Mirabile Lectu

It was cancer, fucking brain tumors that had no right to be in a young and healthy body much less shut it down. He’d been sick for a long time, but we all thought...we all thought we were still invincible. How does someone in college get cancer? How does it stick around for this long, seeming to go away and get better before it’s suddenly not? How does this happen?

I don’t know how to react to this, I guess because I’ve never done it before, or maybe because I don’t know what to call it. Because, if I’m honest, we weren’t friends, not really. He was friends with my husband, except for when they weren’t, and I was friends with his fiancee, except for when we weren’t. I suppose it was one of those weird growing up things where people come and go but stay in your social circle, and my mind just won’t get past it. How do I describe this? My friend, my acquaintance, a person I know, nothing feels right. 

But that doesn’t matter, even if my selfish stupid brain keeps coming back to it. What matters is that someone died and left a whole bunch of other someones behind. He was supposed to get married two weeks ago but they had to cancel because of his declining health, and I just can’t get past how fucking unfair it all is. How goddamned cruel and twisted and awful it is for his poor fiancee to live in a world without him, for it to be now, for everything to be like this.