Writing my first fanfic

Seonghwa stans: Energetic angels

Also known as the ones who gave me way too many cards

How are Seonghwa stans like (in general) // The Star R

Seonghwa stans are gentle and pure beings. They are optimistic despite the circumstances in society or the hurt they've felt before, and believe in a better world yet to come. Their hopeful persona makes them shine out between their peers as having an almost healing-aura. They can be quite quirky and definitely love helping out people.

What do Seonghwa stans have in common? // VIII of Wands, Knight of Wands

Seonghwa stans are very determined and passionate people. They tend to get really fired up and excited over their likings and tasks, and put a lot of drive into whatever they do. Sometimes they can become quite hyperfocused, even. They might also have a tendency to make impulsive decisions and make it their mission to learn self control throughout their lives.

What about Seonghwa's personality attracts Seonghwa stans? // Death R, King of Pentacles R, III of Swords R

Seonghwa reminds his stans that every single new day is a new beginning. And that new day, can always be turned around to something positive, wether it is a productive day or a day of healing. I get the message that Seonghwa heals people's inner child, actually. His balance of being a responsible, productive adult and a pure hearted boy who loves his Lego and friends, it makes people feel reassured. You can be both, you don't need to kill off parts of yourself to be proper or successful. The inner child is scared they will always be stressed and tired - but Seonghwa reassures them it doesn't have to be that way, he takes them gently by the hand and allows them to play around and get excited again.

I'm not crying you're crying, wHat

Seonghwa stans might have very balanced natal charts in terms of the distribution of the 4 elements, but there is definitely clear mention of Aquarius, Scorpio, Aries, Sagittarius and Leo.

Yunho stans: The ones with tense shoulders

How are Yunho stans like (in general) // The high priestess R

Yunho stans may have a very developed intuition, and they're observant and wise. Their intelligence guides them well in life, and they might also be very introspective, knowing themselves well and being in touch or aware of their thoughts/feelings. That  makes them very grounded and self sufficient, their power comes from within and the connection they have with themselves. They might also have an interest towards mysteries, the occult or spirituality, perhaps they're psychics or witches.

What do Yunho stans have in common? // Knight of pentacles R

Yunho stans are diligent, cautious and responsible. They're the types to really think things through before saying/doing anything, weighting their options carefully so that they don't end up in risky or detrimental situations. However, sometimes when weighting options they discover none of them are actually satisfactory for them, so they often look for loopholes, therefore making them a bit rebellious too even if it looks like they always play by the rules. Also might be prone to procrastination, missing the initial push of going through with something because their minds are racing to find the perfect way to do something.

What about Yunho's personality attracts Yunho stans? // X of pentacles & king of pentacles

They admire Yunho's ability to look spontane and carefree. Perhaps he isn't fully like that on the inside, but on the outside Yunho looks to be such a loving, optimistic person who can be content with life. He gives off the vibe that everything and anything can be handled when the time arises and that there's always a way for things to be okay. That is very comforting to Yunho stans, who might struggle with going with the flow or letting things be out of their control.

Yunho stans might have prominent earth placements in their natal charts (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn).

I'm a Yunho stan and this is hella accurate for me

Yeosang stans: the truth seekers

What are Yeosang stans like (in general) // The Tower R

Yeosang stans are honest and straightforward with their expression. If they don't like something, they express it. Likely to be opinionated (in a good way) and go getters. They are driven and motivated, and even if they might not realize it, very tough and resilient. Even if they are afraid of facing failure, they still persue their goals and desires with genuinity.

What do Yeosang stans have in common? // Ace of Swords R

Yeosang stans might feel confused or anxious very often. They have many ideas, and like I mentioned previously they have a fear of failure and it's making them insecure about the best way to approach things. Both skeptical and curious, Yeosang stans question everything all the time - their own morals, beliefs, society's as well. Finding the answers to all these questions tends to overwhelm them and make them overthink, or stop them from even making a decision at all.

What about Yeosang's personality attracts Yeosang stans? //  IX of Cups

They love how he isn't afraid to voice out his dissatisfaction. Yeosang is known to be quite the truth spitting Queen, and Yeosang stans absolutely adore that. They love his humour and the way he knows his own worth. They probably find him very like-minded to themselves.

Yeosang stans might have prominent Scorpio, Gemini, Aquarius, Libra and Pisces in their natal chart.

San stans: the emotion swimmers

What are San stans like (in general) // IX of Cups R, X of Pentacles

San stans are very emotional beings by nature. They don't care much about material things and probably all the things they do is for the better of their family. (That could also be friends or lovers of course, people close enough to consider your family.) They probably also prefer the indoors and conferable spaces and people. They tend to have a pretty thick protective bubble around themselves and might not open up easily to people. Afraid to get hurt, they want to protect their emotional welfare at all costs.

What do San stans have in common? // The hanged Man

San stans are probably very anxious about the way they are seen by others, and/or have a bad vision of themselves. They've often felt out of place or different in their lives and that has made them very self judgemental or self-condescending.

What about San's personality attracts San stans? // Ace of Cups R

They love how San is an endless overflowing fountain of love. Wether he's offering love outward to his family, friends or fans, or he's offering love to himself through self-love, San is always so loving. He's so comfortable with the feeling and so unafraid of it, it baffles San stans. Love is San's biggest strength, and San stans often need some of that strength. There's a mutual exchange of love and strength and hearts beat a bit happier.

Wow I'm corny

San stans might have predominant water placements (Scorpio, Cancer, Pisces) in their natal charts.

Mingi stans: the badasses

What are Mingi stans like (in general) // Queen of Swords

Mingi stans are quite tough and resilient people. They are fighters, not afraid to get their hands dirty. Independent and self-reliant, they constantly search for more wisdom to help them out in life, too. In some cases, they can even be grumpy cats, but for the most part I would call them realists.

What do Mingi stans have in common? // Knight of Cups

Mingi stans chase after real feelings and real connections. Their feelings and thoughts run very deep and they can't stand being shallow about anything. Due to their intelligence and devotion, their dreams are never too far away. They follow their heart with grace and know how to make decisions that will lead them to live a fulfilling life. They're romantic and charming.

oMg sexy beasts hello

What about Mingi's personality attracts Mingi stans? // The Hanged Man R, IX of Pentacles R, Queen of Pentacles R

Mingi stans appreciate how different Mingi is. He's unique in their eyes, and they love listening to the views he has about the world. It feels eye opening to them. Mingi also just .. melts their hearts. Perhaps Mingi stans usually strive to be in control, tough and pokerface, but they can't do that when it comes to Mingi. Their hearts go badum and they get heart eyes. He warms them up on any cold day.  They want to protect him at all costs and shower him with affection. 

Mingi stans might have a pretty balanced natal chart of air, water and earth.

Wooyoung stans: the loving wild cats

How are Wooyoung stans like (in general) // Judgement

Wooyoung stans are open minded philosophers and fearless explorers. They view life kinda like a journey, of ups and downs which can teach you many important lessons. They could probably write a novel of all the important life lessons they've lived that they keep close to their mind. And they're always open for more, more experiences, more knowledge and adventure. They are also likely to be oriented towards social justice, and be very keen on enforcing good morals and getting rid of closed-mindedness in the world.

What do Wooyoung stans have in common? // King of cups

Wether they are introverted or extroverted, Wooyoung stans actually love spending time with people. If they're not popular and with a lively group of friends, they surely have those few people they love to the moon and back and wouldn't mind spending all day with. Wooyoung stans know how to gracefully receive the gifts of love given to them by their community or close circle, and they're friendly and empathic too, in return. But sometimes, they might wear their heart on their sleeve without realizing.

What about Wooyoung's personality attracts Wooyoung stans? // Strength R

They love his wild and untamed nature. They love how he isn't afraid to show off his true colors all the time. The raw honesty of his personality, wether it's something socially accepted or something seen as weird, is very attractive to Wooyoung stans. They admire it and probably aspire to have such courage of expression, too.

Wooyoung stans might have prominent Scorpio, Pisces, Cancer or Leo in their natal chart.

Jongho stans: The champions

How are Jongho stans like (in general) // Knight of Sowrds R

Jongho stans are absolute warriors. They are headstrong and courageous, their intelligence aiding them greatly in powering through any obstacle and overcoming any challenge. They are oriented towards fighting for justice and love spreading words of encouragement to their peers.

What do Jongho stans have in common? // IX of Pentacles R, Queen of Wands

Jongho stans are honest and genuine. Despite their strong will and courage, they are not reckless or chaotic, they are actually quite calm and down to earth. But they do know when you fire up, and stand their ground. Their confidence and fierceness makes them very charismatic in the eyes of many.

What about Jongho's personality attracts Jongho stans? // II of Pentacles R

They appreciate how Jongho picks his own fights. He puts upmost priority of what and whom is important to him, and zones in on that. He's always concerned with being the best at what he does, (aka in his preferred domain) he doesn't try to be the best at things that don't concern him. He sets his priorities tight. Plus, Jongho stans find him very motivating and empowering. He puts fuel on their fire, puts gas in their tank. To them, he's living proof that nothing is impossible if you have the drive to do it.

Jongho stans have predominant air and fire placements in their natal charts.

I thought this to be so interesting. For most, it turned out the stans were really similar to the idol, but then Mingi and Yunho... LMAO. It's cool there's some ying yang energy in there too!

You thought that he might be the same and be physically closer to you (not to say that you wanted to show off that he is only close to you– someone special). It made you sad.

Holding hands while walking or hugging by the beach. Cuddling during the movie nights. Half-hugging while admiring the pretty view. Kissing randomly in public or even in the privacy of your house.

Yeah, it was all just a dream. Oh, you wanted him to be closer to you and not feel like that.

It hurts, even more, when you recall the times when you came into the relationship with him, he was the sweetest. He would kiss your knuckles all the time. He would never leave your hand. It felt real back then. Right now, you felt like you both were in an arranged marriage. It sucked.

“Please, Jojo, I just want to hold your hand,” you requested. Trying to keep your voice low so that people around you in the street won’t listen to your frustrated voice.

“I don’t like it, y/n. You know I hate skinship,” Jongho sighed and walked further with you just standing behind.

~~~

ATEEZ was going on a world tour. Everyone was there saying goodbye to their loved ones. Hugging and kissing their partners. It made you jealous and sad. Jongho was standing next to you doing nothing but saying how he would surprise Atiny with his new ideas. He was excited about the concerts and everything that came along with them, i.e, interaction with Atiny and well, of course, the fact that he will get to explore many places.

You sighed and faced him, “Jojo, I’m gonna miss you.”

He looked at you and smiled, “me too! I’ll make sure to take some time out to talk to you. And I’ll bring a gift for you,” he winked.

You smiled and tried to cup his face for a kiss. But being the Jongho he is, he held your wrists and moved you away, “don’t,” he casually stated without knowing how much his actions hurt you. You only wanted to kiss him before he disappeared for three months. Three months without seeing him or going close at least felt his body heat.

~~~

Things were getting worse. You hated being on the internet. All you wanted to do was to throw your phone away and break the shit out of it.

Why, you may ask.

Well, Jongho was posting pictures with their translator. That wasn’t the main problem. The main problem was that he was holding her in those pictures. An arm around her neck, sometimes a hand on her waist.

Bitter you, you went through your gallery to find at least one picture in which he was holding you. But guess what, there were none. No, zero. If he was anti-skinship, then why was he being handsy with others? Is it you? Are you not enough for him? Or does he feel ashamed of you?

Your heart broke into a million pieces when you concluded: he doesn’t love you anymore and is dating someone else.

The next few weeks were nothing but terrible.

~~~

“Hey, how are you?” Hongjoong greeted you as you entered his studio. He was the only rational person you could talk to. He was the leader and knew his members better than anybody. He knew how to calm anyone's nerves and give the wisest advice.

“Hi, well, not the best,” you honestly said.

He sat straight and looked at you with concern kissing his face, “why? What happened?”

“I- I don’t know how to say it out loud…” you hesitated and a bit of anxiety shadowed down on you.

“Hey, here drink some water,” Hongjoong handed you some water. “Take your time and talk it out. Keeping it inside won’t do any good.”

You took the water and drank half of the bottle in a single breath, “thanks,” you panted, catching your breath. “You see, the thing is that… I am not sure if Jongho loves me anymore…”

Hongjoong's face had a big question-mark expression for a second before he chuckled, “why would you say that?” He asked.

“I don’t know, I just feel like it,” you sighed.

“Something must have happened that this thought came into your head,” he said.

“You know how he hates skinship, right?” You asked.

“Oh I know,” he agreed.

“He is like that in our personal life as well,” you began. “He hates when I get too close. He always dodges my touches. If I try to kiss him or make… any move… he just,” you sighed, “he just, hates it and stays far away,” you finally opened up.

“How does that make you feel?” He carefully asked.

“To be honest, it makes me feel shitty,” you said. “I feel like he doesn’t love me and feels disgusted by me that he won’t ever give in for skinship in public. How bad is holding hands?” a surprised sob fell from your throat. “I feel like– I feel like I am not enough. I feel like he is interested in someone else, someone who is perfect unlike me,” you wiped your eyes and drank the rest of the water.

Hongjoong nodded and thought for a second, processing what you said. He cleared his throat and looked at you, “in my opinion, you should talk to him frankly and tell him how you feel, you know? As far as I know, he is not cheating on you, I can make sure of that. He is whipped for you. He never stops talking about you… but as for skinship, I can understand where you are coming from and him ignoring and dodging your affections like that is bad. He should be more open with you, in the end, he is your boyfriend.”

Hongjoong smiled at you and continued, “you are just overthinking the facts. Give yourself a break and be easy on yourself. You are perfect and the prettiest star for him.”

Oblivious of you two, you didn't know that Jongho was hearing your conversation through the tiny crack of the door that was not completely closed.

Jongho felt the worst. You felt like that because of him. It was his fault that you felt bad about yourself and questioned if you are enough or not.

He needed to make it better.

~~~

It was night and you were asleep. You didn't wait for Jongho to come back home. You didn't have any energy left after your therapy-type session with Hongjoong.

Jongho came back about an hour before midnight and found you dead asleep in your bed. His heart broke after seeing your swollen eyes. He didn't take the risk to touch and accidentally wake you up. Instead, he started working on something.

Right when the clock hit midnight, you heard someone calling your name and shaking you. You whined and tossed and turned in the bed. Finally, you opened one of your eyes and saw Jongho sitting by your side. You got up and sat straight, “Jojo, what happened? Is everything okay?” you asked.

“Happy Birthday to you~ happy birthday to you~ happy birthday to my dear love~” Jongho sang the birthday song in a low, romantic voice and brought the cake in front of you.

You gasped. You had totally forgotten that it was your birthday. “Jojo…” you smiled and cut the cake.

He picked up a tiny bite and fed you. There was a little bit of cake at the end of your lips. He chuckled and cupped your face to lick it away. You froze. Never in a million years, you thought this would happen. But it didn't stop there, he captured your lips in a sweet and romantic kiss. His lips moved slowly and steadily against yours. They were warm and soft and fluffy. You never wanted to leave this feeling.

You both broke the kiss to take a breath. He chuckled and hugged you tightly in his muscular arms. “Happiest birthday, my love. You are the only one I have… Please never be sad and always talk to me. I love you and forever will… I can't imagine being without you. You are like my daily dose of sanity. I love being next to you… It's not that I hate skinship with you, it's just I am always terrified of something bad. Do you know what I mean? Some toxic people might end up hurting you… And in private, I'm scared that I will get addicted to your touch.”

You pulled away from the hug and looked into his eyes. “D-did Hongjoong talk to you?”

“No… I might have accidentally eavesdropped on your conversation,” he scratched his neck. “I don't want you to think something that is not true. You are the best I ever had and I won't ever change that. I only want you and no one else. Is that clear to you?” he asked

Your eyes become teary. You smiled and nodded and hugged him again. You took your sweet time to feel him up, trying to take up all the heat and feeling of his hard body against you. You felt safe and loved. “Jojo, I can take the criticism of toxic people but please don't be so away from me… That hurts more…”

Jongho pecked your lips, “I learned my lesson the hard way, I will never do this again… I love you, my love.”

.....

Sanaa’s note:

😊💓

Taglist:

@veneziamadness @cheline @sansmilkbread @jayb17 @constantlydelulusional @8tinytings ; @jhmylove

*lemme know if you wanna be added to the permanent or specific taglist*

“My lady! Lady choi!” Seungkwan called for you, your childhood friend and personal servant boy looking out of breath when he rushed through the garden near the porch of your chambers. He holds something in his hand, urgency laced through his gaze. 

