If Keanu Reeves woke me up in the middle of a landfill and told me we need to burn the city down I wouldn’t even question him, I would just do it. He knows better than me.

Effective Marketing lmao

it’s past fucking midnight and my grandmother got up and keeps loudly tearing paper right next to my room

by the way the reason there’s paper tearing is because she reads books by fucking tearing them apart page by page as she moves through them instead of just flipping the pages like a normal human

dude

Lmfao

This post honestly keeps getting better

imagine steve being like “man i really want indian tonight” but he cant bc america still wont let non whites immigrate, so he’s stuck w food w/o flavour

Naughty goats get put in the shame balls

literally nothing is funnier than just living your life with a cat in a sweater vest. constantly feels like he’s about to offer to do my taxes

im being bullied by the world’s smallest accountant

i’m a horrible texter but i’m also really bad at talking to people in person so i really have nothing going for me

WHO is going to have a subtextually homoerotic swordfight with me that stems from our major unresolved sexual tension

The World Health Organization is going to do what?!