sunshine.

hey demons, it’s me ya boy (pt2) and this is minsoo the softest squeeze in stone harbor. y’all know how this works

send me a ★ for a facebook status from my muse to yours

minsoo kim That last status update was from Rowan Park, he somehow got a hold of my phone. Rowan, please don’t do that again I have my grandma on facebook.

send me a ☂ for three tweets from my muse directed at your muse

minniekim: i love to succ the dickminniekim: life was more fun before @Rowanpark found out my passwordminniekim: bih u thot u could escape me??!?

send me a ▲ for an instagram picture from my muse about your muse

minniekim: I found a 🌷 

send me a ✿ for a snapchat from my muse to yours

minnie: I dyed my hair again, what do you think?

send me a ☯ for a youtube video or vine about your muse from my muse

[12.15pm] Did you see the vid where the bear was playing with a human? I don’t know how to link, but it was very cute!

send me a ☏ for one voicemail left by my muse on your muse’s phone

[2.22pm] Hi, Rowan I just wanted to wish you good luck on meeting the parents today. Maybe you’re already there and this is all for nothing, but I just want you to know you’ll do great! I believe in you!

send me a ✉ for three texts from my muse to yours

i like you too. four simple words that sent both noah’s heart and mind racing at galactic speeds. never in a million years had he ever imagined that minsoo would say those words to him. even in his wildest fantasies, he had never allowed himself to imagine what those words would sound like because he never wanted to be that cruel to himself. yet here he was standing in front of a newly single minsoo who was confessing feeling of affection towards him. it was enough to just boggle the mind. his cheeks burned as minsoo stroked the skin, overwhelming his senses with their very presence. 

he allowed minsoo to pull him over to the couch and took a seat, unsure of what direction the conversation was going now. “what do we need to talk about?” he asked. “i- …” noah cleared his throat. “i don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position. i know that you really … really loved them and i don’t want to trivialize that by insisting you jump into something new immediately… but i do want to be with you.”

“no, nothing bad just...” they let themselves be interrupted by noah’s unsure voice, lips pressed together when they heard what he had to say. “i want to be with you too,” they confessed once noah was done, heart pounding in their chest. “but i think i need time.” minsoo didn’t even try to pretend the words didn’t hurt coming out. “i don’t want you to... feel like i’m replacing them with you, or that i’m doing this because i can’t stand being alone, or because i know how you feel about me.” all the things they just said out loud had all been factors as to why previous relationships had failed in the past. “i’ve been told that i... fall in love easily, and that i run headfirst into things. i don’t wanna do that with you.”

minsoo squeezed noah’s hands, not wanting to let go, even though they felt like they were going to pass out. “so, if you’re willing to... wait. for me.” minsoo was sure noah could hear their heart pounding at this point. “i promise i’ll prove how much i care. i wanna deserve you.” the warmth that had been steadily spreading across their face, down their neck, was sure to be bright red and minsoo wanted nothing more than to hide their face in their hands. but that would mean letting go of noah’s, and they wanted nothing more than to be sure that noah believed what they were saying.

If you could get away with one murder in your lifetime without any legal, social, or emotional repercussions, would you kill someone?

It might sound bad, but yes. The circumstances would have to be pretty serious and the person in question would have to be completely awful.

Would you rather know everything the universe has to offer but in exchange lose all emotions or remain the way you are now?

Stay like this, of course. What’s the point of knowing everything if you can’t enjoy it?

If you could live and be healthy without sleeping or eating/drinking, which would you cut out of your life?

Probably eating, because that would make my place a lot cleaner. No more dirty plates on the counter!

Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth?

Nah, I think I’ll keep my sex life intact.

What was the worst nightmare you ever had?

Once I dreamt that I was trapped in a box where no light came in, and no matter how loud I screamed no one heard me. I only woke up once I passed out inside the box.

Would you rather spend one year with your one true love just to never see them again or the rest of your life with second best?

Would I know who my true love was? And my second best? And someone who identify as poly thinks this is a pretty dumb question. I’m actually gonna pass on this one. Even if I’m not dating multiple people at the moment, I don’t wanna know if my true love is one of the people I date. That would just be completely awful to the third party, don’t you agree?

If everyone in the world would automatically only know one language, which language would you choose?

I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter, does it? We’d all be speaking it anyway. Maybe thai or portuguese. When I lived in countries that spoke those languages I really liked it!

Do looks mean anything to you? Don't lie, could you fall in love with someone you thought was ugly?

Sure? I mean, ugly is different for everyone. I’d much rather date someone who might not have the physical appearance people might find attractive than them being a total asshole.

A. If you could get away with one murder in your lifetime without any legal, social, or emotional repercussions, would you kill someone?