“What is it Seungkwan?” you asked concentrated, swiftly working away your writing brush on the scribe you had placed in front of you.“If this is another one of your persuasions to get me enrolled in a sewing class, I’ll have to remind you that I sewed my finger last time, not the fabric.” you deadpanned. 

“The marriage has been called off my lady!” he gasps, catching his breath. 

You almost drop the utensil, black ink spilling on your desk and going everywhere across the white sheet. “What?” you breathed quietly, brows furrowing and taking in the new information

“You will no longer be wedded to that dumb scoundral you said you despised so very much!” the boy exclaimed, happiness overflowing for you. Seungkwan proceeded to jump in relief, thanking the heavens for the so-called miracle. 

A small breath escaped your lips at first before you rushed down the steps of your porch and grabbed onto the shoulders of the delighted boy, who still hadn’t a single clue about your promise with Mingi.

“Where on earth did you hear this” you demanded, pulling him out of his daze. 

It must’ve worked. He must’ve persuaded the elders, but at what cost?

“The Song family sent their son along with the message” he says, carefully observing the way you weren’t reciprocating his level of joy. “He’s with your father right now I believe…” his words die down, seeing how you stayed quiet. “You know that the boy was only a danger to you from the very beginning my lady” he assured you, patting your back as you searched your thoughts. “Just from the way you found him bleeding from a sword wound!” he shuddered at the memory.

Seeing your worried expression, Seunkwan asks the very question you were searching for yourself. “Is it not what you wanted?”.

You decided you needed to find out every exact detail from Mingi himself, dashing through the outdoor stone tiles of the villa barefoot. 

“W-wait! Lady choi! Wait for me!” Seungkwan calls out, grabbing your shoes left by the door. 

But it was too late. Your hurried footsteps were prominent, each step reflecting the urgency and undeniable worry that ate at you inside. 

‘Please let it be good news. Nothing bad’ you wished deep down.

It is only when you're faced with the doors of your father’s study chambers, that you halt all movement. You lift a hand to knock, contemplating what you’d say and how you’d react. 

Be angry. Act like you hate him for doing this. That way your father won’t believe you two planned it all along.

Just as you're about to knock on the doors, they push forward, opening wide for you to become face to face with the person you wanted to see most. 

Mingi’s not even 3 feet in front of you, his sharp nose and gently surprised eyes greeting you as he bows in formality. His light blue robes looked clean and crisp, the ruby ring gleaming near the knuckle of his fingers. But you have to admit, his face looks different than last time. He’s no longer the funny charming boy you saw a few nights ago. Bruises covered on his face with powder, and a cut lip that you stare at agonizingly. You cleared your voice, breaking your stare.

“How did you do it?” you asked, grasping both his wrists as you're dying to know how he did it, and what on earth he had to sacrifice or abide with to do so. “I’ll be honest, I didn’t think you actually had it in you Mingi” You can’t help but actually smile, feeling happy that you both got what you wanted. To be free. 

But that smile doesn't last. Mingi shakes your grip off him, undeniably leaving a small pang in your chest. You say his name softly, wondering what’s wrong. “Aren’t you happy? The marriage was broken off-”

“Just stop.”

His words cut you off. He’s avoiding your gaze and you can see it so clearly. The way he speaks, the way he stands. It’s like a military stance. The boy is no longer the honest, sincere hearted person that sat bandaged up in your room a few nights ago. The boy that asked you what your choice was. The boy that promised you. 

You change the topic, feeling the cold air. 

“Your wound… Is it alright?” you say leaning forward, extending a hand before Mingi swats it away. Blood rushes to your cheeks and your heart sinks even more. Mingi simply stares at the ground, his voice monotone and gruff.

“Let’s hope we never have to see each other again, Y/N. We got what we both wanted.”

You blink once, then twice. 

“Mingi, what are you saying-”

Your father’s voice cuts through your words though, rough and sharp as he calls for your name, then addresses Mingi in front of you as well. 

“I see that you’ll find yourself out boy. And you can tell your father to kiss my a-” your fathers angered voice calls to Mingi, spilling profanities you feel even more embarrassed he has to hear. Mingi bows to your father one last time without saying a word, before looking at you and bending down to whisper in your ear.

“I hope you’re happy Y/N.” he brushes past you, knocking you over with his shoulders. 

You feel like throwing up, biting your lip as you see him walk away, an uncomfortable feeling settling when the boy completely disappears from your sight.

_

Not even six feet from the entrance, Mingi turns the corner from the stone brick walls that protect the Choi family hanok. His assistant, who was watching the horses outside, asks him if he’s alright. Letting out a breath he didn’t even realize he still held, the boy shut his eyes, staring at the hand that pushed yours away. He’s remorseful for how he’s treated you, but can’t help but shudder at the memory of his father coming back to him…

“You idiot!” 

Lord Song stands hunched over, out of breath from breaking the imported and highly valuable vases of China that were displayed in his personal chambers.

Sharp pieces littered the floor, blood trickling down his cut hand, but the man pays no attention to it. The news that his son brings to him a week after his hard work, angers him more.

His son, Mingi, stares at the ruined wooden floorboards, hands behind his back in a familiar military stance as he says nothing.

“Who told you to call off your own marriage, hm?” the Lord sneers, his sleeves staining with fresh blood. 

Making his way over to his motionless son, Lord Song grabs his cheeks, squeezing them so hard that nail marks begin to dig into the soft flesh of Mingi’s cheeks. Mingi clenches his jaw, glaring at his old man with venom in his words.

“We don’t need to force this marriage on their daughter. I don’t need to get marri-'' he winces, the sharp pain that's digging in making him lose his words. His father dares him to finish that sentence. 

The older fellow leans in, whispering menacingly to his own flesh and blood, coiling his words and letting his hot breath hit his face. Mingi tries his best not to be revolted by the smell of alcohol and tobacco. “What, like you care for her? You like that bastard’s girl, don’t you?” he mocks him, sneering menacingly. The man threw his son’s face away in disgust, getting tired of his personal punching bag. Mingi’s fist turns hard from the words his father says about you.

Lord Song turns to raise a hand at him before Mingi gets the first word.

“I’m not getting married to her” he grits, his tilted head now raised up, revealing a hard, determined look in his eyes.

It stops him in his tracks, making the nobleman turn red with anger, fists clenching, and a vein to peek out from the neck of his precious robes.

“She doesn’t need to suffer from our family’s wreckage. It’s not fair to y/n-”

And all of a sudden, Mingi’s head is turned, a stinging feeling swarming his left cheek, as a loud slap rings the room. 

“Life isn’t fair you bastard. Now don’t you ever defy or talk back to me like that again. Do you understand?” Lord Song points at his chest, spitting at him with his words.

Madame Song stands outside of the doors, listening in with a red mark on her left cheek. But she only grasps onto her handkerchief harder, unable to come in and save her child.

“I’ll make you marry into that family if it’s the last thing I do” the man rasps, his hot breath revolting Mingi and making him shut his eyes. 

Though this man wasn’t a father figure at all to Mingi, he was still unfortunately related to him by blood. Meaning, there's just some things he can already know. He expected this answer from him, but he wasn’t going to stop trying.

“I’ll do anything.”

Lord Song’s eyes widened a bit at his words. “You really don’t want to marry the bitch, huh” he grumbles, now optioning to grab his son’s collar and stare at him crazily.

“You’ll do anything, won’t you? What are you going to give me in return if I call off this marriage? There's nothing you have that I can’t have.” he laughs sinisterly.

But Lord Song halts his mocking when Mingi shoves the scroll he received from the palace messenger onto the floor between him and his dad. 

“There's a war raging in this country. You certainly don’t want to send my brothers, do you?”

The old man glances at the words that stare back at him on the scroll.

By order of his royal Highness, King Choi, all men from commoner families in the capital city must serve in the Civil War. Noble families require only one to serve in the war. Rewards will be bestowed upon His Highness’s noble following.

Mingi shuts his eyes, preparing to accept what the bargain was gonna be. 

Suddenly, Lord Song’s laughter erupts and he throws his son down to the floor once again. “Finally, you have some use.”

“Just know this, you son of a bitch. Once I send you off in that bloodbath, you’ll never see her again, You hear me boy? You’ll be slaving away with those commoners, and then you’ll realize how much mercy I've shown you” he taunts, scoffing in his face. “I don’t want to see you set foot here even if you come back alive.”

“Now she can live,” he breathes, watching his son. “But you won’t” 

Mingi never takes his eyes off his resenting father, standing up tall and not backing down. “If it’s what i’ll have to do, then so be it”

Mingi storms out of the room immediately, ignoring the curses that roar from behind him, his mother gasping in surprise when he walks out, and the sounds of his father smashing another china vase to pieces. 

The bruises on his body hurt, but his conscience hurts even more. 

That memory resides in Mingi’s brain, along with his years of abuse and torture living with his family. Shutting his eyes and standing tall, Mingi remembers that when he’s drafted, at least it sends it away from his parents and brothers. 

But it’ll also send him away from you.

“My lord” a voice greets him, belonging to his assistant Namho. He bows, preparing his horse for departure through the Joseon streets. “Are you alright?”

Putting on his act once more, the air almost seems to shift.

Mingi acknowledges him, surprisingly swift in getting on top of his horse and giving him a curt affirmation that he's fine. 

“Shall we proceed with our plan then sir?”  Namho asks, also perched up on his horse just behind Mingi’s.

The boy looks back, giving him a small nod. He has something to finish once and for all before he leaves for war. It may be his only opportunity to stop it for all. 

A glimmer peaks in his eyes and there's a change in his persona, before he slaps the horse, trekking away with a cloud of dust behind them. As he leaves, there is still only one person in his head. 

You. 

__

Lord Choi sits cross legged at his writing desk, head hanging low and a finger pinching the bridge of his nose in disarray. It’s quite typical of your father at this point.

“Take a seat” he tells you, voice low and dejected. Sitting down with your dress out of the way, you place your hands in your lap, questioning what on earth happened to the well thought-out agreements both families had placed a week ago. Even more, how that idiot Mingi even managed to change his father’s mind. 

He sighs deeply. “It has come to my attention, that you will in fact, not be wedded to Lord Song’s fourth son, Song Mingi this upcoming week” he tells you, eyes closed and brow still furrowed.

“I know father” you deadpanned. “I heard from Seungkwan,” you say with an attitude. 

You see the nostrils on your fathers face flare. “Do not show me that disrespect, Y/N. This marriage was brought up with the intention of benefiting the greater good of the entire Choi family clan.” he booms, pointing a finger to you. “Can't you see I was doing this all for you? That we were depending on you?” he dejects. “What on earth did you do for that boy to have done that? Haven’t I taught you better?”

You feel like you’re being punished for wanting the bare minimum of choice. “The only reason this mess started was because of your greed!” you exclaim, fighting back. “You wanted our family to be wealthier just by marriage!”

You flinch immediately when your father slaps a hand down on the desk, making the room go silent. “Don’t you ever raise your voice at me” he tells you, voice dangerously low. 

You don’t show any emotion that’ll give you away to what you already heard from Seungkwan or Mingi. You simply continue to ask in absurdance.

“I just don’t understand. How is it that I've had to find out I’m getting both engaged, and then unengaged from our family servants?” You begin to rant on, your father sighing your name as he begins to receive a headache. “Y/N..”

“Why is it that you never even decide to consult these events with your own daughter first, who is the very woman getting married to some stranger here!” you exclaim, setting your elbows on the desk he slumped against.

You ask him the real question you’ve been thinking about long and hard. “How is this marriage more important to you, when our nation is facing a goddamn civil war?”

It goes quiet for a moment. You and your father stare at each other, seeing how his eyes widened a bit at your words. For the first time in your life, you see your father almost break character.

“Your brother is being drafted in this very war.”

You pretend not to hear it the first time. “What?”

“You heard me.” your father sighs. “Your own goddamn brother is going to be drafted because the royal court has no more men to send to this war.” he lets out a heavy sigh. “There's not a lot of money or manpower in the capital anymore, Y/N. The King has decided all noble men need to go out and fight near the Northern border”

Tensions were always heavy between your southern province and the northern provinces, but it was never to this extent.

Words fail to fall from your mouth, a crushing feeling happening inside of your heart.

“Being of a lower noble ranking, there’s nothing we can do.” He looks up at you. “That’s why we needed you to marry another noble family.” his words become heavier and quieter by the second. “So we could at least send you off to a house that’ll take care of you better than the fate your brother has.” 

“When is Beomgyu leaving?” you ask, grasping your skirt harder. “And Mingi? What happens to them and all the other people who are being sent?”

“Didn’t you hear from the boy himself?” your father asks. You suddenly feel embarrassed again, remembering back to the work he told you before coming in. You shake your head no. 

“Mingi volunteered himself to go fight.” You can believe what you’re hearing. Mingi, the boy who was a spy for the rebellion opposing this war, volunteered himself to go fight in it?

“It’s promised that the King will bestow a great honour to both our families if Beomgyu and Mingi train to become high ranking generals during the war.”

Your mouth goes dry. You stop grasping on your skirt as your world feels like it’s falling all of a sudden. 

Perhaps seeing your expression and feeling sympathy for you, your father speaks up.

“They have two weeks.” he says solemnly. 

You stop saying anything.

“Two weeks before they’ll be dispatched in troops to the Northern Border. As long as your brother sticks with that Song boy, he’ll be fine. After all, Mingi is the son of our nation’s Minister of War and Defense” he tries to assure you.

“This marriage was supposed to let us get on the good side of that family. That man is the one of the pawns who are in control of this game Y/N” your father explains with a grave expression on his face.

You have a feeling that the pawn master himself is sitting on his throne right now.

Your father doesn’t have to say it out loud because you already know based on the tales the neighborhood elders have told you since you were young. The stories of men coming back in wheelbarrows, bodies destroyed and on their final breath from the last war, decades ago. 

“T-They’ll die!” you say out loud in realization. The man in front of you winces at that word, furrowing his eyebrows as he’s about to scold you for your harsh words before you cut him to it.

“If you’re one of the ministers in court, can’t you try to talk them out of this war?”

He glances back at you, voice becoming harsher. “What do you think I’ve been doing all this time-”

“When the people of our country were dying on battlefields, none of us cared.” you stated, thinking back to Mingi's words.

“There was no need to care, Y/N! We are not of their same social class!” he shouts at you, scolding what he thinks is your stupidity and selflessness in the moment. 

You scoff, suddenly feeling sick at the fact that you’ve lived stuck in this hanok all your life, failing to see the others who were being impacted far worse. 

‘This was what Mingi wanted to change. That’s why he’s a part of the rebellion’ You think to yourself. 

You feel finished with the conversation, needing some time to think alone and get away from the man in front of you.

Standing up and ready to open the doors to forget that look of defeat your father had on his face, his words suddenly come to stop you in your tracks.

“He came to tell me something.” he stated, voice quieter than before. “Would you at least like to know what your former fiance and I discussed?”

You turn around, holding in a tear that fights to escape your eyes and letting a large weight leave your shoulders.

“Not at all” you bite your lip, opening the door and shutting it hard so that a large sound echoes the entire villa. 

-

Back in the walls of your chambers, you lay down on your comforter, sobs shaking your body as you struggle to let the tsunami of emotions stay inside. 

“It’s alright my lady, let it all out” Seungkwan shushes you. 

You’re entirely grateful to the boy who rushed over to you the minute you left the study with tears in your eyes, comforting you as he patted your back reassuringly.

“Your brother will surely survive, my lady. I’m sure of it. You won’t lose anybody” he reassures you.

Sitting up in your bed with puffy eyes and a red nose, you look at Seungkwan in hope. “Do you really think so?” you sniffle.

He pats your head, brushing the wet strands of hair out of your face from the tears. “I know so.” he affirms, trying to push down his own worries inside for you. 

you sigh, your thoughts swarming your head. “Thank you Seungkwan.” you say pulling him in close for a reassuring hug. “I’m not ready to lose the people I care about,” you confess. The boy nods, sighing as he backs off in understanding, before realizing what you said.

“People? Do you know any other noblemen going off to war except your brother?”

You look at your hands clutching the covers, ears turning red when you realize what you were talking about. More so, who you were talking about. 

Suddenly the puzzle pieces come together in Seungkwan’s brain. 

“You mean Lord Mingi?! The Lord Mingi that you tried to take out with a hitman?”

You shake your head no, immediately trying to resolve the issue when Seungkwan suddenly asks you upfront.

“Do you like him, my lady?”

You turn to look up at your friend before sighing frustratedly and jumping back under your covers.

“I don’t know!” you protest, suddenly feeling weird from the foreign emotions surrounding your heart. The way you feel concern even after Mingi stated he wanted nothing to do with you.

