Everything Is Love.

I've let you pick my heart

to pieces,

Over years.

For stolen moments

in your arms.

Which are always too brief.

And leave me

empty for days.

Fill me up with nothingness. Your pretty words. Falling meaningless to the floor.

Leave me empty when you go.

You fool, girl. Letting him so close. When he uttered all those fateful phrases...

"trust me..." My gut. it swam against the tide.

I disappear, under waves of black. I do not fight it.

Not as I should.

Too many times...I fight the urge to hide beneath my covers and stay there.

Shut away. Because people strip my soft soul bare of it's flesh.

I wonder why people do it. how they do it...

Tell you tales. breathe you in, as though it were something...

Something with substance. Peeling at your layers of defence.

Pick someone else, pick a harder heart to play with.

How do they do it?

There is a danger in those lonely ones.

Seeking comfort in someone who does not know

How to protect herself.

Who does not know, how to place conditions upon feelings.

I used to think, I could swallow up everyone's sadness.

Lock it all away.

As I did with my own.

But nobody minds.

Nobody minds feeding you their hurt.

I feel it. creeping down my spine.

Cold in my veins.

And I sink.

 I stood there. Staring out at nothing across the tracks. Empty of intent, entirely...empty...

"what's the point?..." ...

I drift off mid-thought. swerving into somewhere that feels dangerous. A place made darker by its lack of melancholy, its lack of any feeling what so ever. So matter of fact. So cold.

That it sends a shiver through me, or at least it would. If I gave a shit about anything at all right now.

 I reached a certain level of acceptance. Acceptance of the fate that- this- this is what it is. Life is this. And people... Well people are the way they are...

 Ahhh...but acceptance means fuck all, when you are such a hopeful naïve little idealist! It means bullshit.

I know, but I do not want to know. I want to believe, I wish to trust that we are all a little better.

That we are all just a tiny bit lost,...

But what the fuck does it matter?....

What does any of it matter...

Ahhhh...here I go again. Along this pointless path, no place to go. no place to end.