in hushed whispers–

❝ that is what they call me. from orlais to rivain, i hear. ❞ She said, with a wink and a chuckle, ❝ along with other things, like, you know, dragon slayer, archdemon killer, our only hope against the gods, and savior of treviso... viago especially. viago de riva especially says all those things. no lie. ❞

She sat forward again, picking up her coffee mug and swirling the contents, looking a bit more thoughtful for a moment.

she expected the part about the city. that was practically a given and she also knew that given they aren't back in thedas with the blight and the gods tearing the world apart, there's time to actually talk. she slips into the seat opposite, arms folded neatly atop the table as her gaze drops to focus on the pattern of the wood. " That depends on what you mean by 'stuff'. Truthfully, you probably know far more than I do." such a thing leaves that complicated and sour taste in her mouth, one that never really went away all those years ago.

" I didn't learn that he was Fen'harel until about two years after we defeated Corypheus. And even then, he only told me so much before leaving once again." her gaze flickers to the prosthetic arm, the silver armor plating reflecting the light before meeting Anya's gaze.

ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF

ASSORTED QUOTES FROM TUMBLR TEXTPOSTS, X (formerly known as twitter) POSTS, TIKTOK, MEMES, AND OTHER SOURCES AROUND THE INTERNET

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   Currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance, maybe even a menace or a rascal. ”

“   Hungry? Eat the government. ”

“   Yes, I wanna fuck after every argument. ”

“   Silence, you uneducated peanut! ”

“  They should invent a being alive that isn’t so difficult. ”

“   Women have to think I’m hot or none of this matters. ”

“   Due to personal reasons I will be named an enemy of the state. ”

“   Being overdressed is a myth made up by people who didn’t want you to have fun and be sexy. ”

“   What even are daddy issues? Just traumatize your father back. ”

“   I LOVE complaining! You can’t take that away from me! ”

“   I went to the silly goose convention and they all knew you. ”

“   I’m simultaneously ‘I’m tired of this grandpa’ and ‘that’s too damn bad!’ ”

“   The word ew coming out of a pretty girl’s mouth holds so much power … I think that it can tear apart nations. ”

“   Someone made fun of my shoes and the whole time I just thought of ways to push them out the window. ”

“   If you’re short, simply get taller. ”

“   I better think twice? Buddy I don’t even think once. ”

“   My off putting looks, awkward demeanor, and strange behavior have captivated you. ”

“   There’s something deeply, fundamentally wrong with you. Can we kiss? ”

“   You are a fool. When you walk, clown music plays. ”

“   I mean yeah he’s evil and all but what if I were his favorite? ”

“   I really do hate thinking. ”

“   In my defense, I simply do not vibe with the law. ”

“   I’ve done nothing wrong. Except all the atrocities. Besides that, I’m innocent. ”

“   Sorry I couldn’t hear you over my internal monologue. ”

“   Of course you have white hair and trauma. ”

“   So apparently the bad vibes I’ve been feeling are actually ‘severe psychological distress’. ”

“   Stop calling me a bad person just because I’m orchestrating your downfall! ”

“   The more lip gloss I collect the longer I live. ”

“   Sorry that I am obsessed with you in the unhealthiest way possible. As if it's my fault ”

“   The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self esteem. ”

“   I could be your loser boyfriend. Do you ever think about that? ”

“   Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday, but god wont let me die so I’m back ”

“   What do you mean napping isn't a good coping mechanism? What do you mean my problems are still here? ”

“   Academic validation is required for my sanity. ”

“   RIP to everyone killed by the gods for hubris but I’m different and better. Maybe even better than the gods. ”

“   Researching the stages of grief to see if I can get them finished in ten minutes tops. ”

“   My parents were like I’m gonna make a child that is so beyond help. ”

“   It’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong, and that’s why I won’t do it. ”

“   Why can’t this family ever have a funky good time? ”

“   How do I show people that I’m more than my unethical career choice? ”

“   I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out. ”

“   You look so biteable today. ”

“   Why am I suffering? I have so many correct opinions and takes. ”

“   I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST THAT I CANNOT GO BACK TO! anyways ”

“   Challenging authority, angering gods. The family business. ”

“   Third base is me telling you about my father. ”

“   Hey girl. Plagued by terrifying visions? ”

“   Got caught giving a fuck. Embarrassing. ”

“   I didn’t ‘miss’ the red flags; I saw them and thought that they looked sexy. ”

