we need to put a watergun on a satellite that shoots the earth in one spot forever and jt makes a stalagmite that reaches all the way into space and that will push earths center of rotation closer to itss surface so we start swinging around crazy as fuck and start colliding with other planets and fucking everything up just like the most confusing thing possible for any alien observing us to see

hey guys do you want to circulate the heirloom dancing spiderman again i feel like we could stand to do that

when your cat licks his paw…then rubs his head with the paw… wow….that’s his shmapoo and conditioner…..

Where’s the YA protagonist teen girl and her two boyfriends that are supposed to save us from this mess anyways

The dystopia books lied. The teen throuples aren’t coming to save us.

Save me teen dystopia love triangle

Teen dystopia love triangle save me

Hate the stomach's occasional tendency to respond to hunger with nausea. Like babygirl you are NOT helping your case right now by threatening to push the emergency "eject all food now" button!!!

I know we’re all like lawless nonconformists but you really can’t be texting and driving. that’s one of the ones you’ve gotta listen to for real

every person you meet will have one bit that only they find funny. it is important that you hate that bit as much as possible in order to enrich their experience of doing the bit. it is part of the enjoyment of the bit

are you mad that the villain identified me as the most impactful party member to mind control

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