Imagine virgin ushijima being a firm believer of "only doing it on the sacred first night of marriage"
entertaining tendou and tormenting his girlfriend to no end at the same time lol
"Thou Shalt Not Smash (Until Married)"
You weren’t religious.
You didn’t even really believe in “soulmates.”
But clearly, in a past life, you pissed off someone in heaven—because your current boyfriend, Wakatoshi Ushijima, had declared—at the ripe old age of 20—that he would only “lay with a woman on the sacred first night of marriage.”
Yes. He said “lay.” And yes, he meant it.
You blinked at him across the dinner table that fateful day.
“I respect your beliefs,” you’d said, smiling through the emotional damage.
But what you really meant was:
I am never knowing peace again.
Let’s get one thing straight: Ushijima was not just “hot.”
He was catastrophically hot.
A full-course meal with a side of emotional stability and an accidental ability to fold you like a yoga mat just from lifting groceries.
And he had the AUDACITY to be pure.
He kissed you like a man possessed, whispered things like “I want to learn every part of you,” and then proceeded to drop you off at your front door like an Uber driver.
No sleepovers. No touching below the waist. NO HORIZONTAL FELLOWSHIP.
Tendou, of course, made it worse.
“So let me get this straight,” Tendou said, slurping boba during your group hangout.
“You’re dating the human embodiment of sex appeal, but you’re not allowed to use him?”
Ushijima: “She is not ‘using’ me.”
You: “Tendou please.”
Tendou: “Oh no, I support this. It’s like watching a volcano trying not to erupt.”
He leaned closer, smirking.
“Tell me, how often does your virtuous mountain get a little... unstable?”
That time Ushijima’s hand brushed your thigh and he excused himself to pray for discipline.
That time he accidentally moaned during a deep kiss and physically LEFT THE PREMISES to go run stairs.
That time you sat on his lap by accident and he said, “I must leave before I betray my soul.”
You looked Tendou dead in the eyes.
“He is a danger to himself.”
And oh, how the torment continued.
You wore a crop top one day?
Ushijima blushed, stared at the floor, and asked if you were cold.
You cuddled him on movie night?
He recited Psalms.
One day, after a particularly steamy make-out session, he gripped your shoulders and said:
“We must stop. I’m having thoughts.”
You were dating a medieval monk in a modern athlete’s body.
And then came... The Incident.
You were at his apartment. Alone. Dangerous. Reckless. Living on the edge.
You wore shorts. And his shirt.
You were curled up in his lap. He was tense.
You kissed his jaw. He froze.
You kissed his throat. He exhaled hard.
You kissed his mouth and he groaned—like an injured animal—before jerking back and saying, “I fear the demon within me is stirring.”
You blinked. “The demon??”
He stood. Paced. Looked out the window like a Shakespearean widow.
Then, softly: “It whispers... unholy instructions.”
You screamed into a couch cushion.
You texted Tendou in all caps:
YOU HAVE TO GET HIM LAID OR I’M GOING TO DIE
TENDOU 🍓: lol what did the demon say this time
YOU: THAT I HAVE CURVES THAT LEAD TO RUIN
TENDOU: oh he’s GONE LMAO
The worst part? You loved him. Genuinely. But you were a woman on the edge.
Your group of friends made a “Countdown to Marriage” board in your group chat.
Ushijima quotes the Bible ✅
Ushijima leaves to take a cold shower ✅
Ushijima accidentally gets a boner then apologizes to the Lord ✅
Ushijima genuinely considers breaking up to save your chastity ✅✅✅
You hit BINGO every week.
You sent him a photo. A tasteful one. A little flirty. Little wink. Just the edge of cleavage. Nothing wild.
He didn’t reply for 47 minutes.
“I have thrown my phone in the sink and gone for a run. Please understand.”
One week later, in the group chat:
TENDOU 🍓: update: ushijima saw a victoria’s secret ad and whispered “the flesh is weak” like he’s in a renaissance play
SHIRABU: we’re not gonna survive this, are we
REON: why is he like this
YOU: because God is testing me and I’m failing
Being Ushijima’s girlfriend is like dating a noble king who wants to honor your soul, but your soul just wants to get absolutely destroyed.
And somewhere, in the shadows, Tendou watches it all like it's his favorite reality show.
TO BE CONTINUED… WHEN MARRIAGE HAPPENS (2069)
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
titsay
amandla