“   Do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot? ”

“   I get my news from the only reliable source, cryptic symbolism in my dreams. ”

“   Another day of being a bisexual disaster. ”

“   I’m going to let myself be a little unhinged today, as a treat. ”

“   Some of you act like murder is such a big deal. ”

“   You wanna hunt me for sport so bad that it makes you look stupid. ”

“   You’re not a girlboss unless you’ve killed someone. ”

“   It’s so weird how no one ever has correct opinions about things except for me. ”

“   Hello, my love — I mean, my rival ”

“   No one is calling me baby and it’s outrageous I can’t believe it. ”

“   No talking stage. Mutual obsession and you see god in my eyes or nothing. ”

“   I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOOKUP CULTURE DIE IN MY ARMS ”

“   Yes baby your emotional walls are high and impenetrable can we kiss now? ”

“   Affection is disgusting. Drown me in it. ”

“   I am gatekeeping my respect from you. ”

“   Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions. ”

“   I am equal parts fuck around and find out and please don’t yell at me I’ll cry. ”

“   Short legs, big butt. I’m a corgi. ”

“   Fuck being the bigger person; I’m going to start biting people. ”

“   Well that wasn’t very slay of you! ”

“   May I please get a crumb of affection? ”

“   I crave power! Please don’t yell, though; I’m sensitive. ”

“   You call it a near death experience; I call it a vibe check from God. ”

“   Here are some scissors. Now cut it out. ”

“   Might commit a little tomfoolery, maybe even some shenanigans. ”

“   All these flavors, and you choose to be salty. ”

“   How can I live, laugh, love in these conditions? ”

“   What if I said ‘to be honest’ but then lied? ”

“   I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud. ”

“   Yes I may be evil and morally corrupt, but I’m also incredibly beautiful and I think that makes up for it honestly. ”

“   Debates are stupid. Why would I want to sit down and argue with someone blatantly dumber than me? ”

“   I forget but I do NOT forgive.. I'm just walking around hating bitches can't remember why ”

“   Ding dong your opinion is wrong! ”

“   I’m coming for your kneecaps. ”

“   You dropped your nose you fucking clown. ”

“   Are you a fire alarm? ‘Cause you are really fucking loud and annoying. ”

“   Call me an escalator, because I let people down. ”

“   I love me a good lesbian scandal! ”

“   If you can’t run away from your problems, you’re not running fast enough. ”

“   Everything I want to do is illegal. ”

“   Don’t make me hit your ankle with my Barbie scooter! ”

“   I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke. ”

“   Fuck! I dropped my mental stability! ”

Worrying at her lower lip, she looked back down at her notes and continued scribbling theories about this place and how to escape it. How to get back to Thedas--to the Wardens--which, if they didn't need her now, most assuredly would soon.

and when it came to the wardens......well, she'll have to talk about weisshaupt eventually. but not now.

Solas? That was the first one she noticed. She took a second to wonder if it was the real guy or someone with a suspiciously similar name, and then decided to utilize her block button, just to be safe.

Then she happened upon another one, and raised an eyebrow as she sipped her latte. She considered the messaging system for a moment, and then figured nothing ventured, nothing gained, and started punching in a text.

[To:] Lavellan [From:] Rook ♖

[txt]: so hey i think we've met before right with the wolf statue stuff and morrigan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [txt]: admittedly not a lot of familiar faces round here but if i am correct which i usually am would you want to get coffee and catch up or something because im dying out here and also i have some questions about some shit [txt]: its rook by the way you know the super hot and sexy young leader of the veilguard whos saving the world and shit you know me right right [txt]: anyway im uuuh wait i think i can send my location on this thing andrastes fat tits that ru;les [txt]: hold on im doing some magic bullshit [txt]: ~~~~~~~FWSHSHSHHSHSHS~~~~~~~ [txt]: [GPS Location]

to: Rook ♖ from. Lavellan

[txt] yes, I remember who you are [txt] it's good to hear from you rook, circumstances aside [txt] circumstances of which i can explain to you later if you wish to know [txt] i'll be right there

it'd be a lie to say the young crow's vocabulary didn't earn a laugh out of the elf, a lighthearted sort of humor. the location sent was a familiar one, a place she spent many days at during the summer. thankfully, the rest of her day was empty so it was up and off with perhaps far too hurried steps.