‘He probably blames you for him being drafted’ you think with immense guilt. ‘He probably hates you and your family’

“You are so innocent, lady y/n” Seungkwan speaks gently, showing you a pair of sad eyes but a crooked smile when you raise your head. “I do believe you deserve a beautiful love like that. You should try him out” he says.

You can’t help but laugh, asking him what he meant. 

“You clearly like the boy Y/N. You fear for not just your brother’s safety, but also Song Mingi’s as well” he points out. “You should tell him how you feel,” he insists, urging you to do so before the time runs out. 

You thank Seungkwan softly, though coming back to reality and justifying how you needed to cut ties with the boy entirely. “I feel like I’m the reason he’s going” you deject, a horrible feeling settling in your stomach. 

It turns quiet, the only sounds coming from the shuffling outside as the family servants proceed to light the evening lights outside the hanok. 

“Talk to him. Judging from the way he looked at you when you bandaged him up a few nights ago, I’m positive he doesn’t have any plain feelings towards you either.” he tells you, wiping your remaining tears.

You smile, reaching out to hug your best friend who embraces you warmly.

“Thanks Seungkwan.”

The boy simply cringes at your sudden sweetness, making you let out the first loud laugh that night. 

_

The days feel longer after the news settles amongst the noble families. Others cried and made huge fusses after learning that their precious son’s were leaving to fight in war for the first time, while others only stayed quiet for fear of the King. Your family was one of them

Nobody in the Choi family household wanted to bring up the sad topic. Beomgyu lost his playful nature, resorting to the confines of his bedroom, and coming out only to go on long walks outside of the house at night. 

Your heart ached for your brother, but also for Mingi as well. You couldn’t help but think of what Mingi was doing right now. If he was with his family, or if he was training himself, and even if he was possibly thinking of you.

It’s the day after the sudden news, when you find yourself reading quietly in your study. You thought that studying your scrolls and books would’ve taken your mind over the craziness that’s been happening in your life lately, but you can’t seem to stop rereading the same characters over and over again. You place your book down, deciding that reading wasn’t going to help you stop this war.

A voice cuts you out of your daze.

“A royal invite from his majesty, King Choi!” a booming voice reads aloud, belonging to a group of horsemen coming from the palace. Opening your window to see what the commotion was, Seungkwan does the same from behind trying to get a look himself. “What is it Y/N?”

Wearing their royal robes and fine clothing, the soldiers proceed to only stare in a far distance, refusing to make eye contact with the family servants and only looking for your father.

He was already outside, hands behind his back as he prepared to receive whatever message that King of yours was sending now.

“In gratitude for the noblemen sending themselves off to the war, His Majesty King Choi invites each nobleman and their acquaintances to join him at Crown Prince Jongho’s Celebration Party, this end of the week by sundown. By order of the royal court, we bestow this invite to the Choi Family Household.” the guard speaks, handing your quiet father two wooden tags that provide as invites to the palace.

While your father bows silently to the guards, you look from a distance with horror at the entire situation itself. While hundreds of people continue to shed their blood in this war, the corrupt King holds a party for his son. You wonder if the nation really is going to ruins..

The royal guards salute your father, before carrying on to the next household down. 

You slam the windows shut, unable to continue watching the situation unfold. Sitting back down in your seat, an immense feeling of guilt and helplessness wash over you.

“My family are horrible people, Seungkwan,” you mutter to yourself. “I’m a horrible person” you say looking up at him.

He purses his lips, letting out a sigh and coming down to send a pat on your back of comfort. “You are not a horrible person Y/N. There’s just nothing you can do, My lady,” he shakes his head quietly.

“We’ve done all we could in our power. You’ve sent letters and bills and requests all to the palace to try and persuade our King, but I just guess that wasn’t enough.” he adds. “If only someone could persuade that crown prince to take over the King’s position. I bet he would be a much better King than his father” Seungkwan comments.

“Say that again” you tell him quietly, just as the cogs in your brain turn. 

“That the crown prince would be a better King than his father?...” Seungkwan states skeptically, justifying that it was just a joke that wouldn’t happen anytime soon.

Suddenly, an idea pops into your brain. Seungkwan can tell that it’s a crazy one from the way your eyes light up and you suddenly go quiet. You yourself know that what you’re thinking of would be an indescribable act that would go down in Joseon’s history. Something that could get you and those helping you executed. But you knew you needed help.

You turn to Seungkwan, asking him in all seriousness. “That invitation states that the nobleman volunteering for war must attend, does it not?”

The boy stares at you in surprise, nodding his head. “That’s what I heard, yes. Along with one other acquaintance” 

At that point you’ve already made up your mind. 

“Seungkwan,” you whisper quietly, eyeing the boy who leans in closer in curiosity. 

“Get ready. We’re going to a party.”

!no translation or distribution of yunlvr’s work!

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And while she died alone in her empty yet extravagant villa, spending her last few years as an aristocrat spinster, you always thought she was pretty badass. 

With not a single intention of experiencing the heartache you saw your grandmother had, Love was not a priority on your list. You decided, if anything, you were going to die like her too. 

—

“Do you perhaps know the meaning of a Willow tree?”

Beomgyu turns to you, his silk draped hands clutching a small willow leaf that had fallen from your garden tree. Standing next to the koi fish-filled pond, your brother closes his eyes, letting the spring breeze brush against his smiling face, looking as if he has no care in the whole world. You face the older one, a playfulness in your tone as you speak. 

“Are you sentimental this morning because you got rejected by Lord Kim’s daughter again?” you question, smiling softly as his peaceful expression suddenly turned a little sour. “I think it’s time you give up on the young lady-”

Beomgyu clears his voice, looking at you in distaste.  “It’s fine,” he said, looking the opposite of his words. You can’t help but smile. 

“In fact, any young lady in Joseon would be thrilled to marry me-”

You’re the one to interject this time, sharply cutting off his banter to answer the question he asked before. “Willow tree’s stand for honesty,” you tell him. “Honesty and sincerity, which are two things you need, brother” you joked, smiling at his mouth hanging open in disbelief at your words.

Beomgyu ignores your comment, choosing to instead pick the plum blossom flower that you had tucked near your ears. You simply smiled, “There's no need to be embarrassed beomgyu, everyone in the town knows you’re a single, unwedded bachelor who probably won't settle for marriage until the next dynasty arrives” you laughed, skipping lightly near the flowers on the other side. 

In fact, Beomgyu was following the footsteps of your grandmother more than you were. 

Beomgyu picks the petals off the plum blossom in annoyance, mumbling something incoherent under his breath.

Chuckling, you bend down to pick a few flowers from your family garden, creating a small bouquet, and holding up each and every flower as delicately as possible. Beomgyu scoffs, a roll of his eyes and immediate disbelief.

“I’m the one who won’t settle for marriage?”. You spare him a glance before you shrug. “You do realize that you’ve gotten the fewest offers for your hand in marriage, in all of our family history?” Beomgyu tells you, causing a laugh to fall from your lips. “And by few, I mean none at all!” You’re about to protest before a voice interjects.

“My lady!” someone calls from behind you two, belonging to the Choi family housemaid named Bomie. You catch the slightest hint of nervousness spilling from her voice, making the both of you turn around.

The small lady called to you, her apron stained with coal and soot. “Your father calls for you. He says there are visitors” Bomie says, biting her thumbnail, looking as if something was eating her away from the inside. 

She confesses, looking up at you. “

There seems to be talks of marriage.” 

-

An uncomfortable lump hangs in your throat, swallowing it back along with your second sip of omija. The warmth of the tea glass you hold carefully in your hands soothes you a bit, as you refrain from catching another look from the boy who sits in front of you. Letting the afternoon sunlight bless your parent’s living quarters, you composedly sit in front of the so-called visitors as well as their son. Looking around your age, the quiet boy stared intensely at his untouched glass.

‘There's no way’ you tell yourself. 

“Your son has grown up very well, Lord Song. He's the spitting image of his great old man” your own father chuckles, creating small talk in the exhausting situation. 

The old lord smiles, approving the way your dad sucks up to Joseon’s Minister of National Defense, understanding that his role in the royal court is not one the regular noble folk overlook. “I should say the same to you, Lord Choi. Beomgyu seems to be getting more…”

Your mother, dripping in her jade rings and silk hanbok chimes in. “Handsome?” she asks, eyes lighting up as she speaks of her prized son.

“Manly?” your father adds. You roll your eyes, holding your tongue as you refrain from saying idiotic to the guests talking about your older brother.

“Charming.” Lord Song’s wife states, smiling artificially as she gives her husband a look that prevents him from talking more about the peculiar boy your brother was.

Lord Song catches it, clearing his throat before moving onto you. “And your daughter, Choi. Why, isn’t she a beauty?” 

You’re revolted from the situation. The sucking up, the forced compliments and just the way you sit there suffocated from the intense stare their son sends you. Why is he looking at you like that?

You cut in, clearing your voice as you put on your most sweetest and respectful tone towards the two married couples. “If I may, could I ask the reason for this meeting, father?”

A silence hangs in the room, the only sound coming from the robins that stand perched on the tree branches outside. Your mother looks to your father, giving him a look that already makes your stomach churn. He speaks first.

“Y/N, Mingi,” he addresses, his voice firm and looking at the boy in front of you whose name it apparently belonged to. Mingi looks up, eyes expectant and he carefully takes his first sip of the tea. 

“We have decided that the two of you should get married”

Mingi chokes on the omija, coughing and exasperating as he tries his very best to hide his surprise at the mentioned subject. You stare at the dim witted fellow you were now apparently to be wedded to, taking out a white cloth handkerchief of yours and offering it to the boy with a dripping chin.

“T-thank you my lady” the boy stutters, earning a small slap on the shoulder from Madame Song for his clumsiness.

“W-when exactly were you thinking?” you stuttered, taken aback at the topic. Deep down, you knew that this wasn’t a suggestion from the elders. It was an order. 

Your eyes wandered back to their son, still and as quiet as he could be. You stared as his chin was still dripping with droplets of the tea, staining his fine robes.

“Why, as soon as possible of course!” Lord Song cries, chuckling with your father. “I would expect the grandchildren to come right away” he comments, sparing a glance to his son. Mingi looked like the definition of uncomfortable right now. “We have a villa up north arranged for you two to settle in. Mingi would be assigned as a governor to the neighboring village of course” Lord Song boasts, speaking proudly. Your father also speaks, looking at you. “And you Y/N, would become the Noble Lady to a village governor”

I can’t do this marriage you say truthfully to yourself.

But something in you stops your refusal to the marriage, an instinct of obedience or some sort, somehow letting your mouth move but your heart to stand still. You don’t hold your tongue. 

“I don’t-” 

You let the two words hang in the air, letting all five pairs, including mingi’s eyes to settle on yourself. 

Shit, better finish that sentence quickly.

You glance over to your father who stares at you intently, a stern look on his face pushing you to finish your sentence before the guests feel disrespected.

You glance down when a hand comes to rest on your own, gripping it tightly and with a fierce grip. Your mother looks at you with a look you wish you never had to see again. A look of apology laces her eyes, before an immediate change washes over her features, and she's sending a look that screams ‘you better make the right choice’

Above all, Mingi looks at you with a look you’d never think a stranger would give to you before.

It was a look of apology. Maybe reassurance. You hope not pity. 

“If it is what the elders would wish for, I will accept it” you say, a rock feeling hitting you on the inside. 

You almost laugh at what you say, as if you would ever dare to have the right to oppose your own marriage. You don’t even know what you’re saying at this point. You knew that you had no say in choosing who you got married to, but were you really going to give up so easily like this? Not even some overthinking?

Mingi sighs so softly, that you have to look up at him to make sure you heard properly. 

Lord Song gives a big smile, opposite to his small crescent eyes that crease in relief. “Very well then! This marriage will be beneficial to both of our families, I can assure that.” your mother tells you, her true intentions showing.

“If only we had a daughter to pair with your son Beomgyu, Lord Choi” Madame Song chuckles, taking a small sip from the glass of omija your mother pours for her. The lady turns relaxed knowing she just sold off her son in an arranged marriage. 

“It’s such a shame you’ve only got five sons Madame” your father chuckles. 

The room roars in laughter, leaving the newly engaged couple in a stream of silence.

–

The weather that afternoon seemed to have understood perfectly the turn of events of the two noble families. With the sudden downpour of cold, heavy rain leading to the extended stay of the Song family, your mother insisted that Mingi and you spend time together to bond. Replacing the happy feelings a soon to be wedded couple should be getting, a galling absence and unbelievable tension filled your room, sighing at life as you sat near your open window. 

Really, you should be giving Mingi a tour of the Choi family residence, impressing the boy with your mediocre sewing skills, or priceless family heirlooms that have enough value to feed a starving Joseon village. But you despised that even more than this marriage already, which is why the two of you stay secluded in these four walls of your room.

Your head leaned against your wrist, watching silently as the faint raindrops spilled to the stone ground of your house, unaware that Mingi, sitting all the way across the room leaning against the wall, had his attention fixed on only you.

It was something he couldn’t put his finger on. Why exactly Lord Choi’s only daughter seemed to have stood out to him right now, when he didn’t even harbor any distinct receptive feelings, and definitely hardly any for love or infatuation. Most of all, why you had agreed so easily to this marriage. Did you like him? Did you want this marriage?

Mingi wasn’t afraid of speaking, but rather the preconceived judgements that would come when someone like you would hear him speak. This time, he took the chance.

“Do you like to read?” he quipped quietly, pulling your thoughts away from your shifted future. 

You turned your head, solemnly analyzing the way the boy sat with his legs crossed, hands on each knee and a hopeful look gleaming in those eyes of his. You catch his gaze falter from the stack of books and scribes you had placed on your desk earlier.

“No” you lied, your answer sharp and articulate, unfazed as you turned your head to back to admire the rain. Slowly but surely, you reached your hand out, feeling cool, wet drops hit your hand and drip down.

Your answer wasn’t one he was expecting, seeing how your disinterest closed off any other room for discussion or small talk. Instead, you asked him something far different than “how many horses and cattles do your family own?” or “which government branch are your brothers located at?” 

“Do you really want to marry me, Mingi?” 

He focuses on your blank face, your eyebrows unraised and light cherry painted lips in the slightest frown. “I want what is best for both our families my lady” he says, hesitant on what he should really even tell you. “And if it is to marry you, I shall” he decides to be his answer.

You scoff, highly skeptical of his answer. You suddenly pick up the scarce material of your hanbok, taking a few strides before you’re swiftly plopping yourself in front of Mingi as you peer profoundly into his eyes. You don’t even realize you’re close enough for your noses to almost be touching. “I won’t mind if you say that you’re unsatisfied with this engagement Mingi.” The boy gulps at your boldness. “Trust me, I’m not too keen on this proposal” you huff, bringing your head away from the boy's gaze.

“It’s far from what you’ve seemed to have told our parents, my lady.” withdrawn, and a hint of sarcasm dripping in his deep voice. Mingi makes an effort to repeat the last two words, slowly starting to piss you off now.

You shoot your head back up, furrowing your eyebrows as you look at the dumb boy. “How about you then? I'm not surprised your parents didn’t bother asking for your opinion about this marriage in the first place”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Mingi retorts, although his face wasn’t as contorted or frustrated looking than you, his hard eyes said it all. Suddenly you two changed to children arguing.

“Don’t you want to choose who to get married with y/n?” Mingi asks you, standing up in exasperation. You close your mouth, his sudden informality of using your name throwing you off for a second. The boy paced back and forth, taking rushed steps as he rubbed the back of his aching neck.

You simply look down to the hands in your lap, answering clearly as the jade ring your mother gave you gleams back at you almost menacingly. “It is not in my own interests to marry who I want to. I’m sure you know that I don’t have that sort of freedom or choice” you confess.

Mingi pauses, sighing as he opens your room door to leave. He looks at you, pity visible in his eyes. Was it towards you? 

“Everyone’s got a choice y/n, even if they think they don’t.”

You’re about to object, opening your mouth before his words beat you to it.

“What exactly is yours?”

The shut of the door leaves the room back to its silence again, the only sounds coming from the open window, and the roaring tears that fall from the sky. You sit there on your floorboards, intensely thinking back to his words that just hung in the air. 

What was your choice?

-

It’s two days later, when your maid bomie knocks on the door of your mothers tea room, eyes wide and frantic like they usually are, but a hushed tone as she asks for your appearance. 

Your mother pays no attention to the maid, but you get up from your seat to personally open the door for her, ignoring the scowl on your moms face since she insists that “maids shouldn’t even be in the tea room”

When you open the door to see the girl gasping for a breath, you calm her down, asking her what on earth made her rush over here this fast. The smell of lavender, lotuses, and korean red pine swarm Bomie’s nose, usually making her sigh and relish the scents, but she's got far more important news to deliver. 

