MODERN AGE MADNESS

Generation Y,

Because of the Internet, the word tumbler looks like a typo.

What time is it? Look at your phone. Your phone??

Two men go to a river, and I restate it again and again.

Having an idea for a novel is not a novel idea. And yet it is.

Exactly when did “cup of coffee” become a unit of measurement? I was not taught this in school. Maybe it is only taught to advertisers.

I saved no daylight at all. All I did was stay up an hour later Saturday night.

Who began this spelling of “go” as “geaux”? It, too, must end. If you ever feel the urge, just say to yourself:

This ending of every controversy name with the suffix -gate must stop. Please.

The amount of lumber a whistle-pig might throw, had it the ability to do so, is of no consequence to me.

I do not know what “MORCHIKIN” is… but there are these cows… beckoning me to eat it.

How would the quality of this food in any way incite me to violence against my mother?

Browsing through the “healthier food” section of Kroger, I saw at the end of the last aisle, a broad assortment of snack cakes (Little Debbie-type stuff).

Depression medication lists “increase of suicidal thoughts” as a possible side effect. But that’s why I take it.