Warning: Possible triggers ahead.
There used to be a game show called Press Your Luck where contestants competed for prizes through trivial and outright luck avoiding the Whammy. The Whammy was a character which reminded me of the Tasmanian Devil with a cape. The Whammy took away money and gave the contestant a mark against them, of which could total a certain amount before elimination.
The Tasmanian Devil, or Taz, was a cartoon character whom wreaked havoc anywhere he went.
Taz is generally portrayed as a ferocious, albeit dim-witted, carnivore with a notoriously short temper and little patience. Though he can be very devious, he is also sweet at times. His enormous appetite seems to know no bounds, as he will eat anything in his path.
I have Bipolar 2, which is one reason I started this blog. It is the opposite of BP 1. It’s called the Suicide Disease. When I am depressed, it’s a vicious snake with a vice grip on everything in my life. There is a poem here about it. Thanks to my psychiatrist, it has been kept at bay with a cocktail 9 months in the making. I’ve been able to tame the beast, for the most part with some relapses, for the last 7 years. It’s hunger has been subdued.
Enter stage left, the Whammy. In the past year and a half, I’ve been fighting Trigeminal Neuralgia 2. This is a disease which affects the facial nerves. This is also called the Suicide Disease. Damage to the nerve, shingles, or other trauma affects this nerve, sending pain to a particular part of the face.
What does this mean for me? Burning/numb lips, teeth which ache, itch, and fire up pain shocks. It also includes numb cheeks and an aching jaw. Talking, brushing teeth, putting on makeup, walking in the cold, cold drinks, and other symptoms can trigger episodes. It just fucking sucks by the end of the day. Here is an excerpt from a letter I wrote to a friend about where I am…
I joined a Facebook group called Trigeminal Neuralgia Support Group. I’ve only been in it for a few days, but it has been good to hear other folk’s stories and coping mechanisms. I never thought something like that would help me, but it has. Sometimes, I don’t think some people really believe I have TN. For some reason, I feel ashamed for not being believed. Even though I would not make it up, I feel weird talking about it. My Trigeminal Neuralgia is the second type, TN2, which has a different presentation. Some days, with meds, it pretty much normal, but then days like today…it’s a pain threshold of 7 (currently). It’s hard to cope. Touching my face, talking, and eating all make it worse.. I get tired of nerves in my teeth burning, aching and firing burst of pain when I talk, yawn, or even just sitting here at the computer quietly.
I shouldn’t feel bad about discussing this, but most of the time, I keep it to myself. Yet now, I’m putting it out there. I’ve been through 6 medications with some horrible side effects over the duration of a year, only to settle for one which is not covered by my insurance. I have to pay out of pocket (think over $330 a month or another car payment) for some sort of normal life with this pain. I do have break-through pain on weather changing days and other triggers, though. I probably need more Lyrica, but it will have to wait until it goes generic in July (patent was actually up 12/18). Fuck Pfizer, the greedy bastards.
Wham! BP2 Wham! TN2
Silent, hidden, deadly. I get it.
But I keep trudging on, leaning on my family and friends for support and balance for mood and pain. “Pressing my luck” and hoping for one solid good day.
You can always ping me, too, for another ear if you want to talk about anything. I’m on Facebook or message me here. Sometimes its good to talk with others about similar things.
Oh, fuck yes, I get it.
Hugs,
zooey
Double Whammy - Dealing with Trigeminal Neuralgia 2 Warning: Possible triggers ahead. There used to be a game show called Press Your Luck where contestants competed for prizes through trivial and outright luck avoiding the Whammy.