“He’s here!” she whispers squeals, shushing herself when your mother eyes the two of you in suspicion. She goes back to sipping her tea, letting the teapot to ferment with the leaves you put in earlier. You glance back to the maid, furrowing your brows and whispering in the same tone. “Who is?”

“Master Song Mingi!” 

Your eyes widen in surprise. In all honesty, you didn’t think you’d see him again before the actual date of the wedding, since you’re familiar with these arranged marriages. 

The bride and groom don’t actually love each other. 

But you’re dying to know why he's here, which is why you take one look back to your mother, before slipping out of the room, telling Bomie to relay fake news of your ‘sudden headache’ that’s taken over.

So there you stood, in the back garden of your villa, resting against the infamous willow tree with hands in your skirt pockets, eyeing an intimidated Mingi up and down. The not so gentle giant as you liked to call him, looked down at his feet, avoiding your gaze with his hands behind his back. 

You’re thankful for the discreteness Bomie had given you, knowing that your mother would’ve asked the cooks to prepare a feast, and for your father to rush home at the news of your fiance's arrival. You didn’t think Mingi needed all that.

“You wanted to see me?” you say first, the spring breeze blowing small strands of your hair in your face. 

The boy sheepishly reveals a small bouquet of freshly picked baby’s breath, wrapped with a string and amulet that represented his family clan. You stare meekly at the gesture, surprised at Mingi doing something like this out of the blue. Maybe he's guilty for raising his voice at me in my room a few days ago

“I picked them on the way here.” he mumbled, watching as you took them carefully. “It-it reminded me of you” he stutters, making you wonder why he was so nervous. Mingi hopes you’ll be fooled with this stupid, shy boy persona he has on, all before he glances at the house and sees something that makes his gaze suddenly turn sharp. A shadowed figure listening to your conversation through the window. A glare begins to shoot from his eyes, but he doesn’t dare show it to you.

You're a fool, for the way the tiniest smile creeps upon your face from the peculiar gift, and of course for noticing the person eavesdropping. But you also don’t dare show your smile to Mingi either. You had no idea what that boy was planning in his head silently. It was the two bride and groom, hiding everything they could already.

“Thank you” you quietly reply. You inhale the fresh smell. You actually loved Baby’s Breath.

A simple silence follows, the only real sounds coming from the windchimes hung outside of your house, the robins chirping gleefully, and the bustling sounds of the village outside the villa. The shadow advances to you two in the corner of Mingi’s eyes. 

You're admiring the soft buds in your hand, all before a hand grasps your own and pulls you behind the large brute tree. 

You gasp, fighting your way as Mingi takes your hand so suddenly, away from the garden close to the villa. It makes you drop your precious flowers. 

Listen, Mingi’s a gentlemen (at least when he really wants to acts like it), so pulling the girl his whole family clan’s reputation depended on behind a willow tree was not the best idea, but letting a spy listen in on the conversation was a risk he didn’t want to take even more.

“M-Mingi please-” you interjected, resisting his pull as you didnt understand the once shy boy's sudden (and quite inappropriate) actions.

Song Mingi, though a rather timid and weak inarticulate little boy you had thought to be, turned out to be also a much sturdier one, as you couldn’t help but clash face first. Right into his chest as he pulled the two of you behind the willow tree. 

Without even looking, the collision of your head and his body caused quite the impact, a low quiet groan coming from his body as you bumped right into him. Immediately looking up at the person you came to actually despise so quickly in a mere number of moments, you glared ferociously at the man who was indeed, almost a head taller than you. “What are you-”

“Don’t move” he whispered urgently, holding onto your arms, hovering his hand just over to your sides to steady you from the contact. “Oh shut it Mingi-” you huffed, pushing his grip off before you halted just slightly.

The swift footsteps of your mother’s feet are heard, followed by the ones of her many “ladies in waiting” you like to call them, passing through the garden. 

“Now remember to alert the village officiant of the ceremony date,” your mother’s nagging voice filling the pathway through the other parts of the house. “And make sure Y/N’s wedding robes are properly hand sewn before the day as well. We must ensure she looks perfect for the in-laws” Your eyes widened, about to call out before Mingi looked at what you were doing, his massive hands coming to cover half your bottom face and mouth. 

Your muffled calls and yells were unheard, although Mingi struggled to shut you up.

“Please, my lady” a desperation and urgency in his voice. You glared menacingly at the brute, whining like a toddler and smacking his arms in protest. But he didn’t budge at all.

Looking into those eyes of the Song family’s middle child, and the man you were supposedly engaged to made you look carefully at who you were marrying. Well groomed eyebrows, a sharp nose, and those goddamn lips you hated so much made you at a loss for words, despising the current situation more than meeting him for the first time. And above all, the proximity between you two caused an instinctive warmth to form on the apples of your cheeks. The boy only continued to stare behind his shoulder, praying that your mother and her ladies would stop just standing there. It's only after a few seconds, before they leave out of sight completely.

As if on cue, your daze snaps you out, licking the palm of Mingi’s hand as he shrieked and immediately pushed you away like you wanted, looking in horror at his slobbered hand. 

You cough, out of breath as you kicked the boy in the shins for greater measure. Mingi yelps in pain.

“I understand my mother can be menacing,” you huff, chest heaving in exhales. “I know that just as well” 

“But is she really a reason to try to kill me?” you shout at the young master, who’s in shock of how such a noble young lady such as yourself, could be so foul. 

Mingi curses under his breath, rubbing his leg and wiping his hand on his robes, pointing an accusing finger at you. “Listen princess,” he scoffs, attitude completely changing from the ones you’ve always seen him as. 

“I apologize if it was a bit uncomfortable for you back there, but I hope you know that your entire family clan is one of the few people I cannot trust right now” he raises his voice back, towering over your height. “Why is it that everytime I’m in this villa, I catch a shadow or two staring at the back of my head, following me around, or listening in on my conversations” he confesses, watching your eyes widen in disbelief. 

“You’ve got no solid proof of that, my lord,” you accuse, fighting back. “How strange, coming from a gentleman who gifted me a bouquet of flowers just minutes before” you point out, causing Mingi to look away and curse at his slip up of persona. 

You put a sarcastic emphasis on ‘my lord’, the same as he did with ‘princess’. Primarily because you hated princesses.  

“Considering that our families are about to be wedded in a little over a week from now, you better get used to coming into my villa filled with spies, whether you like it or not” you banter, wiping your lips with the back of your sleeve. 

“I get that you’re upset with this marriage, and I get that you are such a self-centered prick with trust-issues to only care about yourself, but that doesn’t give you the opportunity to suffocate my mouth like that asshole” you cry out. “or shove us behind a tree!”

Mingi stares stunned at your potty mouth, anger fuming from his ears. The two of you are pink in the face, chests heaving from the yelling, and you’re honestly not surprised if your mother, let alone the whole villa, ends up catching the both of you here together. 

Mingi is the first to break the intense staring between you two, clenching his fist as he closes his eyes to take a deep breath. He chastises himself for lashing out at you, hoping you don’t go telling everyone of his split personality. He has to persuade you, he thinks. Why not have a bit of fun as well? You’re going to marry him anyway.

Mingi lowers himself in front of you, coming down on one knee, before the other comes down as well, and he's kneeling in front of you, head hanging low. Your eyes widen at his gestures once again, suddenly breaking out of your intimidation stance.

“Mingi, what are you-”

“I’m asking for forgiveness my lady” he sighs, rubbing the back of his neck and seeming to regret his tone and words. Mingi looks embarrassed once again, and you think you’ve never seen a man go from an anger level of ten to one this quick. 

“I’ve been having trouble coming to the reality of this marriage, though I’ve also seemed to lack the ability to recognize how hard this sudden arrangement must’ve been on yourself. I apologize for my actions, and for the hurt I’ve caused you” he says sincerely, finally sounding like someone of noble birth and raising. 

“Oh,” you blurt, because what do you say to that?

“I-It wasn’t that bad, I guess” you say sheepishly, looking down at Mingi who looks like he's killed someone. “I wasn’t the nicest either'' you quip, holding your other arm. Mingi almost breaks character, smiling slightly at your voice but he holds his composure, head still handing down. He looks back to you, grasping onto the fabrics of your gown and suddenly diving his face into it, loud fake sobs muffled through the skirt. 

“I deserve to die!” Mingi dramatizes, back hunched over. “I don’t deserve this marriage!”

You're baffled, bewildered, and highly distasteful. Any term to describe how you feel about Mingi’s sudden breakdown. “I’m sorry my lady, please forgive” he sobs again.

Your heart pangs at the sight of him, but also lowkey cringing at the sight of a 6 foot tall giant keeling for your forgiveness and using your dress as a tissue. Not the ideal image you were looking for when you said you wanted Mingi to suffer. He should at least suffer without your expense.

“M-Mingi” you usher, patting his back when he suddenly cries even louder. You roll your eyes, thinking this was ridiculous.

“Death, Death is what I deserve, how dare I-” words keep spewing from his cries. 

“Mingi!” you say, catching his attention. The boy stops crying, face still in the fabric of your skirt.

“I-It’s alright I guess,” you say awkwardly. “We can reconcile, we’ll take this agreement slowly for the betterment of us and our families as well” you reason. “I forgive you, and I’m also quite sorry if I hurt you as well. That wasn’t nice of me” you say, giving in.

It's gone quiet for just a few seconds, before Mingi smirks through the fabric of your hanbok, letting it go, dusting his knees, and standing back up as if he didn’t just sob and guilt trip you tremendously.

“Lovely to know my lady, I’ll see that we have no hard feelings then” he smirks, realizing that you’ve been practically conned by the pity of a man. The bastard wasn’t even crying, as you looked at the dry fabric of your dress. He was just acting so that you’d overlook his actions, and forgive him so easily. Mingi sniffles fake tears, sarcastically sending you a smug grin. “Did I mention I was the middle child of four other brothers?” you blink, as the boy leans down to whisper at your level. “I’ve learned a few things here and there, my lady” 

You stare in disbelief. “Oh my god, that was all an act?” 

Mingi puts his hand behind his hips, walking freely and proudly about his accomplishment of calming your sudden temper down, smiling at the way you continue to get angry, but find no way to let it out.

“You did say you forgave me Y/N” Mingi smiles, finding the expression on your face actually cute.

“You liar!” you accuse, flabbergasted and in shock. You realized then that the Mingi you met in front of the elders that day, wasn’t the real Mingi at all. He was cunning, smart, and quite frankly, an excellent liar. 

He walks towards the doors of your villa, and you follow him all the way outside. Calling him out for his actions, telling him that he's scum, and that you won’t let him get away with this. All throughout the way. 

The two of you have already stepped out of the Choi family villa when your mother finally catches sight of the tall boy. “Mingi?” she gasps, viewing the two of you near the entrance. Her and her escapade of maids come down the steep stone steps, Mingi bowing courteously like the noble he fakes himself to be.

You gawk at the way Mingi greets your mother, kissing her hand as he asks how she has been, reassuring her that he had just visited to see his soon to be bride's face. You almost want to laugh when he gets to that part. 

“You should’ve still told your in-laws you were coming” your mother scolds, smiling happily at her soon to be son-in-law.

She looks at the state you’re in, hair still a little messy from the way Mingi oddly shoved your head into his chest to keep you quiet earlier. She chastises you, asking you if you greeted him in this state. 

The next thing Mingi does makes you almost want to barf directly onto him, only being able to stand in horror as he removes a stray hair from your face. “If you must know something about me mother, I cannot lie” he says, eyes glimmering as he stares at your own

“Y/N is simply the most beautiful girl in all of Joseon” 

You physically gag as your mother looks up at the taller boy and hugs him delightedly, holding his hand as she personally leads him out of the tall wooden doors. “My goodness, you’re quite the charmer after all, aren’t you” she giggles. 

Mingi links arms with the short woman, bent down slightly at her level the plans she had in mind. All before he looks back at you one last time, sending a wink that made you twist and turn horribly on the inside. 

_ 

“He’s cynical!” 

You’re pacing back and forth in your chambers now, a clear distaste for the man you’re supposed to be wedded to in less than a week. Seungkwan sits, staring at you as you stride back and forth. He made sure to keep his mouth shut or else he really thinks you’ll go crazy.

You whip towards him, head shaking in disbelief still. “That boy humiliated himself, only to then humiliate me!” you exclaim. Seungkwan furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “Didn’t he apologize sincerely to you?”

You stop in your tracks, looking at the boy in realization. “I-I guess he did..” you mutter, before going back to your protests. “But he was acting! He accused our family of having spies, people who were listening in on his conversations-” you exclaimed. 

Seungkwan sighed, stroking the fur of your petticoat he was cleaning in his hands. “The maids here are quite interested in the gossip and new marriage. Although I really do think the young master just likes you miss” he confesses. 

You turn your head, eyeing seungkwan in skepticality. “What makes you think that?” 

He gestures to the flowers on your dresser, displayed in a white marble vase. “He got you flowers, hugged you in his arms, and complimented your beauty” he shrugs, inspecting the fur in his hands.

You scoff, coming down to sit beside your friend. “One, he didn’t hug me, he suffocated me,” you remarked. “Two, the flowers and fake compliments are surely just so he can suck up to me so that I don’t tell his father who’s the ministry of defense” you said proudly about your observations.

Seungkwan sighs in disbelief, shaking his head. 

“Noble problems”

-

It's only two days after your first meeting with the Song clan, and wedding preparations are in full swing. From the chefs planning the array of traditional banquet foods, to the seamstresses designing the last touches to the bridal outfit you’ll wear. You don’t feel any better about this wedding, still worried about how you were going to live with a stranger, let alone a boy who you’ve realized is a total two-faced wacko. You often wondered if this arranged marriage could ever blossom into a real one, maybe becoming acquaintances with Mingi, even if you couldn’t be lovers.  

That all changes that rainy night, when you tell your servant boy, Seungkwan, that you’ll be making plans to visit the local market.

“B-but my lady! It’s raining astronomically out there! Must we really take the carriage to the market today?!” You send Seungkwan a look, already dressed in your outdoor coat, and a bamboo pencil case tucked under your armpit. “You shouldn’t be leaving the house for too long my lady. You’re supposed to be practicing your vows for your marriage ceremony soon,” Seungkwan worries.

“If you must really ask, yes, we do need to go today” you tell him, fixing your skirt once more. 

The boy looks in disbelief, scrunching his eyes in disapproval as he sighs and accepts your orders. “What on earth for?”

You turn around, already about to open your chamber doors before you shoot seungkwan a mischievous smile. 

“You’ll see Kwanie.” you say, laughing when you can already hear sounds of worry and irritation come from the poor boy's mouth.

You’re reminded why you should leave your family hanok more often. The rainy market streets of Joseon are less crowded than usual, but they are just as captivating seeing them through falling raindrops. Having the comfort of sitting in the intricately carved wooden palanquin, you leave your window slightly ajar, a way for you to get a glimpse of the humble life you always silently yearned for from afar. 

Too bad the chances will be completely gone out the window once you marry Mingi and become a stay at home nobleman's wife.

Vendors and street carts of a variety of businesses hurry to pack their items, last calls of discounted prices and newly imported goods from the neighboring capitals rolling in. Many rushed to cover their goods, finding refuge against the straw huts and villas, while others used their baskets and coats as makeshift umbrellas. 

“Seems that everyone is closing up” seungkwan observes, clutching his soaking cloak over his head, squinting as the rain gets in his eyes. You look to the bamboo pencil container you held protectively in your lap, clutching it close before you feel the palanquin come to a halt.

“We’re here, my lady” seungkwan’s rain-covered voice tells you, opening the doors for you to come out of. Stepping onto the wet ground and holding your cloak closer over your head, you look up to see the place you’d been looking for.

“Hwan’s General Store” seungkwan read out loud, narrowing his eyes as he struggled to read what the other signs beside it said. 

“Are you sure about this?” the boy whined, disliking the sketchiness of everything, especially on a rainy night such as this one.

Ignoring his comment, you proceeded to go in. “Shall we?” you offered, letting seungkwan roll his eyes in skepticality as he opened the sliding wooden doors for you. You glance quickly before walking in, failing to notice the crimson red that’s slathered on the rocks outside. 

Hwan’s greets you with the smell of ancient herbal medicines, freshly made wooden brushes, and the warmth of a burning candle left on the table of his desk. As you stepped into the store, you brushed off your soaked cloak, handing it over to Seungkwan who tucked it carefully over his arms. Taking out the container you stored carefully in your pocket, you awaited for the man himself to come and see you.

