Life in June 2026, Part 1
Life has been so full, even in the midst of losing my grandma. Grief has a way of making time feel both painfully slow and impossibly fast, but through it all, I've realized how deeply surrounded I am by love. How love envelopes me and how love fills my soul.
I get to be with my family as we navigate this season of loss together, sharing stories, tears, laughter, and the kind of comfort that only comes from people who knew and loved her too. At the same time, I've been held by friends who have become family, filling my cup with their joy, their presence, and the reminder that love continues to find us, even in our hardest seasons.
In the middle of it all, I also get to experience California alongside my husband. Watching him discover this beautiful yet complicated place through fresh eyes has helped me see it differently too. His wonder reminds me to slow down, pay attention, and find beauty in ordinary moments that I might have otherwise overlooked and, honestly, might have resented.
June has been teaching me that grief isn't about choosing one emotion over another, that two contrasting emotions can exist all at once. I'm learning to allow myself to feel the anger that comes with losing someone I love, that comes with grappling with complicated relationships, instead of pushing it away or pretending it isn't there. But I'm also learning not to let that anger become the loudest voice. Instead, I want to return to and live in the joyful memories, the laughter, the lessons, and the love my grandma left behind.
Because there is always a reason for joy. Not because life is easy or because pain disappears, but because love leaves traces everywhere. In the mundane, in darkness, in tears. Joy doesn't erase grief, and grief doesn't erase joy. They can exist together. So I'm learning to make room for both: to hold gratitude and joy alongside heartbreak, to cherish the good while honoring the pain, and to give myself permission to be angry, too. Maybe that's one of the most human things I can do: to carry both sorrow and joy in the same heart, at the same time.
✨✨Highlights of this month:✨✨
- exploring Santa Cruz. Doing all the touristy stuff. Eating AMAZING food: Pizza My Heart, Upper Crust Pizza, that one Venezuelan food truck, Chloe's Kitchen, that Mexican restaurant in Los Banos, and multiple almond croissants and iced americanos.
- exploring San Juan Bautista. Felt like I was dropped at an old Western town. Had the best oven roasted Brussels sprouts! And finally got cowboy boots for my thick calves.
- dinner with my Sister Wives (and the husbands). Had an insane amount of Chinese food (and Chinese American food is something else). Made dot cakes (for less than $5 by the way) and Nuno got to try his first funfetti cake!!!! Played Hues and Cues, which Theo dominated. Doing nothing with my everything? A BLESSING
- spending time with my Dark Soul sisters. Learning how to barbecue together. Talking about our "files." Laughing like hyenas.
- beach camping at Pismo. A+ experience, would NEVER do it again. But I got to spend time with my best friends, Leviticus and Theodore, and some of the Agape family. Ate delicious Filipino breakfast. Seeing Mark in his natural element: nature and camping. That first sip of iced vanilla latte after a rough night of camping? BLESSING
- spending time with the new addition to the Cuyzon household. Teddy (Tedyang) and Max(Maximillion), 3-month old Shitzu-poodle boys. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
- spending Father's Day with a bagel breakfast and seafood boil dinner! I have the best papa!!!
