be gay do crime

it has become socially acceptable and basically online custom to bully teenage trans boys & mascs, call them cringy, or excuse misgendering them for whatever reason. people put trans boys on this pedestal of "must perform masculinity and manhood to cartoonish degrees" even though they're still children.

people make trans boys fight for their manhood before they can even be boys. i am sorry people can be so judgmental and harsh on you. you are not wrong for wanting to be a boy. you are experiencing something wonderful. it's okay if you still want to be a boy even if people have treated you poorly, or tried to make you feel bad for being a boy. there is nothing wrong with being a boy.

it's okay if you never socially transition. it's okay if you're afraid to come out because it's not safe. it's okay if you never change your outward appearance. it's okay if you try very hard to pass but struggle to. it's okay if you wear "women's" clothing and shoes, bras, makeup, etc., it's okay if you're gay and love other men. it's okay if you're scared of hrt. it's okay if you don't want surgery. it's okay if you mainly occupy girl's spaces still. people will find every reason to pick these things apart and ridicule trans boys for, but they are all perfectly fine experiences that do not make you any less of a boy. you are the one who is in control of your transition, presentation, and state of being- you should be able to prioritize your safety over the comfort of random strangers who have no impact over how you live your life.

i've been put through this too, but later in life as i came out when i was an adult. people still try to make me feel bad for identifying as a trans man, for whatever reason they have in their head to justify hatred of a trans person. i've had enough. there will never be an excuse for how people try to excuse the infantilization and abuse that trans men and trans boys face.

The effect that unlearning racism has on white people is something that we try not to shine a spotlight on because we dont want to center white people in a conversation about Black lives

But obviously we need to talk about it because I've seen a lot of white people making BAD MOVES.

So unlearning racism is hard. Recognizing racism in yourself is hard, demoralizing, it hurts. No one ever wants to be the bad guy, right? So what do you do when you're trying to center Black liberation, but you're also really struggling with all of this? You feel guilty, you feel insecure, you feel unsure of your whole goddamn life because OH GOD ITS ALL BAD ITS ALL LIKE, RACIST AS FUCK THE WHOLE BUILDING IS ON FIRE. Right?

Well, firstly, realize that that's a PRIVATE issue. There is no place for it in a discussion about the value of Black lives. That's uncomfortable, but it's true.

So you need to deal with these things privately. Therapists, friends, family. NOT your Black coworker. NOT random Black people at protests. NOT random Black people on the internet.

Black people dont have an answer for you about your white feelings, and even if they did, it isnt their job to have these discussions with you.

Now that you have a plan for privately dealing with your feelings, let's talk about how you do that.

First, drop the self-flagellation. It rings of manipulation. You are not bad because you were born white. You're fine, work on unlearning, not hating yourself.

Second, if you frame your activism as "doing enough," Stop. Enough is a bar you will never meet. And every time you fail, you'll wanna go back to the whole flagellation thing.

You cant dismantle all these systems on your own, and only dismantling every racist system will be enough.

Thirdly, recognize who you are in history. You are not MLK. You are one of the white people that marched on washington. You are not in the spotlight, because it isnt your struggle. So breathe, no pressure. Black people dont need to be saved by you. Keep kicking ass at your supporting role.

Finally, if you start to feel like this is "thankless" or theres not enough people applauding your for what you do: Pet a dog. Hug your partner. Call your mom. Youre having a selfish reaction to fatigue. You dont need Black applause, you need a little bit of self care.

me: u bet