“Wait outside for me please Seungkwan,” you order the boy behind you. Immediately he steps up, protesting against your request. “I can’t leave you here alone!,” he exasperates, eyes going wide. “Who knows what will happen to a young lady like yourself! I’ll just stand behind, protect you-”

“Seungkwan,” you say with a little more order in your voice. “I’m okay” you tell him gently, putting a hand on his shoulder to prevent him from getting ahead of himself. You reassure the anxious boy down, promising nothing will happen to you.

And so after much convincing, the boy leaves you. Saying he’ll be right near the doors under the shop roof, listening in to your “possible cries of distress” as he had stated.

“Hwan?” you called out to the empty front of the store.

You realize it immediately. It is a little too quiet once you're alone. 

The pitter patters of the raindrops against the wood echo throughout the store, letting your gaze fall upon the various items the general shop had to offer. The room feels chilly, even a candle burning away. From blank paper scrolls to small foreign sweets, there was nothing you couldn’t find at Hwan’s. Which is exactly why you were here.  

“Lady Choi?” you hear an old voice say, instantly recognizing the circular rimmed spectacles that came out from the dark back of the store and greeted you always. “Is that you?”

The old man squinted his eyes, though his age now affected his vision, still able to see that his most valuable customer was standing right there in his shop

“Hello Hwan” you bow gracefully, sending him a smile. The man looked surprised to see you, looking back at inventory shelves he had behind him before sending you a large smile. “What may I do for you miss?” you took note of his hiding hands, shying behind his body from you to see. A faint bruise seemed to form near his right eye.

You handed him the bamboo case, your voice turning to an automatic hush. “I just need you to look into these brushes I mentioned to you last week. The special ones that were imported” you told him, sending him a look that relayed the importance. Really, it was just the bamboo case that acted as a mere cover for the information you protected inside.

Mr. Hwan looked at your items, quickly taking your bamboo scroll in both his hands and bowing to you in courtesy. “Of course my lady, right away” he assured. 

It isn’t until a shift of movement is heard at the back that sets your attention away from the man.

The store turns silent, the only sounds being shallow breaths from the both of you.

Hwan immediately comes up with an excuse, fumbling with the item in his hands. “Must’ve been the wind. I’ll be right back with your brushes my lady” Hwan is clumsy sometimes, but the old man has never been anxious like this. 

“And please,” he says, turning back to you once more. “Stay right there.”

The store owner rushes to his office quarters, once again leaving just you and the dimly lit room, the wind howling and the rain pouring above. 

And of course, you don’t listen. 

You walk around the shop, eyeing the intricate objects and foreign posters brought from nations that crossed seas and mountains from Joseon. You smile, seeing a familiar book placed in a bookcase nearby, stepping forward to inspect it. It isn’t until you reach for the scribe, that you see a sopping wet cloak strewn across a chair adjacent from it, freshly drenched and droplets still dropping one by one to the wooden floors. You furrow your eyebrows, noting how Hwan is always alone, never making trips in weather like this either. 

Your eyes widen when the drops fall pink, not clear like water. It’s then that you see it from the corner of your eye, the swift movement.

You whip your head back, a chill running up your spine. You swear you saw it. The movement of a person. Your instincts kick in, rummaging your pockets for the small knife you always carried, before realizing that Seungkwan has it in your coat. You breathe, trying to stay calm.

Taking the small wax candle by its handle, you peered into the darkness of the store, squinting through the shelves of shadows. Hwan was known for his collection of books, shelves reaching until the very end of the place. Each step you took, your heart only beated faster, hoping that you’re likely mistaken than right about a possible intruder. The rain roars louder, almost as a warning for you to leave immediately. 

After staring at nothing but darkness for a few moments, you sighed, letting the candle down onto the edge of the table and relaxing your shoulders. “What were you thinking Y/N…'' you mumbled incoherently to yourself. 

You sigh, turning to call for Hwan before a stack of books fall to the ground, gasping as you look down at the floor of the first bookshelf. Covered in darkness from no light in the store, you grasp the candle nearby, shedding light only on the pair of shoes of the stranger that stood right in front of you. 

A loud shriek escapes your lips, a hand muffling your voice before you even have the chance to scream for help. Dropping the candle to the damp floor, the room becomes dark with only moonlight.

The embrace is familiar somehow, and you don’t know why, only knowing that your self defense tactics come right on the spot, thrashing against the strangers build.

You desperately call for help despite the muffled groans, all before a voice calls to you.

“You’re fine, It’s just me” the man says, your eyes widening in recognition of that familiar deep voice you grew to hate. The man spins you around, letting your back hit the bookcase so you’re facing each other. Both of your chests heave up and down, tongue becoming dry and words dying in your throat. Though no light or fire to properly show the individual, the slivers of moonlight shining through was enough to illuminate the outline of his nose, the shape of his jaw, and the look of worry on his face. You step back in disbelief.

“Mingi?” 

Your fiance sighs, looking down with irritation to see his bride to be catching him in the act of hiding. “What are you doing here Y/N” he stays sternly, his gruff and weak voice making you shocked. 

“I should be asking the same thing to you, what are you doing here? you protest, shaking off his grip on your wrists as you push him away. Mingi’s spine hits the next bookcase, a painful groan that he tried so hard to conceal, slipping past his lips. 

“What are you-”

It’s only then do your eyes dart to the dark stain that bleeds into Mingi’s right abdomen, staining his expensive and rain drenched robes.

You gasp, hands coming to cover your mouth at the gruesome sight, the fairly deep slashed skin peering through the cuts of fabric, losing more blood by the passing second.

His breaths are heavy, and you almost have the genuine urge to punch him for scaring you like that, but instead rush to help the injured man stand properly first. You instinctively press your hand on top of his own, trying to stop the bleeding though the boy hisses at the excruciating pressure. 

“Y/N, shit” he curses, voice dying through his groans. 

“Mingi, what on earth happened to you? Are you alright? You’re bleeding-”

Mingi shuts his eyes in frustration, wincing in pain as he tries to calm you and your raging questions down. He pushes your hand on top of his wound away. “I’m fine.” he grimaces, though visibly getting weaker from the amount of blood he's losing. “Just ran into some trouble in the market.”

You make eye contact with the boy, wondering what trouble Mingi really meant. 

Mingi seems to read your mind after seeing your skeptical expression. “A couple of goons jumped me,” he added. “Couldn’t get enough of me, really” flashing a grin at you even as he was slowly losing his life in this situation. 

You furrowed your eyebrows, shaking your head as you looked into his eyes. “Mingi, we can’t leave you here like this, you need to get this wound treated” you insisted urgently. 

Mingi looks down at you, clutching his abdomen as he's about to protest, before Hwan miraculously appears in the moment. The bamboo pencil case you brought with you in his hand as he slides a small piece of paper inside. It isn’t until he sees the evident darkness, the two of you beside each other, and Mingi’s blood staining his floors, that he shrieks in surprise. Hwan quickly lights a match, holding up a light that illuminates his eyes going wide with fear.

Mingi’s breathing is starting to become uneven, and you realize that now you’ve got to act fast, even as you ignore all the questions you had for him inside.

You pleaded, every second passing making your fiance become weaker. “We need medicine, Hwan. Can’t you let him stay here?”

The old man doesn’t answer your questions, too busy snatching his merchandise beside Mingi that was getting droplets of his blood on them. “Not the new paintings from the Ming Dynasty!” Hwan yelped. “These cannot get blood on them!” he insisted, though dying down when he saw the glare Mingi sends him even in his state. 

Mingi hunched over, grasping his wound as he threatened menacingly. “Don’t make me give you another black eye old man-”

Hwan pouts his lip, muttering under his breath as he transfers the fire to a candle. 

You overlook the fact that your fiance was going around punching people and getting stabbed, adamant on showing Hwan the scowl on your face. “Did you know he was here?” you ask the merchant, glaring at him when he refused to meet your eyes.

“So this was what you were hiding, huh?” you scoffed, looking at the two men.

The older one sighed, moving a shelf behind you two, looking for something you couldn’t seem to care about at the moment. 

“I’m sorry my lady, I really didn’t mean to hide him from you!” he argued, opening shelves and rummaging through drawers. “I told the young master he couldn’t come in with his injuries like that, but he insisted so dearly, giving me this black eye and threatening that if-”

“The punch wasn’t even that hard!” Mingi groaned from the shelf behind, making you glare at both men from keeping this from you.

Hwan finally looks at you, finding a jar of herbal medicine in his inventory, and shoving the product in your hands, pushing the two of you towards the entrance.

“Forgive me my noble customers, but you have extended your stay for far too long” he stated with a shake of his head.

“Hwan, how are we supposed to-”

Opening the door, the owner shoves the two of you out, looking back to you one last time. 

“I apologize profusely my lady, but I cannot have a dead person in my store, not this time again” 

You gape with an open mouth and stare wide eyed at the man, making him sigh as he tells you one last thing. 

“That jar in your hand is the most prized herbal medicine that I’ve got. It’s used on wounds for them to heal faster. Once you strip the young master of his clothes and clean his wound, apply it directly for fast recovery”. You’re about to protest before a quick apology and the shut of the store door prevents you from finishing. 

The lights in Hwan’s general store finally go out, leaving you, your wounded fiance, and the staring moon to stand witness to the night's events. 

_

You knew you didn’t have time to waste. 

Mingi had already begun to fall in and out of his consciousness, breathing hard as he struggled to keep half of his body weight off from you. 

“y/n…”

“Stop speaking Mingi.” you cut him off. 

Wrapping his arm around your shoulder, you led him to the palanquin parked nearby, ignoring the high-pitched shriek that leaves Seungkwan’s mouth when he sees you two limp over. 

“My lady!” he gasps, rushing over with eyes wide as he first helps you lift Mingi up properly. “W-what happened?” 

You brush off the stares from the porters and Seungkwan himself, focused on getting Mingi into the vehicle and going to get help. 

“There's no time for an explanation now, Seungkwan. We have to bring Lord Song’s son back to his home. Contact the local physician to-”

A firm hand grasps your own, pulling you down so you’re faced with the wounded man inside.

Mingi’s eyes struggle to even open, but he nevertheless stares at you with an intense look you’ve never seen before. 

“Anywhere but my house” he grits, expression transforming into a look of warning and seriousness at your surprised face.

You argue back, “You’re crazy if you think we can go anywhere else right now, you’re going to die if we don’t-” Mingi grasps onto your hand as he pleads that you not go to his place. 

“I can’t go there” he warns you, staring into your eyes. “Please.”

A few agonizing seconds pass before you sigh and let go of his hand, untying the ribbon of your hanbok top. Mingi stares in silence, watching as you hurry to do so.

You wrap the fabric around his wound, tying a knot tight enough for him to curse profusely at the sharp pain, making you look up at his face and mumble a small apology.

Standing back up, you turn around to see a worried crowd staring back at you. You cut to the chase, holding the bamboo pencil case close in your arms.

“Back at our house,” you order, ignoring Seungkwan's protests. “Not a second to lose, so hurry up please.”. That’s all it takes for the ports to scurry in their positions, lifting the carriage back home.

When you’re outside your family villa, it’s a whole struggle trying to get past anyone that could witness the wounded stranger that's piggybacked on top of poor Seungkwan. Surprisingly enough, the three of you make it, with your best friend muttering how heavy Mingi was as he sets him down on your comforters.

“You’ve gotten herself into something again, haven't you?” Seungkwan pants, catching his breath. You continue to ignore him, asking to quickly get a few materials, a warm basin of water, and a bottle of alcohol. The servant boy can only sigh painfully before he dashes out the room.

The candle wick on your desk burns slowly, fluttering with every swift move you take to tend to Mingi’s needs. 

“Thank you,” Mingi admitted, looking at you when you turned around to face him in surprise. “You didn’t need to do all of this. You would have risked being caught by your parents.” 

You faltered, shaking your head as you told him firmly. “Listen, I don’t really like you that much, but I figured if i’m gonna be married to you, might as well have you alive first” you sighed, watching as Mingi slowly smiles at your comment, letting you take care of him. You for once, smile back, pushing down the small guilt concerning what’s inside the pencil case. 

First you rid him of his outerwear, taking his robes off to reveal his inner clothing stained all over with blood. You wince at the sight, wondering how on earth he's even come this far along. Now with the towels and warm water by your side, you begin to clean him up. “I’m gonna have to cut your robes” you tell him, swallowing hard as you prepare yourself.

What are you even preparing yourself for? you ask yourself. You feel stupid with how nervous you’re suddenly feeling. That you’re nervous about seeing your fiance’s bare body amongst all other dire things in this situation. You don’t even spare a glance at Mingi before you start tearing your ribbon and the fabric, revealing the fresh cut. Mingi bites his tongue. 

Just as you saw in the darkness of the store, it’s pretty deep. Flakes of dried blood surround the raw, injured area as it bleeds painfully onto the sheets. Nevermind them now. 

Mingi sucks in a breath of air, and you feel bad for what you’re about to do. You take a small handkerchief and fold it, telling Mingi to open his mouth. 

In the moment he simply obliges, but soon after a blood curdling scream is muffled through, as you place a towel damp with alcohol to disinfect the wound. You grimace at the groans coming from Mingi, looking away as you can’t seem to muster any courage to look at the expression on the poor boy's face. Seungkwan does the same, lips pursed in a thin line, though he tells him to quiet down for the sake of not getting caught.

After you try your very best to disinfect the wound, you proceed to wipe any other parts with water, blowing gently to let it receive some air. 

It's only up close when you see just how ripped Mingi is, and you almost choke on air. Christ, focus Y/N

“Hand me the bottle, Seungkwan” you say next, receiving the medicine Hwan promised you would help.

Mingi eyes the foreign substance that he hears sloshing around inside, gasping as he frightfully speaks. “W-What are you going to do to me now? Are you going to poison me?” he says, fear clearly going to his brain at the moment.

Seungkwan looks at him with an attitude, insisting that they were helping him not die, and that he should be more thankful.

You place your hand on top of Mingi’s scarred knuckles, reassuring him. 

“It’s gonna help you. Don’t worry”

And that’s all it takes for him to trust you, letting you apply the foreign liquid, clean up his wound, and bandage him up properly. 

Seungkwan just stared at the awkward, yet obvious romantic tension coming from the two of you when you bandaged Mingi’s bare body, deciding to not say a word in the process.

A glass of hot cinnamon tea is served, courtesy of Seungkwan’s amazing observation, seeing that the young lord needed something sweet for surviving all that pain just now. Mingi already seems to look better with some warm tea in his body, sitting up straight with only a loose, untied robe covering his muscular chest. With Seungkwan gone to fetch a new basin of water and dispose of the evidence discreetly, it leaves the two of you in a stream of silence. 

You focus on wrapping the extra bandages, not looking up to see his face.

He breaks the wall of silence first. “You’re good at bandaging.” he says, teacup warm in his right hand.

Mingi simply stares at you, and you can see him do it. 

You instinctively smirk, putting the last of the materials away. “I saved your life and now you’re nice, huh?” 

Mingi grins softly, eyelashes fluttering. “I gotta set my priorities straight after almost dying I guess” he shrugs. “I owe you one.”

You face him, the warm glow of the candles in your room lighting up the sides of his face, and suddenly making you unaware of any potential servants outside the room that could catch you two.

“So are you going to tell me why you have this wound?” you asked, raising a brow.

Mingi sighs, setting the teacup down.

“I told you, I was jumped.” he states, trying to solidify his point. “Those thieves stole my money and everything I owned.” he said through a sigh, running calloused fingers through his hair to keep it in place. 

You looked carefully at the boy, then pointed to his damaged robes left at the side. “Your coin pouch is still in there, and that ring is still on your finger” you point, looking at the expensive ruby ring that lo and behold, sits safely on his finger. No way someone wouldn’t rob that. 

Mingi lets his tongue poke the side of his mouth, staring you down, and even letting you stare back because he sees that you don’t want to lose. You’re very attentive, he observes. 

And he's right. Mingi is hiding something from you, and you know it. His whole facade of being his family’s dimwitted son is a cover, and you could tell from the last time near the willow tree, and tonight as well. Mingi is definitely smart and tactical. But he’s also a liar. 

He confesses finally after a few seconds. “I’ll stop with the whole dumb fool act, since you’re not buying it now.” 

You sit there in small shock, not thinking he’d start off like that. 

“You’ve guessed it by now, but I’m not as dumb and clumsy as you think I am-”

You interject. “No, I know you’re dumb and clumsy. It’s just that you’re also hiding something from me” you say, trying to humble him.

Mingi genuinely laughs at your comment, making you frown slightly because you actually meant it.

