ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF
ASSORTED QUOTES FROM TUMBLR TEXTPOSTS, X (formerly known as twitter) POSTS, TIKTOK, MEMES, AND OTHER SOURCES AROUND THE INTERNET
CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.
SPECIFY muse for multimuses.
â  Currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance, maybe even a menace or a rascal. â
â  Hungry? Eat the government. â
â  Yes, I wanna fuck after every argument. â
â  Silence, you uneducated peanut! â
â  They should invent a being alive that isnât so difficult. â
â  Women have to think Iâm hot or none of this matters. â
â  Due to personal reasons I will be named an enemy of the state. â
â  Being overdressed is a myth made up by people who didnât want you to have fun and be sexy. â
â  What even are daddy issues? Just traumatize your father back. â
â  I LOVE complaining! You canât take that away from me! â
â  I went to the silly goose convention and they all knew you. â
â  Iâm simultaneously âIâm tired of this grandpaâ and âthatâs too damn bad!â â
â  The word ew coming out of a pretty girlâs mouth holds so much power ⊠I think that it can tear apart nations. â
â  Someone made fun of my shoes and the whole time I just thought of ways to push them out the window. â
â  If youâre short, simply get taller. â
â  I better think twice? Buddy I donât even think once. â
â  My off putting looks, awkward demeanor, and strange behavior have captivated you. â
â  Thereâs something deeply, fundamentally wrong with you. Can we kiss? â
â  You are a fool. When you walk, clown music plays. â
â  I mean yeah heâs evil and all but what if I were his favorite? â
â  I really do hate thinking. â
â  In my defense, I simply do not vibe with the law. â
â  Iâve done nothing wrong. Except all the atrocities. Besides that, Iâm innocent. â
â  Sorry I couldnât hear you over my internal monologue. â
â  Of course you have white hair and trauma. â
â  So apparently the bad vibes Iâve been feeling are actually âsevere psychological distressâ. â
â  Stop calling me a bad person just because Iâm orchestrating your downfall! â
â  The more lip gloss I collect the longer I live. â
â  Sorry that I am obsessed with you in the unhealthiest way possible. As if it's my fault â
â  The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self esteem. â
â  I could be your loser boyfriend. Do you ever think about that? â
â  Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday, but god wont let me die so Iâm back â
â  What do you mean napping isn't a good coping mechanism? What do you mean my problems are still here? â
â  Academic validation is required for my sanity. â
â  RIP to everyone killed by the gods for hubris but Iâm different and better. Maybe even better than the gods. â
â  Researching the stages of grief to see if I can get them finished in ten minutes tops. â
â  My parents were like Iâm gonna make a child that is so beyond help. â
â  Itâs not easy to admit when youâre wrong, and thatâs why I wonât do it. â
â  Why canât this family ever have a funky good time? â
â  How do I show people that Iâm more than my unethical career choice? â
â  I fucked my way into this mess, and Iâll fuck my way out. â
â  You look so biteable today. â
â  Why am I suffering? I have so many correct opinions and takes. â
â  I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST THAT I CANNOT GO BACK TO! anyways â
â  Challenging authority, angering gods. The family business. â
â  Third base is me telling you about my father. â
â  Hey girl. Plagued by terrifying visions? â
â  Got caught giving a fuck. Embarrassing. â
â  I didnât âmissâ the red flags; I saw them and thought that they looked sexy. â
â  Do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot? â
â  I get my news from the only reliable source, cryptic symbolism in my dreams. â
â  Another day of being a bisexual disaster. â
â  Iâm going to let myself be a little unhinged today, as a treat. â
â  Some of you act like murder is such a big deal. â
â  You wanna hunt me for sport so bad that it makes you look stupid. â
â  Youâre not a girlboss unless youâve killed someone. â
â  Itâs so weird how no one ever has correct opinions about things except for me. â
â  Hello, my love â I mean, my rival â
â  No one is calling me baby and itâs outrageous I canât believe it. â
â  No talking stage. Mutual obsession and you see god in my eyes or nothing. â
â  I DONâT UNDERSTAND HOOKUP CULTURE DIE IN MY ARMS â
â  Yes baby your emotional walls are high and impenetrable can we kiss now? â
â  Affection is disgusting. Drown me in it. â
â  I am gatekeeping my respect from you. â
â  Well, well, well, if it isnât the consequences of my own actions. â
â  I am equal parts fuck around and find out and please donât yell at me Iâll cry. â
â  Short legs, big butt. Iâm a corgi. â
â  Fuck being the bigger person; Iâm going to start biting people. â
â  Well that wasnât very slay of you! â
â  May I please get a crumb of affection? â
â  I crave power! Please donât yell, though; Iâm sensitive. â
â  You call it a near death experience; I call it a vibe check from God. â
â  Here are some scissors. Now cut it out. â
â  Might commit a little tomfoolery, maybe even some shenanigans. â
â  All these flavors, and you choose to be salty. â
â  How can I live, laugh, love in these conditions? â
â  What if I said âto be honestâ but then lied? â
â  I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud. â
â  Yes I may be evil and morally corrupt, but Iâm also incredibly beautiful and I think that makes up for it honestly. â
â  Debates are stupid. Why would I want to sit down and argue with someone blatantly dumber than me? â
â  I forget but I do NOT forgive.. I'm just walking around hating bitches can't remember why â
â  Ding dong your opinion is wrong! â
â  Iâm coming for your kneecaps. â
â  You dropped your nose you fucking clown. â
â  Are you a fire alarm? âCause you are really fucking loud and annoying. â
â  Call me an escalator, because I let people down. â
â  I love me a good lesbian scandal! â
â  If you canât run away from your problems, youâre not running fast enough. â
â  Everything I want to do is illegal. â
â  Donât make me hit your ankle with my Barbie scooter! â
â  I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke. â
â  Fuck! I dropped my mental stability! â