magnifique.

“You’re not really going to leave wearing that, are you?” Minhee should have known better than to think she’d be able to leave the house without hearing some sort of commentary from her sister. Miyeon’s bits of upbeat nature that used to be common for her were fleeting, but the moment was there for her now and she didn’t want to waste it lying around in bed all day. Granted, that sense of productivity had mostly fizzled out by the time she neatened herself up and made it to the living room, but as Minhee would probably point out, she was still trying. “Where are you going, anyway? Do you plan on joining a monastery, by any chance?”

i. regarding my availability, all over the place replies, “ignoring” people.

i am a baker at a bakery. therefore, i have to wake up for work at 2 am- if you see me on the dash late at night, that’s why. i happened to have the time and muse for a reply. i go to work at 4 am, and i can come home anywhere from noon to 6pm depending on the season and how busy we are. i work from tuesday-friday. on friday, i work two shifts, with the second one ending on saturday morning. i pull anywhere from 40-60 hours a WEEK, depending on the season and how busy we are. because of my erratic hours, i have developed a sleep disorder, which in turn has led to memory loss problems. i’ve always had memory problems as a child, but it’s definitely worsened since.

the head baker is permanently injured, so now i’m the head baker and the only baker. i am doing two people’s jobs. i am pulling extra hours and extra shifts to make up for the lack of staff. it’s why i’m on a semi-hiatus, which i actually need to extend, because i have no idea when things will pick back up and get busy again. i have no idea when we’ll get another baker.

if you know me at all, you’ll know that this sleep disorder and memory loss affects me all the time. if you’re ever in a chat with me, it’s very likely that you’ll get the “sorry, i fell asleep” message at any. hour. of. the day. i have fallen asleep standing upright before. i can fall asleep in the middle of typing this. i’ve done this before. you might also have many conversations where you’ve told me something, and i completely don’t remember it. you might also have many conversations where i’m freaking out to you, because i don’t know if something actually happened and i just don’t remember it, or if it was a dream. again, you can ask anyone about it and they’ll tell you.

so basically, the fact that i’m a head admin with 4 characters is pretty damn amazing. so if i don’t get to your message in a while, there’s a few answers to this:

1. i’m at work. 2. i’m asleep. 3. i’m literally too exhausted, either physically or mentally, to reply. 4. i read it, formulated a response in my head, got distracted and never typed it. we all do it with text messages, don’t deny it. 5. worst case scenario, one of those situations where i cannot tell if i did it and forgot or if i just dreamed that i did it yet never did.

if this happens, you ALWAYS can just message me again. as long as you’re not rude about it, i promise you’re not bugging me. i’m well aware that my memory is shit, and i appreciate any reminders that i’m able to get.

i’m not ashamed of any of this. it’s just not anyone’s business.

ii. regarding my alias change.

yes, i was admin khi last run around. i never denied this or hid this? especially considering i’m playing the same characters? if someone wants to go by a new alias that’s entirely their business and no one else’s. i go by liz now because googling my first name brings up personal information about me and photos of me. like, i’m sorry that i don’t want some tumblr hooligan to get mad and show up on my doorstep ready to throw down because i don’t ship what they ship. or idk, people get pretty wild these days over silly shit. it is that easy these days to find EVERY BIT of information about someone if you have the right pieces to start with, a full name, whatever state they may live in, a relative’s name-- and since i’m literally the only person in the world with my name, that’s all you need. so yes, i go by liz online now. those that have known me for long before that can still call me by my birth name, because i trust them to not sell out my private information for bitcoins or whatever it is the tumblr kids do these days.

no one’s business, but there you go. don’t treat changing an alias like a crime, if i decide i want to go by princess next week you just gotta call me princess like liz never happened.

iii. regarding the elephant in the room.

at the end of the day, i am member of this group as well, and i will not take being disrespected and talked down upon with no reason. just because i’m an admin doesn’t mean that i have to put up with things that we would take action on for other members. admins are members of their group just like you are, and that’s something that i think a lot of people need to realize. yes, there are horrible admins out there that will take advantage of their position and use it to control things how they like, but that’s a small percentage and the rest of us admins still have feelings.

