Sweetest of Dreams

I'm Mofi! I like to draw, write, read, and play video games.

This is my personal blog, you will mostly find memes and shitposts, art, and other various things. And sometimes! My own art! Which I want to post more often, but that does mean I also have to be drawing more often. We'll see how that goes.

I've been on tumblr for a very, very long time now and every so often I do like to shake things up. Tags and links can be found on my page if you want to find more specific stuff.

Also, my blog is not a safe space for minors. I do not focus on adult content, but there will be humor and possibly other material not very suitable for teens.

I was in a roleplaying guild in the mmo wildstar. It was at the point where it was about to be shut down, but the announcement hadn't been made just yet.

The roleplay scene had, MORE OR LESS, kinda died hardcore. There was only a few small communities that my guild interacted with.

There was a person in said community that had taken a liking to me. I'd done a little roleplay with them, and they had even bought a comm from me. I didn't know them very well but they seemed nice if not kind of socially awkward. And like. So was I. HOWEVER.

My memory is fairly foggy so I can't recall exactly when it started, but there came a point where they were dming me just about every time I logged on for an event. I didn't have this person in my friend list, so the only way they could have known I was online was by using the player search function to see if I was around. This happened a lot for a little while any time I'd log on and it weirded me out hardcore. They often came to our guild's rp events and I started to feel uncomfortable with going, since it started to feel like they were stalking me. I can't say for sure what their intentions were. Maybe they were probably young and wanted to connect with an artist in their community. Maybe they really liked my character. I do not know.

I distinctly remember telling people in my guild 'hey, this person is making me uncomfortable and i feel like i'm being stalked'. But my friends at the time had brushed off my concerns in favor of keeping the relationship between the guild and another on good terms. At the time I was pretty upset with their response but I understood the difficulty of the situation. There was not many other people to rp with and they wanted to keep everyone together. Nowadays I wonder if they actually gave two shits about my feelings, or whether they believed me at all.

So, in my frustration, I sit down and tell the person who is stalking me that they are making me uncomfortable, that I'd like a little space. If they want to befriend me then maybe don't be weird about it. Not the exact wording, I was probably a lot more passive and trying to be very careful not to hurt any feelings. They apologize, but I don't remember much else.

Not long after I go to an event, and not only do they go as well, but they go as a character I do not recognize in order to try and interact with mine. The only way I'm able to tell it's them is their writing style.

I'm fucking livid at this point. I tell my guild about it, and as far as I can recall nothing was actually done because oh nooo we have to keep the peace... if we do anything then their guild probably won't interact with us anymore...

Absolute fucking bullshit. What incredible friends. They also turned out to be incredibly backstabby and cut me off when I was having a very tough time with mental health, and anxiety fueled from the way they would treat me sometimes.

I was almost CONSTANTLY on edge around these people. I don't know why I didn't leave sooner. Being friends with them was fun at best, and I remember having wonderful moments both in and out of character. But as time went on things turned so fucking nightmarish. That had to have been the lowest I'd ever been in my life. I was running on paranoia and depression until I started hanging out with new people who weren't ableist as hell and actually treated me like a person they wanted to be around. (I'm still friends with these people to this day yayyy hooray yippee! <3)

I think the final straw was when I voiced a rant that was mostly out of concern about something with FFXIV, and they took just about everything I said in bad faith and completely twisted my words. Now that I'm older I do realize my opinion was kinda stupid, but oh my god. It honestly felt like they were just waiting for an opportunity to tear me apart, and they finally found the ammo. It was rough. I kind of stopped interacting with them after that, ESPECIALLY after they'd asked me to not bring up the topic again, only to bait me into talking about it again on another day. Wild shit. I'm so glad I don't talk to any single one of them anymore. My anxiety issues became so much more manageable after I'd left.

As for my stalker I have no idea what became of them. I think they eventually stopped trying to interact with me before the servers went down. My memory's very blurry honestly. It wouldn't be a surprise to me if my brain was trying to suppress these memories. Since Wildstar died I hadn't heard a peep out of them, and I kind of never thought about them again until like. Tonight.

I feel a little bad for them. They were trying to approach me and possibly connect with me while I was in a very, very volatile and anxiety-driven state. Their actions were still creepy as hell, though. So I don't feel TOO bad.

I'm mostly just mad at the people who I thought were my friends, at the time. And baffled that I had to go through any of that at all.