𝕦𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕄𝕖⋆𝐮𝐇𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐌𝐞

My temper is tempering

I don't even feel cold anymore i feel warm and prickly

These is EXACTLY what i was trying to prevent

But you just had to go and give me some half assed apology after demanding a detailed one, didn't you?

You know the NUMBER ONE

thing you DO NOT want to do is insult me,

I know you want to be there, to help me

I'm really trying

I'm so used to managing myself,

Managing relationships

Being careful What i say because i dont want to ruin you

things,

I don't want to lose what we are

You're not like that

She wasn't either

He was

Yet, both left

I reassure you

Because you hold similar fears, and i dont mind reassuring you

But it's so difficult to let you return the favor

Because when i rely on you too much it's going to be hell

It scares me

Because if I believe in us

If I lose you too,

Can I handle it again?

Another to swallow and hold close to my heart no matter what we become?

I realize, I don't still love either of them, no,

It's just those situation has given me this fear that I'll inevitably lose you too

Whether it be by your own hand,

Or our realization that we were deluding ourselves to think we were forever

I want to be forever, though

I do

I hope we are

It's just

Really difficult, pet

It's difficult to shake off this feeling

It's difficult to swallow the anxiety

I accept what I've lost, i always have,

I must, allways will

Because i cannot change it,

You ask if you've done anything wrong

I say you haven't, but you hardly believe me

How am I meant to say, much like you think,

I think I'm cursed too?

Blessed, and cursed.

It depends which side you look at

I miss what I no longer have

I fear what I might lose

And I know it's my abandonment issues, and it's frustrating

I cannot stop it

I can ignore it, i can shove it aside, but I can't destroy it

My darling,

I'm sorry

Why is it I have to painfully relate to her?

How do I say that I wonder if as per usual, you cannot help but see me as the perfect lover, because every lover did,

Every lover does,

Why is it when I see others cut from similar cloth,

I wonder if that was where you were meant to be?

I worry,

I'm...

I fear?

That just as before, and the last, that we're only to meant to last awhile, turn our heads as if we never envisioned a future

Because,

I'm meant to be the perfect lover

I'm meant to be the fated one, until I'm not

Until I lose you too

Until I'm left with memories and more reasons to believe there's no such thing as "the One for me"

I know it's irrational,

I know I get like this every time - it's a push and pull with me

It's hard being with me

Sometimes you feel like everything to me, other times i feel like nothing

I feel cold, and it's because of the suppression

I'm trying - to not do it

Fuck.

But you say it makes you feel so worthless when you can't help me, because you want to fix my problems

But baby,

You can't.

More than try, I'm apparently quite good at it.

Hmmm

For some reason the way I'm writing this reminds me of how I used to try and talk differently, try and make it harder to be recognized

But that's not why I'm here.

I'm here because I...

Need to try and let out my feelings,