i welcomed bea upon acceptance and offered to plot, because yes, i do want to plot with new members. eventually i direct her to my plots page and let her know that if she wants to make any tweaks to my plots to make them fit better, then i’m willing to listen. now, if you’re not one for forced plots, why look at someone’s plots page? isn’t that a bit of a waste of time, if you prefer to brainstorm? it doesn’t make sense to take a plot about toxic exes and ‘tweak’ it into something about druggies expelled from school and blackmail. i said that, because i didn’t understand the point of going through all that when we could’ve just brainstormed from the start and proposed that idea in the first place. it would’ve saved us an extra step and i’m a sucker for time efficiency. y’know, baker and all. (screenshots provided: one - ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen)

this all came off as passive aggressive to me. i was not ‘personally attacked’, i just didn’t understand the logic behind mentioning a plot only to say that it doesn’t work and you want to do something completely opposite. just mention what you want to do to begin with? it would be absolutely ridiculous of me to ask someone to change their character that they worked hard on just so they can fit my plot. if none of the plots on my page fit, it’s not the end of the world, i’m always open to doing something else. and no, i did not feel that my plots were inferior-- i’m obviously confident in my plots since i have them posted. don’t appreciate words being put in my mouth to make me look oversensitive/irrational when i just wasn’t understanding her logic. so she apologized, and proposed another plot. (screenshots provided: fourteen, fifteen, sixteen)

as i mentioned before, i work a double on friday night. she sent her message at 6 pm, a good thirty minutes into my second shift. i didn’t get off work until 4am the next day. i was awake for well over 24 hours. i was in no way, shape or form coherent. this is the part where i start to mix hyperrealistic dreams (because i’m THAT boring of a person) into reality. i stayed up for a bit until 6am, so anywhere in between that i could’ve actually replied to her message. turns out i didn’t. this happens sometimes, and a quick “hey, have you gotten the chance to read over it?” would have sufficed and proven me wrong. i carried on doing threads for the events, because sometimes it’s easier to mindlessly do replies than to try and think up a plot. sometimes people reserve specific days to answering ims. sometimes people just aren’t in the mood to answer their ims. sometimes people click on the im to answer at another time and forget to. i literally just had someone im me back a week later, despite being on the dash and doing replies. people have lives outside of their rp accounts. you cannot hold them to reply to your im instantly. also, i have three other character accounts that i was on over the duration of the weekend. miyeon’s account was on the backburner, since i was more on sage’s account. and i’d also like to note that over the weekend, i think i slept a total of about 6 hours through saturday-monday.

next came the thread. now i’d like to make clear that i have no issues with doing negative threads. for christ’s sake, i play yenni, and i drag miyeon on about half my characters on a near daily basis. it makes sense for a rich asshole to talk down to her, since she was demoted from royalty, but it’s obvious that’s not what jihun was doing. the thread wasn’t making much sense, i was tired of doing it since i did not want any negative threads for her during this trip, and jihun said his last words and was walking away so i ended the thread. logically. i dunno about you, but none of my characters are about to tell someone to stick around and fire off insults while they don’t even say anything back. negative threads are all cool if it’ll lead to some sort of character/relationship development, and that wasn’t what this was.

and then the gossip blog anons. i’m not sure why this has to be emphasized, but the opinions on the gossip blog does not match the opinions of who runs it. the gossip blog doesn’t like anybody. that’s the point. if  being blasted on the gossip blog is that discouraging to you, then please, you can definitely message the blog about not being mentioned on it! it’s not a requirement, it’s just a chance to bring some attention to your character. for example, yes, the gossip blog rags on minchan a lot. i have no issue with minchan, or minchan’s mun-- actually, i’m so glad that adri is one of the few people to actually do something with the rumors that have been posted. that’s the whole point of them! take the negative words and use it to do something new with your character.

yes, the gossip blog answered an anon about jihun negatively. the gossip blog answered about miyeon negatively too, so. again, that’s what the gossip blog does. bea then reblogs the post in character, making a comment about miyeon putting an  ‘.end’ to the conversation-- hm, like i tagged my final post with ‘.end’? ( screenshots provided: seventeen and eighteen) it doesn’t really matter whether she/jihun sent the anon or not, the gossip blog is antagonistic. broken record, that’s the point. at this point, most admins would have kicked a member out for doing this since it’s an obvious ooc jab. we did not, because i wanted to give her the chance to resolve things and give an explanation. i planned on messaging her the next day after i got off work, but she beat me to it and messaged me later that night. (screenshots provided: nineteen - twenty eight. bottom portion cut off from twenty eight says “For the sake of forgiving and forgetting, let’s start fresh tomorrow! Have a good night! :)”. this will be shown in the next set of screenshots.)

