the sound controls my mind.

One time, I was praying for the divine to bring an end to my misery. A figure in a worn-out silver armor appeared in a the dark. Greyish green smoke came with him and surrounded his feet. His skeleton legs were not covered by the armor, and were wrapped with bandages. He had a silver dagger with him, which was covered with thick rotten blood.

I felt that he was the reaper. I thought it was the end of me, but he didn't approach me. "It's not yet time..." He said softly as he stood in front of me, motionless. There were lots of questions inside my mind, but he answered none of them. "It's not yet time..." He repeated.

Since then, everytime I wanted to end my life, or feel that the day is so horrible that I am going to die, the same vision appears in my mind, reminding me today is not the time.

。

I've learned that Viktor is an Aries on Arcane's Instagram and this makes me want to draw him in my birthday art. It was planned to be a drawing featuring me and Viktor, but I struggled to find time for a two people drawing. However, through the process, I've found that this is still a drawing of me and Viktor, as my energy is present here. This drawing is filled with personal stories and they're fused with Viktor here. It's not the same painting without my stories. So I can say that it's a drawing of me and Viktor together.

Unlike B&W drawing, which every bit of black and blank has an enormous amount of information in it, every stroke of colors is a tiny piece of my emotions, or a tiny fragment of a story. A stroke itself is too insignificant to tell a story, but with thousands of other strokes of colors, the fragments resonate with each other, and form a new story.

The vision I've mentioned above is one of the inspirations for this drawing, but there're more. First of all, this drawing is inspired by a dream I had which I saw Viktor. He was in the rib cage outfit I've drawn him in. I was insecure about that drawing, but he told me that he likes the outfit a lot in that dream. He was in the dark, with smoke surrounding his feet, and colored light shining through the smokes. I always wanted to draw him in the rib cage outfit again, but he was too beautiful in this dream for me to draw a casual drawing for him. So I left the idea in my head, and it reacted with more ideas as time moves on.

The second inspiration is "10 of swords" in tarot, which is my favourite card. My love towards this card grows as I spend more time on tarot. It's a perfect card with a more perfect message. "The dawn is coming, and when the sun rises, all suffering you've been through will become nothing but a show. So, feel 10 swords pierce into your body for one last time. Enjoy the experience while you can." I also believe that this card is very suitable for Viktor, as he let his suffering inspires him to be more passionate in pursuing his goals. There's a saying that people sees thing when they're near their end... I wonder what is Viktor seeing. What motivates and inspires him to continue pushing even when everything is crumbling? It may be the sun, which the person on the 10 of swords card is able to see, as he was laying down on the ground.

There're more minor inspirations but here is the last one that I will share with you. It's the song "Today" remixed by mind.in.a.box. This song fuels me to keep going on, reminding me there is strength inside me to do so. It's also a perfect song for Viktor in my opinion, as well as the perfect song for this drawing. That's why I named this drawing "Today", and put some lyrics on the drawing.

I'm so glad that I didn't give up, so I can create this beautiful drawing, and have an amazing drawing to appreciate. Happy birthday to myself. Let's fight for another year.

。

Here're some alternative versions of the drawing.

Here's the speed paint.

And here's the song.