What are you crying for?

It's back The cycle if depression Everything is fine? Yet I cry What's wrong with me...

I can't remember my password and my old email's password thats why Ive been offline

Hello. As I previously mentioned I gained a lot of weight. I am trying to lose "fat" weight but I really want to lose it in a healthy manner. If anyone has a tip to offer, can you let me know please? I really do not want to relapse :(

Me

I lost my feelings few days ago, thankfully I got it back in less than two weeks I... don't feel to good right now? My body hurts and I barfed when I ate yesterday, I did not stick my finger down my throat or took any pills (except the medicine was prescribed for me) It's been almost 8 years now since this all started I think I am disliking my body even more..? I am trying not to go back into the cycle or purge in any form though I want to lose weight... but.. I don't wsnt to be constantly controlled by numbers again? I'm not sure what to do? I wish I can make peace with myself... People keep telling me I am not a bad person but... I keep thinking otherwise? Why can't I see what they see....? Why am I like this??? I'm scared... What do I do if others start seeing me how I see myself ...??? What do I do if those that I care about and say that they care about me too one day just .. leave ? Because.. I am so .. noisy and... so... ? Mean?? Bad?? Am I ?????? I ... I don't know anymore? Who am I?