she's quick to spot rook but takes her time strolling over, pausing at the empty chair across the table as one eyebrow raises, lips quirked in a half grin. while curious to know just what they wanted to talk about, it would come soon enough. firstly, tjough–

a sentence starter prompts list comprised of quotes from the d&d actual play fantasy high from dimension 20. please be advised that this list may involve topics including, but not limited to, murder, death, violence, and religion. change verbiage as needed.

she can’t have been that good an oracle if she didn’t see the storm coming

why would it be impractical to fight with a two foot diameter orb?

i don’t have a lot of friends even though i’m pretty social so that’s weird. 

it’s not great that you’re doing this. 

i can be your man on the inside. 

why am i encouraging this? don’t do this.

try and tell me even one good bard that learned how to bard in school!

i’ve got a song called “my dad is a demon but he’s also a deadbeat.”

do you want this metal flower?

a hero is someone with the strength of heart, courage of spirit, and the might of will to go to strange lands and enact violence on things there. 

a hero is a violent wanderer who enacts their will bloodily and with strange magicks upon the world. 

does a hero truly stand alone?

the strength of the hero is the strength of the party. 

never forget that the greatest magic of all is chronomancy, the magic of time. 

where i’m from is the same place i’m going, buddy. nowhere. 

god, i’m just like jesus!

you’re just another maternal figure that has let me down. 

i am hashtag blessed. 

it’s not your time. you have more work to do. 

i met god and it was really disappointing. 

you gotta not touch the body!

oh, don’t be spiteful!

i’ll put you in the ground before i let you kill me. 

what do you think about rage?

i’m sorry, you’re a little freak and i love it. 

i’m really mad but that’s okay because this song is about being mad and that being fine. 

as the poets say, the heart wants what looks good. 

there is no one in this world more important than you. 

i actually met god and he sucked. 

dude, i think your mom’s bi. 

there is one law and only one law: the law of the blade. 

now why did you draw steel last night?

your objective was to draw weaponry until it got less scary?

i have no use for dead men, only men that can make me richer. 

i fear no one. 

death, to me, is nothing more than a joke. when the time comes, i will jump into hell and kill the devil. 

my dad is so metal. 

are you starting a religion?

did you kill something with a ladle?

who can truly know what lives in the heart of another?

i need three cc’s of coffee!

you know, kindness begets kindness. 

there’s no god. there’s no devil. 

wind chimes are fucking annoying. 

plant some trees or some shit. 

if you’re not playing for your own team, how can you expect anyone else to?

the time is coming and it’s worse than you think. 

maybe i should hit people more. 

you and i were raised very differently and i’m realizing that now. 

we are not going to get our security deposit back. 

you have a ton of work ahead of you that in a more just world you wouldn’t have to do. 

so i think i maybe accidentally started a war. 

be careful on ships because when shit goes sideways there’s nowhere to go. it’s just ocean. 

when push comes to shove, i imagine you’ll make the selfish choice. 

i’m glad you’re alive. 

you always got to be kind, you always got to try your best, and there is no sense in being a fucking pushover. 

you have to fucking pull yourself together. 

fuck. i should’ve killed that dude. 

quit it, dad!

the only thing special about you is that some god decided you were special randomly!

you’re not clever enough for the library, and you’re not brave enough for the world.

your father’s more man than you’ll ever be.

so unlovable that your father would rather go to hell than stay with you.

you might have a jail cell waiting for you.

it’s really bad!

having panic attacks is not a character flow. you are not a coward, you have a goddamn medical condition. 

i came here to fuck shit up and help children. 

did you kill god?

recreation is the highest form of self-medication. 

the heart and soul of magic is having a good time. 

so you’re a god now?

bad things happen to good people because things happen all the time and it’s up to the people to determine whether they are bad or good. 

in the same way that your heart feels and your mind thinks, you mortal beings are the instrument by which the universe cares. 

if you choose to care, the universe cares. 

what is a god worthy of worship?

i had a whole plan! i did everything right!

Sal was humming to himself as he watered the flowers outside of a quaint cafe. He took on plenty of odd jobs to make an extra bit of dust, but this kind of simple job was one of his favorites. ...He wondered if working in a cafe would be as ideal as he imagined it...or maybe not..

As he became lost in his thoughts, his movements wandered, and before he knew it he was watering a complete stranger!!

seriously, she was picking out fragments of bones from her hair for at least an hour after returning to Skyhold.