B. What is your first thought when you receive a message on Tumblr, are you excited for the idea of someone from potentially the other side of the world wanting to talk to you or fearful that someone will criticize you?

C. Have you ever looked down on someone because you thought your religious views were superior?

D. Would you rather know everything the universe has to offer but in exchange lose all emotions or remain the way you are now?

E. If you could live and be healthy without sleeping or eating/drinking, which would you cut out of your life?

F. If you could take on the exact body and form of anyone else on Earth, who would it be?

G. Would you rather burn or freeze to death?

H. If it meant it would solve all world hunger, war, disease and bigotry, would you spend the rest of eternity in Hell?

I. Was the first crush in your life something you had or something someone had on you?

J. Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth?

K. Have you ever watched a full length pornographic movie?

L. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?

M. If you could have the ability to manipulate matter or energy, which would you choose?

N. What was the worst nightmare you ever had?

O. Would you rather spend one year with your one true love just to never see them again or the rest of your life with second best?

P. All the sequels/remakes/adaptations/rip-offs in movies nowadays, good or bad?

Q. Would you rather be dirt poor and emotionally fulfilled in life or be rich beyond imagination and emotionally dissatisfied for life?

R. Do you have any (secret) feelings of bigotry to any group of people?

S. Would you rather be the only person in the world that can read minds or have everyone else in the world be able to read minds except for your own?

T. If everyone in the world would automatically only know one language, which language would you choose?

U. If you were old enough and not in a situation where it would be inappropriate, would you sleep with one of your (past) school teachers/professors?

V. A world without religion, good, bad, neutral?

W. The men's rights movement, legitimate cause or laughable, and why?

X. You can eliminate one of your five senses to substantially strengthen the others, which one and would you do it?

Y. Do looks mean anything to you? Don't lie, could you fall in love with someone you thought was ugly?

“no, i don’t really need any help… – i was just…” rowan trailed off, unsure of how to explain this situation. he doesn’t know how to tell minsoo that he was just so fucking tired, that he had reached the point where leaving almost everyone behind actually sounded nice to him. but he didn’t say any of that. instead, rowan chose to blindly pick up any item scattered across the floor. “cleaning stuff up and making sure everything isn’t on the floor… – we leave soon, right? might as well make sure i’m organized.” rowan chuckled awkwardly, fingers gently tracing the material of his shirt.

there’s an aching in his chest at minsoo’s confession, but rowan doesn’t know what he expected. why else would minsoo want to spend time with him? it’s not like he was a joy to be around. “oh. well, you can… stay here. i know i’m not the best company, but… yeah. you can wait around until someone better is available. like, noah or artie. i don’t know.” 

after that, there’s a long silence that stretches out into minutes. rowan seems uncertain of what to say; a little too scared to speak. but he just shrugs, forcing a smile as he turns to look at minsoo. “no.. i wasn’t going to join them.” rowan replied, pressing his lips together into a thin line. “i don’t really feel like going out.” he murmured, tossing the clothes he had picked up into his suitcase. “hey minsoo… this is a stupid question or whatever. but.. – do you think i’m a bad person?” rowan inquired quietly, his voice barely audible. “i – actually why am i asking you? i’m always an asshole to you. just forget i asked. sorry.” he mumbled, brushing away the strands of hair that have once again plastered to his sticky, hot skin.

“actually, i have another question… – do you mind, um, giving me a hug? i kind of need one right now.”

he’s lying, minsoo’s mind supplied him unhelpfully. rowan was clearly avoiding talking about it though, and minsoo figured that if rowan really wanted to, he would get to the heart of his concerns eventually. “that’s true,” he agreed. “my side of the room is a mess, even though i’ve barely been there. though... the other side is pippa’s and that’s not much better.” he pursed his lips at the thought of her, and quickly changed the subject. “anyway, i should probably follow you on this. i’m just... too lazy.”

seeing rowan’s whole posture change made minsoo sit up a bit straighter. “rowan, you misunderstood,” minsoo reprimanded gently. “i could’ve easily gone and joined noah and wendy. or sat down with mina and artie. i just didn’t want to. i’m happy to just be here with you. we’re friends.” he said the words clearly so there would be no doubt from rowan that he actually meant it. “i don’t think you’re a bad person,” minsoo replied softly, feeling the empathy inside him grow. rowan cared so much of what other people thought of him, but tried his hardest not to let it show. “but that doesn’t really matter, does it? what’s important is what you think.”

