⯠â even if weâre just energy â
mixseungwooâ:
wooseok still cries, and seungwoo canât help but pull him closer, into his chest, like he can protect him from somethingâ whatever plagues him now, if itâs pain, or something stable of itâs not. strange, seungwoo being the stable one, but maybe itâs about time wooseok cries. he has been so strong for him for so long; seungwoo has never once seen him cry. he understands why; everything about wooseok explains it, but he deserves this, so he doesnât judge him for it for a moment. seungwoo just stays there for the support.
seungwoo doesnât know what he expected, but itâs not a declaration of love in return, at least not now. part of seungwoo mightâve always known, maybe from that first day, in jokes of wooseok having a crush on him and wooseokâs rosy cheeks. a small part of him feared it was just himâ that he would tell him he loved him and wooseok would see him as nothing more than occasional entertainment, mostly a burden. but wooseok loves him, and he loves wooseok, so a smile blooms on his face until he beams. âyeah?â the grin stays on his face too long, or maybe, in situations like these, nothing is long enough. âyou should say that again, once you can properly talk,â he teases him. he does want to hear it again. he ways to say it a hundred times and hear it just as many.
he realizes then that he canât remember the last time he heard those words from the mouth of someone honest. there were a couple clients at the grotto convinced they were in love with him that told him as much, and it just left a pit in his stomach. wooseok is the only one he can believe; wooseok has seen everything, and yet heâs full of awe. it doesnât make sense, but instead of agonizing over it, this time, he accepts it, and treasures this love. he wants to meet wooseokâs love with his own. he hopes he can pay him back with it.
âitâs okay,â seungwoo reassures him with a hum, and he runs a hand through wooseokâs hair. âi donât cry either, but you saw me cry. now weâre square,â he laughs, as he always does, but heâs relieved when wooseok comes back to earth. he listens to him, and then nods. âi donât remember the last time someone told me they loved me either,â he confesses. âi realized it just now. does that make us perfect for each other?â itâs another jokeâ more laughter, and he canât wipe the smile off his face. eventually, it fades into something softer, warm, still glowing, and seungwoo feels it all in his chest in the best possible way.Â
âit is a long time,â he agrees, and he nods, understanding, but maybe a little sad. still, his soft smile returns. âiâll tell you i love you a lot to make up for it. iâll never really be able to make up for the years you went without hearing it, but itâll be a start.â he wants to. maybe the promise of telling wooseok he loves him every day will make the days easier to get throughâ something to look forward to, some rare positive energy he can put into the world to offset all of his dark that wooseok tries so hard to rid him of every day. seungwoo believes, maybe for the first time, that heâs succeeding.
âcan i kiss you?â he asks. he doesnât want to presume; the moment is already overwhelming enough. the last thing he wants to do is ruin it with something wooseok isnât ready for. after last time, he knows better than to make the same mistake twice.
when he laughs itâs still a little wet, still a few stray beads running down his cheeks. but he canât help it; seungwoo makes him smile. he always has; something about his sense of humor just clicks with wooseokâs. it feels good to be close, to be loved, and to have someone to give his love to. suddenly he has that, all of it, and itâs still a little overwhelming. in a good way, of course, but overwhelming nonetheless.
âi love you,â he says it again, as requested, in a hoarse voice, a little raw from the tears. heâs thought the words before, felt them in the deepest pits of his heart, but speaking them is a whole new experience. itâs euphoric, itâs liberating. the words feel like honey on his tongue, a little heavy but so incredibly sweet. the hand that runs through his hair feels like itâs electric, a little warm and sending pleasant tingles down his spine. wooseok embraces the physical closeness, snuggles his way in even closer, and closes his eyes. he needs to just breathe this in for a moment, remember this sort of peace and comfort forever.
he doesnât have a lot to say. not many words seem appropriate for what heâs feeling other than what heâs already said. itâs more comfortable to just listen, to laugh with seungwoo when he says theyâre even now, seeing each other cry. wooseok finds his hand to hold, squeeze a little tighter. he laughs again too, still a little damp, but the stray tears have slowed down considerably. he feels less like an overwhelmed puddle and more and more like a functional person again.
âthank you,â he half-whispers, as if not trusting his voice if he says the words any louder. thank you for loving me, thank you for letting me cry about this, thank you for telling me what you feel. thereâs a lot to be grateful to seungwoo for, a lot that wooseok still canât find the words to say. but thatâs okay, he doesnât have to get them all out right now. he can take his time, tell seungwoo he loves him a hundred more times, and get so used to hearing the same words that he wonât so much as flinch when he hears them. he feels like he still might smile every time though.
seungwoo doesnât even have to ask before wooseok is leaning in. he may not know exactly what heâs doing, but he trusts instinct to guide him. humans have been doing this for hundreds of years, and heâs done it with seungwoo before anyways even if heâs never been the instigator. he kisses him, grabbing his face suddenly, gently, and pauses there for just a moment before closing that slight gap. lips press against lips, a little tentatively in practice, but certain in their intent. in this moment, heâs never wanted something more.












