It was only just a dream

Bloodied fists bang on Chipboard walls and Frustration seeps through Dirt caked tears

Eyes meet, and convey So much, the only brave Ones in this mess Whilst tongues opt for The coward's way out

Glancing at the idle clock Ticking over on the wall And it screams, the time To leave was too long ago

What can be done now? Its too late to go back, Its too easy to stay like This, to fall through our Self made cracks

Its perfect and real and Everything I could have Dreamed of, is all I can Console myself with as The hollow feeling takes Over an empty rib cage

You are perfect and we’re Real and I should be Embracing it like I pictured A thousand times in my head Except Im holding on Limply, burying my face In your shirt, wondering If there’s still an out

And I hate myself and I Hate you because we Should do this better and Be better because on paper It could be no better Except im ducking my head And steering my cheek as Soft fingers try to bring Me back to the here and now

Feel the same drops Of rain on my skin As they fall on Your skin

And press my palm To your chest as The adrenaline Courses through Your veins

I want to see Everything You see.

Contemplate life's Secrets whilst Peering at the Stars

Touch the wind as It whips right Through my Beating heart

You'd say thank you For being her favourite Daughter and I'd remind You again that I'm Your only one.

I'd make you breakfast And insist that you Remain in bed. You do So much for me, it's The least I could do.

I'll take you to lunch And tell you to get Whatever you want. You'd get shy, and I'd Remind you I'm grown Up now and there's Nothing I wouldn't do For you.

We'd go for a walk in The park and you'd tell Me how you used to Walk through here pushing Me in a pram. I'll tell You I love you, and every Ounce of good in me is Because of you.

We didn't do that this year. We didn't do it any year Before,  either. But Maybe one day we will, Right?

Before you came along, I’d dive into bed after Switching off the light To dodge any monsters Waiting under my bed

Before you came along, I’d sit in the kitchen in The middle of the night, Just to categorise every thing I had to think about

Before you came along, I’d drink milk out the Carton, and wipe my Hands on my jeans Instead of drying them

But then you came along, And from all I’d ever read, And knowledge sourced, I expected things to change

Except, I still spend an Hour deciding whether Its chocos or fruit loops But that’s because your Hand in mine is a better Distraction than I’d have Ever thought

And I still dive into bed To avoid the monsters, Except I’m more interested In getting to you, that I dont Pay them much attention Anymore

I still sit in the kitchen at Night; except I dont think As hard anymore, ‘cos Sitting next you is far Better than categorising Anything

Another day marked by the Incessant ring of an alarm clock As dad puts his slippers on And mom dutifully slips out Of the covers to don her apron Dad needs his breakfast, see, Before venturing into the city For his 9-5 Oh, how I love suburban bliss

Mom’s entertaining the ladies In the lounge, its her turn to Host book club this week And the chatter errs between How delightful the author is And who’s gardenias are in Bloom and what a slut Mrs Smith from no. 13 is Oh, how I love suburban bliss

Saturday afternoon and its A barbecue with the Jones’ From two doors down. Dad and Mr Jones are talking Shop, and how Dave from Accounts is a prick. Oh, how I love suburban bliss

Mr Kale from next door waves Over with a brilliant smile, As he opens the door for his Delightful wife, who’s so Busy staring at the diamonds On her newest piece of Jewellery to notice her doting Husband had lipstick stains On his neck when he got home. Oh, how I love suburban bliss

Mom complains of fatigue A lot and dad tightens his Tie a little too vigorously In the morning Brother doesnt say much As he hides behind a closed Door and curtains drawn But you’d never say, With smiles that pierce And ooze faux happiness

But one doesnt see the Other side of the picture Where her arm extends Past his back and tightly Grips hers instead

What a shame it is then, His smile filled with mirth, While her smile is laced With secrets and pretty lies

But you wont see the last Remnant of defiance Pouring from subdued eyes

Dont forget to wear a smile, And do try keep the blood Dripping from your lip While the shutter's about to Go off

But you're too busy forcing A kodak moment, to see Her smile give way to sneer

Step aside and remember To drop to your knees Mind the carpet, though I do hate cleaning the stains

And she takes it with a head Bowed down as she marks The times and counts down To the end