But then his smile fades and he leans closer to you, his robes opening to show his white bandaged torso that you did for him. You try to only stare at his face. “The country is in danger, Y/N.” he says in a low voice, as if someone else was listening. “We’ve had all our wars” you declared, not understanding what danger this was now.

“It’s affecting the people. The farmers don’t even have rice to feed themselves, and villages are going hungry. Men are selling themselves to the war, only to return back dead. The royal family doesn’t care about its people. Only themselves, and the greed of winning that blinds them”

You listen carefully, thinking back to the conversations your parents would have without you and Beomgyu. Your father coming home with a hunched back and dark circles because of the work at the palace government. Was this what he was concerned about?

“But there's hope, isn’t there? These men will receive compensation and work for the good of our country” you say, staring at Mingi who sighs at your innocence and leans back in your comforters.

“It’s not like that y/n. When have we cared for the people as the nobility? That’s why this country is like this.”

You take in what he tells you. “Then how does this apply to you being stabbed? What dangerous work are you putting yourself in if you’re not even a soldier or officer, then what are you? A reb-”

Your words die down, eyes widening in realization at what that leaves Mingi with. He only blinks once towards your direction, looking away after.

“You’re a part of the rebellion, aren't you?”

Mingi doesn’t deny or confirm, letting you sit back in your seat. 

You’ve heard of them. The people who defy the rulings of the nobility and royal family. The people who plot the revenge and death of King Choi. The farthest cousin from you in your Choi family clan. You thought back to the times when your father would praise the leader of your country for being distantly related to you. Someone who was killing and murdering your country, was the same person who shared blood with your very self. 

“There was a run-in with spies coming from the Palace walls,” he says. “They’re planning to wipe out any people with alliances of plotting against King Choi. I barely escaped when they raided our hideout, seeking refuge in Hwan’s.” he told you. 

His words hang in the air, the candles flickering on your table. 

“Then the act of being stupid…” you mutter, the puzzle pieces coming together.

Mingi says what you're thinking. “A dumb son is safer than a smart son to my father” he whispers, looking down at his lap.

“You didn’t go home because of your father possibly finding out.” you whispered.

Mingi nods. A minute seems to pass by.

“And you trust me with all this?” you finally ask, looking up at your fiance. You feel like you have to stop calling him that, even though he is your fiance. 

“Why not? You did save me.” he smiles, sincerely showing his gratitude for the first time since you met him. “Without you, I would’ve not made it.”

He leans in towards you, letting his body rest as he perches his arm. “I’ve even told you my secret. Now you’ve got to tell me what’s in that pencil case of yours” he smirked, nodding towards the important information that sat on your dresser. 

You look to where he speaks of, turning around and letting out a sigh. 

“Come on, I bet it doesn’t compare with what I’ve told you” he smiles to himself.

“I was trying to get into contact with this merchant…'' You confessed quietly. Mingi looks at you with a raise of his eyebrows. “For what?”

“To try and run away.” you answer.You look up, finally revealing the last part you’ve been saving this entire time. “And the contact of a hitman who’d offer to take you out…”

Mingi chokes on air, eyes widening as he immediately leans away from you, staring in horror as you sheepishly smile with guilt, trying to defend yourself. 

“Listen, after you pulling off that show-” 

“You really don’t want to get married to me, do you?” Mingi says quietly, watching your face. 

You sighed, regretting your irrational decision, knowing you couldn’t possibly kill someone just to not get married. Even finding a boat to the Ming dynasty was far fetched, even for a noble young girl like you.

“I’ll get married if I sincerely have to survive. But I just don’t think forcing myself to be with a stranger like that will be considered ‘living’ for me” you say. You really hope you’re not confusing Mingi right now, and you thank God when he actually seems to understand.

Something in Mingi’s heart pulls his strings. Maybe it’s because of how kind you’ve actually treated him, and the way you’re somehow the only person to know about his deepest secret. You’re the only one that has accepted him like this. 

You’ve suddenly got a grasp on him, he thinks. You’re so close to seeing his true identity and real self that it’s starting to scare him.

He simply rests his hand on yours, saying something you’d never thought he’d say.

“Let’s not get married.”

You try to comprehend what you just heard. “What?”

“I’ll try to convince my father. This marriage is going to be a waste for you and me, and I’d rather have both of us get our way instead of our parents' way.” 

“Mingi, that’ll be almost impossible, the wedding preparations and time-”

He cuts you off with a shake of his head. “That’s our decision. We should have a choice, not just them.” 

Mingi tells you one last thing, placing his hand on your own. You grasp it tightly.

“I’ll do it for you. I promise.”

The room is quiet, and as you lean in closer to Mingi, you try to forget all about the fact that your two worlds are collapsing. The war that rages, the people who suffer, the whole insecurity and distrust of it all. All you see is Mingi, shuffling closer, swallowing hard as you guess who’ll make the first move…

“Y/N, darling. Are you asleep?” your mother’s voice outside the door snapping the both of you out, making you gasp in realization. Her knocking on the door rings throughout the room.

Mingi’s lips stop puckering, and instead his eyes widen, scurrying to gather his things and erase any trace of his existence. He still groans a bit when he moves too suddenly.

“What do we do now?!” he whispers frantically, staring at you as you grip your hair in distress.

You’re frantically looking around. Seeing your large window and balcony, you quickly push the tall giant towards it. “Through the window!” you exclaim, covering the blood stains he left with your untainted comforters. 

Turns out, Mingi is more clumsy than you’d think he is, for the way he completely falls out of the window and lands right in your backyard. 

You gasp, hands coming to cover your mouth. 

“Y/N Darling, are you alright? I’ve got some wedding details to discuss with you!” your mom persists, growing more impatient and suspicious by the second. You assure her you're fine, telling her to give you a second as you rush to the window.

“Mingi?”

“I-I’m good” the boy replies meekly, frankly sounding the opposite, but already getting up and walking away on the grass like he knows your house.

“Front gate is that way” you whisper loudly, gesturing to the opposite direction he was turned in.

Mingi hurriedly strides to the other door, flashing you a sheepish smile that you have to admit is pretty cute if it weren’t for the urgency of the moment.

“Y/N!!!” your mother’s agonizing voice calls out again, snapping you from your daze.

“Coming!” 

You glace one last time to the boy disappearing through the night, pacing to reach the handles of your door. 

He’ll be fine. 

You take a deep breath, trying to forget about the boy who doesn’t know it yet, but has already won your heart over. 

You open the doors, putting up a fake smile.

!no distribution or translation of yunlvr’s work!

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Yes. Today is your anniversary with your long-time boyfriend, Jin. You've been dating since freshman year in college. Jin is the man of your dreams, the love of your life. It's a little disappointing that you're not married to him at this point in your relationship.

He was promoted recently to a regional manager position at his company, and he's gotten busier since then that it's so hard to spend time with him. There had been months when you never saw him in person, and you were limited to only video calls and texts because he went on too many business trips.

When you got a call from him yesterday morning and he invited you to go out to dinner with him tonight, you were elated. It's been so long since the last time you went on a date. You can't help but smile at the thought that despite his busy schedule, he remembered your anniversary.

The possibility of Jin proposing tonight entered your mind, but you quickly pushed it aside. You didn't want to get ahead of yourself.

But what if he does?

“I'm thankful for all the years that we were together,” You recall him saying earlier tonight.

After a nice dinner at your favorite fine-dining restaurant, he offered to drive you home. You were sitting in his car in your driveway. Jin was looking everywhere except at you as if he was searching for the right words to say next. “... but I think it's better for the both of us to grow separately from here.”

You felt a knot form from within your stomach. You’re tempted to ask a question you’ve been meaning to ask all this time but can’t bring yourself to.

But if you don’t ask now, you might never get another chance.

“Was it your assistant?” Jin didn’t reply. And you knew that was his answer.

Yunho caught your wrist and took the bottle of wine from your hand. “That’s enough. You’ve had way too much to drink.” He was sitting right next to you on his couch, but he got up to take the alcohol as far away from you as he can.

You whine as you hug your knees to your chest and bury your face on them. As soon as Jin left after he dumped you, you whipped your phone out and dialed Yunho’s number in a hurry. The last thing you wanted was to be alone tonight so when he answered after the second ring, you immediately asked him where he was and if you could go over to his apartment, cry your heart out as you drown your pain away with alcohol.

“I’m outside but I can meet you at my apartment in 20.” You heard Yunho say amidst the noise from the bar you assumed he was hanging out at. It’s Friday night. Of course, your hot best friend would be out in a bar. He was probably flirting with a cute girl when you called. You felt bad at the thought. You didn’t want to spoil anybody else’s night just because yours was terrible.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to ruin your Friday night,” You were fighting back tears and trying so hard not to sniff on the phone and give away the fact that you’ve been crying. But Yunho noticed. He always noticed.

“Everything okay?” Yunho asked. And right there, you let it out. “No.”

You feel a spot on the couch next to you dip as Yunho comes back to join you. His presence always has a calming effect on you. Aside from the fact that you didn’t want to be alone tonight all heartbroken, you needed emotional support. Being your best friend for as long as you have been with Jin, Yunho is the only person in this entire universe who can give you that comfort right now. With gentleness, Yunho places one large hand on your back and starts to soothe you.

“Am I ugly?” you slur at your words. It’s not a real question. Yunho’s right. You had way too much to drink and now it’s catching up to you.

“Are you what?” he sounds surprised. There’s a hint of humor in his tone.

“I don’t think I’m ugly?” you can feel your world spiraling. You place both hands on Yunho’s shoulders hoping that it will help steady you. “I mean—I’m not the prettiest girl in the world, hell, not even in this room and there’s only you and me here. But I think I’m decent?”

“No! Hell no!” he exclaims, shifting in his seat to get comfortable in front of you. “Of course, you’re pretty.” His other hand moving towards your face to tuck a stray hair behind your ear. “Not as pretty as me but so is everyone else.”

You chuckle and hit him on one shoulder. He’s not wrong. He’s absolutely beautiful. His kind eyes, round and dark brown in color—no one will ever guess that he sleeps around. He’s tall and even though he doesn’t have an overly muscular body, he looks strong. He towers over most of his guy friends. He’s an attractive man. You always found him attractive. You would’ve dated him if he wasn’t such a player.

Yes. Yunho is a player—a pleasure-seeker—as he likes to put it.

Aside from the fact that he’s hot—yes, as much as you hate to admit it—Yunho has his way with words. You’ve seen him talk to other girls before on multiple occasions and there’s no way anyone could resist his charms. It’s so easy for him to get a girl anywhere he goes.

In all the years you’ve known him, he’s never been in a steady relationship. The longest relationship he’s had—if you can consider it one—that you can recall was probably a week. When you asked him once before why you’ve never seen him with a girl longer than a week, he just shrugged and said, “I refuse to waste my youth in a monogamous relationship and vow to use this precious time to explore and have fun.”

You respect his choice, but you couldn’t be more opposite. You’d rather be in a steady relationship with someone you can completely trust and give your whole heart to than waste your time sleeping around. It’s important for you to belong to someone who makes you feel secure… like Jin. Well, not anymore. He fell for his assistant and although he claims nothing has happened between them, he still broke up with you so something can actually happen between them, and the thought is making your blood boil again.

“I hate him! I even put my pretty underwear tonight because I thought after 5 months, I’ll finally get laid!” you pull your shirt up to prove it, revealing a black lace lingerie underneath. “The panties match too,” you say as you reach down for the button of your jeans.

You hear Yunho choke as if something is stuck in his throat. He averts his gaze, grabs your hands before you can strip in front of him, and quickly pulls your shirt down to cover your almost bare chest. “I did not need to know that, and I definitely did not need to see that.” He says, emphasizing on ‘that’. His ears turning a pinkish color.

It’s the first time you’ve ever splurged on a lingerie. Hell, it’s the first time you’ve ever bought lingerie—period. You spent over a hundred dollars for this set, and it was all for nothing.

“I have needs too, you know?” you snap. “It’s been way too long and I’m desperate. I thought maybe this will bring the spark back in our relationship.” Unsure why you made air quotes in your mind at the word ‘spark’, you look down on your fingers. Yunho is still holding your hands in his.

You turn towards the back of the couch and bury your face into the cushion wailing in defeat. Much more than your heart, it hurt your pride that your boyfriend—now ex- boyfriend decided today, out of all days, to break up with you. With all the last-minute cancels on your date plans and the fact that you saw him only eight times in the past 5 months and none of those times was he intimate, you were tempted too. You almost ended it yourself. But for the sake of all the years you’ve been together, you decided to give your relationship another chance.

Whether you’re hurt because he threw away all the years you were together for someone he met only a few months ago or because he broke up with you first, you’re unsure.

“Hey,” Yunho says in a low tone. “I’m sorry. That sounded mean.” He reaches for your chin and gently turns your head to face him. “Please stop crying… or I might end up punching someone out.”

“You’re lying,”

“You’re right. I hate getting punched in the face. I like my face too much,” he says as he brings one hand to rub his own cheek.

You laugh. You always enjoy these playful banters with Yunho. No matter how serious the situation is, he never fails to crack you up with his playfulness and funny antics. You try to recall the last time Jin has ever made your stomach hurt out of laughing so much but you don’t have such a memory while you always end up throwing your head back in laughter whenever you’re around Yunho.

You straighten up. His hand is now cupping your jaw, his thumb gently swiping away the tear that has fallen down your cheek. “Please stop crying. I hate seeing you cry.” He’s serious now. “It’s his loss. He’s a complete idiot for letting you go. He doesn’t know what a gem he’s missing out on. It sounds cliché but it’s true, there’s plenty of other guys out there who will treat you better.”

“Yeah?” a small smile curving on your lips. “Except you, apparently,” you tease him.

“Yeah,” you see him smile but it didn’t reach his eyes.

You turn towards his hand that is still cupping your jaw, his thumb still resting against your cheek. You feel your lips brush against his skin and the friction makes you close your eyes. His hand feels warm, it’s making you sleepy. Somehow, this moment with Yunho just feels right. He has one arm over the back of the couch. The warmth radiating from his body is enough to let you know he’s moved closer to you without having to open your eyes. He’s right there. He’s close and you feel safe. You turn your head towards his hand once more and this time, you plant a soft kiss on his thumb.

When you open your eyes, you see Yunho looking intently at you. His eyes dark and his lips slightly parted. His breathing shallow and fast. Whether it’s the alcohol making you adventurous or the look on his face as you plant more kisses on his thumb and palm, you’re unsure. You hear him gasp. He likes this. The idea of you having this much effect on your best friend is boosting the confidence you thought has been completely shattered a few moments ago.

Still feeling dizzy and your head cloudy, your brain fails to stop the words from coming out of your mouth. “Can I?” you ask him. Yunho opens his lips, but words fail him. Looking over you, he swallows hard. And you take that as a yes.

Once more, you plant a soft kiss on his thumb before you finally take it in your mouth.

“Mmm,” he moans softly as you swirl your tongue around it occasionally ghosting your teeth against his skin. How can his thumb feel soft and rigid at the same time against your tongue?

“Fuck,” he groans, and you grab his wrist to steady it, pushing his thumb deeper.

In haste, he takes his thumb out of your mouth. You lean forward hoping to catch it.

“Come here,” he grabs the back of your neck as he firmly presses his lips against yours. The suddenness of his action startles you and you start to wonder if you’re just dreaming it.

Is this real? Am I this desperate for intimacy that I’m dreaming of kissing my best friend?

Yunho’s lips start to move against yours, and it pulls you back to reality. It’s real. Your best friend is kissing you and he’s awfully good at it.

An inexplicable feeling of relief and appreciation washes over you. Yunho holding you in his arms feels right. He feels like home. It feels right to be with him.

“Yunho—,” you breathe into his mouth, and he takes this chance to slowly deepen the kiss. You grab onto his arm for support, his opposite hand wrap around your waist, pulling you closer to him. The feel of his body against yours is making your head spin out of control.

“Oh fuck,” he moans into your mouth, and it sends shivers down your spine. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, his forehead pressed against yours. You close in on his mouth in desperate need as if you can’t get enough of him. You never want his lips to leave yours even for one second. Yunho kisses you again, his tongue finds your upper lip flicking it twice. You gasp at the sensation, and he slides his tongue into your mouth, tangling it with yours. He’s so good at this.

You groan, frustrated that you can’t seem to get close enough, so you gently place one hand on his chest and push him against the back of the couch as you swing one leg over his hips so you’re straddling him.

His gaze still fixed on you, his expression full of shock and lust. One hand reaches for the back of your neck bringing your lips back to press against his, the other winding around your waist. He shifts his pelvis forward, the stiffness underneath his jeans brushes against your core, and you whimper. You’ve never been kissed like this. Your mouth has never been devoured like a delicious dessert while strong arms were wrapped around you, holding you in place.

