Principles of Awareness

This Is Water - Full version-David Foster Wallace Commencement Speech

Every person is the focus of a Grand Project: reflecting a trajectory through the universe of human existence. Our experience and ability to reflect is the best, most intricate instrument, the most grandiose and subtle mirror that we are ever going to get. Let us hone it, train it, learn to get the contrasts right, focus on the details, seek out structure and composition, and let us show to each other what we find.

Wishing you a wonderful new year,

Since I took up more regular meditation, I found it easier to launch into lucid dreams during the wake-up phase in the mornings.

I find a strong parallel between my practices of meditation with the Exercising Leadership class that I've been taking with Professor Ron Heifetz at HKS for the past 3 months.  We have been discussing great leaders, who display the characteristics of compassion and curiosity.  Great leaders learn from continuously collecting data points to help them get a sense of reality in order to adapt to what's necessary in the present and for the future.  The process of adaptation is painful.  Change means conscious choices on what to keep and what to discard. These choices are not  easy.  

Reading the book by Shunryu Suzuki, the first thing I noticed was that the characters for beginner's mind (初心) literally translates to beginner's heart, where 心 = heart.

Google translate says 心 is both mind and heart, but in my native understanding of Chinese, I feel 心 as more heart than mind. When discussing this with my father, he pointed out that many Chinese (= Kanji) words about thinking invoke the heart, reflecting a conception of thinking that acknowledges the role of feeling, in contrast to the Western view that places thinking and feeling in opposition.

The character for "to think" is 想. The top 相 means picture (photo is 相片). The bottom is heart. "Thought" is 思想. Note the heart at the base of both characters.

Now, there is another phrase for "to think"： 动脑筋. It literally means "move the brain". This sort of thinking is more used in the sense of solving a difficult math problem, implying more more logic. This thinking also feels more instantaneous, in contrast to 思考, which means a slower, more reflective thinking (literally, testing out thought). 

How does mindful meditation help in times of pain and distress? And how do you apply mindfulness to situations involving physical pain. This week my practice focused on these questions.

 An integral part of colitis therapy is to avoid stress. From my personal experience, it’s quite difficult to avoid stress in case when thing that is causing stress is tangible like pain.

 I decided to extend meditation (zikr) sessions in my awareness regimen. These sessions usually lasted fifteen to twenty minutes, and I practiced these thrice a day after salat ritual. My goal was to interrupt my pain consciousness by focusing on recitation and my breath. When the mind wandered off, I became aware of it through the instruments of my breath and recital. I found that meditation was really not about presence or attention but more about awareness and choice. Every time my mind focused on my pain, I tried observing it without judgment, and associated with it the fact that it is really a symptom, a departure from my normal body function. The act of observing pain without judgment usually led to awareness of other things in my field of consciousness—namely the breath and the recital. The interruption of pain consciousness persisted even after the meditation, as I was able to exercise aware choices in my day-to-day routine. By doing it three times a day, I was able to form positive associations with objects in my field of consciousness – other than pain. These associations not only interrupted my constant focus on pain, they also led to experiencing the pain more skillfully in a more “disinterested” manner.

 How does awareness and meditation translate to disease prevention and disease management efficacy? I can only answer this question based on personal anecdotal evidence. A more aware state helps me cope with negative states of mind like fear, anxiety and distress. I was able to cope with these states more effectively this week.

 I have realized that meditation is linked with larger goal of wellness through a more holistic way of living. In my case, for instance, newer therapies for colitis involve using high-risk drugs that bind to tumor necrosis factor-alpha (TNFα) but that provides symptomatic relief only. By including meditation in therapeutic programs, I think one can target causal issues—such as stress— more effectively.

 #mlmeditation 

This week I practiced three different prayer/meditation (salat ritual and zikr) sessions daily: one in the morning, one in evening and one before going to bed. In addition, I did a daily longer intense meditation session as well that lasted 30 minutes.

The effects of short meditation sessions are more temporal, while the results of long meditation sessions are more long-lasting and durable. 

 I found that daily ritualistic practices are good for maintaining order and rhythm in day-to-day activities. The daily practices act as regulatory mechanisms that help me refocus my attention on the immediate and the present. For instance, I was able to do my work with very little distraction. In a way, it made my daily schedule more compartmentalized by getting rid of background thoughts.

On the other hand, the effect of longer meditation was a general clarity in awareness of things around me through a refinement of senses. My interpretation of events and objects was characterized by a peeling away of unessential language and psychological conditioning.

#mlmeditation 

Lately, I've been dwelling on 2 ideas: first, the thought of traveling and how this affects overall sense of change and sameness. This week, I've been meditating in a different location than usual, and I find both strange and exciting to be there. Secondly, I've been thinking about what is like to live and think vicariously through others, perhaps as a process of building empathy. I think that animals, for instance, are interesting avatars for us to imagine living as and through. Yesterday I went to a kitty cafe!

I've noticed a couple of things that greatly affect how I feel after a session:

1.) Sleep: This is by far the most significant outcome of my exploration in mediation so far. I've realized that so many things are noticeably, negatively impacted when I don't get enough sleep. Since I prefer to meditate in the morning, it's one of the first litmus tests to gauge how rested I am: when I'm tired, I have a really hard time focusing, and just sitting on my wooden chair where I practice meditating feels painful at all points of contact. I also usually have a sense of anxiety when meditating while not well-rested-- it's a restful experience, but less relaxing than I know these sessions can be on adequate sleep. Some days, I even sleep a full 8 hours, and I still feel like I needed more rest-- my morning session is usually when I determine this, and I try to scale back my day accordingly. 2.) Another dimension that I've found has greatly affected by practice is privacy. I live with a roommate, and we almost always have guests staying with us (I basically live in a hostel: I've renamed my home internet connection "GUEST WIFI"). Because of this, it's hard to find alone time, especially in the morning. This can sometime trip up my routine of practice. On the other hand, in those rare moments of stillness in my house, I have the best 20 minutes of my day sitting quietly at my window in the early morning. I've found that I really need quiet aloneness to focus most successfully. It's analogous to the environmental needs I have for studying or doing creative work also. That said, there is something to be said for privacy in anonymity. Two weeks ago, I sat on the grass in Boston Common and mediated for 20 minutes. Though this was in public, I felt some sense of privacy just from being unknown.