𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐧𝐨𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭: 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭.
I know, I knoooow… I have not been online as often as I’d like to and I apologise in advance — I have been busy taking care of personal stuff… (losing my mind but I’m ok now. Lol.)
I think I finally understood something I’ve been trying to understand for a very, very long time…
🍥 For the past few months, I’ve been doing a lot of retrospective work. Looking back at old versions of myself, old beliefs, old fears… really being honest about why I did certain things and where they were actually coming from.
And before I knew it, I was standing at the edge of a cliff…
𐙚 ̊⟡˖ ࣪. Because I couldn’t keep living my life knowing I hadn’t been completely honest with myself.
You know how sometimes you realize that your self-concept has to change if you want to get what you want? Or if you want to become the person who naturally lives the life you keep imagining?
Sometimes we have to push ourselves toward that change.
𐙚 ̊⟡˖ ࣪. Time and circumstances were doing all the work for me, and I was pretending I was blind to it.
Until eventually… I couldn’t pretend anymore.
🍥 I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO EMBRACE THE CHANGE that had been happening underneath everything all along.
𐙚 ̊⟡˖ ࣪ …And the funny thing is, I’m NOT afraid of change.
I’ve changed my self-concept probably ten times in the past five years.
I reinvent myself constantly. I grow. I shed old versions. I become someone new and then somehow become someone new again.
What I was afraid of was the weight of it.
𐙚 ̊⟡˖ ࣪. Because last year, I spent so much time persisting in the belief that I was afraid of getting my manifestations.
Yeah… you heard that right.
I was afraid of the outcome.
🌀 And underneath that fear was something I wasn’t ready to admit yet:
I didn’t fully feel worthy of receiving what I wanted.
And I was afraid of what would happen to me once I had it.
How I would be perceived.
How people might look at me differently.
What it would mean for me to actually have the things I had spent so long asking for.
I couldn’t even fully put those fears into words at the time.
🌀 So instead, I kept doing what I knew how to do.
I needed to keep checking, keep confirming, keep reassuring myself that I still wanted my desires desperately enough.
Because desperation had become evidence of me wanting my desires.
𐙚 ̊⟡˖ ࣪. If I wanted it badly enough, surely that meant I was still aligned with it.
But… needing comes with lack.
AND FEAR, when you keep feeding it, eventually becomes neglect of the self.
•You stop listening to yourself.
•You stop trusting yourself.
•You start looking outside of yourself for permission to feel safe.
𐙚 ̊⟡˖ ࣪. And somewhere in the middle of all that retrospective work, something finally clicked…
—I didn’t actually need to keep proving that I wanted my manifestation.
—I didn’t need to keep myself anxious just so I could reassure myself.
— I didn’t need to keep checking the 3D just to make sure the desire was still alive.
I just don’t need proof anymore 🤷🏻♀️
🍥 And weirdly enough, trying to make myself need proof again feels almost unnatural now.
Because I can feel the difference.
There was a version of me who needed to check.
Who needed signs, updates, little confirmations — something in the 3D that would let her breathe for five minutes.
And I don’t judge her for that!
I can’t judge myself for it cause I was still in survival mode.
I was trying to feel safe.
But the last month has felt like that version of me finally, completely… died.
—Not in a sad way… In the way old identities die when you finally stop needing them.
🌀 Because I catch myself thinking:
– “wait… that isn’t me anymore.”
I still know what I want.
BUT I don’t feel that frantic little pull to go looking for evidence anymore.
𐙚 ̊⟡˖ ࣪. And trying to force myself back into that uncertainty just because I’m afraid that not being anxious means I’m “letting go” feels so strange.
• It would almost be like deliberately recreating resistance just to prove that I still care.
And I don’t want to do that anymore.
🌀 Because maybe letting go was never:
– “I don’t want it anymore.”
– “I don’t need to keep checking whether it’s coming.”
𐙚 ̊⟡˖ ࣪. I think I finally realized that I don’t have to keep visiting the old version of myself just to make sure she still exists.
The obsessive girl. The uncertain girl. The girl who needed to know when, how, what does this mean, is this a sign?
But she isn’t the only version of me anymore🌷
🌀 And when I catch myself thinking,
– “that’s not me now. I’m calm. Therefore, I have nothing to worry about.”
…something in me just goes quiet.
Not empty quiet… but free quiet :)
The kind where you suddenly realize you have an entire life happening around you.
You can romanticize your morning.
Put on the pretty outfit.
Read something that makes your heart flutter.
Being creative and adventurous.
✨And you guys don’t know how good it feels that I no longer turn around to see if the 3D is following me yet.
Maybe that’s the freedom I’ve been looking for this whole time.
Not freedom from the desire.
Freedom from needing to monitor it and not motoring myself throughout.
🍥Before this I used to be trapped in a cycle in which I thought that if I FORCED myself and embraced my highest potential therefore I’d feel validated… but I couldn’t hold that self concept yet cause I was still trapped in the disbelief. It felt like knowing I could run and being afraid to bend my knees and stand up.
🧸 I just don’t need proof anymore.
🌷 And somehow, that feels so much softer than trying to convince myself I don’t care.
— Maybe my manifestation journey got quiet bc I finally got quiet, too.
And honestly? I think I like it here now 🤍
Once again, my self awareness saved my ass. But don’t believe this was easy… this past month has been the worst out of the worst… and I’ve known worse. Lol.
•This was me the past month genuinely cause I couldn’t understand what the heck was happening 😭
Motivational Note for all my angels out there 🤍🫶🏻✨
When you hit rock bottom you got to remember you have yourself. Even when it gets fucking hard, YOU have yourself and you are capable and strong and resilient and you can get through this and more. Life is challenging and it’s filled with uncertainties don’t let it control you and don’t let it make you miserable!
You don’t have to keep checking the door when you already know where you’re going. Don’t let doubt control you.
You know you want this so, FOCUS.
Redirect your focus and affirm positive affirmations to regulate your nervous system. Meditate, go out, meet your friends… do what makes you feel safe—Let yourself BLOOM again.
I hope this was of help and thank you all for all the feedback despite me not being online that often anymore. I appreciate you all very much. I help you and thanks to you I help myself as well. Love you 🪽💕🫶🏻✨