“Y/n,” the sound of your name on his lips is enough to send your mind into overdrive. You start grinding your body against his almost unconsciously, matching his rhythm. You feel his erection rub against your clothed core once again and this time you throw your head back at the contact.

“Oh,” you moan, the room suddenly feels so hot. If it gets any hotter than this, you might combust. You feel Yunho’s lips move to your cheek, down to your jaw and now he’s planting hot, wet kisses on your neck.

Both arms are wrapped around you now and you feel him bury his face on your neck while he tries to catch his breath. You grab onto his shoulders, your lips pressed against his hair. He stopped kissing you so suddenly but he’s still holding you close, leaving you confused.

“What’s wrong?” you ask him. He doesn’t answer, instead he squeezes you into the hug a little harder.

He finally breaks away from you. He gathers your legs on one arm and suddenly, you’re no longer straddling him.

Barely sober and still confused, you try to look into his eyes but his wouldn’t meet yours. Yunho has a somber expression on his face, one you’ve never seen before in all the years you’ve known him. He’s always been energetic and playful. You’ve never seen this side of him before. You want to ask him again to check that he’s okay, but you can’t bring yourself to open your mouth.

“You must be tired. You should go to sleep,” he gives you a small smile though he doesn’t look at you. He stands up, still holding you in his arms, and starts walking down the hall to his bedroom. The door is slightly open. He kicks it with one foot to let both of you in his room.

He’s so quiet. It’s so unlike him. You think to yourself as he lowers you down on his bed. He pulls the duvet out from underneath you and tucks you in. You stare at him intently, looking for his eyes amid the barely lit room. He finally meets your gaze, the expression in his eyes, unreadable. You feel his fingers brush against your cheek.

“Good night, y/n,” you feel the mattress shift as he stands and make his way towards the door. You try to reach for his arm hoping you can convince him to stay right next to you, but he already left.

He left.

Yunho left you in his room. By yourself.

You feel your throat close. Tears are rolling down your face and onto the pillow. The reality hit you. You just kissed your best friend, and he’s clearly regretting it.

Does he hate me?

Did I just ruin our friendship?

You turn and bury your face onto the pillow, silently praying that he doesn’t hear you cry from outside his bedroom. You thought you were heartbroken when you came here but now you feel as if your heart has been ripped out. Are you grieving the end of your relationship with Jin or the pain of rejection from your best friend? You’re pretty sure it’s the latter.

—

It’s been a week since that faithful night. You still can’t believe that you and Yunho shared a steamy kiss after you were dumped.

You haven’t seen him since, and you miss him terribly. But thinking about the way things went down that night and the lingering heartache, you resolve that it’s best that you don’t run into him for a while. At least until you’ve accepted that he just doesn’t see you as a woman.

To Yunho, you’ll always just be his best friend. Nothing more. And that’s enough. It should be.

You’re surprisingly thriving for someone who was dumped just a week ago. With all the years you’ve spent with Jin, you thought you would at least cry in bed for a week. But after only three days, you’re back to your usual routine. Things at work are going smoothly, your family is healthy, and you started working out again. Life is good—aside from the fact that you can’t bring yourself to reply to Yunho’s text from the following morning.

You feel your phone vibrate over your head and it woke you up. When you open your eyes, you noticed the sheets immediately. You’re not in your bed. This is not your room. And then you remembered. You’re in Yunho’s apartment. You came over as soon as your ex-boyfriend, Jin, dropped you off.

You quickly check the time on your phone. It’s flashing 7:15AM on the screen. The sun is already up, the warm sunlight is barely penetrating through the thick drapes.

You slowly sit up, pain splitting through your skull. You recall bringing your own poison last night, hoping it will drown out your sorrow, but your heart is still aching and now you have a hangover too.

You gasp as you recall another memory from last night. Yunho’s lips were against yours. One moment you were sharing the hottest kiss you’ve ever had in your entire life, then the next thing you know—it was over. You clutch your chest, the pain of rejection still lingering.

You carefully turn the doorknob to Yunho’s bedroom, praying you don’t wake him up if he’s sleeping in his small living room because you might die of humiliation, considering how things unfolded last night. You peek your head out the door and find him sleeping on his couch.

You tiptoe towards him, carefully grabbing your stuff that are spread all over the floor.

Yunho is sleeping soundly on his back, one arm covering his eyes. Your legs bend almost to their own accord as you bring yourself closer to watch over him.

He looks so peaceful. Your gaze trailed down towards his lips and you recall the feeling of them against yours. You notice how his lips perfectly curve into a heart shape. Were they always plump like this?

Yunho shifts slightly in his sleep. You place one hand over your mouth trying your best not to make a sound as you jump up, moving as far away from him as possible, hoping you didn’t wake him.

It seems like he’s still fast asleep. You quickly yet carefully put your shoes on and grabbed your things. You glance back at him one more time before you head out the door, gently shutting it behind you.

As soon as you got home, you plopped down on your own bed, you heard your phone vibrate from inside your purse. You reached for it, took your phone out to look at what the notification was for.

It was a text message.

From Yunho.

[Yuyu] “I noticed you already left. Did you have coffee at least?”

You wanted to text him back, but you couldn’t think of a good reply. You tried: “Yeah. I didn’t want to wake you” Delete. Delete. Delete.

You tried again: “I didn’t have enough time” Delete. Delete. Delete. You took a long sigh and put your phone back into your purse.

It’s 6:58PM on a Friday night. You’re mindlessly looking through Netflix’s library of shows and movies you can watch while you eat your dinner. It’s been 30 minutes, you’re done eating, but you still can’t find anything good to watch. As soon as you let out a sigh, you hear your phone vibrate on the couch.

[Minmin] “We’re going to the Rec Room tonight. Do you wanna come?”

It’s Mingi. You wonder by ‘we’ does he mean all the boys are coming? Including Yunho?

You don’t really have anything interesting to do tonight and it’s been a while since you hung out with them but are you ready to see Yunho? You’ve held out so well. Are you ready to face him after you’ve been rejected and heartbroken? What if you act awkwardly around him? What if the others notice? Wait—do they know?

It’s not that Yunho didn’t try to reach out after your multiple failed attempts at replying to his text. He did. He called you a couple times, but you never answered. You froze every time you saw his name on your phone screen and even if you were so desperate to hear his voice, you couldn’t bring yourself to answer, and he was sent to voicemail each time.

One time, he left a voicemail:

[Yuyu] “Hey… I haven’t seen you in a while. Just wanted to check in… Hope you’re okay.”

He’s sweet as ever, you nearly tear up. How can you hate this man for the let down when he’s being thoughtful like this?

You met Yunho just a little after you started dating Jin in college. Even then, he’s always been so popular with the girls.

One semester, you had the same class. You were both late, so you settled at the back of the room. You instantly clicked and ever since then, you’ve been great friends.

It’s probably because you were already dating Jin at the time but looking back, you never really wondered what Yunho thinks of you. You’ve met every single one of his rendezvous and you never once wondered if he would be interested in you in a similar way.

Besides, casual hookups were never your thing. You’re such an idealist when it comes to relationships. And that’s why even if Jin didn’t give you butterflies in your stomach or the dizzying feeling of being in love, you stayed with him, and at one point in your relationship, you believed you were in love with him.

Fiery passionate relationships scare you. You’ve heard and witnessed too many horror stories of intense, burning, hot relationships only for it to die down faster than it started. Jin felt safe, and that was exactly what you wanted.

But after the moment you had with Yunho in his apartment last week, you’re not so sure anymore. You at least know that if it’s with him, you’d be willing to give it a chance.

That’s enough reminiscing for one night. You stop yourself before you can even start going down the rabbit hole filled with what ifs. You bite the inside of your cheek as you type a reply to Mingi’s text, letting him know you’re down.

—

It only took you 18 minutes to get to the Rec Room by Uber. You worry that you might get trashed tonight so you decided to leave your car behind.

Loud noises from pin ball and video games, as well as the thrilled clamor of players welcome you into the large space.

You pass by a series of game machines and find your friends huddled around the laser hocky table. Mingi and San are playing against each other, and it looks intense from where you’re standing. Even though you can practically feel your heart in your throat, your eyes search for a familiar face, and you found him. But an instant wave of regret starts to weigh on your chest, your stomach in knots. You rethink your decision to hang out but it’s too late now.

You see Yunho standing against an arcade basketball machine, a bottle of beer in hand, a petite girl whispering into his ear. Whatever she said, it must have been funny because you see them giggling together. She’s wearing a light blue cropped tank and a mini jean skirt to match, an oversized cardigan over her shoulders. She has a full face of makeup on. She’s cute.

You unconsciously look down and start examining your own outfit. It’s a casual night so you decided to wear your favorite pair of lululemon leggings, a blue flannel over your cropped tank and stepped into your go-to Nike Airforce 1s. You put a light wash of makeup on but loaded up on the mascara before you head out.

You initially thought that it’s just the boys, they’ve seen your potato state multiple times before, they wouldn’t care. But now, you wish you’d put a little bit more effort into how you look.

Not that you want to impress Yunho or anything. Right?

“y/n!” Mingi shouting across from you, interrupting your thoughts. You notice Yunho turn his head in your direction from your periphery. He straightens up as soon as he sees you.

Mingi starts jogging towards you. He opens his arms wide and pulls you into a bear hug. “I’m glad you could make it!” he says, a smile curving on his lips, making his eyes disappear. You rest your chin on his shoulder, but the height difference is straining your neck.

“Thanks for inviting me!” you say amid the struggle.

As soon as Mingi breaks away, you see San come around the corner. “Hey!” he starts messing up your hair, earning him a groan from you. “I haven’t seen you in a while, I almost forgot how you look like!” he pouts.

“I’m sorry,” you tell him, biting the inside of your cheek. “I’ve been busy lately and there’s been… some changes in my life.” Your eyes find Yunho’s, looking intently at you as he slowly approaches you. You can’t tell if he’s happy to see you or what.

You exchange greetings with the other members then finally you hear Yunho speak.

“Hey,”

“Hey,” you respond awkwardly, barely able to hold his gaze.

“I didn’t know you were coming,” he says.

“Yeah,” you look at your feet, shifting your weight from side to side. “Mingi invited me. I didn’t’ have any plans so…” you continue, wondering why you feel so awkward. It’s just Yunho and his friends… and a cute girl.

You consider running back home and hiding from the world forever when someone else finally starts talking and you breathe a sigh of relief. You look up to see the same petite girl that was standing next to Yunho just a few moments ago.

She holds out a hand. “Hi,” she greets you, a sweet smile plastered across her face. “I’m Mina. You’re y/n?”

You try to hide your surprise at the fact that she knows your name. You wonder if you’ve met her somewhere before but you’re pretty sure tonight is the first time you’re seeing her.

“Hi! Yes—,” you reach out for her hand and gently shakes it.

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” she adds, beaming. Panic starts to bubble up in your gut. You wonder who told her about you. Is it Yunho? Are they together? Did you miss the memo and kissed your best friend, not realizing he’s already seeing someone else?

The thought makes your stomach roll. “I hope they were all wonderful things,” you say, trying your hardest to put on a smile.

You feel stuffy suddenly and you look around, praying for someone to come and rescue you from this awkward situation.

Like an answered prayer, Mingi comes back and interlocks one arm around yours. “What do you want to drink?” He gently pulls you towards the direction of the bar and you’re so thankful for his aid, you can almost kiss him.

—

It’s only 10PM but you can barely keep your eyes open. Mingi notices you yawning into your forearm.

“Tired?” he asks, bringing his long fingers to softly pinch your cheek.

“Yeah. I think I’m done for the night,” you say as you take one last sip of your cocktail.

Mingi has no idea how thankful you are that he pretty much never left your side the entire night. He’s so attentive, occasionally asking to make sure you’re still good. He takes you with him whatever game he takes interest in playing next or whenever he goes to the bar to get another round of drinks for everyone. He’s kept you busy. Busy enough to barely notice Yunho being all chummy with Mina. You feel a sharp pang of jealousy in your chest. He’s your best friend and you want to be territorial, but you can’t. He’s not yours. You remind yourself.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa are playing pool. You’re not sure where San and Yeosang are. Jongho is sitting right next to Mingi, scrolling through his phone. To your relief, Wooyoung has kept Mina entertained the entire night, although Yunho doesn’t go too far away without the two. You occasionally feel eyes on you and when you look up, you meet Yunho’s gaze. He has a blank expression on his face. You’re the first to break eye contact each time.

You press up to your heels and start gathering your stuff. “Did you bring your car?” you hear Jongho ask.

“No. I Uber-ed here just in case I get trashed. I don’t want to leave my car in the parking lot,” you say.

Mingi stands up and pulls you into a hug. He’s such a sweetheart. He’s been touchy and clingy all night. You don’t really mind since out of all of Yunho’s friends, Mingi is your baby.

“I’m so happy you came. I’ve been missing your face,” he says, gently pressing one hand at the back of your head, pulling you closer.

“Thank you for inviting me! I would’ve stayed in my sweats and spend the whole evening looking for something to watch on Netflix until I fall asleep,” you say, wrapping both arms around his waist.

He rubs your back with one hand before he lets you go.

“Did you book your ride yet?” you hear Yunho ask. You turn around, surprised to see him standing behind you. He was just talking to Wooyoung and Mina across the room.

“I have,” you answer him. “It should be here in 10 minutes. The driver is dropping off their last passenger somewhere close—”

“Can you still cancel it?” he asks again. Why does he look so serious?

You give him a confused look. “I brought my car. I can drive you home. Cancel it,” he explains.

“But you’ve been drinking too?” you argue.

“I only had one bottle,” he counters. “I didn’t want to drink too much in case you need me to drive you home.” His words tug at your heart. This is classic Yunho. It’s like he has a ‘y/n’-needs-help’ radar. He always seems to know when you’re in need of something or looking for help and he always manages to be there for you. And when he’s not available, he sends one of these guys so even if they’re technically his friends, you feel like you’re a part of the group too.

“Oh no! It’s fine. They’ll be here in 10 minutes—” you check the app on your phone. “9 minutes now.”

“y/n,” Yunho says in a firm tone. “I’m driving you home.” It’s not a question or a request.

You sigh. “Okay,” you concede, canceling the booking after you’ve checked that it’s not too late.

Yunho quickly runs up to Wooyoung and Mina across the room. You figure he’s letting them know that he’s leaving to drive you home. You can’t help but catch Yunho’s hand squeeze Mina’s arm and it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. You don’t like that he’s being intimate with another girl, and you realize that you’re being absurd for thinking that way, but you can’t help it. It didn’t bother you before but now it does and the thought that you can’t have Yunho all to yourself makes your heart sink.

“Let’s go,” Yunho says, and you head towards the parking lot. Although Yunho gets around, you’ve never seen him friendly with another girl before. He always drew the line at flirting. Maybe you just didn’t pay much attention? You never pry into his business, but you recall one time when you asked him out of sheer curiosity if he ever talks to the girls after he sleeps with them.

“No,” he says casually. “I don’t talk to them or see them ever again after that one night. I’m not looking to get in a relationship, so I hate to give anyone the wrong impression.”

—

The entire ride home was uncomfortable to say the least. Both of you barely spoke, tiptoeing around each other. His radio was on but all you could hear was the sound of your heart pounding. The awkwardness in the air was too much for you to bear so you resorted to fake napping.

Yunho pulls into your driveway. You open your eyes, straightens yourself up and quickly unbuckles your seatbelt.

“Thanks for driving me home,” you say, giving him a small smile. Not waiting for his reply, you reach for the car door and hurriedly step out. “Good night, Yunho.”

You head towards your front door, a lump in your throat starts forming. You sigh.

Why am I having such a hard time trying to talk to him? We’ve been good friends for so long. It was never hard like this.

Even while you pretended you were sound asleep the entire ride home, all you could really think about was how much you missed Yunho. It was hard not to see him for a whole week when you almost lived together considering how often you came over to each other’s apartments. When you don’t see each other longer than what’s considered normal for the both of you, you at least exchange text messages or call each other. When you think about it, you’ve seen Yunho more often that you’ve seen your ex-boyfriend Jin in the past 5 months.

Since that night, you’ve been aching to touch him again and the fact that he’s sitting right next to you, so close yet so impossible to reach is driving you mad, the fear of another rejection hanging over your head.

You get inside your apartment but before you can shut the door, you see Yunho trying to squeeze his form into the door frame. “Do you have beer?” he asks, breathing hard as if he’s been running.

