(happy)nest

do you ever feel like there’s some sort of weight on your chest, one that u just can’t shake? such feelings of loneliness, sadness and emotion trouble me, because of how painful it can be. how even the tiniest thing can set u off, without even knowing. hell, even if you wanted to write it all down, there were simply not enough words to express everything that u could possibly be feeling. the human vocabulary simply can’t comprehend the depths of my mind. my very very troubled mind. 

cause i think about what my life has been like since i’ve been alive, and i think to myself, what the fuck am i doing with my life? am i simply just a one-off? the thought of that makes me depressed, with such more feelings including emotional instability. that shit literally shakes me to my core. 

i guess self-help books help. but how do u fix something that in your mind is not worth fixing? or is too broken to fix? are u simply here to exist? as another meaningless human being, with the purpose of being there. idk. i don’t think i’ll ever know. 

what i’ll never begin to understand is how people can open up. everyone thinks it’s so easy. i just can’t comprehend the idea of opening up to a friend, let alone a complete stranger. to be frank, if i ever went to therapy i would literally sit there and do nothing.