There is a saying that states that a person is known by the company they keep. While this may remain true, it may only truly begin to do so once one understands the reality of having themselves known by their own selves – a truth I have only recently started to realize.
We have always heard contrasting views regarding acceptance, with being told, on one hand, to simply accept ourselves as we are, and on the other to be with those who help us to truly see ourselves as we are, thereby helping us accept our own selves. Come to think of it, though, shouldn’t these two contradictory views be taken into consideration with regards to one another in as complementary a fashion as possible?
Acceptance of myself has never come easily to me. In fact, it has only been a little over a year since I have come to accept myself as I am, and lesser time still since the concept of ‘self-love’ has made itself known to me. Once the two as a part of my own self came to be realized by me, it was a feeling I could only describe as truly liberating.
Rather recently, I have come to realize a lust for life, one which has me curious for all that this one limited human life that we have each been given offers; I have found myself yearning to live it to the fullest, in various forms, from varying aspects.
For quite some time, I had attributed this to the nature and quality of company I have been keeping from the past five months or so, even going as far as to consider a single person being the sole reason behind my, dare I say it, Contented Happiness.
While a will and desire to be truly alive may be attributed in part to the nature and quality of relationships forged, it only works complementarily with the nature and quality of understanding formed with oneself. Perhaps, I do not make much sense at the moment, but to me, it seems to be the most obvious phenomenon to exist.
As an individual, the last few years of my life can be said to have been a ‘dark place’; one where I, myself was confused as to who I was and wanted to be. I could not understand my own thoughts, let alone accept them. I found myself in search of people who could and would do it for me – perhaps show me that I could be loved by loving me, in turn teaching me how to love myself. Only now do I realize how absolutely ridiculous the idea seems.
Somehow, things happen in the strangest of ways, and it is not possible to stand by somebody whom you do not even know – because a person who does not know themselves cannot possibly be known by another.
A person is defined by the company they keep. Indeed, it is so; that does not necessitate that the statement be understood in the exact way in which it is said. That is to say, the relationship in definition is not limited to the way in which the company one keeps influences them, but rather in itself implies that the company one keeps is defined by the person, their acceptance of their own self, and the degree of love which they feel for themselves, whether conscious or not. It is only then up to the kept company to define the individual and help them to soar – relationships are not forged in order to help one stand, but rather to walk, and eventually fly.
Someone recently asked me how it is so that I have so suddenly begun to look forward to life and all that it has to offer, and I answered her by attributing it solely to the existence of single, special someone. I could not deny it, as that is a part of the reason.
The company you keep cannot define who you are until and unless you are first able to accept and define who you yourself are; they help to further it and enable it, by knowing you and accepting you – it creates quite a lovely cycle, does it not?
It has barely been five months, and I am still quite overwhelmed by everything.
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