Tragedy in the Subs: Search Called Off for Missing 1L
Smith Law Library, Ann Arbor, MI â It's a sad day for the Michigan Law community, as the search for missing 1L Dennis Kenny has been officially called off following a three-day long sweep of the Law Libraryâs law student-only underground levels, aka âThe Subs.â
"We regret to announce we have stopped searching for Dennis Kenny," announced Michigan Law librarian Debra Frye. "And though our large collection of academic materials, resources, and Law Library support staff provide ample sustenance for the mind, they do not provide actual food, so he is obviously dead."
The search for Kenny, of San Luis Obispo, CA, started shortly after his Thursday morning Civil Procedure final, when he did not appear at his sections post-finals celebration. Students report that this was the first red flag, followed shortly by a series of troubling LawOpen e-mailsâfirst taken in jestâabout lacking motivation and "feeling lost."
"Our records indicate that he swiped into the main entrance at approximately 12:37 PM and promptly checked out the Chirelstein on Contracts supplement," Frye continued. "We began to get worried when no one saw or heard from Kenny again for eight hours."
"But thanks to our swift, diligent action, tragedy was avoided," Frye concluded. "We were able to recover the supplement."
Search crews were able to recover the bodies of a number of other students who had previously gone missing in the stacks and subs, three among MJIL archives alone. But after over 72 hoursâjust prior to the Law Library calling off the searchâand a full sweep of sections KF through KL of Sub 2, teams had still not found Kenny.
Peers and friends of Dennis, meanwhile, were quick to jump into action, shooting off many "WTF: Dennis Kenny" Lawopen e-mails and replying with "+'s" ranging from "+1" to an unprecedented "+1000000000."
"The first 48 hours are the most important when searching for a missing person," Corinna Holmquist, an individual police have identified as Kenny's nearest friend and person most likely to know his whereabouts, told Ipse Dixit. "Unfortunately, I had to study for Con Law, so you know, I haven't gotten around to actually looking just yet."
"You saw my LawOpen e-mail, though, right?"
At press time, Kenny was reportedly still hard at work studying UCC 2-207 in the Sub 3 Computer Lab, which everyone had forgotten existed.
A vigil is scheduled for tomorrow at 12 PM in S221 (near the Circulation Desk), according to the Law Library's website. Everyone in the law school community is welcome to attend. A non-pizza lunch will be served.
Support Ipse Dixit: like us on Facebook and Instagram.