Miss Olivia Hall

The salty tears stung at her lips, flesh previously torn at by her teeth in deep thought. Olivia couldn’t bare the yelling, or the fear that crept through her bones everytime she heard him like this. Knees pulled closely to her chest in an attempt to make herself smaller than she already was, she covered her ears and let a pained cry escape her lips.

The smash of porcelain across their kitchen floor brought her attention to the present. His murmered voice tugged at her heart strings. She hated it. Hated that she knew what needed to be done. Hated that she couldn’t help him any longer. Things had changed, though she didn’t exactly know what or when things changed. It made no difference to the fact that things had definitely changed. Where she’d once been enough to counteract his anger, she no longer was. And while she wished to be again, Liv couldn’t help but feel as though that was awfully selfish of her.

Steeling herself, she wiped her eyes dry while more tears spilled from her dark lashes. What words would she say? What would make this easier? Would anything make it easier, or would she end up going on for hours until he found a way to convince her to stay, like he had times before? Pushing herself from their couch, she stood and looked around the room. Photos of the two of them plastered the walls, something she’d insisted on considering she still hadn’t had the heart to find places for photographs of her own father.

A second smash followed by an onslaught of swearing from the kitchen had Olivia step closer to a photograph she’d asked a stranger to take for them in college. They were happy, something visibly noticeable. He held her, high above the ground in his arms as he did so often. Her arm wrapped ever so perfectly around his shoulder, a place that had felt so much like home to her. They’d been laughing, they’d always been laughing. More likely than not she’d blurted out some farfetched thought and he’d played along. It caught her, from the day they’d met, it was what drew her to him so forcibly it was as though she never stood a chance against him, against love.

The photo was everything she knew they could be but everything they failed to be lately. Another pained sob was all Olivia could bare as she crossed the threshold of the kitchen a moment before another miscellaneous piece of their kitchen hit the wall beside her head. She cringed as she spoke, her voice trembled as her hands did. ‘R-Ralph. Baby, please. Please, you’re breaking everything, you… You’re scaring me.’ A wholy feat. Olivia never admitted to being afraid of much, she’d always have considered herself a brave woman. Except when it came to cats and bats - and as of late - Ralph.

She stepped closer and placed her hand gingerly on his arm and she felt it. She felt herself giving in again, her heart breaking one little piece at a time. Retracting her hand, she stepped back as he turned around suddenly, almost forcing a gasp from her. Breathing deeply, Olivia stopped. How many times had they been through the same thing, how many times had she put her life on hold to help him with his. How many times had she helped him through any issue that came up with his family, any time he felt as though they didn't believe in him. His choice to become a chef instead of following his previous career path.Their lives might be connected now, but this wasn't how it was supposed to be. Everything she'd wanted she'd put on hold because she wanted the best for him. She'd given up her father, on Dawson, her career she'd pushed aside to see him succeed in his. If her friends from college could see her now. Fredrick, Kyle, Logan and Shelby, Travis and Oliver. Edith and Ella. She'd been so driven in college, she'd wanted so much for herself, and for her and Ralph. She wanted it all so bad and she'd given it all up for the man that stood before her. The man she loved unconditionally. 'Ralph. I can't do this. I can't watch you destroy yourself again. I can't sit here and let you ruin the last part of me.' 

Her bottom lip caught between her teeth as she saw him finally snap away from his anger. His eyes softened as they always did. Her own gaze dropped to the tiled floor between the, 'I'm leaving,and I don't think I'm coming back this time'. Throat thick with tears she wrapped her own hands around her throat, anything to stop the swelling feeling, to stop her feeling sick to her stomach. Olivia shook her head, a sure fire way to stop the words she knew Ralph would say. 'No. Not this time. It won't get better. I know you're sorry. I just can't do this. I'm not me anymore. I've forgotten who I am, and I can't find me with you like this all the time. I can't keep focussing on you. I can't."..... Her voice faded to a mere whisper as she felt the onslaught of tears coming for a second time. 

She didn't want to cry, not in front of him - she didn't want him to see that and try comfort her. He would, and she wouldn't leave. That's how it always was. Willing her tears away, Olivia folded her fingers together. Enough was enough. Her father needed her, Dawson needed her. She needed her. This wasn't the way to do it. Without another word, Olivia looked up at Ralph, raised herself to her tiptoes and pressed her lips carefully to his shoulder. For that single moment, her heart bled for him. She knew what this would do to him, something she knew she would feel guilty over for a very, very long time. 

Stepping back, she kept her gaze low and turned on her feet. Without making her way towards their bedroom, she didn't need anything where she was going. She'd start fresh. Grabbing her handbag and double checking to see if her passport was still safely inside, Olivia pushed open the wooden front door and stepped into the busy New York street. Sighing, though with burden or relief she had no idea, she waved her hand out as a taxi approached. As it stopped, she took one last glance over her shoulder at the life she was leaving behind. Her heart broken she slid into the taxi.