what a mess

As i write this i’m overcome with such sickness that I apologize in advance if my words become jumbled. I’ve known julie for the longest time, and for a long time I was afraid to speak up about how manipulative he can be. He always finds a way to blame it on the other party, gaslight, brush off serious explanations so he can remain on his high pedestal. This isn’t just a testimony, its a warning to all who associate themselves around him. He can and will manipulate and belittle you.

i dated this person for two years. it was an online relationship, and i loved “him”. and “he” took advantage of me. this person made a mockery of me by saying that “he” had anxieties keeping “him” from going on voice or audio chat. and then she would continue to pretend to love me so i would buy her shit and giver her attention. she has attacked me verbally a few times, made me feel like i was worthless without her, and alienated me from my friends. if i would try to sleep early, she would guilt trip me. at a certain point, she began to threaten me with suicide to do whatever i wanted for her. i loved “him” for so long, and it was all a fucking lie. 

She was going to ban me from using the same sites as her because of her lie until I snuck onto f-list without her knowing. When she found out, I was forced to hide who I really was, use someone else’s pictures, and only tell people “he” was my roommate. She admitted to me she used the name to hide who she was to con people out of free gifts and money. She also bragged greatly about her skill as a con artist.

We lived at her grandmothers in the upstairs bedrooms back in 2012. Despite dating her, I wasn’t allowed to sleep beside her and was forced to sleep on the floor with a displaced disk in my back. I tried to not complain because she would ridicule me and tell me I complain too much. If I woke her up, even if she had asked me to, she would get get violent with me, once strangling me by holding me up by my throat.

We later moved in with two friends where I prayed that they would see what she was but they hung on her every word. She even got out of paying them rent by overspending on her bank account by $600 then claiming that her account was hacked. We only lived with them for three months until we moved into our own apartment in February. From then on, the abuse took a turn to the physical even more than before. There were days in which I wasn’t able to sleep my full hours because she needed me to cook for her at every meal. 

In the time period of being with her, she would slap me across the face for asking for a hug and tell me that contact like that was disgusting. She even tried to force me to be asexual for her unless she wanted something like that. 

She dated three people online while with me that I know of while under the name of Logan. The one I tried to tell her that Logan wasn’t who he said he was without outright saying it. This caused me to have my glasses (Something I can’t see more than two inches without) broken for the second of seven times, blocked from skype by her even tho we lived together, screamed at, and made to feel stupid about being worried about her ruining peoples lives.

While in the apartment, I wasn’t allowed to see my mother and father and contact with my younger sister and best friend since she was born was severely limited. I had to listen to her make fun of my infant niece and sometimes she would even say that all babies under three should be killed. My niece just turned three this year and she has no disabilities what so ever. 

I had rules I had to follow, when we fought, I was told everything I did wrong and if I said anything back she would say “I know what’s wrong with me and I don’t need to change, you do.” When we lost our jobs, she blamed me for her losing hers. What happened was I stood up to a customer that had been trying to force me to break the law for her. I had told management multiple times and they did nothing about it. She lost hers the same day for calling off an hour after she was supposed to be there. Later on that year, she got hired at Subway but quit the day she was supposed to start while I tried to keep us afloat with an etsy store. 

We then lost our apartment and had to move in with my parents. She blamed me for it yet again. At my mothers, we had limited bandwidth and she would be online from the time she woke up to her going to bed, she never left the room, and she would run down my mother when mom told her we needed to find a job and help out. She would try to sound like she was better than everyone in the household and yell at me for allowing my niece to come into our room to spend time with me and play games. 

Then came the morning she walked out. I woke up early because we had errands and job searching to do. She had stayed up until 8am knowing this in an attempt to get out of it. While trying to wake her up, I told her that mom seen the abuse she was putting me through. She then packed her computer and left, not giving me a reason and not talking to me for a week. She and “our” friends even went to a convention in that period. It took me a while to start admitting what she put me through and I still have trouble talking about specific moments but it get easier as time go by.