Dont waste your time trying To gnaw your way through Those ropes, your wrists Wont stand the chaffing Either

Except, she knows you cant Erode the fibres of hope that Entwine themselves around Her heart

Every day I spend with you Is a day I reach out a little Further and dream a little Bigger

You're the hues meshing Into one another as the Sun begins to set on a day Where I've lived and loved

You're the city lights dancing In the night sky as I stand And stare with feet firmly Planted on the ground Saying, I'm alive, I'm alive

You're the hint of orange Tinting the horizon at 5am When I'm sitting in my Favourite spot wondering What the day will hold

You're the smile that cracks My face and turns my ears red When I cant contain just How happy I am in this moment

You're the drop that trickles Down my cheek when I'm Overwhelmed by everything I have and its all too much

You're my outstretched arms And face tilted to the sky Eyes closed, as I reach up high And smile, and smile Because I'm alive

You are my deepest thoughts And my most honest intentions You are the path up ahead And my truest reflection

Its easy enough and It works well We look like we fit Or so I've heard Over time

Except we're out and There's that feeling In my chest that causes Me to stir and I have to Hold back the urge to Get up and leave

And there's the moments That go unnoticed To everyone but me Where you expect me To mind my words and Place a hand on my wrist As I move away

Or when we've slipped Into the ease of company And it's all going so okay Except there's that need In your eyes and it reminds Me of a puppy jumping Up and down to grab a Sliver of attention

And I curse my thoughts As they dampen my mood And I know that look Because you use it on me

You don't seem that Interested, and I'm Wondering why you Came here at all

You listen to stories I relay with a grin on Your face, as you move Closer to my end of The table, marginally Further away from hers

The night wears on, And your hand has Grabbed my arm more Than once to get my Attention Except, it's all you've Had from the start

I'm trying to figure it out And wading through how Much I think you're the Last person I'd want to Be stuck in a room with, Although that's all I can Think about right now

You're all the way across From me, engrossed in A conversation with her. Rightfully so, I muse As I watch how the light Reflects from the ring Glaring at me on your hand

You are the empty side of My bed As I turn to flick out the light

You are the scars that have Faded On pale porcelain skin

You are the silence that Drowns out Everything swimming in my head

You are the closed door that I lean against As I sink to the cold floor

You are melancholic lyrics stuck On a loop On a grey Sunday afternoon

You are the untouched sand Besides my footprints As the sun begins to set

If they stuck around for long enough, they would see the Corners of your mouth edge up And the faintest trace of a dimple Gracing your right cheek

If you allowed yourself, you'd Let that smile be exposed Instead of showing off lips Pressed into a tight line

If anyone looked close enough, They would see how you Blow wisps of hair out of your Face, as you stride past With your head tilted in the slightest to the side

If you didn't keep your walls So very high, you might see A breathtaking reflection Staring you down

If anyone stood for longer Than a minute before turning Theirs backs, they might see The ice thaw; giving way To the most delicately sculpted Features, that would make even David seem like a poorly Constructed piece

The gentle curve of Your back as you lay Soundly on your side On a warm evening.

The lines that appear When you smile. At me, or unbeknownst To anyone.

The crease of your Elbow when you Embrace my side.

The arch of your Feet as we walk Along the sand.

The tilt of your eyebrow As you raise it Questioningly in My direction.

The muscles in Your neck as you Rest your head on My shoulder

The soft rise and fall Of your chest When all I can hear Is your breathing in The dead of night

I could spend all My days mapping out The contours of Your body I could pen a book Detailing the effect Of each one

I will. Love you steadily. When they come and go And bend to cyclical Whims. I will remain a few feet Away. But I will remain.

I will. Love you gently. While they push and pull You. I will place my hand on The small of your back And guide you.

I will. Love you calmly. While they speed up and Beat down. I will be by your side And listen.

I will. Love you without flare. While they may steal Moments with bright Colours, I will keep my light, however Dim, burning for you.

I will. Love you surely. While they may doubt and Change and revert, I will rest upon the night With the knowledge I Will awake to feel the same.

I will. Love you simply. While they will try and win Adoration with boastful Taste and extravagant means, I will strip away the unnecessary And give you me.