It takes you a second to realize you’re staring at him but not letting him in, so you open the door a little wider.

Yunho gets in and closes the door behind him. He follows you straight to the kitchen then to the refrigerator. You grab two cans of beer and hands him one. Yunho quickly cracks it open, taking a big sip. You both lean against the kitchen counter, standing side by side.

You try to focus on your beer and not on the fact that Yunho is standing so close you can feel his warmth against your skin. His elbow gently bumps into your side, and you jump. You look up to meet his eyes.

“Sorry,” he says softly, finally breaking the silence.

“It’s okay—” you assure him, turning your gaze forwards.

“Are we okay?” he asks, you can tell he’s staring at you from your periphery.

“Yeah,” you say, looking at the beer can in your hand. “Why wouldn’t we be okay?” It’s not a total lie. You tried to feel okay, to bring back the same dynamic you had with Yunho before that night, but you failed miserably after each attempt. In truth, you haven’t been feeling okay since that night, all week, all night but you can’t tell him that. You can’t risk another heartache.

“I feel like you’re avoiding me…” he says in a small voice.

Yunho places his beer can down on the countertop. He turns to face you, placing one hand on the counter on either side of you. “Are you?” he asks. He’s searching for your eyes, but you keep your head down. “Talk to me… please,” he continues when you don’t answer. He sounds like he’s in pain.

He notices you fidgeting with your beer can. He gently takes it away from your hand and places it down on the countertop next to his.

You feel your cheeks heat up and you bit your lower lip, trying to fight back the tears that spring to your eyes. You look down at your fingers, trying to muster up the courage to tell him what’s been weighing on your mind this past week. He cups your jaw with one hand, his thumb gently stroking your cheek. He nudges your head up, forcing you to look at him.

You feel a lump in your throat forming, your stomach in knots at the thought that you may be passing the point of no return, but you’ve had enough of hiding your feelings. “You do it all the time with other girls,” you blurt out, meeting his gaze steadily, “why not with me?”

It took Yunho a moment to realize you’re talking about that night.

“Y/n,” he sighs, and it hurts. The heartache you endured last week has nothing on the pain you’re feeling right now. You already know what he’s about to do or say. Still, it doesn’t make it easier to hear the rejection straight from him.

“Because it’s you—” he says, dropping his hands by his side. You interject quickly before he can finish hoping it will soften the blow. “I- I’m sorry. I was stupid and I needed- I needed you…” your voice breaking. You swallow and turn in your spot away from him, so you don’t have to face him when he finally turns you down.

“I know you don’t have feelings for me… I know you don’t see me like that,” your heart breaks all over again and you can’t help the tears that are now spilling over. “It’s okay… really. I love you just the same.”

You feel his fingers reach for your elbow and you squeeze your eyes shut. You’ve been aching for his touch. So desperate to feel his body against yours. But he doesn’t want you—at least not in the same way—and it hurts. It hurts that you realized too late that you love him. It hurts that he can’t return your feelings. It hurts that you potentially just ruined your friendship, and it hurts because you don’t know how to go back to the way things were.

You step back away from the counter, Yunho mirroring behind you. This is too much, too painful for you to handle. Much more painful than when Jin ended your relationship of so many years. You hurriedly go around the corner of the counter, heading towards the living room when Yunho grabs your wrist, stopping your tracks.

“What do you mean?” he asks. You glance at the floor before looking back at him. His eyes roam over your features as if he’s looking for something. You hesitate slightly before opening your mouth to say something you know you’ll immediately regret.

“I- I’m in love with you.”

Yunho’s eyes widen at your confession. He opens his mouth then shuts it close again. Your eyes are overflowing with tears now and you look down at your fingers before you wipe your face with the back of one hand. “I- I don’t know when I started feeling this way…” you stutter, “but I know it wasn’t just because of that one kiss,” you’re talking faster now. “I’m sorry… I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but I can’t keep ignoring these feelings anymore—”

Yunho takes a step towards you. He places both hands on your face, cupping your jaw and he dips in to kiss you. One of his hands travel down your back, he holds you tight and pulls you closer. The kiss is rough and desperate, leaving you breathless when he finally breaks away. He bends down low and presses his forehead against yours.

“Oh,” he sighs. “What am I going to do with you?” an amused laugh on his lips.

You push him back, brows furrow in confusion. “Wait, what—”

He straightens up. “I love you,” he says simply, eyes sparkling, the corners of his lips pull up to a smile. “I’ve been in love with you since the moment I first met you.”

You shake your head, more confused than ever from the sudden confession. “But… you didn’t want me? You pulled away?”

He sighs again and look at his feet. “I knew you needed that release and I know I could give it to you. I want to,” he pauses. “But because it’s you, I didn’t.”

He reaches for your wrists and hold them in his hands, his thumbs drawing little circles on your skin. “I can’t make love with the woman of my dreams and expect for it not to crush me.” He looks back up at you, his gaze soft. “You were drunk, and I didn’t want to take advantage of you. What if you wake up the next morning and regret all of it? It would’ve broken my heart.”

Woman of his dreams.

“Y-you never said anything. You never—”

“Made a move on you?” he finished your sentence for you. “Jin was good to you, and I didn’t want to be that guy. You always seemed happy and content, so I buried all these feelings deep down inside of me hoping to forget they even exist.” He says quietly. “I know this sounds cliché so don’t laugh at me,” he pauses, his gaze steady on yours as if he’s waiting for you to swear it. “I wanted to stay in your life no matter what, even if it meant being your friend—your best friend—I was willing to do it.”

“Oh,” your breath hitches.

“But you came to me, and I let my guard down,” he says, bringing both hands to cup your face, his thumbs wiping away any remnants of tears from your cheeks. “All it took was one kiss to bring those feelings back up to the surface. I wanted to tell you sooner, but I thought maybe you need space—some time away from me—considering how you never responded to my texts and didn’t take my calls.”

“I’m sorry,” you mutter, “I thought I’ve been rejected, and I was hurt. I didn’t know how to face you…”

He chuckles. “Basically, we’re just a bunch of idiots… waiting on each other.” He says, tucking a stray hair behind your ear. “Promise me, we won’t do this again.” He holds your hands and squeezes them. “If you want to tell me something, don’t hesitate… tell me. I promise to do the same—like we’ve always done.”

You nod and Yunho kisses you again, gentler this time as if he’s afraid to hurt you then he deepens the kiss, pouring all the feelings he’s been trying to hide all these years into it. You’re both panting, desperate for oxygen when you pull away. “I love you, y/n. I’ve loved you for so long.”

“I love you too, Yunho.”

Wrapping your arms around the back of his neck, this time you kiss him. He lets out a moan and you can’t help but feel the heat pooling in your core. He wraps his arms around you, his large hands reaching down to cup your ass, pressing his hard length against your belly, your knees turning Jell-O. “You have no idea how much I’ve been wanting to take care of you since that night,” he says between kisses. “I barely stopped myself. I wanted you so bad.”

“Yunho—" you whimpered, desperate for more, eager to get closer, you grind your body against his. A low growl escapes his lips and the sound of it makes your skin tingle. He grabs your waist and turns your body, so your back is against the counter. Without breaking the kiss, he grasps your sides, lifts you up and sits you on the countertop before squeezing his form in between your legs. “I don’t think I can stop myself this time.”

“Then don’t,” you breathe into his ear.

“Oh,” he grins. “I’m not planning to.”

His lips trail down the side of your jaw and up towards your ear, nipping at your lobe. He starts moving south, planting hot, wet kisses on your neck. You feel his hands everywhere, palming every dip and mound and you stifle a moan.

His fingers start moving up from your thigh towards your core. When he runs his thumb along your aching heat, you nearly lost it.

“Fuck,” you grab onto his shoulder for support. “Hmm… you’re already so wet, I barely touched you,” he says, tilting his head back, looking at you through hooded eyes, a playful grin plastered across his face.

You’re not sure when he did it, but you notice he’s already taken your shoes and socks off. His fingers trail against the waistband of your leggings, nudging them down. You lift your hips slightly so he can take them off you. You’re thankful you decided to wear your best-looking underwear tonight.

“I’ll try to be gentle…” he murmurs into your ear, his voice deep, his hot breath against your skin, making your skin flush. “…but I can’t promise it.” His eyes are dark and intense. “You need to tell me if it’s too much for you, okay?”

You nod and his thumb swipes across your bottom lip. “Open for me,” he slides one finger into your mouth, finding your tongue and you start swirling it around the tip. This feels familiar and your brain tingles at the memory of you sucking on his thumb that night. You didn’t realize how much Yunho’s long and beautiful fingers turn you on.

Yunho takes his finger out of your mouth. He yanks your panties to the side and runs his finger that was in your mouth along your wet slit causing you to whimper, your free hand grabbing the edge of the counter.

“Please,” you whisper. He finally takes your panties off you and tosses it to the side so you’re fully naked from the waist down.

He bends down low in between your legs, large hands on each of your thighs pushing your legs apart a little bit wider. You bite your nail, suddenly feeling embarrassed.  This is not your first sexual encounter, but it is your first time with Yunho, who you’ve been friends with for a long time. He’s never seen you like this and to be honest, you look so soft and vulnerable, so exposed in this position, Yunho nearly loses his mind, his cock throbbing underneath his pants.

“You look so beautiful like this,” he says before his lips finally dive into your sensitive heat and you can’t help but throw your head back at the contact. His warm tongue teasing your sensitive spot causing you to arch your back on the countertop. Yunho takes it as a cue and starts devouring you as if his life depended on it.

“Fuck,” you grab a fistful of his soft locks, your hips start moving almost to their own accord, trying to find a rhythm, desperate for more. When he stiffens his tongue and presses it inside you, the pleasure nearly takes you out.

“Oh my—” you can feel your release getting closer and closer. Yunho grabs one of your wrists pulling forward so you can curl up and watch him eat you out. “Look at me,” he says, his mouth momentarily taking a break. “You feel good, baby?” he asks.

“So good.” He chuckles against your skin. His tongue finds your entrance again, relentlessly pressing in and out and it tips you over the edge. You shudder out a moan, legs shaking as you come apart against his mouth.

“Let’s move to somewhere more comfortable.” He wraps your legs around his waist, interlocking your ankles behind the small of his back. He lifts you up and starts walking towards your bedroom. He knows the layout of your apartment as if it’s his own.

He places you at the foot of your bed and with one swift move, he takes your tank top off you, followed by your bra so you’re fully naked in front of him. He’s dreamt of your naked body before, as much as he tried not to, but the sight of you right now beats whatever he had in mind.

He scrambles to take his shirt off and quickly tosses it to the side. You’ve seen him without a shirt before when you went to the beach along with his group of friends, so you already know that he has a fit body. Your eyes feast on his perfect proportions—broad shoulders, strong chest, toned abs and arms. He’s beautiful.

He yanks his pants and boxers down just enough to let his stiff length spring free from its confinements. Your eyes widen in surprise, and you worry for a moment if it will fit. He’s big.

Yunho kisses you again, more desperately this time. He pushes one finger inside you while his other hand moves up to fondle your breast, capturing it in his mouth and you let out a whimper in response. You hear him tear open the foil wrapper and you instinctively spread your legs wider for him. Yunho lines himself up against your entrance and he gasps when he finally starts sliding forward.

You’re both panting now. He places both hands on either side of you so he can slide further. “Fuck, baby. You’re so tight,” he cries. “I may not last long.”

You wrap your legs around his waist, pressing him down on your body. He’s all the way inside you now and you feel impossibly full.

“Please,” you whisper into his ear, pressing your forehead against his, your hand gently pulling on his soft locks. “I need it.”

Yunho pulls all the way out but sinks right back in—all the way—causing both of you to whimper, your nails digging into the skin of his back. He starts moving his hips, keeping his pace slow and steady at first, slowly stretching you out until your body is used to his size. You can’t believe how close you are already. You buck your hips up to meet each thrust and as if Yunho can sense your urgency, he picks up his pace causing you to whine and moan underneath him, your release just around the corner.

“Let go,” he says, and his words are enough to tip you over the edge. “Yunho!” you cry out, arching your back as you clench around him, legs shaking at the intensity of your release. He’s not far behind. He drives into you a couple more times before you hear him cry out your name as he shudders inside you.

He collapses on top of you, staying there for a moment before laying on his side right next to you. He pulls you in and you rest your head on his chest. His heart beating as loud as yours as you both try to catch your breath. “You’re amazing,” he breathes, kissing the top of your head.

“Umm, Yunho…” you lift your head up to look at his face, his eyes are closed.

“Hmm?”

“Is this okay? What about Mina?” It’s probably too late now but you’re dying to ask.

“What about her?” he asks calmly.

“Didn’t you bring her to the Rec Room tonight?” you ease up on your elbow, your face hovering over his and he opens his eyes to meet yours.

“I did,” he says casually. “But she’s there for Wooyoung,” he continues, his fingers playing with your hair. “We work together. I told her we’re hanging out tonight and she asked me if I can take her so they can officially meet.”

“So… you’re not together?” you ask.

“Nope,” he immediately responds. “Y/n, I haven’t been with anyone in the past 5 months. We’ve been spending so much time together. I thought you would notice.” He chuckles, softly pinching your cheeks.

You tilt your head to one side and start pouting. “How does she know me?” you ask. Yunho smiles. “She may have heard the boys tease me about you once or twice before.”

Your brows furrow in confusion. You’re still not sure where he’s going with this.

“They think I’m stupid for not shooting my shot with you,” he scoffs. “They think we should be together.” His face lights up, eyes sparkling, and he looks flushed. He’s so adorable and you can’t help but swoon.

“How did I not realize sooner that I’m actually in love with you?” you ask. It’s not a real question and he seems to know it.

Yunho smiles, holds your hand and squeezes it before planting a soft kiss on your palm. “I would’ve waited forever for you.”

—

A few months later…

You enter the neighborhood coffeeshop with your boyfriend Yunho. Fingers intertwined as you walk hand in hand towards the counter.

“Do you want the usual?” he asks.

You nod and just as you were about to open your mouth to add something, the guy with an awfully familiar figure standing in front of you turns around.

It’s Jin.

“Hey,” he smiles, his gaze turns toward Yunho then back to you. You’re pretty sure he noticed you holding hands.

It takes you a moment to realize your mouth is open and you greet him back. You exchange glances with Yunho, hoping he understands what you’re trying to communicate with him. It seems like he did because he mouths “You good?” and after you give him a nod, he starts stepping away to find a table for the two of you.

You hear Jin chuckle in front of you as he places his card back in his wallet. “I see that you two finally started dating each other…”

Finally?

“What do you mean?” you ask, an awkward smile on your lips.

“Y/n,” he says. “We were together for a long time,” he continues. “I know things about you… maybe better than you know yourself,” he pauses, his eyes look like they’re searching for something. “You’re in love with him,” you follow where he fixed his gaze, and you find Yunho sitting by the glass wall. He’s already found a table for the two of you. “You have been… for a long time.”

Jin’s words urge you to recall all the fond memories you’ve had with Yunho all these years. It’s hard to miss the affection you have for each other. Everyone seems to know except the two of you.

“At first, I thought maybe I was keeping the two of you from getting together,” he pauses again and look at his feet then looks up to meet your eyes. “But I think we both know that’s not the whole truth.”

You bite your lip. He’s not wrong. You were so scared of getting your heart broken. You’ve heard and witnessed enough of fiery, passionate relationships and the end always look the same, someone’s heart in a million pieces. You led yourself to believe that what you wanted was something safe and familiar. You liked that your relationship with Jin was predictable because you thought you can avoid getting hurt this way, not realizing that you were growing apart and both of you were no longer happy. But now, you realize it’s not about how the relationship started. The right person will always feel like home.

“I know you loved me too and I’m thankful for it—” he sighs. “I’m sorry that I hurt you… but we both deserved better.” He places a hand on your shoulder and gently squeezes.

You smile at him.

—

You place the drinks on the table before you settle on the seat opposite Yunho.

“What did he say and how dare he touch you?” Yunho blurts out before taking a sip of his coffee and it makes you giggle.

“Are you… jealous?” you ask, narrowing your eyes as you tease him.

“Me? Jealous?” He scoffs. “So what did he say?” he asks, his lips in a straight line.

You laugh a little louder this time. Yunho is in no way a jealous boyfriend, but he can get a bit territorial, which is understandable considering you just talked to someone you’ve had a long history with.

He pouts when you didn’t answer right away and he’s so cute, you want to squish his face.

“He said it’s about time we started dating each other,” you say casually.

Yunho loosens up, he stretches out a hand on top of the table and you place your hand in it. “He’s right,” he admits. “It took us way too long to get here,” he pauses, squeezing your hand.