at this point, i thought we were alright. we both explained our sides and it seemed like we’d come to an agreement of sorts about what happened. i went to bed for work and allowed myself some time to think about it before replying once i got home. how i see it is, i disagree with her and she makes me feel bad about it, whether she intended to or not. intention doesn’t change what happened. just because you didn’t intend to step on someone’s foot doesn’t change the fact that it happened and should probably apologize. i also see that if i take too long to reply to her, she’ll put ooc frustrations into a post that’s supposed to be ic. i don’t want to be on eggshells over roleplay. so i expressed this to her, hoping for that to be the conclusion to this. we would stay our separate ways in the group, my characters wouldn’t have threads with her, and that would be that. (screenshots provided: twenty nine as a continuation of twenty eight, thirty. it’s two screenshots spliced together after the fact, so “with something that i” isn’t entirely visible.)

like i said, if she’d just said okay, or even said nothing at all, this would be done with and she would still be in the group. it’s what she said in response that has led to alex and kat deciding the best option was to remove her from the group, and it is, conveniently, the screenshot that she decided to leave out. (screenshots provided: thirty one and thirty two)

at this point i disengaged, because i haven’t had time in my life for shenanigans since 1995 and i don’t plan on changing that anytime soon. this message reeked of passive aggressiveness, or just straight up aggression. It is not ‘besides the point’ what i have-- what i have is something that i did not have to disclose to her, but i did because it was the honest answer to her concern. she turned around and shoved it in my face. i never said that i didn’t acknowledge her apology. i acknowledged that we had reached an understanding, or at least i thought that we had. just because you apologize, doesn’t mean that someone has to forgive you, or that the situation never happened. you still stepped on that person’s foot and their foot still hurts. if they don’t want you to walk by them now, then so be it. don’t make it out like it’s their fault for having big feet when they can’t control that. 

everything from our previous conversation did come across, and i reached the conclusion that i still wasn’t comfortable, which is totally within my right. if i happen to take a thread on yenni too far and someone doesn’t want to interact with her anymore, then that’s what it is, and if they let me know i won’t reply to them with yenni anymore. sunnie can be triggering to those that are uncomfortable with mentions of eating disorders. if someone doesn’t want a thread with her, all they have to do is let me know and i’ll never reply with her. miyeon can be triggering to sexual assault survivors, though i try my hardest not to have that mentioned due to its sensitivity. if someone isn’t comfortable with a thread with her, then so be it, i won’t reply with her. if someone doesn’t feel comfortable with rping with me because they think i’m a jackass, then that’s what it is. they can say that, and i won’t reply to them, ever. i don’t want someone to purposefully make me uncomfortable so i won’t do it to them. golden rule we’ve learned in kindergarten. and i shouldn’t even have to mention how hoping that someone with a disorder/disability/what have you will “get better someday” has negative connotations. some things cannot be fixed. some things cannot get better. someone can only learn to live with it the best that they can. and adding a smiley face? only adds to the previous passive aggressiveness. 

i could already see that this conversation would only go downhill from there, so as a member, and as we would like our members to do in similar circumstances, i went to the admins regarding the issue. as the rules say, if you are unable to handle your matters peacefully, then go to the admins about it. admins alex and kat decided for themselves what to do. i had nothing to do with any of it, because my personal bias in it requires me to step down from the situation as an admin. i was asleep for the whole ordeal and only became aware of it, and bea’s post, when i woke up for work. obviously i didn’t have the time before work to write this novel, so i’m doing it now.

if bea felt that she’d been wronged, she didn’t prove her side that well by bringing something private to the attention of members of the group by posting and tagging them in it, and of complete strangers by posting it in the krp tag. she disrespected a member of the group, not just an admin, more than once, and for that she was removed from the rp. i never once spoke to her disrespectfully, so there was no reason to do that in return. i don’t want people to feel that they cannot disagree with me or any of the other admins, since that’s certainly not the case, but if you turn someone’s mental disorders or disabilities onto them in a negative fashion, we’ll strike down with the wrath of every god and have you removed from the rp before you can even blink.

The only people walking around at this hour were drunks and people too exhausted to give Miyeon half a glance. As odd as it sounded, it worked perfectly for her, since who would really believe someone’s drunk rambling about seeing a dog on a ski resort? For the past few nights it worked just fine for her, going in and out of the cold in less than thirty minutes without a word from anyone that passed by. But, just like with the common trend in her life, all good things came to an end, this time  as the sound of footsteps came closer in her direction, looking her way. Visibly startled, she stood upright, cradling the dog in her arms as if that alone would be enough to hide the sight entirely. “You’re not going to tell anyone.” In her head, it sounded like a demand, but once the words left her mouth it sounded more like a plea.