tired and hungry

In long, it was an absolute rollercoaster. That also happened to be productive. 2020 was a struggle for me like everyone else, but it didn’t help that I was only just able to get myself out of an extremely toxic friendship with my ex. I thought that once she was gone a weight would be lifted and everything would be better, but it didn’t and it wasn’t and it was stressful being so anxious without the one thing that had been making me anxious, so I was a mess and couldn’t even say “oh it’s because of x or y”. I spent the last half of 2020 healing and learning how to move on and just be my own person again. It wasn’t amazing, but it wasn’t terrible by the end, which was more than I thought I could have asked for.

The beginning of 2021 was overwhelming, to say the least. I was alone again for the first time in a long time, isolated even more by the pandemic, but I was able to throw myself out there on Twitch communities and ended up making some really cool friends, and even started streaming here and there. And through those connections and those small streams I was encouraged to draw more and better than I ever had before, it was like a switch was flipped and I could just....create again, learn and grow again. I’d felt so stuck artistically for so long but it was just different all of a sudden. I’ve still had my ups and downs but I can’t say 2021 was bad to me. I’ve grown and learned and made new connections with new friends (a big deal for me since I find connecting with other people to be extremely difficult) and done more in this one year than I thought was possible. And I’m just so grateful for it. It’s been so long since I’ve been this okay. I forgot what it was like. I really can’t remember being so okay before in my life. Thinking about it like that makes me want to cry. I couldn’t even draw everything I wanted to, but considering how much I did and just how MUCH it was, and just where I am personally with myself and my own mental health and my relationships...I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around it. It’s hard to put it all into perspective until I do this end of year wrap-up. I can’t even be upset with all the bullshit that’s happened because so many more amazing things have come of this year.

I guess goal for next year; comics, more original shit, use my goddamn markers more, they were too expensive to just have sitting in the corner!