they whined at Wonwoo not being the same with them. He just shrugged them off saying that everyone bonded in different ways and it was just that. Maybe for him, it really was just that. Not to you though – he was the comfort you found in those turbulent waves at the ocean.

Five years ahead, who knew Wonwoo would be in a relationship you thought that wouldn't last? The gorgeous man is sitting right in front of you, of course with his girlfriend next to him. She looks so giddy and he matches her aura. They're in love, aren't they? you think. But so are you, you're in love with Wonwoo, your best friend.

A few years ago....

Jeonghan had thrown a party to celebrate the graduation of his friends. Barely graduating. It was the 12 of them, you and Wonwoo. While you were drowning in him, Jihoon who was Wonwoo’s closest, had also become your closest through the years of college. He knew about you simping your heart out for Wonwoo and honestly, he was tired. Tired of you not doing anything about it, not making a move on Wonwoo thinking that he'll stay single and you'll eventually confess to him.

Oh, you were so stupid.

Since everyone was getting wasted, Jihoon had suggested that you come clean to Wonwoo about your feelings. You shrugged him off saying that it'll ruin your friendship with Wonu.

Wonu – the only nickname he accepted and only let you call him that, no one else stood a chance.

The party was getting started when you're friends sat down to play a round of seven minutes in heaven. The first pair to leave was Soonyoung and a whiny Seungkwan, making sure not to let them drink instead, as they were already wasted. Next was Mingyu and Jihoon, who chose to get drunk instead (PS: they can hold their alcohol unlike the other few).

Next spin of the bottle pointed to you and Wonwoo. The audience cheered as they knew you had been crushing on Wonwoo pretty hard, but he looked at you, concerned. But his eyes also looked for any hesitation. Without wasting another second, you got up to leave, Wonwoo following you while the crowd got louder by each passing second.

Honestly, you didn't wanna kiss Wonwoo and be a bitch to his relationship. But you couldn't read him in this situation, especially when you both entered the room with Wonwoo locking the door. You feel his eyes burning into your back so you turn around. Wonu’s flushed, meaning he's a bit tipsy. Since the air was getting a bit awkward to exist, you talk.

“So, are we doing this?”

“What do you think? Should we?” he asks like a child, curious to know what you think.

“Well for starters, you're dating, Wonu. I don't wanna be beaten up by your girlfriend” you say with a chuckle.

He looks at you, disappointed.

There’s a moment of loud silence before he says,

“But.....but I want to” he blurts out.

“What?” you ask, to see if he's joking.

“I do want to kiss you. Even though it might ruin my relationship”

You stare at him, afraid to even breathe. Fuck his relationship, you didn't wanna ruin your friendship with him. You’d been such good best friends for so long, you didn't wish to flush that all down like it meant nothing. It was everything – the sole reason why you were here in the room with Wonu and not drinking away your love for him instead.

So you try. Try your best to save this friendship even if it breaks to see Wonu with someone else other than you.

“You're drunk, aren't you?”

“Not enough to be unaware of what I'm asking from you”

“Wonu.....is everything okay? Let's not ruin whatever we have, please?”

“Y/N. You have no clue how long I’ve wanted to kiss you for”

“But you're dating. And we're best friends. It’s not gonna happen big guy, let's just get out when the timer’s up” you say, silence growing louder than ever.

He sighs, pacing around the room and right when you think the time’s up, he has you trapped against the door. You hear a ‘fuck it’ before Wonwoo's lips are on yours. You're kissing Wonwoo, the love of your life but mainly your best friend. He pulls away when he hears the timer ringing, kissing you once more before fixing the both of you and opening the door.

There's a soft smile on his face which you reciprocate, before entering the war zone of drunkards.

Jihoon looks at you, concerned and you look back at him, conveying that you're okay. He nods softly in agreement and gets back to drinking.

--------------------------------------------------