mke69guy

Thanks for the note. i’m sorry to hear about your relationship troubles. i can certainly relate. Relationships are hard — particularly when the people in them grow to have different (and sometimes conflicting) sexual objectives and desires. i know this from experience, as i do, in fact, have a partner who i’ve been with for over a decade. He is not supportive of my sexual interests, and does not share them, which unfortunately has led to an unfaithful relationship. i’ve written about our conflicts extensively on this blog, so i invite you to browse through my archives on the subject if you think they would be helpful to you. As i’ve said many times before, it’s not something i’m especially proud of, but it’s a reality that i have come to terms with and accepted for many very complicated (and admittedly selfish) reasons.

First of all, let me say that you are lucky in at least one significant respect: Your relationship is open enough and trusting enough that your boyfriend felt able to share his desires with you. Even if you don’t share those desires, or find them hurtful, it’s extremely positive that he was able to come to you and communicate his fantasies to you. This is a sign of a very healthy relationship, and it bodes well for your future together. If you can continue to communicate, i think you can negotiate a future together in which you are both happy and satisfied. Communication is everything — and it’s what my own relationship fundamentally lacks. So, be grateful that you have that.

Now, for the bad news: If your boyfriend believes he is a faggot and has a desire to serve others, it’s my opinion that you will be unable to stop him. In my experience, a faggot’s need to serve is strong. Uncontrollable, even. You therefore have a choice to make. You can either: 1) Consent to his desires, in which case you have the opportunity to be a part of his exploration and establish rules that you are both comfortable with, 2) Withhold your consent, which may lead to him either being unfaithful and/or ending the relationship, 3) End the relationship yourself on the premise that you desire monogamy and he doesn’t, or 4) Embrace ignorance and go about your happy life together, knowing that he may be unfaithful but feeling blissful as long as you don’t have to know about it or hear about it. None of these options is probably ideal for you, but these are — as i see it — the only realistic choices available.

If i were in your shoes, i would probably go for the first choice. Doing so would allow you to maintain a relationship with someone you love and might also awaken new possibilities and desires for you, which you may have not previously considered. It could end up being a wonderful experience for both of you, if you do it together and establish mutually agreeable rules and guidelines by which to govern your open relationship. Plus, consenting to his desires entitles you to think about your desires and make some similar requests/demands. And in the end, if the new arrangement isn’t working for you, you still reserve the right to say, “You know what? I tried this and it doesn’t work for me. We either have to go back to monogamy, or our relationship can no longer sustain itself.”

Let me also say: Although i know you’re hurt by this, please know that your boyfriend is not trying to hurt you. This is not about you. It’s about him, and deeply rooted desires that he cannot control. His desire to have new experiences with new Men does not mean he doesn’t value, love or appreciate his experiences with you. i speak from experience: It’s very much possible to be in love with the life and the partner you already have while also wishing to open yourself to new ones.

That’s very big of you to try to understand your boyfriend. i’m sure it’s hard for you to comprehend something that is so foreign to you. So kudos to you for trying.

i didn’t really “decide” to be a faggot — i totally respect your feelings about that word, by the way; it’s not a word everyone likes, but i use it very deliberately as an act of reclamation (i find it empowering to reclaim a word that was intended to put me down). Rather, i’ve always been submissive. It’s innate in me. (You can read more about my sub journey here.) When i came across the Dom/sub community in general — and Alpha/fag porn, in particular — it just felt right. i’d always been a sub and a faggot, but when i found the kink community i finally had words for my identity.

As for your concerns about your boyfriend’s safety, i certainly understand. i don’t know what your boyfriend is or isn’t into, but what you describe is a very extreme form of BDSM. Just because your boyfriend is into Dom/sub play doesn’t mean he will be putting himself in a situation of that nature. Most of the porn — amateur and professional — depicting what you describe is fantasy. Not all of it, certainly, but a lot of it. For most subs, the typical scene involves some rough sex and a few miscellaneous kinks (watersports, for example, bondage, spanking, etc.). To find out what your boyfriend is and isn’t into would require discussion with him, but i doubt very much that he’s looking to be caged and abused for days on end. Most subs have limits and are very good about creating boundaries and minding their own safety.

Furthermore, i will say that the BDSM community in general suffers from poor stereotyping. In my experience, true, experienced Dom Tops are some of the nicest, most respectful people you’ll meet. Yes, they can be aggressive in the bedroom, but that’s just the sexual role they’re playing. The reality is that they care deeply about the well-being of their subs and take their responsibility as a Top very seriously. Are there nut jobs out there? Of course. Do subs like your boyfriend need to be careful? Absolutely. But it’s wrong to equate Dom/sub sex with violence and abuse. That’s just not an accurate portrayal of the dynamic and relationships that exist.

Owning a full-time slave boy is not a Dominant man’s fantasy. Being an owned slave is the submissive’s fantasy. It’s like owning a pet: I have no desire to be entirely responsible for another living being. You fantasize about living in my house and having me support you financially, since if you are a full-time slave you won’t be working outside the home. I would also be completely responsible for fulfilling your sexual fantasies of being used and controlled. That’s bullshit. That’s not what a man like me needs in his life. We need service from men who can improve our lives in meaningful ways through sexual submission or useful work and then get out of the way.

A good cocksucker does so much more than get a guy off.

A cocksucker does much more than just suck your dick and bring you to orgasm.

1. He also worships your manhood. A cocksucker understands the enormous privilege he has when you allow him to suck your cock.The more you give it to him the hungrier he gets and the better he will perform, devoting himself exclusively to your total pleasure.

2, A good cocksucker makes your dick the center of the world while he’s on his knees. That’s a big turn-on for most men.

3. You don’t have to feel guilty about using a cocksucker instead of having mutual sex with him. A cocksucker wants to be used, wants to make it all about you and your pleasure, your cock, your masculinity. He’s on his knees to serve you, his feeder. A cocksucker doesn’t expect or want reciprocation. He is happy to go after he has served you.

4. A cocksucker allows you to express your dominance, as the cocksucker necessarily submits to you and allows himself to be used. Most men love to be dominant, and you can’t get much more dominant over another man than by using him for sexual pleasure and sticking your dick in his mouth. Having your cock worshipped by another man, on his knees, and seeing the hunger and need in his eyes, amplifies your power and reinforces your dominance. Over time you become more superior.

5. A  cocksucker will allow your superiority to inform and guide his worship.In turn this will enable you to realise, if you didn’t already, that you can get a cocksucker to serve you any way you want and you don’t need to hold back.

6. Cocksuckers expect to be used this way. Its how they are and what they need to be fulfilled.

This is why men use cocksuckers. Or could if they wanted to.