Jasmine Celeste

How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship

Our style of attachment affects everything from our partner selection to how well our relationships progress to, sadly, how they end. That is why recognizing our attachment pattern can help us understand our strengths and vulnerabilities in a relationship. An attachment pattern is established in early childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood.

This model of attachment influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met. When there is a secure attachment pattern, a person is confident and self-possessed and is able to easily interact with others, meeting both their own and another’s needs.  However, when there is an anxious or avoidant attachment pattern, and a person picks a partner who fits with that maladaptive pattern, he or she will most likely be choosing someone who isn’t the ideal choice to make him or her happy.

For example, the person with a working model of anxious/preoccupied attachment feels that, in order to get close to someone and have your needs met, you need to be with your partner all the time and get reassurance. To support this perception of reality, they choose someone who is isolated and hard to connect with. The person with a working model of dismissive/avoidant attachment has the tendency to be distant, because their model is that the way to get your needs met is to act like you don’t have any. He or she then chooses someone who is more possessive or overly demanding of attention.

In a sense, we set ourselves up by finding partners that confirm our models. If we grew up with an insecure attachment pattern, we may project or seek to duplicate similar patterns of relating as adults, even when these patterns hurt us and are not in our own self-interest.

In their research, Dr. Phillip Shaver and Dr. Cindy Hazan found that about 60 percent of people have a secure attachment, while 20 percent have an avoidant attachment, and 20 percent have an anxious attachment. So what does this mean? There are questions you can ask yourself to help you determine your style of attachment and how it is affecting your relationships. On August 13, I will be hosting a CE Webinar with Dr. Phillip Shaver on “Secure and Insecure Love: An Attachment Perspective.”You can start to identify your own attachment style by getting to know the four patterns of attachment in adults and learning how they commonly affect couples in their relating.

I think I read it! (Or at least a very similar one) - thing is, she was doing it because she thought sex before marriage was sinful, because that’s what she’d always been taught, so she’d built up this idea of sex in her heart with a load of negative connotations like guilty, sinful, dirty, damaged, unclean, unholy, etc. which is EXTREMELY damaging!! And SO untrue!! Sex is wonderful, it’s healthy, it builds and helps to sustain intimate romantic relationships, as God LOVES sex - he made it feel good, he made it so that we’d want to do it, so that we’d HUNGER FOR EACH OTHER, we’d desire each other, and we’d be able to provide for each other in an extremely intimate and loving way.

Now, the reasons why one would refrain from sex before marriage is crucial to whether or not they have a healthy attitude towards sex. Sex is not ‘bad’ before marriage, it’s not ‘sinful’ or 'dirty’ and you shouldn’t feel 'guilty’!! The reason that I personally choose to refrain from premarital sex is because I KNOW how wonderful it is, I’ve felt the pull, I know how incredibly in love I am and how much sex will be able to enhance what I share with Matt. And I choose to save that, to use it to anoint our marriage, to use it as a sign before God that I devote my entire life to Matt, and he does the same for me. Sex is powerful, even more so when used properly - I choose to practice restraint because if I build up the importance of saving sex for MATT, then any inklings of extramarital sex just won’t ever exist (not that they would anyways!!)- we’re adding security to our marriage, sex has become something for us which proves to God that we’re willing to suffer to reap the rewards that he has in store, and we truly believe that God will bless our sacrifices and struggles with abundance!

I understand completely why that woman regrets saving sex, she didn’t understand sex. She didn’t think for herself or really delve in to WHY she was saving it. It’s not to be holy or a perfect little Christian Virgin, it’s to build a true relationship with your partner, one built on shared strength, trust, loyalty, knowing that we’re crazy for each other even without sex - the foundations of our relationship run so much deeper because of our choice to save sex to anoint our marriage with :)

Sorry for the rant. I just want you guys to understand that I’m not just following whatever the heck the church tells me to do. I think for myself and I follow MY GOD, my God who loves sex and is super proud of me for making the decision to honour it properly

but taylor swift is the one who is “money hungry” because she believes music should be paid for