Modern Au Shenanigans

Deidara

• Deidara LOVES spicy food and paprika. Much to Sasori’s horror, he always tries to add “a little extra flavor” to almost every meal.

• He has an absurd spice tolerance. One time, he accepted a challenge from his followers to eat an instant ramen infamous for being painfully spicy. According to the blond: “It's kinda spicy... but good, hm.”

• Deidara rarely wakes up early enough for breakfast, but when he does, it’s usually bread, cheese, and ketchup (yes, ketchup) alongside lukewarm coffee or an energy drink.

• He has a terrifying ability to mix random foods together and somehow enjoy it. (Pizza with sweet chili sauce, instant noodles with grated cheese, etc.)

• Given the chance, he’ll always pick fast food for dinner. Especially greasy fast food.

• He often brings food into his studio. Once, he accidentally mistook a piece of clay for cake.

Sasori

• Sasori tries to keep a more balanced diet and, much like his aesthetic tastes, believes food should be visually pleasing and harmoniously flavored. (Deep fried food is absolutely out of the question.)

• Secretly, Sasori is a complete coffee addict. He drinks at least four cups a day. (Much to Deidara’s concern for the redhead’s heart.)

• He insists on using the herbs and spices he grows himself.

• He prefers pita bread over regular bread.

• Secretly, he enjoys cooking for someone else (especially Deidara), and enjoys it even more when his food gets praised.

Both

• Sasori tries to cook proper meals, but whenever Deidara decides to “help,” even the ceiling somehow ends up looking artistic.

• Sasori prefers taking Deidara out for sushi, while Deidara would rather go to a pizza place or some greasy fast food restaurant.

• Deidara cuts ingredients unevenly and crookedly. Sasori has learned to ignore it.

But in that house, peace never lasted long.

—Sasorii!! I did it! I saved enough, hm!—Deidara burst in, holding a glass jar filled with bills and coins.

—And what do you intend to buy?—Sasori took another sip of his coffee.

—I’m not buying anything, hm… I’m getting three tattoos!

Sasori didn’t reply right away. He simply turned his gaze to the blond, waiting to hear what kind of tattoos he had in mind.

—A mouth on my left nipple… and one on each palm!

—Deidara…

—Hey! I don’t wanna hear any of your lec—

—I’m not going to forbid you from anything. It’s your body. But I hope you understand… First: palm tattoos don’t last very long and require a lot of care. Second: nipple tattoos hurt. A lot.

—You’ve never gotten one! How would you know?!

—It’s a sensitive area… and I know you. You don’t handle pain very well.

—I do too! Hm!

—Do you really want me to remind you?

Sasori was diagnosed with a heart murmur when he was younger.

He keeps it monitored, with regular medical checkups. Even so, he can’t give up his coffee.

When Deidara found out about his boyfriend’s condition… the blonde went full paranoid. He wouldn’t let Sasori go anywhere near the coffee maker and started googling everything about it.

It was a slow afternoon… in a good way. Sasori was sitting on the couch with Deidara resting his head on his lap. The redhead’s fingers lazily played with the blond strands, an almost automatic gesture.

Deidara was nearly asleep, enjoying the slow affection from his boyfriend… Suna… the feline little princess was curled up comfortably on top of Deidara’s stomach.

There was nothing important on TV, just the daily news with a few stories neither of the artists paid much attention to…

Until… a headline came up.

“A group of vandals was arrested this afternoon after causing damage to a public square. Statues at the location were vandalized…”

Sasori lifted his gaze, his fingers pausing for a moment. Deidara didn’t pay much attention… until the reporter added, as the story went on:

“There are indications that the group may be connected to a content creator known as Deidara Katsuragi.”

Sasori looked at the blond, his expression neutral—but it was that judging kind of neutral.

“I have nothing to do with that! Hm!” “Tell that to the reporters…” “Sasori! I don’t have anything with any group, hm! I just post my art videos!” “I already warned you about your speeches…”

Dinner

— Hey… Saso, hm. — What is it now? — Sasori didn’t even look up from his laptop. — Did you ever have… any pets when you were little? — My parents worked and didn’t have time. And my grandmother was always very vocal about animals… So no. I didn’t. — But like… nothing at all? Not even something you brought home?

A moment of silence settled between them…

— Well… there was something… — Sasori seemed lost in a distant memory. — Oh! A little bird? A bug or— — An emperor scorpion.

Another moment of silence.