Isn't it lonely?

Im so sorry again for scaring you guys. I was in a rlly dark place (still kind of am) but im a little more clearheaded now. I feel rlly bad for scaring you guys and im rlly sorry. But please know im still here and still breathing.

I may still go on a bit of a break here. Or at least i wont be super active for a few days. I give myself a week at least, just to figure things out. I'll still be on discord tho to communicate with ppl, cuz i cant get by completely on my own. But my blog here and prolly on twjtter might be quiet. Hopefully not for too long.

im not okay still. i cant breathe without it hurting.  i dont see anything in myself that’s worth loving or deserving of happiness. im insignificant and replaceable and i’m so scared of being forgotten and abandoned but i can’t chain ppl to myself forever. i feel so selfish for wanting to feel loved, for wanting validation and attention. i feel so stupid and needy but how can i expect validation from other ppl when i can’t even give it to myself. and the more i act like this, the more i hurt the ones i love and it kills me even more.

i dont know when my next update will be. i promise i won’t do anything stupid. but i need to just disappear for a bit. im scared that if i do go, i’ll be forgotten and i won’t mean anything anymore. but i don’t want to keep chaining ppl to me and keeping you prisoner. 

Im in a bathroom crying. I couldnt hold it. All i can think about right now is ending everything. I dont see anything in my future rn. Im trying to think of all the reasons why i shouldnt go thru with it. There are ppl i love who i don't wanna leave behind. But i feel like everyone would be happier without me. And its jist im so far behind in life, and the future is so uncertain and dark rn. Even before this whole mess started happenig outside, i was still slipping and falling behind and fucking everything up. I keep messing up every time i try, and i feel like im not going anywhere with my life. Its just so exhausting to keep going even tho im hardly moving.

i can’t draw in the morning flewjfw 

here’s a k2dk character i had for a long ass time but never drew until now xD Meet Hime’s personal assistant, Igor Ignatiev, or just ‘Ig’ (or as hime calls him: ‘IGGYYYYYY’). Ig handles stuff like fixing her schedule, booking her gigs, assisting her with makeup or fixing her outfits,or stopping her from eating soap that looks too much like candy XD His background is a mystery, even to Hime. He’s crazy intelligent, is super techno-savvy, and is scary talented when it comes to handling knives. Hime speculates that Ig was some kind of secret agent in the past.