the request had barely left rowan lips before minsoo was out of the bed, pulling him down for a tight hug. he let one of his hands rest against the back of rowan’s head and let rowan hide in the crook of his neck. “damn, you’re tall,” minsoo mumbled against his hair, holding rowan for a few more moments, before slowly letting go. with a quick ruffling of rowan’s hair, minsoo gave him a fond smile before sitting back down. “you know, if there is something you’d want to talk about we could do that,” he said. “i know you never really... liked me, but i’m good at listening, and sometimes giving advice. we might not have the same background, but i’m always willing to help.“

today had been yet another day where rowan just couldn’t bite back his aggressive words, but he had clearly pushed it too far this time. and that was why he was currently shoving his personal belongings into his suitcase. he didn’t really feel angry, but more sad than anything. he wasn’t sure if sad was the correct term, but there was a heaviness that was sitting on his chest and so he had resigned himself to pack his things and just leave. rowan had wanted to enjoy this vacation with everyone and for the most part, spending so much time with artie had made it fun. but the rest of the people around here were making him anxious and he just needed time to reflect over the turbulence that was his life. a couple weeks ago, rowan had been completely broken and now, here he was, with no significant improvement to his mental state. he still felt empty, but this emptiness was a little different. this was an emptiness that did nothing but eat away at his insides like acid. “whatever. fuck them. i don’t need to be here.” rowan mumbled to himself, as he gathered up the clothes that had been tossed carelessly onto the floor.

there was a light knock on his door and rowan couldn’t help but hesitate. he didn’t really want anyone to see him right now and he wasn’t sure he could have a proper conversation without causing a fight. but for some reason, rowan found himself opening the door anyway. “minsoo?” the name awkwardly sat on rowan’s tongue, rowan’s nervousness evident in his eyes.

“i’m… — i’m angry, but it’s whatever. um, how are you?”

the fact that rowan hadn’t slammed the door in his face the moment he saw him was a good sign minsoo decided, and cautiously brushed his bangs out of his face. “i’m fine...” he replied and took a small step into the cabin. a quick look around, taking in the scattered clothes and the open suitcase on the bed. minsoo frowned slightly at the sight, before deciding that he wasn’t going to pry. “anything i can help you with?”

the words were said softly, because minsoo could see that rowan was in a weird headspace right now. whatever had happened in the group chat, and on this trip, obviously wasn’t treating him well. “i’m not saying we have to talk or anything, i just... i don’t know didn’t feel like being alone right now.” it was a lie, if he was being honest. minsoo wouldn’t have had any problems waiting for noah to finish hanging out with wendy. but something had told him to knock on rowan’s door, so he wouldn’t leave now. “if that’s okay with you, of course,” he hurried to add. “i wouldn’t want to intrude.”

with a few steps he was at the bed, and he sat down carefully as he was waiting for rowan’s decision. “i think i saw artie at the beach with mina,” he said, as if it was completely normal for them to talk about casual things with each other. “were you gonna join them?”

“i’ll always worry about you so it’s useless trying to tell me otherwise,” he murmured before their conversation shifted. he couldn’t take his eyes off of minsoo’s pink locks now that he had finally noticed them. it was even more noticeable now as minsoo’s cheeks flushed a lovely rosey color. noah traced the color on the apples of the other’s cheeks with his index finger as he listened to their explanation. it was always the hair – the first thing that changed after a breakup. he knew minsoo liked colorful things and change ( even if this change was more than likely prompted by the sudden breakup with their boyfriends ) but he couldn’t help but feel like the new hair was also a symbol of a fresh start. new possibilities. 

the sound of his own name brought noah out of his reverie. “hm?” he acknowledged with a few blinks of his eye. “oh,” he muttered shyly as the question finally registered in his mind. “yes,” he answered truthfully, unable to play it cool even if he had desperately wanted to. “i like it a lot. i like you.”

it shouldn’t make them blush as heavily as they did, but hearing noah say it out loud made shivers run up their spine. “i like you too,” they blurted out, just as truthful as noah just had been. “i really like you.” it felt good not denying it, even if it had been unintentional for the longest time, and hopefully this would start to mend some of the damage they had done to noah with time. minsoo gently touched noah’s cheek, letting their fingers curl into his hair. “like... ‘i’m almost embarrassed by the amount of time i spend thinking about you’ liking you.” it wasn’t the most graceful way of saying it, but at least it was out.

“wait,” minsoo mumbled, and pulled noah over to their couch. “i just... wow, okay.” they released noah’s hands and took a deep breath, steadying themselves. “i really like you, but we need to talk about this. about everything, because i can’t... we need to figure out how, and what, to do. you and i, together.” they wondered if anything they said was making sense, but they had to get it out before they did something impulsive. there was still a giddy smile threatening to break out on minsoo’s face, but they pressed their lips together so that they wouldn’t look crazy. “i just don’t want to mess this up again.”